DGB vs. Mirtle: Are the Canucks now "Canada's Team"?

Like many great stories here at The Athletic, this all started with a Twitter argument.

One of us has a soft spot for the annual conversation over whether or not the last remaining NHL team from Canada — in this case, the Vancouver Canucks — should be deemed “Canada’s Team” and gain the resulting bandwagon fans.

The other person, however, thinks this is really dumb.

When we put the question to a poll on social media, meanwhile, the audience was split, nearly 50-50.

To settle this polarizing, important debate once and for all, we bring you this.

Mirtle: So, Sean, the second round has started and again in this country we’re down to one last hope in the playoffs, the Vancouver Canucks. Not a lot of confusion over who people should be cheering for, given there’s only one choice for Canada’s Team. Go Canucks! Hope they can end the 27-year drought.

McIndoe: James.

Mirtle: It’s been so long! Remember Montreal back in 1993? I was on a Grade 7 graduation field trip to Big Bar Ranch during that series. Ride a horse during the day, watch Kelly Hrudey let in some goals at night. That’s … a long time ago. So we need the Cup to come home, no? Give millennials something to get excited about?

OK, so I’m going a bit overboard. But there’s this great resistance to the idea of “Canada’s Team” among hockey fans in general that I think is a little unfair. It’s more something for casual fans to rally behind, the idea that there’s a city from this country still involved in the tournament.

It’s not like Canadian teams are in the finals all the time like in the ’80s — I think some fans just want something to care about once their team is eliminated. (Usually very early.)

McIndoe: Anyone who’s been reading me over the years knows where I’m going to go on this, but let’s be clear: Unless it’s an Olympics or world juniors, there’s no such thing as “Canada’s Team.”

Yes, there’s a drought. We all know about it. And we all want to see it end. But here’s the thing — we only want to see our team be the one to end it. That team (and city and fan base) will be the one to get all the bragging rights. Why should I want the Canucks and their fans to have all that fun?

Mirtle: Because the percentage of hockey fans that have that deep a level of animosity for teams on the other side of the country is pretty small? I mean, when your team (the Leafs) goes out early, do you just spite watch the rest of the tournament? There’s no joy left? Who do you root for?

I can see not wanting to get behind, say, the Senators, but Vancouver? That’s not a direct rival! And you’ve been there on vacation with your family without using a passport and, hey, good for them. You’d rather see Dallas win again than a team in Canada? That feels … weird.

McIndoe: First of all, never underestimate the animosity that hockey fans are capable of. We’re a very bitter and jaded bunch. We want our team to win, sure, but we also know that in a 31-team league, the odds of that are slim. So we want as many other fans as possible to be as sad as we are. Yeah, my team lost, but so did yours, so we all get to be miserable together.

It’s possible I’m projecting here. But I don’t think I’m alone.

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Weekend wrap: The inevitable crash-and-burn of the Toronto Maple Leafs

A look at three of the biggest stories from the NHL weekend and how they’ll play into the coming days.

The Stats Guys Are Happy, So the Leafs Must be Losing

Early in the season, we presented the 2013-14 Toronto Maple Leafs as the canary in the advanced-stats mine shaft — the ultimate test case of everything that hockey’s wave of new metrics and data-based analytics thought it knew about what drives success. We've learned the numbers point to the critical importance of possession. Teams that control the puck — and use that control to direct a lot of shots at the net — usually win. Teams that can’t do it usually lose.

But occasionally we see a short-term outlier, and last year’s Toronto team was one. The stats guys said they couldn’t keep winning that way. The Maple Leafs insisted that they could. And over the season’s first few weeks, it looked like Toronto was going to pull it off once again. Leafs fans rejoiced. Old-school media gloated. Celebratory T-shirts were, literally, printed up.

Those days suddenly feel like a very long time ago. The Toronto Maple Leafs are in a free fall.

Last Monday, the Leafs were humiliated by the Blue Jackets on their home ice, dropping a 6-0 decision. On Wednesday in Pittsburgh, they suffered the embarrassment of failing to get so much as a single shot after the second intermission. On Friday, they faced the dead-last Sabres in a battle of the two worst possession teams of the advanced stats era and lost again.

Saturday night brought yet another defeat, this time to the Canadiens. Montreal jumped out to a 4-0 second-period lead before a pair of Leafs goals made the final respectable, but this one was never really in doubt.

Leafs fans won’t want to hear it, but the math is actually pretty simple: If they can’t fix their shot clock issues, the Leafs will need historically good goaltending to win. They were getting that early on, and it helped them start the season 6-1-0. But in recent games, with James Reimer and Jonathan Bernier looking merely good instead of excellent, the Leafs seem overwhelmed. In their last 20, they’ve been under .500 at 8-9-3. They can’t score anymore. The defensive system is a mess. The coach sounds like he’s out of answers. And the season is slipping away from them.

Or maybe not. This could just be a cold streak, after all, the kind that every team hits at least once or twice over a long season. It’s worth remembering that while the Leafs have dropped from the top of the Atlantic down to wild-card status, they’re still four points up on the ninth spot. Plenty of teams would love to trade places with them.

So that’s the good news. The bad news is that the December schedule is absolutely brutal, including several games with the top Western Conference teams that the Leafs have mostly avoided so far. If they’re going to turn their season around, they’ll need to do it against the league’s best.

Oh, and this is the month that the HBO cameras show up. No pressure, guys.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

A period-by-period look back at the Stanley Cup finals

The Canucks grew to hate the way Thomas
practiced lifting the Cup during goalmouth
scrambles "just to make it challenging".

The 2011 NHL season has ended, with the Boston Bruins crowned champions after Wednesday night's seventh game win over the Canucks. And with the draft just a week away, it feels like the league has already moved into offseason mode.

