Team Canada's WJC entry has no Maple Leaf prospects. That's probably for the best.

The world junior championship will officially get underway on Monday, and Team Canada has been playing exhibition games all week as they look to rebound from a disappointing showing last year.

If you’re a Maple Leafs fan with an eye on the future, there’s not all that much to get excited about at this year’s tournament. Nikita Korostelev will be there for Team Russia, as will Jeremy Bracco for Team USA. But with eligible players like Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner already lightning it up in the NHL, there won’t be much of the Leafs’ future on display. And there won’t be any Leaf prospects at all on Team Canada.

Honestly, that might be a good thing. While Team Canada has had its ups and downs over the years at the WJC, it’s rarely had anything in the way of good news for Leaf fans. In a good year, the team wouldn’t carry any Toronto prospects at all. In a bad year, they’d find a creative way to punch Leaf fans in the gut.

Today, let’s relive some of that trauma with a look back at the various ways that Team Canada has made Leaf fans sad.

***

1991

We’ll start our history lesson back in the 90s, since before then it was relatively rare to find Leafs property at the world juniors. That’s because back then, most Leaf prospects were rushed into the NHL lineup right away, which is why players like Wendel Clark and Luke Richardson only made appearances before they were Maple Leaf property. We did get an early peak at names like Russ Courtnall and Gary Leeman in the early 80s, but not many Canadians were paying attention then.

They were by 1991, though, and for most of the nation that year’s tournament stands as a classic. It came down to a final-game gold medal showdown with the Soviets, one that Canada won on a late goal by the immortal John Slaney. It marked the first time in Canadian history that they’d won back-to-back gold medal.

But if you were a Leafs fan, the tournament was… well, let’s say bittersweet. For one, this was the year that Eric Lindros truly arrived as the most dominant prospect in the world, living up to his status as the presumed top pick in the 1991 draft. That should have been good news for the Leafs, given that they were terrible. But they’d already traded that pick in a disastrous trade that would leave them scrambling to claw their way out of last place overall. They eventually would, just barely, and ended up missing out on another Canadian star from this tournament in Scott Niedermayer.

The Leafs did have a prospect of their own on Team Canada. That would be Scott Thornton, taken third overall in the infamous 1989 draft that saw Toronto load up on Belleville Bulls. He was on loan from the big club after scoring just one goal in 23 games; it would be the only goal he’d ever score for the Leafs, as he was part of the Grant Fuhr trade package a few months later.

Meanwhile, the Leafs came away impressed by another Canadian prospect, one who tied with Lindros for the team lead in goals. That was Mike Craig, who’d they pluck away from the Stars a few years later in a terrible RFA signing.

There was one bright side to the tournament, although you’d have to look hard to find it at the time. While Trevor Kidd got six of the seven starts in goal, a Leafs prospect did manage to earn the back-up job and get into a single game. That was a kid named Felix Potvin, who ended up being pretty important in a few years.

>> Read the full post at TheAthletic

Beyond the 1-3-1: Other NHL team defensive systems

What's the difference between a hockey
puck and Mike Richards? The Flyers will
honor a no-movement policy for the puck.

The latest NHL controversy surfaced during Wednesday night's action. Although in fairness, "action" probably isn't the right word.

Early in a game between the Lightning and Flyers, Tampa Bay settled into their patented 1-3-1 defensive system which sees all five skaters take up passive positions in the neutral zone to break up an incoming attack. The Flyers responded by refusing to advance the puck - their defencemen simply held the puck in their own zone.

The result, predictably, was a farce. The game ground to a halt, the officials were forced to repeatedly blow the play dead, and the fans who thought they had paid to see an entertaining game made sure everyone involved knew that they weren't happy. Now there's talk that the league needs to outlaw Tampa Bay's system.

But why single out the Lightning? After all, they're not the only team that employs a specific defensive system. In fact, these days most teams have their own unique ways of keeping the puck out of their net.

Here are just a few of the team-specific defensive systems currently in use around the NHL.

Boston Bruins - Attacking forwards are met in the neutral zone by a winger who attempts to use lateral pressure to direct them towards the far boards as they cross the blueline, at which point Zdeno Chara unhinges his jaw and devours them.

Columbus Blue Jackets - Winger Rick Nash forechecks deep to apply pressure, then follows the defencemen around for the rest of the shift frantically begging them to convince their general manager to trade for him.

Nashville Predators - As soon as opposing players break into the offensive zone against Pekka Rinne, Ryan Suter and Shea Weber casually skate to the bench and let Mr. Moneybags back there handle it.

Calgary Flames - Opposing players entering the attacking zone are told of the details of the Dion Phaneuf for Matt Stajan trade, and then spend the rest of the game standing around trying to figure out how that ever seemed like it would be a good idea.

Read the rest of this post...

Offseason to-do lists from around the NHL

If you're going to ruin some team's long-term
cap situation this summer, raise your hand.

While celebrating Boston Bruin fans may want to pretend otherwise, the 2010-11 season is already a fading memory. The NHL schedule doesn't allow much time for dwelling on the past, and all eyes are already focused on next year.

We're just three days away from the draft and ten days away from the start of free agency. That means that just two weeks from today, almost every NHL team will look significantly different than it does right now. That's good news for the majority of teams who expect to be significantly better next year. But how will they do it?

That's where the offseason to-do list comes in. Many teams have already made a list of their summer priorities and determined a plan of attack. I reached out to sources embedded with several teams, and they revealed some of the strategies they plan to be executing in the weeks and months to come.

Ottawa Senators - Meet with scouts and coaches to prepare an in-depth analysis of the various strengths in Craig Anderson's game; work on a detailed action plan for destroying them.

Toronto Maple Leafs - Remember last year when we signed Clarke MacArthur at a discount and he turned out to be a reliable everyday contributor? Just do that another seven or eight times, and we should have almost four full lines next year.

Montreal Canadiens - Communicate to fans that the bar has been raised, the competition is working harder than ever before, and that a few isolated car-burnings just isn't going to be good enough anymore.

Read the rest of this post...

Welcome to Loser City

The Stanley Cup is every player's ultimate goal. And since the only way to win it is by first earning a spot in the NHL playoffs, the post-season naturally becomes ever player's first and only priority.

Or at least, that's what they tell us. It turns out the players have a little secret: missing the playoffs isn't so bad.

Oh sure, it's going to be frustrating if you're a fiery competitor like Jarome Iginla. Luckily, Jarome has some new teammates this year, and they've let him in on how it really is:

If you don't visit Bloge Salming every day, Daniel Carcillo wins.

NBC's strange new NHL promo

I know it's become trendy to complain about NBC's hockey coverage. And I know it has to be a hard job putting those broadcasts together for a national audience that may or may not even be interested in the sport.

But is it me, or does their latest advertising campaign seem a little... odd?

(Remember, when you don't subscribe to Bloge Salming videos, you're telling the world that you're on Team Leno.)

