In this week's episode of Biscuits, the Vice Sports hockey podcast:
- The Larsen/Hall hit, and the inconceivably dumb fight that followed
- Dave and I disagree on fights after clean hits
- The Kirs Russell chapter of the analytics debate, and why it's different from the rest
- The Vegas Golden Knights logo trademark fiasco
- Read questions
- And lots more
>> Stream it now on Vice Sports
>> Or, subscribe on iTunes.
In the Friday Grab Bag:
- On the almost ridiculously stupid reaction to the Philip Larsen hit
- A small rant on GMs who won't ask players to waive NTCs
- An obscure player with an anniversary coming up this weekend
- The week's three comedy stars, all of which are children
- And a classic YouTube clip featuring Bryan Trottier and a live mic
The NHL’s annual All-Star fantasy draft is the undisputed highlight of the NHL’s All-Star weekend, in the same way that reading magazines in the waiting room is the undisputed highlight of a colonoscopy.
After last year’s generally well-received debut of the concept, this year’s draft takes place Thursday night in Ottawa. This time around, the captains are Daniel Alfredsson of the Senators and Zdeno Chara of the Bruins, and they’ll alternate picks as they divide up the 42 players who were picked for the game in a 19-round draft.
The league has also named an assistant captain for each squad. Alfredsson gets Ranger goalie Henrik Lundqvist because he’s an elite player from a first-place team who is recognized worldwide. Chara gets Joffrey Lupul because apparently everyone else said no.
The assistants will presumably help the captains with their picks, though that might not be necessary. Both captains are known for being eminently knowledgeable and meticulously prepared, so it’s not like either of them would ever get blindsided.
What can fans expect? Here’s my best guess as to how it could all play out.
• Read the full preview at Grantland.com.
As long time readers know, I believe that the All Heart video is perhaps the ultimate artistic achievement humanity has ever produced. Last year, it made my list of the top Wendel Clark moments of all time. And in that post, I promised that some day I'd do a frame-by-frame breakdown of the entire video. Some day.
Almost a full year later, some day is here.
Thanks to a copy of the original video file, the power of Google, and a tireless work ethic, I've managed to source every clip in the entire video. Oh, I also had a detailed set of production notes from the video's creator. That part helped too.
So grab a cup of coffee or a cold pop and settle in, because we're going to be here a while. Ladies and gentlemen, the definitive guide to the greatest thing on the internet.
So by now you've no doubt heard about the NHL's latest scandal.
On Friday night, during the most important game in recent league history, Detroit Red Wings fans actually cheered when Penguins' captain Sidney Crosby suffered a knee injury in the second period.
For that sin, Wings fans are taking heat today from the media, blogs, and just about everywhere else.
They stand accused of the one apparently unforgivable sin among hockey fans these days: not being "classy".
Yes, it's time to break out the top hats and monocles. Because while the NHL can forgive fans for being fickle, apathetic, and even just plain non-existent, the one thing we simply can not tolerate is a lack of class.
What happened to us?
Years ago, Ranger fans would throw sugar packets at Bobby Clarke because he was diabetic. But today, fans are expected to treat NHL contest like a peewee house league game: lots of encouragement, hearty cheers for trying hard, and all the players get taken out for ice cream at the end of the game.
Wings fans are only the latest ones to be branded with the scarlet "C". Remember when Leafs fans were classless for cheering when Mark Bell crushed Daniel Alfredsson? Apparently any injury must be met with bowed heads, reverent silence, and perhaps some ceremonial candle lighting.
This should be the rule when it comes to injuries: Unless the player is laying motionless or squirting blood into the stands or otherwise showing sign of a career-threatening injury (i.e. the Michael Irvin Exception), there's nothing wrong with cheering a big hit. Nobody likes to see an injury, but hockey is a contact sport and a few bumps and bruises are part of the deal.
But what about Crosby? "When somebody's injured, I don't think that's something to cheer about," Crosby told reporters. Shouldn't Wings fans have taken his feelings into account?
Please. A 21-year-old multi-millionaire tweaks his knee, and some laid off auto-worker in the stands is supposed to worry about making him feel bad?