But before we set our sights on the road to the 2011-12 season, let's take a moment for a look back at this year's Stanley Cup finals. Here's a period-by-period review of one of the most memorable series in a generation.

Game one

First period: In an effort to appeal to a younger demographic, the NHL announces that the role of the brooding but misunderstood vampire will be played by Alex Burrows.
Second period: As a neutral fan, you feel vaguely comfortable with the idea of one of these teams winning the Stanley Cup for the last time in the series.
Third period: Raffi Torres fools the Bruins' defence to score the game-winning goal by using a trick play he calls "Shoot the puck like a normal player instead of launching your elbow into somebody's temple".

Read the rest of this post...

A detailed look back at game seven, which due to a scheduling error had to be published twelve hours early

After a stunning game seven, Roberto
Luongo can barely contain his emotions.

Editor’s note: Due to a scheduling error that is too complicated to explain here, this analysis of the June 15, 2011 game seven between the Vancouver Canucks and Boston Bruins had to be published twelve hours early. If the game hasn’t happened yet, please close your browser now and come back tomorrow. Thank you for your cooperation.

So here we are. After a six-month season, four rounds of playoffs, and seven gruelling games, the NHL has crowned its champion. The Stanley Cup has been awarded. One fan base is devastated, while another will celebrate late into the night.

In the moments after a thrilling game seven, I’d like to take a moment to address you directly, fans of the winning team.

It seems like only yesterday that your team was struggling through a first round series against your bitter rivals who historically dominate you in the playoffs. But you survived, just barely, thanks to an overtime goal in game seven. Remember the excitement when the winning goal was scored, by that particular player? Little did we know the controversy that awaited them weeks later.

Your team waltzed through the second round against Peter Forsberg’s old team, then beat that non-traditional warm weather team in the conference finals. And there you were, back in the Stanley Cup finals for the first time in a generation. Who can forget that last time you played for Lord Stanley’s mug, back in the early 90s? I bet you can still picture your team competing furiously, proudly representing those black and yellowish-gold uniforms that they wore then and perhaps still do, before finally going down to a bitter defeat. Damn you, Mark Messier!

But a generation later you were back, and this time the opportunity would not be wasted. It wasn’t easy. It was a vicious series, in which your team persevered despite several sickening cheapshots by the opposing team. You endured your team being taunted with immature finger waves. You watched devastating hits on Nathan Horton and Mason Raymond, 50% of which you thought were unquestionably dirty. The entire hockey world outside of your particular city was united against your team, you told us, incessantly. And let’s not even mention those shameless homer announcers on the other team’s broadcast.

And then game seven. The series had seen it all, from overtime thrillers to lopsided blowouts to everything in between, and game seven certainly fit into one of those categories. All eyes were on Roberto Luongo. Many thought he would rise to the occasion while others thought he would crumble, and in the end we now know they were right. Without question, this game will be his defining legacy.

The end of the game must seem like a blur to you now. There was that goal scored by that one guy, and then that big hit with that other guy, then that other thing done by some other guy, and then the Conn Smythe won by Tim Thomas.

And then, the magic moment you’d been waiting on for four long decades, give or take a year. What fan among you will ever forget the sight of Gary Bettman passing the Stanley Cup into the waiting arms of good old #33? And who says Europeans can’t make great captains? Certainly not anyone who has had the pleasure of watching your team’s leader, a truly unique talent. He certainly is one- or at the very most two-of-a-kind.

And now it’s all over but the riot cleanup. Your boys are champions. A Stanley Cup banner will be raised in your arena next year. After an agonizing, debilitating, gut-wrenching test of your endurance as a fan, it was all worth it.

But at least you’re not like those fans of the other team. Imagine how devastated they must feel right now. Serves them right, those losers. Thank god you have nothing in common with them.

How to present the Stanley Cup

Worst karaoke party ever.

Monday morning, TD Garden, Boston.

OK people, can I have your attention? Everyone listen up. You too, Mr. Bettman. This is important.

As you know, tonight's game marks the first time in this year's finals that a team is one win away from taking the series. That means that the Stanley Cup will be in the building, and there's a chance it will be awarded after the game. It's a big moment, and we all need to be on the same page, so let's go over the game plan.

When the series ends, it's going to be chaos. Fans screaming, players hugging, linesmen stealing pucks. Everyone stay professional. And please, make sure the game is really done before you let all the media storm onto the ice. Neither of these teams is the Buffalo Sabres, so it's important to make sure the series is actually over. And remember, if there's a particularly controversial play, give the officials time to consult with Brian Burke.

OK, once the game is done then the first order of business is the handshakes. They usually go pretty quickly, but this year we've booked an extra fifteen minutes into the schedule for all the finger taunts and guys diving as soon as an opponent touches them. Plus, it will probably take at least that much time to have Maxim Lapierre's gloves surgically removed. Everyone be patient.

Once the handshakes are done the Cup will be brought out by the two guys who carry it everywhere, the guy who's never in any commercials and the guy who's in every commercial. Are they here? Great. You two will bring it out from the back hallway where it's been during the third period, being shown on television every fifteen seconds. Set it up on the little pedestal at center ice, and then go back to doing whatever it is you do the other 364 days of the year.

OK Gary, once the Cup is out on the ice that's your cue to make your way over. Let's walk through it right now. Great, great, you're here, one hand awkwardly on the Cup, ready to go. Pause for booing. Booing. More booing. Still booing. Hey, have you ever considered letting someone else handle this? It's just that the fans all really seem like they'd prefer it if … you know what, you're the boss, I'm not here to tell you how to do your job.