Brian Burke drops the hammer

So it's come to this. On the same weekend that my entire house is without internet access except for an ipod that can steal my neighbor's wireless, Brian Burke decides to roll a grenade into the Leafs' locker room. So here I am, blogging from a Starbucks. I'm that guy. You have my permission to punch me in the throat.

We have a lot to talk about. Let's get the easy one out of the way first.

The Anaheim Deal

Great deal. Fantastic deal. A perfect deal. Forget about whether this trade works for the Ducks or not. From the Leafs perspective, it's a masterpiece.

The Leafs improved their weakest position and their cap situation in one deal. Yes, they take on an extra $2M next year. But this team won't be good enough to compete until at least 2011-12, and having a 39-year-old Jason Blake and his $4M off the cap that year is a huge win.

What's the absolute worst-case scenario here? If Giguere is every bit as bad as Toskala, the Leafs are stuck with him for one full year. If he's borderline average, the Leafs will have a cup-winning goalie to dangle at next year's deadline.

But if he can get back to being even a bonafide NHL starter, Burke has worked a miracle.

The Calgary deal

This one is trickier. Dion Phaneuf has had a downright bad year, and it's not hard to imagine him imploding in the Toronto pressure-cooker. He has a long-term deal with a big cap hit, so there's significant risk here.

But here's the flipside: Phaneuf is also a former Calder and Norris contender who's still years away from his prime, and the Leafs gave up shockingly little to get him. Two players who had no future in Toronto past this year, one solid forward who won't be all that hard to replace, and a very good young defenceman. That's it. Oh, and the Leafs picked up a decent prospect in the deal.

Losing Ian White hurts, no doubt. It's not even impossible to imagine that he could be the best player in the deal a few years from now. But that's unlikely, and you have to give up something to get something.

Bottom line: The Leafs are looking to the future, and in terms of longterm impact they basically just traded Ian White for Dion Phaneuf. It's far from a sure thing, but that's just about the ultimate buy low/sell high deal, isn't it?

This feels familiar

It's impossible to look at these two deals without feeling like we're back in the early 90s all over again.

JS Giguere is only slightly older than Grant Fuhr was when the Leafs acquired him in 1991. Both had won Cups. Both had lost their hold on their starting jobs. Both needed a change of scenery. At the time, Cliff Fletcher dismissed concerns about Fuhr's age by pointing out that top goaltenders often play well into their late-30s.

Oh, did we mention that the Leafs gave up a young Vincent Damphousse and more in that deal? Today, the Leafs got Giguere for two guys they would have given away for nothing without blinking an eye.

And then there's the whole "Make a multi-player deal with the Calgary Flames for a potential star who wants out". There's even a mustached defenceman playing a prominent role.

That seemed to work out OK last time.

So what's the impact on the rest of the year?

Short answer: who cares? This season is already over.

Longer answer: Everyone is asking how the Leafs will score now. But they weren't scoring before, at least enough to win. This deal clears out a bunch of older players and makes room for some of the kids to finally show what they can do.

Giguere should help Gustavsson develop. He'll also hurt Gustavsson bargaining position as an RFA, which may save the Leafs a few bucks. Both are good things.

And finally, hopefully the charade of not trading Tomas Kaberle comes to an end. If anyone still believed Burke's ridiculous "I don't ask guys to waive NTCs" stance before today, dealing for Giguere should put that to rest.

If the Leafs can get a decent return for Kaberle, the future may actually look bright. Imagine that.

The bottom line

It took a year and a half, but the Brian Burke era is finally here. It's off to a good start. For the first time in a long time, we can say that today is a good day to be a Leaf fan.

Finally, I've had a bunch of people asking about whether these deals do anything to change my one-month sabbatical from watching the Leafs. Apparently they missed the fine print on that post.

The Maple Leafs team Christmas party

I received a tip over the weekend that the Leafs would be holding their annual Christmas party at a nearby establishment. I deployed some of my trusted DGB spies (now armed with video cameras), and they were able to infiltrate the proceedings and capture this exclusive footage.

(Thanks to Bloge Salming. Visit his site every day or Komisarek says you're next.)

Happy holidays, everyone, and here's hoping that you and yours get everything you asked for. Just like Phil Kessel.

Phil Kessel is amazing and that makes me sad

Maybe I'll pass to Blake.
Oh man, I crack myself up.

Phil Kessel made his debut for the Leafs tonight. You may have heard about it, since there were apparently one or two media stories about the whole thing.

The best line of the night came via twitter from @Archimedies, who observed that "Phil Kessel plays like an NHL10 Be A Pro". And he does. Specifically, he plays like me playing Be A Pro. I kept waiting for Kessel to stay on the ice for an entire period, score twice into an empty net and then start a fight with three seconds left to pad his PIM totals.

The Leafs' game plan for Kessel is apparently to play every second shift, generally ignore his linemates, and shoot at every opportunity from every angle.

And here's the thing: I don't think that's a bad plan.

Because even after just a few shifts, it was obvious that Phil Kessel is easily the best player on this team. His game sense is excellent. His release is lightning fast. He has that unteachable ability to drift into exactly the right spot at exactly the right moment.

No, he didn't score tonight. But if he plays like this every night, he'll get his 35 goals easily, and maybe a lot more.

And for those of us still aboard the Leafs bandwagon (or, as it will be known from this point on, the "Kessel Vessel"), that makes tonight a mixed blessing. Because the good news is that Phil Kessel is far better than any other forward the Leafs have to offer.

The bad news is that... well... Phil Kessel is far better than any other forward the Leafs have to offer.

Watching a talent like Kessel go to work, it's hard not to notice the skill gap between him and so-called frontline talent like Mikhail Grabovski or Matt Stajan. The contrast was unmistakable on virtually every shift. It was enough to make me want to take the pen I was using to write "Mrs. Down Goes Gustavsson" in little hearts on my three-ring binder and jam it into my eye.

In short, it's the difference between a true first line talent, and a guy who happens to play on the first line because, well, somebody has to. Kessel is the former. Everyone else on the roster is the latter.

And we knew this already, or course. But we could pretend. Not any more. Not with Kessel buzzing around, reminding us of what a good player actually looks like.

So yes, Phil Kessel seems like the real deal, an elite talent. But he brings the grand total of Leaf forwards in that category to one. And tonight was a reminder that the rest of the bunch aren't even close.

And that's why this team, even with a healthy Phil Kessel, still isn't good enough to beat the Tampa Bay Lightning at home.

The NHLPA fires Paul Kelly: The top secret transcript

The big news in hockey today was the firing of Paul Kelly as executive director of the National Hockey League Players' Association. The move came in the middle of the night, after a lengthy closed door meeting among the NHLPA's player reps and executives.

TSN's Darren Dreger is getting a lot of credit for his coverage of the meeting via his twitter account. But while Dreger was left reporting from the hallway, DGB spies were actually in the room and have forwarded me this top secret transcript.