The bottom line is that Crosby's injury made it more likely that the Wings would win the game -- which, as you may recall, was game seven of the Stanley Cup finals. Does anybody really expect Wings fans to be upset when Pittsburgh's best player leaves the game?
Of course not. Because after all, this isn't about the fans actually doing anything wrong.
It's about the hockey world's most annoying new trend: fake outrage. And it doesn't take much these days to get hockey fans up on their soap boxes.
Every bad call is a conspiracy. Every bloodied nose should be a suspension. And if any crowd makes the slightest bit of noise in support of someone other than your personal favorite team, go online and start calling them classless.
Mike Milbury made headlines this year when he talked about the "pansification" of hockey. Maybe he should have been talking about the fans.
So enough with talk of being "classy". It's become a cliche. We need a one-year moratorium on the term. If you really feel the need to take aim at another team's fanbase, at least work in the tiniest shred of originality.
And besides, all these fans whimpering about "class" should be careful what they wish for.
After all, do you know which fans are indisputably classy? The ones in the lower bowl of the ACC in Toronto. Those fine folks can always be counted on to applaud politely, never raises their voices, and drink their mineral water with their pinky fingers extended.
Yep, they're classy through and through. They're also the worst fans in the entire league, an absolute embarrassment to real hockey fans everywhere.
And it will be a sad day if Detroit fans ever start taking lessons from them.
The debate over Alex Ovechkin's "too hot to handle" 50th goal celebration rages on. Harmless fun? Contrived nonsense? Great marketing? A blight on the game?
Lost in the all the debate was the fact that, as far as pre-planned celebrations go, this one was kind of lame. Pretending that a hockey stick was hot? Let's just say Terrell Owens probably isn't losing any sleep.
No, he didn't have much to work with. But even with little more than a hockey stick at his disposal, the most creative player in the league should have been able to come up with something better.
So, with the Capitals in town to face the Leafs on Tuesday, I humbly offer Alex a few suggestions. Here are some stick-based celebrations, inspired by his fellow NHL personalities, that I hope to see Ovechkin use the next time he scores a big goal.
The "Sidney Crosby" - Place stick on ice. Skate towards it. Once within a few feet, dramatically hurl self into the air even though stick never touched you. Watch with satisfaction as stick is given a double minor.
The "Jason Spezza" - File blade of stick down to an illegally small tip, then use that blade to make spectacularly creative drop passes to opposing team for game-losing goal. Giggle girlishly upon learning that coach has been fired.
The "Eklund" - Copy a celebration you saw on TSN and pass it off as your own.
The "Teemu Selanne" - Hold stick like a rifle, throw glove into the air, and pretend to shoot at it until it crashes lifelessly to the ground.
The "Wade Redden" - Hold stick like a rifle, throw New York Rangers salary cap situation for the next six years into the air, and pretend to shoot at it until it crashes lifelessly to the ground. Then pee on it.
The "Damien Cox" - Come up with two, maybe three different celebrations. Recycle them endlessly, changing only minor details, for several years. Wonder why nobody takes you seriously anymore.
The "Marian Hossa" - Swing stick wildly in the air, then place novelty fake eyeball on the end of the blade. Watch as the Ottawa Sun sports department refuses to acknowledge that your celebration ever happened.
The "Derek Boogaard" - Look at stick with confusion, trying to figure out which end is supposed to go on the ice and what exactly you're supposed to do with it.
The "John Tavares" - Pull out a newspaper and read the bottom of the NHL standings. Repeatedly smash stick into own temple.
The "Martin St. Louis" - Hold stick vertically over head. Standing on tippy-toes, unsuccessfully attempt to touch crossbar.
The "Daniel Alfredsson" - Break stick, then hilariously pretend to throw it into crowd. Once laughter has subsided, smile knowingly, wink at fans, then get crushed by Mark Bell so badly that you end up twitching on the ice, coughing up a misty cloud made from the powdery dust that was once your sternum.
The "Carey Price" - Use stick to swat large beach ball into net.
The "Mats Sundin" - Paint the logos of all thirty NHL teams in a circle on the ice. Place stick in the middle and twirl it, spin-the-bottle-style. Allow stick to continue spinning until everyone else completely loses interest.
The "Down Goes Brown" - Make the observation that Mats Sundin is indecisive. Use stick to beat this joke into the ground for months on end.