So anyways… booing. More booing. Now Gary, while all this is going on, you're going to want to be wearing the proper facial expression. I'd recommend a smirky mixture of glib condescension and bemused annoyance. Do you think you could… hey, wow, that's really good. Have you been practicing?

Really? Permanent, you say? As in 24-hours-a-day? Hmm. Wow. OK, well, it's perfect, so don't change a thing.

So now some of the fans have given up on booing and are starting to hiss. That's a good time to start the presentation, so you're going to need to call over the captain of the winning team. Hold on, not yet. Wait until he's just started his interview with Hockey Night in Canada. And… now!

OK Gary, remember, this guy has literally spent the majority of his life focused on getting his hands on the Stanley Cup. He's bled for it, sacrificed, missed his children's birthdays, all for this one exact moment. So before you hand it over to him, make sure you force him to pose for photographs with you. He won't mind at all. That's right, be sure to hold the pose just long enough for it to feel awkward. Fantastic.

OK, now the winning team is going to pass the Cup around. There's an established order here, so let's make sure they follow it. First, the captain. Second, the captain's twin brother, if applicable. Next, the sympathetic old guy on the team who's never won the Cup before. Next, any players who they feel have been unfairly singled out for criticism by fans and media. In the case of the Canucks or Bruins, this should take care of the rest of the roster.

Now listen up everyone, because once the players have the Stanley Cup we all have our most important job of the evening: We get out of the way. The NHL does a lot of things wrong, but this is the one moment we get exactly right. No owners grabbing the trophy. No corporate shills. No television personalities screaming into a microphone. Just twenty or so players who've endured two months of hell, together, for this chance to share the Cup. They've earned this. It's their moment. Let's all just stand back and absorb the positive energy.

Well, all of us except for Gary. The fans are still booing him. Great smirk, though.

Why hockey fans should learn to love the Bruins and Canucks

Well, nobody's biting, diving or
unconscious, so I guess that's a start.

It seems like nobody likes the Canucks and Bruins these days. Vancouver defenceman Aaron Rome's devastating late hit on Boston's Nathan Horton was only the latest in a long string of controversies featuring the two teams. From questionable hits to taunting to diving to biting, both teams have spent the post-season racking up negative headlines.

The result has been a growing backlash from hockey fans, many of whom are now openly rooting against both teams. Based on their on-ice behaviour, the thinking goes, neither team deserves to have their names engraved on the Cup.

Nonsense. While it's true that both teams have had a few regrettable but isolated incidents, that's no reason to turn against them. Today's fans are so cynical that they've lost sight of all the good things about these two teams.

So before you jump on the negativity bandwagon, please take a moment to consider the many positives we've seen from these teams during the first four games of the series.

Canucks - Roberto Luongo knows that playing in the Stanley Cup finals is the dream of every young hockey player from the very first moment they lace up the skates, and so he was nice enough to make sure every member of the Bruins got to score a few goals at home.

Bruins - Admit it, it would be cool to see Bruins' captain Zdeno Chara receive the Cup from Gary Bettman, thrust it triumphantly over his head, and accidentally smash a giant hole through the roof of the arena.

Canucks - You may not like him as a player, but when it comes to finger-biting jokes Maxim Lapierre is basically the Bill Hicks to Milan Lucic's Denis Leary.

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Take the Quiz: Penalty or dive?

It was then that Ted Leonsis realized the
motivational "Drive For a Championship"
dressing room mural was missing a letter.

This year's postseason is quickly turning into the Year of the Dive. While occasional "embellishment" has always been a hockey fact of life, this year's playoffs have seen players, coaches and media complaining that certain opponents are taking the dramatics too far.

The problem has become so noticeable that the NHL reportedly issued a directive to officials to call more diving penalties. But that move appears to have just created more controversy. On Saturday, Lightning forward Steve Downie was even given a diving penalty on a hit from behind that left him injured and unable to return to the game.

It's all very frustrating. Short of using lie detector tests or hiring a mind reader, how can a fan really tell whether a player was diving?

Luckily, the league is on the case. Working with officials and forensics experts, they've put together this handy quiz for fans watching the game at home. From now on, if you think you may have witnessed a dive you can simply take a few minutes to answer these questions and arrive at a definitive answer:

A player has hit the ice clutching his head after a borderline penalty. Which of the following would make you suspect a dive?
a.) The replay doesn't show any significant contact to an area that would normally cause a player to grab his head, such as a typical player's face or Joe Thornton's ankle.
b.) The player reacts to the "head injury" in a way that no other player ever does, such as actually going to the NHL-mandated quiet room.
c.) The team's media guide mentions that the player's off-season training partners are Peter Forsberg, Sean Avery and Marcel Marceau.
d.) The borderline penalty he was reacting to was a delay of game call for shooting the puck over the glass.

A high stick appears to make contact with a player's face. After he recovers from the initial contact, you can see that the player is:
a.) Visibly shaken by the impact.
b.) Wiping away what appears to be blood.
c.) Wiping away what appears to be blood, while holding a handful of empty ketchup packets.
d.) Nonchalantly performing his own root canal on the bench in between shifts (Martin St. Louis only).

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Should Canadian hockey fans be cheering for the Canucks?

Canuck forward Ryan Kesler hugs
a miscellaneous hockey player

There are two unavoidable facts of hockey life that every Canadian fan will be reminded of at this time of year. The first is that none of the country's teams have managed to win the Stanley Cup since 1993. The second is that, because of that drought, Canadian fans are expected to switch their allegiances en masse once the country is down to its last remaining team.

This year, that team is Vancouver. Yet despite the President's Trophy-winning Canucks representing what's probably the country's best chance at a championship since the lockout, many Canadian fans seem hesitant to climb onto the bandwagon.