(The 30 player reps are seated around a table in a board room. NHLPA General Counsel Ian Penny rises to speak.)

Ian Penny: Hi everyone. As you know, we're here to decide the fate of Paul Kelly. Now this could a long night, so let's dive right into it. The first speaker is NHLPA Ombudsman Buzz Hargrove.

Buzz Hargrove: Hey guys, I won't go into a ton of detail but I think I've been pretty clear with all of you about where I stand. I think you need new leadership, and I strongly encourage you to fire Paul Kelly tonight.

Players (murmurs): Yeah.

Hargrove: And you guys should listen to me, because I've spent a lifetime fighting for guys just like you in the auto unions.

Players (louder): YEAH!

Hargrove: And that industry is doing great right now!

Players: ...

Penny: OK, you know what, let's change the subject. Maybe we should take a break and talk about some of the other items on the agenda. We have a motion from the Montreal Canadiens' player rep that... let's see, I have it written down here... "Be it formally resolved that the Canadiens suck." Wait, is the Montreal player rep here tonight?

Mike Komisarek: Yes, I'm here.

Kelly: I see. Yeah, I don't think we're going to bother voting on that.

Komisarek: Right, no need. Motion carried.

Chris Chelios: As an Executive Board member, I just want to say that I'm really unhappy with the flow of communications these days. Everything is so secretive. It wasn't like this when I broke into the league.

Penny: Absolutely.

Chelios: When I was a rookie, if the union had something to tell you, they'd sit down and write you a nice letter.

Penny: OK, thanks for that Chris.

Chelios: Then they'd tie the letter to a pigeon's leg and send it on its way.

Penny: That's enough, Chris.

Chelios: And three months later, if you hadn't died of Consumption, you'd take it to the village elder and ask him to read it to you.

Everyone: ...

Chelios: I'm old.

Penny: Yes, we got that.

Hargrove: Look guys, I think what Zombie Chelios is trying to say is that you're not happy. You're getting a raw deal here, every single one of you!

Robyn Regehr: Well, except for Horcoff.

Shawn Horcoff: Hey...

Hargrove: Well, yes, obviously except for Horcoff, but he has to play in Edmonton so he doesn't count. But the rest of you should be mad as hell. Let me hear it!

Shane Doan: We need more of a say on league matters!

Hargrove: Yeah!

Eric Staal: And get rid of this stupid escrow!

Hargrove: Yeah!

Chris Phillips: And lower the salary cap!

Hargrove: Wait, what?

Phillips: Sorry. Sometimes, in pressure situations, I forget which side I'm supposed to be on.

Matt Stajan: Hey guys, could I just say something?

Penny: Sure Matt, what's on your mind?

Stajan: Well... it's just that, I can't shake the feeling that we're making a terrible mistake here. The economy is going into the toilet, and here we are getting paid millions of dollars to play a kid's game. We may have some valid concerns, but the fans who pay our salaries aren't going to have any patience for us talking about taking a hard line. I know we're all athletes and by our very nature we're competitive. But these sorts of things shouldn't be about winning or losing. Let's take a step back, try to see the big picture, and work towards forming an honest partnership with the owners. That way... we can all win.

Penny: Wow. That was really moving. Well said, Matt.

Stajan: Gosh, thanks guys.

Penny: Mike, would you give him the special "Most Eloquent Speaker" award that we talked about?

Stajan: Wait, on second thought I...

Komisarek: (Gunshot)

Hargrove (under his breath): Truculence.

Penny: OK, enough beating around the bush. Let's put this thing to a vote.

Players: Yeah!

Penny: All in favor of firing Kelly, taking a hostile approach towards ownership, getting ready for a drawn out CBA battle, losing another season or more, alienating our few remaining fans, bankrupting the league and spending the rest of our lives working at Tim Hortons and wondering what the hell happened... say aye!

Players: AYE!

Penny: All opposed, say nay.

Stajan: (Gurgle.)

Penny: Motion carried! Great work everyone. I'll see you all at next year's annual NHLPA executive director firing!

The sales pitch: Why you need to trade for these Leafs

OK, so Brian Burke and I aren't on the best of terms these days. I want to make it up to him.

With the deadline just a week away, Burke is faced with the task of convincing his fellow GMs to trade for various Leaf players. Needless to say, this won't exactly be easy.

Like any good salesman, Burke needs to go into battle with a game plan. So I've put together a list of talking points that he could use to try to sell other GMs on his wares. They're his to use, free of charge. Consider it a peace offering.

According to Google, this is a picture of
Lee Stempniak. No Leaf fan can confirm this.

The player: Lee Stempniak
The sales pitch: Not one of those late-season pickups who will come in and disrupt precious dressing room chemistry by being noticeable in any way.

The player: Jason Blake
The sales pitch: While many have cited the length of his contract as a cause for concern, the actual salary cap implications are hard to predict since the CBA will have expired and been renegotiated three times before his deal finally ends.

The player: Curtis Joseph
The sales pitch: Will immediately begin bolstering the confidence of your offensive players during practice shooting drills.

The player: Tomas Kaberle
The sales pitch: Is so good that some teams have been willing to deal a 23-year-old future 50-goal scorer and a first round pick for him, if you can possibly believe such a thing. Ha ha. Ha. Oh god I hate my life.

The player: Andre Deveaux
The sales pitch: A trade to another team would increase the young enforcer's value by making it possible for him to some day fight Ryan Hollweg, the only player in the entire NHL he is capable of beating

This is a cool photo, except that a defenceman
was winding up at the point when it was taken

The player: Vesa Toskala
The sales pitch: Recent history has shown that every goalie who leaves the Leafs automatically becomes ten times better on their new team. Which, in Toskala's case, would make him a very solid backup down the stretch in the event that your regular backup gets injured.

The player: Nik Antropov
The sales pitch: Inevitable upcoming stint on injured reserve will clear up valuable late season cap space.

The player: Mikhail Grabovski
The sales pitch: Has been described as "fearless", party due to his habit of making risky plays in the open ice but mostly due to his willingness to talk crap about Belarusian mob underlings.

The player: Dominic Moore
The sales pitch: Future free agent can always be resigned before the off-season, which would be a great idea since career fourth-liners who have unexpected career seasons during a contract year almost always go on to maintain that level of success.

The player: Matt Stajan
The sales pitch: Has shown impressive focus; despite playing almost his entire career on embarrassingly awful teams has never complained, become dejected, or acted like he even vaguely cared.

Miscellaneous ex-Avalanche defenceman

The player: Jeff Finger
The sales pitch: Career sixth-defenceman occasionally plays so well that seasoned hockey executives have been known to mistake him for the infinitely better Kurt Sauer.

The player: Alexei Ponikarovsky
The sales pitch: Averaged 20 goals a season from 2005-08, so he'd be reasonably productive as long as your roster is so utterly devoid of talent that you're forced to play him on the first line next to a future hall of famer.