The "Gary Bettman" - Douse stick in gasoline and light match. As fire roars uncontrollably, fiddle.
The "Dion Phaneuf" - Pick up somebody else's stick after they've already finished using it.
April 3 - In an otherwise meaningless late-season game, Mark Bell destroys Daniel Alfredsson with an open ice hit. While nobody likes to see a grown man writhing on the ground in agony, the Ottawa Sun's Bruce Garrioch does eventually regain his composure and return to his seat.
Remember when Mark Bell laid out Daniel Alfredsson, and Sens fans went on and on and on and on and on for days about how Leaf fans were "classless" for cheering?
Apparently, we now have a rule of thumb:
Wait, why is the goalie wearing blue too?
It's getting closer, closer... hey, what does that horn mean?
"What the hell, go ahead and take most of October and November off too."
One last Senators post, before we return to the quality Maple Leafs coverage you've come to expect (i.e. wah wah, the Leafs suck, abandon all hope, etc.)
Despite what you might expect, I'm not here to shovel more spiteful dirt on the Senators' grave. Yes, they've embarrassed themselves again. Yes, it seems like this will finally be the collapse that spells the end of this version of the team. Forgive me, though, if I have a hard time getting too worked up about one team's failure when my own is in shambles.
If anything, I find the Senators meltdown fascinating. Over the past few years, the team was both a bulldozing powerhouse and an ultra-fragile trainwreck-in-waiting -- often both at the same time. While the Maple Leafs were seemingly doomed to years of bitter failure the moment JFJ frowned his way through his first press conference, the Senators recent history has been filled with key moments that could have changed their path.
Here's a look at seven intriguing "What If?" scenarios from recent Senator history. Change the outcomes on a few of these, and where would this team be now?
What if: The Senators land Marion Hossa at the deadline?
Bryan Murray had been harshly critical of John Muckler's inability to land a big name at the deadline. When he took over the GM reigns in 2007/8, he wasn't shy about letting everyone know he was looking to make a major move, and his top target was former-Senator Marion Hossa. As the deadline approached, the Hossa sweepstakes seemed to have come down to the Sens and Habs. But on deadline day, it was the Penguins who snuck in and nabbed him, paying a ransom in the process.
Would the addition of Hossa have prevented the Senators' meltdown? Would he have provided the secondary scoring that Ottawa so desperately needed as the season ticked away? He wouldn't have hurt, although we'll probably never know how high the price tag would have been.
Hossa wound up playing a role in the Pens dismantling of Ottawa, although the series was so lopsided that it's doubtful he would have tipped the balance by switching sides.
What if: Wade Redden waives his no-trade clause?
In the weeks leading up to the deadline, word got out that Murray had approached Redden about waiving his no-trade clause, apparently for a deal to the Sharks. Redden refused, and once the story was leaked (apparently by a Redden family member) the spotlight on the former fan favorite intensified.
The biggest impact of this non-deal may end up being felt in San Jose. Instead of acquiring Redden, the Sharks pulled the trigger on a deal for Brian Campbell. He had an instant impact, and seems like a great fit.
What if: Daniel Alfredsson sees Mark Bell coming?
Bell's blind-side desecration of Alfredsson was a signature moment in a season full of bad memories for Sens fans. The hit knocked Alfredsson out of the first two games of the playoffs, and he was far from healthy when he did take the ice, contributing little.
However, Alfredsson had been playing hurt for most of the season. His back and hip problems were a recurring story, and he rarely seemed to be 100% during the season's second half. There's no doubt he would have had an impact on the Penguins series if he'd been able to play each game, but realistically it's unlikely he would have made a difference in the final outcome.
What if: John Muckler wins the power struggle with Bryan Murray?
Muckler's track record as Ottawa GM was spotty at best. He made the best of a bad situation with the Heatley/Hossa deal, but his free agent signings were iffy and his trade deadline moves were disastrous. But if he had managed to stay on as GM and push Murray out, it's unlikely ha would have picked Paddock as coach. Who would he have chosen, and it would it have mattered? We'll never know.
Remember too that Gerber was a Muckler signing. If he was still running the show, would he have signed Emery to the sort of big money deal Murray was willing to offer? And would he have been as forgiving of Emery's petulance?