That view seems short-sighted. While it's understandable that fans of the other five Canadian teams would be reluctant to even temporarily support another team, it says here that it's the logical move.

So if you're a Canadian hockey fan and find yourself still on the fence about rooting for the Canucks, consider the following list of good reasons to throw your support behind the nation's last hope.

• Geologists and historians assure us that, in the strictest technically sense, Vancouver is part of Canada.
  
  
• Manny Malhotra has been a feel-good story as he attempts to resume his playing career after a devastating eye injury, instead of just going straight into refereeing like anyone else would have done.
  
  
• Admit it, it would be fun to watch Roberto Luongo win a Stanley Cup and still be roundly criticized for not doing it "clutchily" enough.
  
  
• If you do decide to root against them and Mike Gillis finds out, uh oh, here comes another press conference.
  

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Signs your second round is not going well

Pictured: The Flyers' best goaltending
option. Also pictured: Sergei Bobrovsky
and Brian Boucher

After a first round that many agreed was among the most entertaining ever, it's perhaps no surprise that the second round has seemed like a letdown by comparison. That's at least partly due to Stanley Cup favourites struggling badly.

The top-seeded Capitals are already out, victims of a stunning sweep at the hands of the upstart Lightning. The Flyers find themselves facing a 3-0 hole against the Bruins, and the Red Wings are in the same hole against the surging Sharks. Even the powerhouse Canucks have had their share of scary moments thanks to Nashville goalie Pekka Rinne.

While an unexpected playoff collapse may seem stunning as it happens, in hindsight we can often find subtle clues that we missed at the time. And in fact, if you know what to look for you just may be able to detect some indications of impending doom for your own favourite team.

Here are a few key signs that things aren't going well for your team in round two. Don't read any further if you want to be surprised.

• When reporters ask your head coach how he got that mysterious scar on his face, he answers "About an hour ago, when the owner came after me with a broken off tequila bottle."
  
  
• After every bad game your goalie disappears into the video room to spend hours studying tape, but you just found out the "tape" is labelled "Tips and techniques from Philadelphia Flyer goalies, 1992 to present".
  
  
• The only "upper body injury" your team has suffered recently was when the goal judge behind your net went down with carpal tunnel syndrome.
  

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NBC's strange new NHL promo

I know it's become trendy to complain about NBC's hockey coverage. And I know it has to be a hard job putting those broadcasts together for a national audience that may or may not even be interested in the sport.

But is it me, or does their latest advertising campaign seem a little... odd?

(Remember, when you don't subscribe to Bloge Salming videos, you're telling the world that you're on Team Leno.)

Where will Kovalchuk end up? The pros and cons

The Leafs got a firsthand look at pending UFA Ilya Kovalchuk on Tuesday night. And, like just about everyone else who's ever watched the guy, they had to have come away impressed.

Kovalchuk is shaping up to the big story of the season, as all indications are that he'll be moved at the trade deadline. Reports say that the Russian superstar is demanding a ten-year deal worth over $100 million. Countless rumors have linked him with various teams, either a rental or as a long-term destination.

Where will he wind up? And more importantly, what would be the best fit? It's a tough call, but I want to help figure it out.

Here are ten teams that have been linked to Kovalchuk recently, along with the pros and cons of each.

Washington Capitals
Many speculate that the Caps have the right parts to make a deal work, putting Kovalchuk and Alexander Ovechkin on the same line.

Pro: Would have plenty of down time during the post-season, since all four of the team's playoff series would be over in four games.
Con: Would run the risk of shoulder injuries due to raising arms in celebration of a goal after every single shift.


Montreal Canadiens
Bob Gainey may be looking to shake things up prior to his April firing.

Pro: What highly skilled offensive dynamo wouldn't jump at a chance to play for Jacques Martin?
Con: The team wouldn't actually have room on the roster to add him unless they cut somebody like Georges Laraque, which given recent world events they would of course never do.


Vancouver Canucks
Bring in a European star as a mid-season rental? That's practically guaranteed to work!

Pro: City is home to the upcoming Winter Olympics, meaning Kovalchuk wouldn't have to bother with the hassle and expense of arranging for shipping of his silver medal.
Con: He could have trouble fitting into the dressing room. Literally. Wellwood's off his diet.


Buffalo Sabres
Could the first-place Sabres be looking to make a big splash with a post-season rental?

Pro: Once the summer arrived, he could engage in the most popular activity among Buffalo residents: getting the hell out of the city and never returning.
Con: His arrival would likely be lost amid the overwhelming city-wide euphoria that's accompanied the hiring of Chan Gailey.


Los Angeles Kings
The Kings are young, talented, and may be on the hunt for a franchise player.

Pro: After ten years in Atlanta, it might be a nice break to move to a city where there's not as much interest in hockey.
Con: As the most talented and charismatic King since Wayne Gretzky, would run risk of being pressured into making a really terrible SNL hosting appearance.


Toronto Maple Leafs
Eklund says Burkie's definitely going to land him. Despite that fact, it's still technically possible that he could.

Pro: Certainly wouldn't have to worry about having his thunder stolen by some hotshot young draft pick.
Con: Rumored demands for a ten-year deal may not allow sufficient time for the team to return to the playoffs.


Calgary Flames
Fun fact: 50% of Alberta-based teams are capable of trading for star players.

Pro: Flashy Russians who don't backcheck just scream "Sutter guy".
Con: No way to tell in advance whether this is the particular year this decade when the Flames will go past the first round.


Boston Bruins
The team is a legitimate Cup contender, yet also has a lottery draft pick to trade. Wait, that can't be right.