The player: Alex Steen
The sales pitch: Talented young player has shown impressive defensive acumen, occasional offensive flair, and emerging leadership skills. Is also technically now a member of the St. Louis Blues, so we can let him go for a late round draft pick.

The player: Luke Schenn
The sales pitch: Is excellent at defending odd-man rushes. Which will come in handy, since the asking price is your entire roster and a first round pick.

Lie to me

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. --Jean Giraudoux

Say what you will about Ron Wilson and Brian Burke, but we know one thing: they're honest.

If they like you, they'll say so. If not, they'll say that too. And for the most part, that's been a breath of fresh air for Leaf Nation.

The John Ferguson/Paul Maurice era was marked by a relentlessly cynical optimism. Ferguson always liked the team, no matter how bad they looked on paper. Maurice famously thought they were going to make the playoffs and compete for a Cup. And the players always claimed they were just one bad bounce away from being really good.

Burke and Wilson came in started to tell it like it is. I loved it.

But here's the thing about honesty. It's not always the ...

Crap, wait a second, I just remember my wife reads this blog sometimes, and she won't like what I'm about to say. Um, hold on.

Hi honey! Say, have you seen the highlights from the Puppy Bowl? Weren't those little guys adorable? They were so just so scrappy!

OK, now that she's gone, let me get back to my point.

Here's the thing about honesty: it's not always the best policy. Sometimes, telling the truth just for the sake of it is dumb. And Ron Wilson and Brian Burke have been treading into that territory in recent weeks.

First, a little history. From the very start, Ron Wilson has refused to sugarcoat the quality of the roster. He told us in September that the team wouldn't be very good, and he's been proven right. When guys like Matt Stajan, Jason Blake and Tomas Kaberle weren't playing at the level they needed to, Wilson didn't worry about protecting anyone's feelings. He made each guy accountable, the way a good coach should (and bad coaches don't).

When Brian Burke joined the fold, he kept the honesty flowing. He didn't try to shine up a turd.

All that honesty created an atmosphere of accountability for a team that had been missing it for years. Suddenly, a locker room that had become used to being treated with kid gloves had to deal with a stiff dose of reality. Not everyone responded, but most did. And a willingless to tell the cold hard truth meant that when a player did hear praise, they knew they'd earned it.

As recently as a few weeks ago, Wilson and Burke called out goalie Vesa Toskala for his poor practice habits. Good. Toskala's a veteran and he's paid to play at a high level. If he's not committed to doing so, he should hear about.

But recently, Wilson and Burke have gone too far. And now, they may be hurting the team.

First, there was Burke's bizarre announcement that he wasn't interested in resigning Nik Antropov. While there's no doubt Burke meant what he said, his honesty probably didn't accomplish anything beyond lowering Antropov's trade value.

Next up was Dominic Moore. A few days ago, Wilson said that fans were getting "carried away" with Moore's production, and pointed out that he wouldn't be good enough to have the same sort of offensive numbers on a better team. "Scoring points on a really bad team, that's really all it is," Wilson said.

Was Wilson wrong? Probably not. But why dismiss Moore's accomplishments right before the trade deadline? And beyond that, Moore is a long-time fourth-liner who's about to taste unrestricted free agency after a career year -- what kind of coach publicly cuts a guy down under those circumstances?

Then came today's comments from Burke about rookie goalie Justin Pogge. "He has not earned the right to be here," Burke said, going on to explain that Pogge was getting NHL starts primarily to try to motivate Toskala even though the kid didn't really belong in the big leagues.

Again, brutally honest and probably 100% correct. But Pogge is a borderline prospect having an underwhelming AHL season, forced to audition for an NHL role behind a terrible defensive team. He'd hardly be human if his confidence wasn't already shakey. What possible good can come from hearing his GM cut him down to size on the radio?

For the life of me, I can't figure out what these two are thinking with some of the recent comments. So I'll take a cue from Wilson and Burke and try a little honesty myself: They sound like two guys who have suddenly become a little too interested in the sound of their own voices, and have forgotten that they're here to win.

Winning over the media folks who love a good sound bite doesn't go very far towards building a contending team. But a little bit of well-placed B.S. just might.

Lie to me, guys. Or at least play the part of the good husband, and learn when to change the subject.

Who took out Matt Stajan?

Artist's conception

There's been lots of coverage of Matt Stajan's eye injury, which apparently happened when he was hit in the face with a soccer ball during a warmup session. What's missing from the stories I've seen so far is a culprit. Last time I checked, soccer balls don't just fire themselves down a hallway.

So the question becomes, who did it? Who took out the Leafs' leading scorer?

I'm not sure I can answer that, but I do think that we can narrow the field by the process of elimination. Here's a list of Leaf-related suspects I think we can declare innocent of all charges.

Jason Blake - Shot would have fluttered harmlessly into Stajan's chest.

Ryan Hollweg - Would have been the first known instance of him hitting somebody who was facing him.

Vesa Toskala / Curtis Joseph - So far this season, have not been involved in any cases of a shot actually being stopped.

Howard Berger - Could not possibly spend time playing silly games like soccer when there are sick children dying in the hospital.

Luke Schenn - Would have immediately laid hands on Stajan, healed him.

Brian Burke - Wait, did you say "soccer"? What are you, some kind of European? You're traded!

Tomas Kaberle - Not sure what you mean by "shooting". Is that like a really hard pass or something?

John Tavares - Is not actually on the Leafs roster. That's a recurring dream you've been having every night since the WJC started.

Ian White - Spends 100% of off-ice time grooming moustache.

Damien Cox - Couldn't have been involved, since that would have meant actually being near the dressing room.

Lee Stempniak - Upon trade to Leafs, signed contract addendum agreeing to never do anything that has any impact, on anything, ever.

Mats Sundin - No longer plays for Leafs. You were probably unaware of this due to the lack of media coverage.

Dominic Moore - Former Harvard grad has no interest in soccer, and has so far been unsuccesful in organizing impromptu hallway games of fencing or lightweight crew.

Jeff Finger - Too busy with regular off-ice activities: rolling in pile of money, looking at statistics, laughing hysterically.

Alexei Ponikarovsky - But did immediately hammer the rebound back into Stajan's face out of force of habit.

Ron Wilson - Is a wise judge of talent who instantly recognized Stajan's abilities, and would obviously never do anything to remove him from the lineup.

Burke's first task: Find an enforcer

OK, enough is enough. The Leafs need an enforcer, or somebody's going to get hurt out there.

Another game, another two huge hits on unsuspecting Leafs. There's no doubt that the Leafs lead the league in being on receiving end of highlight reel hits.

Last year I called the Leafs the softest team in the NHL. The additions of Jamal Mayers and Ryan Hollweg was supposed to fix that, but haven't. Mayers did a nice job tonight against Garnet Exelby, but he's no heavyweight. Hollweg is just awful.