What if: Ray Emery never hurts his wrist leading up to the 2007 playoffs?
Emery's sore wrist set off a chain of events that helped derail the 07-08 campaign. While the injury wasn't considered serious, his recovery from off-season surgery caused him to miss the opening of training camp. That gave Martin Gerber a chance to win the starter's job, which in turn started Emery's season-long sulking routine that eventually fractured the dressing room and cost John Paddock his job.
If Emery is healthy at the start of the season, he likely keeps the starter's job to start the season. If that leads to him behaving himself, team chemistry looks a lot different.
What if: Muckler pulls the trigger for Gary Roberts?
Of everything on the list, this is the one that will haunt Sens fans for a long time. At the 2007 deadline, Senators owner Eugene Melnyk apparently instructed Muckler to get Roberts. But Muckler felt that Jacques Martin's asking price (believed to be Patrick Eaves) was too high, and Roberts went to the Penguins instead.
(Later, we heard rumors that Martin was just toying with the Senators and had no intention of trading Roberts to the team that fired him. It's a nice story and it gets Muckler off the hook, but its never been confirmed by anyone in the know. Would Martin really have taken a substandard offer just to annoy Muckler? Doubtful.)
Roberts didn't have much impact in the 2007 Sens/Pens matchup, and aside from game one he didn't do much in the 2008 series either. He was injured for most of the past season and didn't exactly light up the scoreboard when he did play.
But many observers argue that the Senators have never had a heart-and-soul veteran like Roberts. If Roberts had become a Senator in 2007, would he have been able to prevent the dressing room problems of this year? Could he have helped mould Spezza and Heatley into playoff performers, instead of regular season warriors?
What if: They kept Chara instead of Redden?
Despite a half-hearted effort to keep the big Slovak, the Senators clearly felt that they had to choose between their two all-star defencemen at the end of the 2006 season. They chose Redden, largely based on performance but at least partly based on his popularity in the community. Since then, Redden's game has steadily deteriorated to the point that Sens fans aren't shedding any tears over his imminent departure.
Chara received a huge payday and had an uneven first season in Boston, but has been excellent this year. Even factoring in salaries, there seems to be little argument over who's the better defenceman right now. With Redden about to walk away for nothing, it's hard to view this decision as anything but a disaster.
What if: Dominik Hasek doesn't go to the Olympics?
Hasek's 2005-6 campaign in Ottawa has been largely forgotten. That year's Senators were a regular season powerhouse, but their playoff run ended quickly at the hands of the Sabres. Hasek watched from sidelines, thanks to an abductor injury suffered in Turin.
If Hasek never gets hurts, do the Senators beat Buffalo in 2006? Not necessarily, although Ray Emery's meltdown in game one of that series seemed to be the turning point.
But beyond that, a healthy Hasek likely would have earned at least one more season in Ottawa rather than being cut loose and heading to Detroit. It's not hard to imagine that he could still be the Sens' goalie today.
With Hasek in place, the Senators don't need to hand Martin Gerber a big free agent deal. What's more, Emery probably never gets his shot at the starter's job, the big contract and everything that came with that.
Do the Sens still go the Finals last year with Hasek in net instead of Emery? Do they win? How different does the team look this year with a Hasek/Brian Elliot goalie tandem instead of Gerber/Emery?
I'd love to hear your thoughts -- especially from all my new Senator fan friends who enjoyed my Sens Traditions article so much.
As some readers know, I'm based in Ottawa. So when something interesting happens between the Leafs and Senators, I feel uniquely qualified to offers some perspective.
First things first: I actually like Daniel Alfredsson. I think he gets a bad rap from Leaf fans. He's a great player and a hard worker, he generally plays clean, and the fact that he's been booed by Leaf fans ever since his fake stick-throw has always seemed silly to me. While guys like Spezza and Heatley float their way through most games, Alfredsson gives an honest effort every night.
It's no big secret that Alfredsson has been playing hurt during the second half with hip and back problems, and that's been the biggest non-goaltending reason the Senators' collapse. If he's ruled out for the first round, the Sens are screwed. The Leafs said they wanted to eliminate the Senators from playoff contention last night, and they may have done it.