Pro: Would be well-positioned to follow the traditional path to glory of a Boston star: produce a decade of unrivaled excellence, develop into a respected veteran leader, become a pillar of the local community, and finally demand a trade to a better team that has an actual chance at winning the Cup.
Con: Probably wouldn't have any chemistry with Marc Savard.


New York Islanders
Larry Brooks of the NY Post swears they're in the mix.

Pro: Kovalchuk could make an excellent mentor for John Tavares, helping him through the pressure of being a #1 overall pick on a team that won't win a playoff game for the next decade.
Con: Signing an enigmatic Russian superstar to a ten-year deal makes the front office all nervous for some reason.


Atlanta Thrashers
Don't forget, Kovalchuk could always decide to resign in Atlanta.

Pro: Would avoid the hassle of selling his house.
Con: Absolutely everything else.

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Northwest Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Northwest Division.

Edmonton Oilers

The good: At last count there were still at least 20 players in the NHL who don't have no-trade clauses, meaning Oilers can still field a complete roster.
The bad: The leaking of the names involves in the Heatley trade negotiations left guys like Dustin Penner twisting in the wind, or would have if it were physically possible to lift him off the ground.
Biggest question mark: Will injury-prone Nikolai Khabibulin respond well to a lighter workload in Edmonton, given that he won't have to ever play in the playoffs?
Fearless forecast: A frustrated Pat Quinn becomes the most popular coach in Oilers history when he extinguishes his cigar in Mike Comrie's eye.

Minnesota Wild

The good: Finally abandoned the trap and committed to playing a more free-flowing offensive system, meaning now the only member of the Wild who consistently puts people to sleep will be Derek Boogaard.
The bad: The loss of superstar Marion Gaborik could prove devastating to the hundreds of local health care workers who relied on him for full-time employment.
Biggest question mark: Will Niklas Backstrom's numbers take a hit now that he may be asked to occasionally face a shot on net?
Fearless forecast: You will accidentally refer to them as the "North Stars" every time you talk about them all year, which will be twice.

Calgary Flames

The good: Spent off-season conducting exhaustive search for the best possible head coach, who in incredibly bizarre coincidence ended up being the GM's brother.
The bad: It's going to be awkward when they finish first in the division, only to find out that Jay Bouwmeester packed up and went home the day the season ended out of force of habit.
Biggest question mark: Will Dion Phaneuf's play be negatively affected around the time of a full moon when he is visited by the ghostly corpse of Kyle Okposo?
Fearless forecast: The team should be a strong Cup contender except in the extremely unlikely event that Miikka Kiprusoff's play deteriorates, the way it has every single year since the lockout.

Colorado Avalanche

The good: Had the brilliant idea of hiring universally beloved former player Joe Sakic to coach the team.
The bad: Probably should have proofread that job offer a little more carefully before sending it out.
Biggest question mark: Seriously, why is every single person from the front office and coaching staff a former Maple Leaf fourth liner?
Fearless forecast: During a brawl-filled game against the Red Wings Chris Osgood skates the length of the ice for the traditional goalie fight, only to be disappointed to learn that the Avs haven't had an NHL goaltender in three years.

Vancouver Canucks

The good: Size up front. The forwards weigh in at an average of 220 lbs.
The bad: That drops to 175 lbs on nights Kyle Wellwood isn't playing.
Biggest question mark: How injured would Roberto Luongo have to be for it to actually makes sense to use backup goalie Andrew Raycroft instead? Two missing limbs? Three?
Fearless forecast: At long last, Vancouver hockey fans get to watch a championship hockey team. Then the Olympics end, and the Canucks resume their march to a second round elimination.

Round two scouting reports

A few days ago, we took a look at the NHL's 22 losers that are sitting at home. Now let's turn our attention to the teams that are still alive, with a round two scouting report.

---

Washington Capitals

Strengths:

• Are wisely keeping starting goaltender Jose Theodore extremely well-rested.
  
• Have so much depth that they were somehow able to win a game seven despite absence of Donald Brashear
  
• Intimidating fans are known to loudly questions opposing players' sexuality, which is pretty rich coming from guys who chant "We Want Semin".

Weakness:

• Star player Alexander Ovechkin often spends as much as four of five minutes every period just sitting on bench, doing nothing.

How to beat them:

• Let Ovechkin get a few goals early; hope he tires himself out celebrating.

-- vs. --

Pittsburgh Penguins

Strengths:

• Feature a roster full of excellent young players due to strong scouting, patient coaching, and drafting first overall ten years in a row.
  
• Have drawn inspiration from undisputed locker room leader, the mummified corpse of Gary Roberts.
  
• In the long history of talented players to come out of Russia, Evgeni Malkin will quite possibly go down as the second best one to ever play in this series.

Weakness:

• Extra slippery ice at Mellon Arena sometimes causes team's star players to fall down for no reason at all.

How to beat them:

• Don't punch the crap out of Maxime Talbot, apparently.

---

Carolina Hurricanes

Strengths:

• Coach Paul Maurice has referred to leadership core as "easily the most dedicated group of players I've seen in, oh, three years".
  
• Enjoy unrivaled home ice advantage thanks to savvy fans who save up energy by only remembering that hockey exists once the playoffs start.
  
• Is probably not mathematically impossible for them to win the Cup this year.

Weakness:

• Are still, when you get right down to it, the Hartford Whalers.

How to beat them:

• Employ a goalie who is not so fat that he gets winded at the very end of every close game.

-- vs. --

Boston Bruins

Strengths:

• In recent big games, have been pretty good at remembering how many players you're allowed to have on the ice.
  
• Zdeno Chara able to calmly clear puck from goalmouth scrambles without leaving bench.
  
• Will be feeding off the energy of an entire state full of douchey, bandwagon-jumping sports fans who haven't had a championship to celebrate in like ten whole months

Weakness:

• May be rusty coming off of first-round bye.