Let's be clear: the Leafs aren't soft the way last year's team was. This year's squad plays a tougher style, doesn't shy away from physical play, and has shown admirably eagerness to stick up for one another.

And that's the problem. They're almost too fearless. They play with guts, and those guts are going to wind up smeared across the ice pretty soon.

So far we've seen Matt Stajan, Jason Blake, and Mikhail Grabovski each get crushed on multiple occasions. Mike Van Ryn got run through the glass by the Bruins before being run through the end boards by the Habs. Luke Schenn almost had his leg broken on a cowardly trip on an icing call.

And guys like Schenn, Alex Ponikarovsky and Carlo Colaiacovo (RIP) have each dropped the gloves more than once to stick up for a teammate. That's admirable, but none of those guys should be fighting.

The Leafs are a team full of small guys who play like they're big. They're willing to skate into a high traffic area. They're will to take a hit to make a play.

That's great. They have big hearts. But they don't have big bodies, and pretty soon simple physics will catch up to them.

Not every team in the NHL has a heavyweight. In fact, some very good ones (like Detroit) don't dress one. That's fine. Not every team needs a tough guy.

But this team does. Mayers and Hollweg don't scare anybody. When the Bruins were brutalizing the Leafs with clean hits, do you think Milan Lucic was worried about anyone looking for payback? When the Habs were brutalizing the Leafs with dirty hits, do you think George Laraque bothered to look over his shoulder?

Right now, if you're a physical player the Leafs are a fun team to play against. There's an excellent chance that some speedy midget will cut across the trolley tracks with his head down, just begging to get knocked out. And if somebody does come after you, there's a good chance you'll have an easy time padding your won/loss record.

Here's hoping Burke has seen enough. Let's find a legitimate tough guy -- a top ten or twenty heavyweight. Preferably somebody who can play a little bit, but I'm not too picky. As long as they're big, can throw, and have just enough crazy in them to do some damage.

The next time some highly skilled Leaf (or Jason Blake) decides to admire his pass, let's make sure the guy closing in on him has something to think about besides "Hey, I'm going to be on Sportscenter tonight!"

Time to pull the trigger, Cliff

The Leafs have a terrible problem right now that most team wish they had.

They have too many NHL defencemen. And somebody needs to do something about it.

It's becoming more apparent every day that Luke Schenn isn't going anywhere. With Schenn, Tomas Kaberle and Pavel Kubina guaranteed a lineup spot every night, that leaves six players fighting for three spots.

If newly heatlhy Jeff Finger is also considered an everyday player (and his contract would hint that he is), that leaves five guys fighting for just two spots: Stralman, Frogren, Van Ryn, Colaiacovo and White.

All five guys have upside. All five can play in the NHL. And none will have a chance to get in any sort of groove if they're shuffling in and out of the lineup every night.

The glut of defencemen also means that Jiri Tlusty had to be sent down. That may have a good move anyway, since Tlusty hasn't done much of anything so far this season. But demoting a prospect is not something a rebuilding team like the Leafs should ever be forced into doing.

Another negative side effect of carrying nine defencemen: it leaves on 12 forwards on the roster. Remember how great it was to see Ron Wilson hold veteran like Jason Blake and Matt Stajan accountable for their bad habits by sending them to the press box? That's history now. Every forward on the roster knows they get to play every night now... and that includes useless fourth-liner Ryan Hollweg.

So enough is enough. It's time to move one of these defenceman. Let's make a deal.

Fletcher told reporters this week that he plans to hold onto his defencemen "until somebody blows us away". In a perfect world, that's the way to go. But the Leafs world is far from perfect right now, and this doesn't feel like the time to be stubborn.

Let's face it, nobody is going to step up with a knock-your-socks-off offer for Ian White. While I'm as big a fan of Colaiacovo as you'll probably find in Leafland, there won't be any GMs looking to sell the farm for the guy. In fact, none of the Leafs five pressbox-warmers are worth much right now.

And let's face it, the price is only going to drop each time they're listed as healthy scratches.

Sure, maybe in a few weeks some team will run into injury trouble on the blueline and Cliff would be able to squeeze them for a fourth-rounder for White instead of a fifth. So be it. That's the chance you take.

Pull the trigger, Cliff. Give one of these kids a chance to resume their career somewhere else. And call up a forward (Tlusty, or somebody else who's earned it) to allow Wilson to keep everyone honest.

And do it soon.

Five games in...

Some quick hits as we round past the 1/16th mark...

• Please stop talking about Luke Schenn's contract situation. It doesn't matter. The decision to keep him in Toronto or send him back to junior has nothing to do with starting the clock on his free agency eligibility.
  
  First of all, it's crazy to make assumptions about what the CBA will be like three or four years from now, let alone seven or eight. We have no idea when Schenn will be a free agent, because we have no idea how the CBA will read in a few years. And for that matter, it doesn't even matter whether Schenn is helping the team. The season is already a writeoff, so who cares if Schenn can add a few wins?
  
  The only factor worth considering is Schenn's development. That's it. Will he develop better in junior than in Toronto? If so, send him there. If not, keep him around. End of story.
  
  If he hits free agency a year early and demands big dollars because he's playing at a superstar level, that will be a problem the Leafs will be happy to have.
  
  
• I want to like Mikhail Grabovski. The kid has some moves, he's fast, and I'd love to chalk up the zero points to bad luck. I want him to a be star. But... um... I'm not getting that vibe yet, you know?
  
  
• Do Jamal Mayers and Ryan Hollweg have some sort of secret sidebet to see which one of them can be the first to get one of their teammates killed?
  
  
• I love the way Ron Wilson is handing out playing time. He's basically throwing his lineup card onto the ice every night and saying "Here, you guys fill this out".
  
  Last night in Pittsburgh, Wilson gave virtually the entire team a shot at powerplay time. That's exactly what he should be doing this early in the season. While Paul Maurice basically handed out ice time based on salary and reputation, Wilson is letting guys play their way in -- or out. Perfect.
  
  
• That said, maybe it would be a good idea for Wilson to ask Cliff Fletcher for a list of guys he's trying to trade and not bench them. Mike Van Ryn, I'm looking in your direction.
  
  
• Nikolai Kulemin is good. Two unassisted breakaway goals and two shootout goals -- if anybody ever figures out how to pass the puck to this kid, look out.
  
  
• Speaking of people who are really good at breakaways, only the exact opposite, why was Matt Stajan taking a shootout on Friday? Did I fall asleep and miss the first 14 rounds of that one?
  
  
• Finally... Dominic Moore is playing so well that I'm going to give him a new nickname: Dominic "Second Round Pick at the 2009 Deadline" Moore.
  

Get Hollweg out of here now, please

Four minutes.

Mark it down. That's how long it took Maple Leaf fans to officially turn on Ryan Hollweg.