So as you'd expect, Ottawa fans have already gathered the torches and pitchforks. Government sub-committees are being formed to examine the problem. Cars around town have their ridiculous Senators window flags lowered to half-mast. And Sens fans want somebody to pay.
And this puts them right in their comfort zone. Sens fans may not be especially loud, and they may still rely on the scoreboard and PA announcer to tell them when to cheer. But when it comes to demanding suspensions Ottawa fans are the best in the league by a longshot.
Sens fans have yet to see any incident involving one of their own players going down that did not warrant a swift and serious suspension. Even those most innocent scrum -- recall Tie Domi's facewash on Magnus Arvedson -- deserves immediate action from the league. Sens fans will light up the radio call-in lines for days, write mouth-frothing blog posts, and hold midnight candlelight vigils until justice is done.
Never mind that Mark Bell's hit was virtually identical to Chris Neil's hit on Chris Drury last year, which Sens fans swore was squeaky clean. This is completely different, because this time it's their guy who's down. (And besides, Bell's hit didn't give Alfredsson any time to react. Neil's hit was clean because he was nice enough to wait an extra few seconds.)
As Toronto fans, I don't think we should take any special joy in Alfredsson's injury. Whether he misses one game or one month, it won't change the fact that the Maple Leafs' season was another embarrassing writeoff. Seeing a rival team's fanbase feel as miserable and hopeless as we do shouldn't bring much comfort.
We should be looking for a way to cheer up Ottawa fans.
So here's my proposal: Let's tell Ottawa fans that Mark Bell has been sentenced to six months in jail for hitting Daniel Alfredsson.
Think about it. Sens fans don't really follow the day-to-day news for other teams, so I think we can get away with this. Tell any Senator you know that Bell is heading to the slammer to pay for his crimes. Solemnly tell them that you sincerely hope he will learn the error of his ways.
When TSN runs a story on Bell reporting to prison in a few weeks, Ottawa fans will nod happily (although a few will insist he should have got a year). Then they'll go back to shovelling their roof and trying to figure out which pothole their car fell into.
Everybody wins. Leaf Nation, let's make it happen.
I've been thinking about this topic for a few days, but after watching Ponikarovsky get pummeled tonight while his teammates stood around pretending not to notice, I think it's now a legitimate question: are the Leafs the softest team in the entire NHL right now?
A quick check over a hockeyfights.com shows that the Leafs have had only 21 fighting majors this year, ranking 28th out of 30 teams.
It gets worse. That pathetic number is actually grossly inflated as far as the current lineup goes, since the players responsible for most of those fights are no longer with the team. Between the trades of Belak (six) and Gill (two), the injury to Bell (four) and the demotions of Battaglia and Ondrus (one each), the current Leafs lineup has only managed seven fighting majors on the year.
I'll pause here so you can read that last sentence again.
It gets worse. Those seven fights have come from Darcy Tucker, Kris Newbury, Matt Stajan and Bryan McCabe. So the only players in the lineup tonight to have dropped their gloves all year are two guys who are 5'10 on their tippy toes, one guy who had never fought before in his life, and a guy who can't remember which net to shoot at in overtime.
Of course, fighting isn't the only measure of team toughness (although it's a pretty good one, right Ducks fans?). But in the case of the Leafs, I don't think the fighting totals are some sort of aberration or fluke. This is just an easy team to play against these days, almost ridiculously easy to push around and completely incapable of even the slightest intimidation.
This isn't a new development -- remember last year's pathetic display in New Jersey, as the entire team watched their best player get scraped off the ice after a dirty hit from a no-talent thug and did exactly nothing about it? This team was soft at the start of the year, and the recent moves have only made the situation worse.
It wasn't always this way. Ever since the excellent Kordic for Courtnall deal, the Leafs have ranged from adequately tough to downright nasty for almost two decades, culminating in the 2002-4 era squad that would occasionally jump into opponent's benches or try to kick guys in the head during fights. Or, as we call it in Toronto, "the glory years".
Am I overstating the case? I don't think so, but I wanted to be fair about it. So let's take a look at the current squad, player by player. And there's only one fair way to do that -- with a completely arbitrary Toughness Scale™ that I just invented right now.
Level 1 - That guy looked at me funny, I better shut it down for the rest of the game just in case.