How to beat them:

• Remind Tim Thomas that he is, in fact, Tim Thomas.

---

Anaheim Ducks

Strengths:

• Roster was largely assembled by Brian Burke, who is unanimously considered the smartest man alive.
  
• Disorient opponents by annoyingly playing all their home games way later than everyone else.
  
• Virtually every player on roster is an experienced fighter not intimidated by violence, which will come in handy if team bus breaks down on way to arena in Detroit

Weakness:

• It's possible that Ryan Getzlaf may have got some choking loser germs on him while fighting Joe Thornton.

How to beat them:

• Somehow trick them into thinking it's the regular season.
  

-- vs. --

Detroit Red Wings

Strengths:

• Are known for superior conditioning, which will allow players to recover more quickly from Chris Pronger cheapshots.
  
• Are so solid defensively that even terrible goaltender Chris Osgood can win multiple championships for them.
  
• In a pinch, some guy they drafted 200th overall last year will just emerge as a future hall-of-famer.

Weakness:

• Might be getting bored of winning the Stanley Cup by now.

How to beat them:

• Get to overtime of game seven. Let tiny Russian man-child do the rest.
  

---

Chicago Blackhawks

Strengths:

• Winning percentage is significantly higher indoors than out.
  
• Martin Havlat has bought into team's disciplined approach so much that he hardly ever kicks anyone in the groin any more.
  
• Somehow managed to turn an old man dying of cancer into a feel-good story.

Weakness:

• Winning game one of the Flames series 12 seconds into sudden death was a foolish waste of an opportunity to amass valuable overtime experience.

How to beat them:

• Hold all games in a nightclub that checks ID, thus eliminating most of the Hawks best players.
  

-- vs. --

Vancouver Canucks

Strengths:

• Have this guy named Sedin who is so lightning quick that he often sets himself up for one-timers.
  
• Own an excellent record when scoring first, largely because their goalie gets a shutout every game.
  
• Are lead by veteran Mats Sundin, for whom "winning a Stanley Cup" is unquestionably a top ten non-poker-related personal goal.

Weakness:

• Players run slightly higher than average risk of contracting lice due to habit of pulling opponent's hair when getting ass kicked in fight.

How to beat them:

• Hope that Roberto Luongo's wife has a baby three or four times during the series.

More on Mats

(What? No, the headline isn't a pun. Stop being so paranoid.)

Anyways, here's a few quick thoughts and links on the Sundin fallout.

• I'm going to resist the urge to get upset over the Star's Sundin interview in which he describes leaving Toronto with a "bitter taste". Sundin comes across as a thin-skinned prick in this article, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt because I suspect Rosie DiManno had already decided to write this kind of article before the interview even started. I'll wait to hear from Mats via somebody without an axe to grind, thanks.
  
  
• In a similar vein, there are reports going around that Mats chased the money this time because he never got over taking a "discount" to sign with Toronto in his final year. Al Strachan has also reported on HNIC that Sundin was deeply upset that the Leafs even considered trading him despite his NTC.
  
  Again, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, considering the sources here. But if this sort of stuff turns out to be true... well, go screw yourself, princess.
  
  
• With a glove tap to fellow Score Network sellout partner Lions in Winter, here's an interesting chart that shows the NHL players with the highest career earnings of all time.
  
  I'll just post the link without comment. Remember, though, Mats didn't owe the Leafs anything.
  
  
• Canucks Hockey Blog, another Score Network site (if there anyone left who isn't in this thing?) weighs in with the Vancouver reaction. As you can imagine, they're pretty excited.
  
  
• Here's the flip side: A Canucks blog that didn't want any part of Mats.
  
  
• Finally, the Mats signing has kicked off a predictable round of hand-wringing over how Leaf captains never seen to retire with the team. But how many NHL teams actually do have their captains retire while wearing the "C"? Cox and friends never seem to mention that part.
  
  Well, Bitter Leaf Fan actually has the answer. Not counting careers cut short by injuries, how often do you think it happens? To find out, check the end of this post.
  

My message to Mats

Hi Mats...

So it's finally over. After almost eight months of rumors, speculation, denials and predictions, you're finally back. You're a Vancouver Canuck.

Can we talk?

Here's the deal. You screwed up at the deadline, and deep down I think you know it. Your indecision over the summer was embarassing. When you still couldn't make up your mind as the season wound on, it became pathetic.

Right or wrong, you've looked like a guy who didn't care about winning. Right or wrong, you look like a flip-flopper at best, a liar at worst. Right or wrong, your "full journey" quote has already become a symbol of athlete hypocrisy. Right or wrong, you've looked like somebody who'd rather go into hiding than answer a few tough questions.

You brought all this on yourself. You, and the people around you that have been giving you such terrible advice through this whole sad saga. You've worn us all down. I'm tired of writing about you.

So here are my parting words to you: Good luck. I hope you win a Cup.

Really. I hope you go out and play the best hockey of your career. I hope you lift the Canucks to the top of the league, take a nice long skate with the Cup, then retire. I hope you head home to Sweden, enjoy your well-earned retirement, and we see you again at your hall-of-fame induction.

Because that would make a happy ending for this whole ordeal. And after all these years, you deserve at least that much.

It hasn't been fun watching you embarass yourself over the past year. Leaf fans deserved better from you -- hockey fans deserved better from you -- but we didn't get it.

Fine. But what's done is done. Now it's time to look forward.

And it's not hard to see a lot of ways this could end badly. You could get hurt (you're 38, and who knows what kind of shape you're in). You may not have the competitive fire anymore (after all, it took you this long to decide you still wanted to play). The Canucks could fall short when it mattered (since they're, you know, the Canucks).