After a pre-season that saw Hollweg go 0-6 in fights and get suspended for a hit from behind, Hollweg made it through four minutes of his regular season Maple Leaf debut before being kicked out of this afternoon's game against the Blues. Apparently this idiot doesn't understand that laying your forearm across the name on a guy's jersey and drilling him into the boards is against the rules.

Hollweg will get an automatic three-game suspension from the NHL as a repeat offender, but it's not enough. The NHL should send a message and suspend him for 10 games. If they want to go 15, that would be fine too.

In the meantime, the Leafs need to move on. Toronto is a rebuilding team, and they should be using their roster spots to develop young NHLers. Hollweg may be young, but he's no NHLer. I'm no big fan of Matt Stajan, but there's no reason for him to sit in the pressbox just so Hollweg can goon it up for four or five shifts a game.

You could make an argument for keeping Hollweg around if he could fight, but he can't. Getting your ass handed to you in a fight is kind of inspiring if you're a skill(?) player like Alex Ponikoravsky. When you're a so-called tough guy, it's just embarassing. Let Jamal Mayers handle the occasional scrap, with support from Kris Newbury or Ben Ondrus if he needs it.

We were warned about him when the Leafs traded for him. Now we know that Ranger fans were being kind. Write off the fifth-round pick the Rangers stole from us, and ship Hollweg down to the minors. The ECHL may be a good fit.

This moron is going to cripple somebody soon. Here's hoping he's not wearing a Leaf jersey when it happens.

Update: Ron Wilson is giving his post-game press conference right now, and he just called the Hollweg penalty "debatable".

No, no, NO! Stop it, coach! The penalty wasn't remotely debatable. Nobody expects you to bury your own guy in front of the media, but do not let him off the hook by pretending it wasn't a penalty.

One of the top priorities of this season is accountability. We sure didn't have it under Paul Maurice. We have had it under Wilson, so far. Don't blow it now by giving this failed goon a free pass.

And the next Leafs captain should be...

"C" no evil

This burning question in the Barilkosphere for the last week or so, other than "is it actually possible to screw up a no-trade scenario any worse than Bryan McCabe did?" has been around the identity of the next Leafs captain. Who should get the honor, assuming Sundin isn't back?

(And don't worry, eyebeleaf -- even I wouldn't suggest we strip Sundin of his 'C' if he re-signs¹.)

The Leafs have recently made a habit of bringing their old captains back to the fold: Wendel twice, and Dougie once. It says here that they should do it again.

They should award this year's captaincy to the same player who had it from 1986-89.

Nobody.

Back then, the Leafs didn't have any especially good candidates for the captain's job. The team wasn't very good, their few decent players were too young to carry a leadership role, and they didn't have much in the way of veteran presence. Stop me if any of this sounds familiar.

Faced with that scenario, and for perhaps the only time during the Ballard years, the Leafs did the right thing. They played without a captain for three years.

They should do it again. The current Leafs roster doesn't have a single player who deserves to wear the "C". And since there's no rule that says you need to have a captain, and no real disadvantage to going without one, the Leafs should declare the captaincy vacant for at least one season.

Let's look at the candidates on the current roster:

An established veteran like Tomas Kaberle, Pavel Kubina or Nik Antropov - Kaberle is a decent option, and would be my choice if I had to choose somebody. He's the longest serving Leaf, he's probably the best player on the team, and he's kept his nose clean. But from all accounts he's not much of a dressing room presence, preferring to stand aside and let others take on leadership duties. Could he grow into a more vocal leadership role? Sure. And if he does, he should be the next captain -- sometime in the next few years.

Kubina has been linked to the captaincy this week, and Antropov has been mentioned in various spots. But Antropov has essentially had one good season as a Leaf, and Kubina has arguably had one good month. And either one could become trade bait at this year's deadline, if not sooner. A captain should be somebody a team is committed to in the long term. I'm not sure either of these guys are in that category.

Besides, it's been well-established that the Leafs dressing room became a country club over the past few years. Players weren't held accountable, the same lazy errors happened over and over again, and nobody ever seemed all that bothered by any of it. Do any of the veterans who were part of last year's leadership core really deserve another shot so soon after that disaster?

A veteran newcomer like Jamal Mayers. No way. You don't hand your captaincy over to a new guy unless they're among the great leaders in the game. And with apologies to Mayers, who seems like a solid guy on and off the ice, he's not exactly Mark Messier.

One of the kids, like Alex Steen or Matt Stajan - There's certainly plenty of precedent for handing a captaincy over to a youngster. But that's an honor typically reserved for franchise players like Yzerman or Crosby who the team is looking to build around for the next decade. There's nobody on the Leafs roster who even comes close to that level of talent or potential.

Stajan and Steen may have some leadership skills, and either could be a captain in the league someday. But again, why rush it, especially in a pressure-packed market like Toronto? After all, the last time the Leafs let an untested youngster take over an important role, it didn't work out so well.

All of the above: rotate the captaincy - This idea seems to be picking up steam lately, including being raised as a possibility by Fletcher. It may be the worst option of all.

I don't want to get all traditional on you, but we're talking about the Toronto Maple Leafs here, not the Minnesota Wild. The captaincy of an Original Six team, even one wallowing in last place, should mean something. The Leafs have had six captains in the past 30 years. Do they really want to add six more in one season?

So leave the "C" on the sidelines for 2008-09. Use four alternate captains. See who steps up to fill the leadership void, and what kind of impact they can have. If somebody emerges as the team's undisputed leader, then and only then do you hand them the captaincy.

If it happens in time for next season, great. If not, better to go without for a few years than to force the role onto somebody who doesn't deserve it.

¹But if he has three bad games in a row, ship him to the Marlies.

Five reasons why things could get better

You people are hard to please.

You all tell me I'm too negative. Then, when I write 20 Good Things About The 2007-08 Leafs, some of you still find a way to call them "thinly veiled swipes at the team". I can't win.

So here, in a wrap-up to Optimism Week, is one last try. Here are five honest-to-goodness reasons for optimism in Leafs land.

They'll be far better at coach and GM

We don't know who they'll be. But we don't need to know their names to know that they'll be an upgrade over Maurice and Ferguson. And while the new GM will need a year or two to dig out from under JFJ's mess, coaches often have an immediate impact. If a new man behind the bench can do things Maurice never could -- like implement a defensive system, hold a veteran accountable, or call a timeout properly -- then the Leafs could get a boost right away.

Could you name an NHL team with worse coach/GM combo last year than the Leafs? Me neither. There's nowhere to go but up.

And the new coach will have one thing going for him...

They're only solid at one position in the entire organization -- but it's the most important one

Realistically, the Leafs are weak on defence and only average at forward (and that's assuming Sundin stays). But the goaltending outlook is solid. In fact, it may be excellent.