Tomas Kaberle - Probably the only Leaf on Level 1 who has the talent to justify it.
Johnny Pohl - Not likely to stick with the team after this year, but based on his name he could have a promising career in porn.
Anton Stralman - The rookie may still be finding his comfort zone, but so far he hasn’t shown much in this department.
Jiri Tlusty - Certainly has potential, but so far has been disappointingly soft. Was that a naked photo joke? You be the judge.
Kyle Wellwood - I’m flattering him with this ranking.
Ian White - That’s three of our six defencemen at level one, for those keeping track. I can’t imagine why this team doesn’t play well in its own zone.
Level 2 - All things considered I’d really rather stay here on the perimeter, thanks
Jason Blake - Wasn’t he supposed to be an “agitator”? Was that supposed to refer to the other team, or just Leaf fans?
Boyd Devereaux - Pro: He’s on the checking line. Con: May have the wimpiest name in Leaf history.
Dominic Moore - I haven’t seen much of him, to be honest. But he plays on the checking line, so he must have some sandpaper. Also gets extra room because players are afraid that if they hit him, he’ll get the family lawyer to sue them for millions.
Matt Stajan - This may be stretching it. But at least he was the one Leaf who looked mad during the 8-0 Panther game, so that’s something.
Alexander Steen - Much like his offensive contributions, the gritty side of his game shows up about once every two weeks and then goes back into hibernation. Still, anyone who can stagger Chara with a hit gets to stay clear of level one.
Jeremy Williams - To be honest, I couldn’t tell you how tough he is because Maurice only gives him ice time during Wellwood’s gravy-chug breaks.
Level 3 - Not looking to start anything, but won’t run and hide
Nik Antropov - He’s big, and just a little bit crazy. Almost never fights and is disturbingly injury prone, but he gets points for being just about the only player on the entire team who seems to be aware that the NHL got rid of the “in the crease” rule.
Carlo Colaiacovo - Is one of the league’s under-rated open ice hitters. Several times a year he’ll spot someone with their head down, launch himself at them, lay them out, and then spend a month of the injured list recovering. That still gives him enough time to land six or seven hits a year, which has him vying for the team lead.
Pavel Kubina - Not a fighter, but has an occasional mean streak that will serve him well in Columbus or Edmonton or whatever level of hell Fletcher can dispatch him to.
Bryan McCabe - Total NHL fights before signing $28M contract - 58. Total fights after signing $28M contract - 2. Just sayin'.
Alex Ponikarovsky - I’m probably overrating him, but he does seem to have a touch of that Danny Markov-style "could snap at any time" edge to him. Don’t forget, this guy once went toe-to-toe with Rob Ray. Yes, he lost the fight, ending the Leafs 14-year streak of victories over Rob Ray, but he still gets some points from this corner.
Mats Sundin - He doesn’t change his game one bit when the going gets tough. He’s probably a little soft for someone his size, but reasonably tough for someone of his skill level. Rumor is he’d like to fight, but his gloves stubbornly refuse to waive their no-drop clause.
Level 4 - Not afraid to go looking for trouble
Mark Bell - Prior to his injury, showed that he was definitely willing to get his nose dirty – usually with his own blood and fragments of his orbital bone. May be pound-for-pound the worst fighter in the league not named Hal Gill, but at least he looked interested when the temperature went up.
Kris Newbury - He’s ready and willing. The jury is still out on the “able” part, though. I like this kid, but let’s put it this way–you’re never going to see a game where the opponent's tough guy throws a few big hits, and the camera pans dramatically over to Kris Newbury snarling on the bench.
Darcy Tucker - He seems to have permanently buried the Sideshow Bob persona, but will still throw his weight around. Unfortunately, that ends up being about 165 lbs. Will still drop the mitts, though, even when he knows he’s taking one for the team. At least a 20% chance he snaps this year, tries to fight a legitmate heavyweight and is killed, which will have interesting salary cap implications.
Level 5 - Genuinely intimidating
Um...
(Crickets chirping)
(Tumblewed blows by.)
So what do you think? Have I been too harsh? Too easy on them? Is this in fact the softest team in the entire NHL?
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The Athletic Hockey Show runs four days a week during the season, and will feature me with Other Sean Gentille on Wednesdays.
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