You could be headed towards your Jerry-Rice-as-a-Seahawks stage, your Michael-Jordan-as-a-Wizard days.

And if that happens, everyone will line up to bury you. And that's not what I want, because right or wrong you're a Leaf for life.

Sure, go to Vancouver as a rental (cough). They'll embrace you if you win. If not, they'll cut you loose and move on to the next savior.

But either way, when it's all over your number is going to be hanging in our rafters, not theirs. You'll be the guy whose name is all over our record book, not theirs. Your career highlight package will have a blue maple leaf all over it, not whatever the Vancouver logo is this week.

So I hope that highlight package has a happy ending. You should have won a Cup in Toronto, but that didn't happen and towards the end we all knew it never would. So be it.

Now you've painted yourself into a corner where anything short of a Cup in Vancouver will be a failure, and the knives will come out. Part of me might enjoy that, but it's not what I want to see. Because you're a Maple Leaf. You're part of Leaf Nation. You're one of us. Even if at the end you didn't want to be. If you need to win a Cup to redeem yourself, then I hope that's exactly what you do.

This isn't the way it was supposed to end, but it's the best option left. Go make it happen.

Why Leaf fans are mad at Mats

I'll have full thoughts on the Sundin signing later. But I wanted to get a quick post out of the way, because we all know what's coming tomorrow.

Every sports section, hockey show and sports blog will be covering the Sundin signing. And you can bet that most will feign confusion over why Leaf some fans have turned on him. They'll shake their heads sadly and say "don't those silly Leaf fans realize what a great player he was?"

First things first. Not all Leaf fans are mad at Sundin. Plenty of us have supported him all along, and many others gave up caring long ago. Despite what Howard Berger tells you, not all Leaf fans think as one.

But yes, a lot of us are still holding a grudge, and some of you can't figure out why. So I thought I'd try to clear it up. Here's why Leaf fans are mad.

Mats Sundin spent 14 years in Toronto. During that time, he was the third highest paid player in the entire NHL behind only Jagr and Sakic. We can save the argument about whether he was worth the money for another time (spoiler alert: he wasn't). But there's no disputing that the Leafs treated him well. In the past few months we've often heard about how Mats wasn't worried about money. I'd hope not. He had plenty of ours.

At the end of those 14 years, with the John Ferguson era roster a complete mess, the Leafs desperately needed to rebuild. They worked on various trades to send Mats to a Cup contender. He had a no-trade clause, and they asked him to waive it. Depending on who you listen to, they may have begged him to waive it.

Yes, he had every right to say no. Everyone acknowledges that his contract gave him that power. Not one single fan has ever argued that Sundin didn't have the right to do what he did. This is about more than a contract.

After 14 years, lots of people felt that Sundin didn't owe the Leafs anything. And apparently, Mats was one of them.

The deadline was a bad day for Leaf fans. But if Sundin had stayed, he'd have been forgiven. If he'd re-signed, he'd be a hero. If he'd retired, he would have understood.

But he didn't. He told us he never wanted to play anywhere else. He fed us a story about "the full journey". Then, almost immediately, he started eyeing the door.

His "no rental" reasoning was ridiculous at the time, a transparent creation of some PR flack. Despite his assurances about wanting to finish his career in Toronto, whispers quickly went around that Mats was sulking, upset at the idea that the Leafs would even think about dealing him. At the end of the year, when it was time for his annual disappearing act back to Sweden, it already felt like we'd seen the last of him.

Once it was clear that he wasn't coming back (and it's been obvious for months now), the damage was done. Everything that came after -- his embarassing indecisiveness, his refusal to address the media, his eventual re-emergence to shill for a gambling web site, and even his flip-flopping over the past few weeks -- didn't really matter to us. He's probably damaged his reputation with fans around the rest of the NHL, but Toronto fans are just glad it's over.

Will we forgive him eventually? Yes, of course, almost all of us will. Mats Sundin spent 14 great years in Toronto. He was a great player, a strong leader, and a class act. The fact that he spent his final months as a Maple Leaf acting like just another spoiled diva athlete will tarnish that legacy, but not destroy it.

But here's the bottom line: Mats Sundin torpedoed the Leafs best chance at a return to respectability because he swore he wanted to stay, and then it turned out he didn't. And after 14 years, he couldn't even be bothered to look us in the eye and tell us the truth, back then or in the months since.

Maybe he'll get around to it eventually. But let's just say some of us aren't holding our breath.

Mats Sundin vs. Brett Favre: One is worse

As the Mats Sundin watch appears to near an end (update: or maybe not) after four agonizing months, the (apparently former) Leafs captain finds himself with some company. After perfecting the art of playing the extended game of will-he-won't-he spotlight grabbing, Sundin is suddenly being upstaged by the NFL's Brett Favre.

The similiarities between Sundin and Favre are numerous:

• Both guys are icons in their cities, arguably the best player their team has ever had, and heroes to thousands. Both are respected by fellow players, the media, and even by fans of other teams.
  
  
• Both guys have spent the summer playing a game of "should I stay or should I go" that's essentially handcuffed their current teams attempt's to build for the future.
  
  
• Both guys have at least hinted that at least part of the problem is that their teams didn't make them feel wanted enough -- Favre because the Packers didn't try harder to talk him out of retiring, and Sundin because the Leafs considered trading him at the deadline.
  
  
• Both guys have previously claimed that they would never want to play anywhere else, claims that have turned out not to be true. In fact, both guys have even been eyeing spots with their current team's biggest rival, moves that could only be described as betrayal.
  

But despite the similarities, the cases are not identical. And on the blame scale, they're not equal. In fact, one guy's act is far worse than the other's.

Brett Favre is behaving worse than Mats Sundin.