Vesa Toskala started slow last year, but in the second half he showed that he can be a top NHL goalie. He's not in the Brodeur/Luongo class, of course, but there are plenty of NHL teams that would trade their starter straight-up for Toskala in a heartbeat. With the exception of the Raycroft era, the Leafs have had excellent goaltending every year since Grant Fuhr arrived in 1991. Toskala looks like he may give that to them again.

And while the NHL club's best player is a goalie, the organization's best prospect is too. Justin Pogge's progress hasn't been as rapid as some had hoped (and Greg Gilbert seems hellbent on slowing it further), but he's still a top prospect with an excellent outlook.

If the Leafs are lucky, we could soon see Pogge playing Potvin to Toskala's Fuhr. And that worked out pretty well last time around.

And speaking of Pogge...

The Leafs have some decent young players

They don't have many decent young players (and they don't have any great young players), but the Leafs have put together a core group of reasonably talented youth. In addition to Pogge, the Leafs have prospects such as Jiri Tlustly and Nikolai Kulemin ready to play a role next year, and Jeremy Williams has shown flashes. Young NHLers such as Stajan, Steen, Colaiacovo and Stralman have shown promise. Even Kyle Wellwood could wake up from his donut coma in time to make a career for himself.

That's not a great list, but it's also not a bare cupboard. The Leafs have enough young talent to fill most of their second and third lines for years to come. And while there isn't a single sure-fire first line player on the list, the Leafs have other ways of filling those spots. Namely...

There's always free agency

It's an old joke among fans of other teams: These poor delusional Leaf fans think every free agent is desperate to go to Toronto at a discount. But the punchline is that it's often true. In the past few years, we've seen players like Gary Roberts, Curtis Joseph, Michael Peca, Eric Lindros and Joe Nieuwendyk turn down more money somewhere else to come to Toronto. And that's in addition to top FAs like Belfour and Mogilny who signed for fair value. Despite the best efforts of Richard Peddie, some players just really want to play in Toronto.

That's not a reflection on the franchise -- it has more to do with geography and history. There are more players from the Toronto area in the NHL than anywhere else, and some of those guys want to play in front of their families and/or for the team they grew up watching.

Combine that with the fact that the Leafs will always be able to spend to the upper limits of the salary cap, and you have a team that starts each free agency season a few steps ahead of most other franchises. It's not fair, but it's reality.

Of course, that doesn't mean they should spend on veteran FA's -- at least not any time soon. But when the times comes, there will be good players waiting for Toronto to call. And that time may not be as far off as everyone thinks, if only because...

We just don't know how long it takes to rebuild in today's NHL

Look, the Leafs are a mess right now. I'm the last guy to argue otherwise.

But at the same time, enough with all the talk of four- or five- or seven-year plans. The truth is we just don't know yet what the timelines look like for a rebuilding effort takes in the post-lockout NHL. But the early returns show it could be quicker than you'd think.

Since the lockout, we've seen some amazing turnarounds. Montreal finished behind the Leafs last year, then won the conference this year. The Flyers had the worst record in the league last year, and are in the final four today. The Capitals went from being Ovechkin and a bunch of stiffs to among the league's top teams almost overnight. And we're not even counting the Penguins, who are a special case thanks to the Crosby lottery.

On the other side of the coin, we've seen the Hurricanes win a Cup, then miss the playoffs in back-to-back years. The Sabres went from conference winner to afterthought in one season. It only took one year for the Canucks to go from contender to also-ran. The Senators did it in half a season.

What does all that have to do with the Leafs? Probably not much. For starters, the Habs, Caps and Flyers all had a far more talented group of young players than the Leafs do.

But the bottom line is that there's plenty of evidence to suggest that teams can go from pretenders to contenders (and back) very quickly in the era of early free agency and the salary cap. If the Leafs ever could get their act together, they could be back in contention much faster than any of the sky-is-falling crowd thinks possible.

(Even me.)

20 Good Things About the 2007-08 Leafs

Optimism Week continues at Down Goes Brown. My first post this week was kind of a copout, since I spent most of it talking about other teams. Baby steps, people.

But today, we're going all out. For this post, I will choose 20 members of the Leafs organization and say something nice about them.

Can I do it? Is it possible that 20 good things happened in this writeoff of a season? Let's find out.

Wait, why is the goalie wearing blue too?

Bryan McCabe - Offensive contribution was actually greater than stats would indicate, thanks to obscure NHL bylaw that only gives credit for goals scored into opponent's net.

Andrew Raycroft - Much like Martin Brodeur (chip shot off glass) and Rick DiPietro (quick outlet pass from behind net), has developed his own trademark play for clearing the zone: "faceoff at center ice".

Kyle Wellwood - Knows that despite advances in theoretical physics, scientists still can't explain exactly how gravity functions or rule out the slim possibility that it could unexpectedly cease to work in the future. So just in case, bravely dedicated his summer to making sure his couch didn't float away.

Mark Bell - Crushed every Sens fan's will to live by injuring Mike Fisher, destroying Daniel Alfredsson, and then somehow sneaking onto the ScotiaBank Place ice before a playoff game dressed as a fat guy in a gladiator helmet.

Anton Stralman - Certainly cleared up any lingering confusion over that whole "the next Niklas Lidstrom" thing.

Nik Antropov - Was arguably the only Leaf to exceed expectations this year, scoring just enough big goals to singlehandedly keep the team from getting a top draft pick.

It's getting closer, closer... hey, what does that horn mean?

Vesa Toskala - Constantly finding new and creative ways to challenge himself, such as resolving to stop all 180-foot slapshots using only sense of smell.

Jason Blake - Revolutionized youth hockey coaching by dedicating entire season to single-handedly disproving the old "It's never a bad play to shoot the puck" theory.

Carlo Colaiacovo - Successfully read this sentence without hurting himself.

Andy Wozniewski - Showed impressive courage and determination by repeatedly suiting up for NHL games despite being really, really horrible at playing hockey.

Jeremy Williams - Showed tremendous respect for the head coach who gave him two minutes of ice time a night, eventually realizing he was embarassing him by scoring every single game and cutting that out.

Cliff Fletcher - Is proactively working to improve the team the best way he knows how -- by repeatedly calling up Minnesota GM Doug Riseborough and asking him if he feels like trading his best players for a five-pack of crap.

Darcy Tucker - Fulfilled obligations as corporate spokesperson by always remembering to wear his "Kewl" brand hat during post-game interviews, or would have, had he ever done anything that would warrant a post-game interview.

Alex Steen - His play served as a soothing reminder for Leafs fans that all those first rounders JFJ traded away wouldn't necessarily have ended up being very good anyways.

Justin Pogge - Currently with the Marlies gaining extensive experience in not taking part in the playoffs, which will be invaluable once he graduates to the Leafs roster.

Pavel Kubina - Played about 20 minutes a game, scored a handful of big goals, and wasn't bad defensively. And hey, that's about all you can ask from a $5 million defenceman, right?