Here's why:

• Sundin never committed to anything, at least on paper. You could argue that Sundin owed the Leafs and their fans much better treatment than he's given him (and I've argued that several times). His refusal to waive his no-trade clause, followed by his (apparent) willingness to sign with the highest bidder, have been frustrating and have tarnished his legacy.
  
  But Sundin hasn't done anything he didn't have the right to do, and he never made a firm commitment to the Leafs that he'd do otherwise. Favre, on the other hand, did make a written commitment to the Packers when he filed his retirement papers. He wants to go back on that now, and that makes his situation a different ballgame from Sundin.
  
  
• Sundin isn't playing the PR game. While Sundin's silence over the months has been maddening, its certainly been preferably to Favre's recent PR blitz that saw him doing whiny interviews with Greta Van Susteren of all people. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt, right Brett?
  
  
• Favre's act is impacting a Packers team that came within an overtime loss of the Super Bowl last year, and who are following a long-planned rebuilding blueprint around young QB Aaron Rodgers. In short, the Packers have a good thing going and Favre seems to want to make as big a mess as he can until he gets his way. Sundin is leaving behind a situation in Toronto that could best be described as depressing, and could be called a complete disaster.
  
  True, the Leafs would be in better shape if Sundin had just waived in the first place, and it could also be argued that the Canucks aren't much better. But Packer fans may end up pointing to the Favre fiasco as one that derailed a championship contender. Leafs fans, um, won't.

A final observation: while the hockey media loves to praise Sundin and has taken every opportunity to point out how unfair Leaf fans like me have been treating him, we can't hold a candle to how many NFL fans are carving up Favre right now. He certainly has his supporters, but the majority of fans and media are lining up to take their shots right now. Sundin gets the occasional wrist slaps from blogs like mine; Favre gets treatment like this and this and this.

If any good comes out of this mess, maybe we'll finally see the death of the myth of Tornto being such a tough place to play. Brett Favre wishes he had it so bad.

Going under cover

Sports Illustrated recently launched an online feature called the Archive, which allows you to search for any player or team and browse through all of SI's articles, photos and videos. It's addictive stuff. And you can learn a lot.

For example: Did you know that the Toronto Maple Leafs have never been on the cover of Sports Illustrated?

According to their archive, no Leaf has ever made the cover -- not even in the background of another hockey photo. That seems odd, although you have to consider that SI's hockey coverage peaked in the 70s and 80s, and the Leafs weren't exactly... um... newsworthy back then. Still, the Leafs have apparently shown up in over 550 SI articles over the years, so it's a little strange that they never even managed a cameo on the cover.

All of which begs the question: if there's an SI cover curse, how bad would the Leafs be if they had ever been on one? Not to worry. Considering the current state of the team, and the current almost complete lack of hockey coverage in Sports Illustrated, I wouldn't expect any cover appearances any time soon.

What about the other Canadian teams?

Montreal Canadiens - Thirteen covers. The team made frequent appearances in the 60s and 70s, but since then have only been on twice -- once each for their Cup wins in 1986 and 1993.

Edmonton Oilers - Ten covers. For some reason this surprised me -- I would have expected more, since SI had a lot of hockey coverage in the 80s. Needless to say, all but one of the covers feature Gretzky and the appearances end in 1989. Another surprise: Gretzky made only one cover appearance as a King, and two more as a Ranger.

Ottawa Senators - No covers.

Vancouver Canucks - Two covers, but in both cases a Canuck is only shown in the background of a cover that focuses on the New York Rangers.

Calgary Flames - Two covers. One featuring Jarome Iginla's face along with a few dozen others on a "Minorities in Sports" feature, and another with an unindentified Flames being run over by Tomas Sandstrong of the Kings. Oddly enough, there is a cover featuring Jim Craig of the Atlanta Flames.

Neither the Jets or Nordiques ever made an appearance.

For whatever it's worth, the Toronto Blue Jays have made the cover eight times, including three weeks in a two in 1992 and this sweet shot of Shaker Mo rounding third at the Ex.

(Note: The SI Archive doesn't seem to be 100% reliable, and they're not completely consistent with how they tag each cover. For example, I found two old Wayne Gretzky covers that showed up under his name but not in a search for the Oilers. So please forgive any errors above.)

Jim Hughson has a flight to catch

In the long and growing list of recent NHL trends that annoy fans, I think we need to find a place for "NHL play-by-play announcers who feel the need to act high-and-mighty when fights break out".

The most recent example is from the normally excellent Jim Hughson during Saturday's Oilers/Canucks game:



Some money quotes include:

- a disgusted "Oh, we've got more of this off the faceoff?". It wasn't quite Joe Buck-level faux outrage, but it was close.

- "They really should have just run the clock". Yes Jim, great idea, actually, if it weren't for that stupid thing... what's it called... oh yes, "the rulebook". That thing always gets in the way.

- "All this other extracurricular stuff and nonsense at the end aside...". This came right at the end, and a good thing too. I was worried that Hughson was going to violate the broadcasting code that makes at least one use of the word "nonsense" mandatory everytime an exciting brawl breaks out.

There may have been more, but I had trouble hearing Hughson's musings about how disappointing and unwanted the whole thing was, what with all that wild and enthusiastic cheering from the fans.

Serious question: Do NHL broadcasters really not understand that most fans love this stuff? Has it been so long since they've paid to see a hockey game that they've forgotten (or no longer care) what the average fan is interested in? Or do they know perfectly well what their audience likes, but feel the need to pointlessly grandstand anyways?

Ah well... Hughson probably had several thousand fans throwing their remotes at their TVs in an effort to shut him up. But he'll make Chris Zelkovich feel all tingly, and I guess that counts for something.