Ian White - Not one of those obnoxious spotlight-seeking pro atheletes who tries to hog media attention by ever actually doing anything noteworthy.

"What the hell, go ahead and take most of October and November off too."

Paul Maurice - Is a totally cool boss who lets his employees leave two months early every year.

Tomas Kaberle - Four-for-four performance in accuracy shooting during NHL Skills competition answered the age old question "Is Tomas Kaberle physically capable of actually shooting the god-damned puck?"

Mats Sundin - Sent a powerful message about loyalty, leadership, and finishing what you start, which will no doubt prove exceedingly inspirational for his new teammates once he signs with Detroit this summer.

Are the Leafs the softest team in the NHL?

I've been thinking about this topic for a few days, but after watching Ponikarovsky get pummeled tonight while his teammates stood around pretending not to notice, I think it's now a legitimate question: are the Leafs the softest team in the entire NHL right now?

A quick check over a hockeyfights.com shows that the Leafs have had only 21 fighting majors this year, ranking 28th out of 30 teams.

It gets worse. That pathetic number is actually grossly inflated as far as the current lineup goes, since the players responsible for most of those fights are no longer with the team. Between the trades of Belak (six) and Gill (two), the injury to Bell (four) and the demotions of Battaglia and Ondrus (one each), the current Leafs lineup has only managed seven fighting majors on the year.

I'll pause here so you can read that last sentence again.

It gets worse. Those seven fights have come from Darcy Tucker, Kris Newbury, Matt Stajan and Bryan McCabe. So the only players in the lineup tonight to have dropped their gloves all year are two guys who are 5'10 on their tippy toes, one guy who had never fought before in his life, and a guy who can't remember which net to shoot at in overtime.

Of course, fighting isn't the only measure of team toughness (although it's a pretty good one, right Ducks fans?). But in the case of the Leafs, I don't think the fighting totals are some sort of aberration or fluke. This is just an easy team to play against these days, almost ridiculously easy to push around and completely incapable of even the slightest intimidation.

This isn't a new development -- remember last year's pathetic display in New Jersey, as the entire team watched their best player get scraped off the ice after a dirty hit from a no-talent thug and did exactly nothing about it? This team was soft at the start of the year, and the recent moves have only made the situation worse.

It wasn't always this way. Ever since the excellent Kordic for Courtnall deal, the Leafs have ranged from adequately tough to downright nasty for almost two decades, culminating in the 2002-4 era squad that would occasionally jump into opponent's benches or try to kick guys in the head during fights. Or, as we call it in Toronto, "the glory years".

Am I overstating the case? I don't think so, but I wanted to be fair about it. So let's take a look at the current squad, player by player. And there's only one fair way to do that -- with a completely arbitrary Toughness Scale™ that I just invented right now.

Level 1 - That guy looked at me funny, I better shut it down for the rest of the game just in case.

Tomas Kaberle - Probably the only Leaf on Level 1 who has the talent to justify it.

Johnny Pohl - Not likely to stick with the team after this year, but based on his name he could have a promising career in porn.

Anton Stralman - The rookie may still be finding his comfort zone, but so far he hasn’t shown much in this department.

Jiri Tlusty - Certainly has potential, but so far has been disappointingly soft. Was that a naked photo joke? You be the judge.

Kyle Wellwood - I’m flattering him with this ranking.

Ian White - That’s three of our six defencemen at level one, for those keeping track. I can’t imagine why this team doesn’t play well in its own zone.

Level 2 - All things considered I’d really rather stay here on the perimeter, thanks

Jason Blake - Wasn’t he supposed to be an “agitator”? Was that supposed to refer to the other team, or just Leaf fans?

Boyd Devereaux - Pro: He’s on the checking line. Con: May have the wimpiest name in Leaf history.

Dominic Moore - I haven’t seen much of him, to be honest. But he plays on the checking line, so he must have some sandpaper. Also gets extra room because players are afraid that if they hit him, he’ll get the family lawyer to sue them for millions.

Matt Stajan - This may be stretching it. But at least he was the one Leaf who looked mad during the 8-0 Panther game, so that’s something.

Alexander Steen - Much like his offensive contributions, the gritty side of his game shows up about once every two weeks and then goes back into hibernation. Still, anyone who can stagger Chara with a hit gets to stay clear of level one.

Jeremy Williams - To be honest, I couldn’t tell you how tough he is because Maurice only gives him ice time during Wellwood’s gravy-chug breaks.

Level 3 - Not looking to start anything, but won’t run and hide

Nik Antropov - He’s big, and just a little bit crazy. Almost never fights and is disturbingly injury prone, but he gets points for being just about the only player on the entire team who seems to be aware that the NHL got rid of the “in the crease” rule.

Carlo Colaiacovo - Is one of the league’s under-rated open ice hitters. Several times a year he’ll spot someone with their head down, launch himself at them, lay them out, and then spend a month of the injured list recovering. That still gives him enough time to land six or seven hits a year, which has him vying for the team lead.

Pavel Kubina - Not a fighter, but has an occasional mean streak that will serve him well in Columbus or Edmonton or whatever level of hell Fletcher can dispatch him to.

Bryan McCabe - Total NHL fights before signing $28M contract - 58. Total fights after signing $28M contract - 2. Just sayin'.

Alex Ponikarovsky - I’m probably overrating him, but he does seem to have a touch of that Danny Markov-style "could snap at any time" edge to him. Don’t forget, this guy once went toe-to-toe with Rob Ray. Yes, he lost the fight, ending the Leafs 14-year streak of victories over Rob Ray, but he still gets some points from this corner.

Mats Sundin - He doesn’t change his game one bit when the going gets tough. He’s probably a little soft for someone his size, but reasonably tough for someone of his skill level. Rumor is he’d like to fight, but his gloves stubbornly refuse to waive their no-drop clause.

Level 4 - Not afraid to go looking for trouble

Mark Bell - Prior to his injury, showed that he was definitely willing to get his nose dirty – usually with his own blood and fragments of his orbital bone. May be pound-for-pound the worst fighter in the league not named Hal Gill, but at least he looked interested when the temperature went up.

Kris Newbury - He’s ready and willing. The jury is still out on the “able” part, though. I like this kid, but let’s put it this way–you’re never going to see a game where the opponent's tough guy throws a few big hits, and the camera pans dramatically over to Kris Newbury snarling on the bench.

Darcy Tucker - He seems to have permanently buried the Sideshow Bob persona, but will still throw his weight around. Unfortunately, that ends up being about 165 lbs. Will still drop the mitts, though, even when he knows he’s taking one for the team. At least a 20% chance he snaps this year, tries to fight a legitmate heavyweight and is killed, which will have interesting salary cap implications.

Level 5 - Genuinely intimidating

Um...

(Crickets chirping)

(Tumblewed blows by.)

So what do you think? Have I been too harsh? Too easy on them? Is this in fact the softest team in the entire NHL?