Ten new events to save the all-star skills competition

When it was Phaneuf's turn, the
targets were hung in the rafters.

While the NHL All-Star weekend has its share of critics, you have to give the league credit for being willing to shake things up. With a brand new fantasy team format highlighted by tonight's schoolyard draft, the league is at least trying to improve on an admittedly stale format.

But have they gone far enough? After all, while the draft may be unique that same creativity hasn't extended to the rest of the weekend. The game itself will be standard all-star fare, and even the skills competition will rely largely on old standbys like accuracy shooting and fastest skater races.

It doesn't have to be that way. The league has an opportunity to really embrace change, and they should take advantage by introducing brand new events to Saturday's skills competition that would really connect with the modern NHL audience.

It's not too late. Here are ten suggestions for new events that the league should move quickly to implement in time for tomorrow night's competition.

Respect The Game - As all the others players enthusiastically hoot, holler and high five each other in reaction to the various events, P.K. Subban curls up in the fetal position and tries desperately to avoid cracking a facial expression. Special celebrity judge: Mike Richards.

Fashion Cents - Fans from around the league will attempt to sprint to the gift shop, find their favourite team's jersey, spend their entire paycheque on it, and then actually put it on and wear it for a few seconds before the team announces that it's replacing it with yet another new design.

Lame Duck - Cory Clouston delivers a fiery motivational speech to members of the Ottawa Senators, who compete to see who can go the longest without rolling their eyes and tuning him out completely. (Note to organizers: this event will require a timer that can measure thousandths of a second.)

Staged Outrage - Two enforcers drop the gloves at center ice immediately after a faceoff, at which point every member of the assembled media scrambles to make the exact same overwrought "staged fights must go" argument. Bonus points will be awarded for volume, repetitiveness, and having your entire column filed before all four gloves have even touched the ice.

What Time Is It, Mr. Snow? - Various KHL stars attempt to sneak up and sign the NHL contract lying at center ice, until Garth Snow appears and they all scatter like rats.

Explaining the Unexplainable - Players try to determine why there should be a minor penalty for delaying the game by shooting the puck into the stands, but not for delaying the game by shooting the puck all the way down the rink for icing even though that takes longer. Anyone player who succeeds will move on to a bonus round called "And what's that trapezoid thing behind the net supposed to accomplish, anyway?"

I'm An Insider, Really! -- A selection of anonymous bloggers are given 30 seconds to randomly point to as many players as possible and claim that they're all being traded for each other according to top secret sources. In the second half of the event, exactly none of those trades happen.

Tie Game In The Third Period - Based on an exciting feature of regular season NHL games, two teams of five will work together to turn a close contest into a three-point game by ensuring that they make it to overtime without a goal being scored. Any player who crosses the opponent's blue line with control of the puck will immediately be benched and replaced with someone who'll dump it in and stay in the neutral zone.

Hey, Why Am I Bleeding? - Various finesse players who have never been in an fight before compete to see who can land the most gloved punches on Tim Gleason before having it occur to them that that's probably a really bad idea.

Head Shot Roulette - A randomly selected player is handed the full text of the NHL's rule 48.1 and is given 30 seconds to attempt to figure out which head shots are actually legal and which are not. As he's thinking, another player sneaks up behind him and hits him over the head with a shovel, at which point everyone laughs and uploads the clip the YouTube.

Twelve factors behind the Leafs' sudden turnaround

Don't look now, but the rebuilt Toronto Maple Leafs are one of the hottest teams in the NHL since the Olympic break. The team has won six of their last seven, and seems to showing significant signs of hope after an otherwise awful season.

Why? What's changed? How can a team that's already bad trade away almost all of their veterans and suddenly emerge as a world beater?

I spent the weekend breaking down the video tape of the team's recent games, I've come to the conclusion that what we're seeing is actually the result of a combination of factors. Below are the twelves recent changes that I think have been the most important to the Leafs stunning turnaround.

• Ron Wilson wisely ensured that Phil Kessel would be well-rested for the stretch run by ordering him to do absolutely nothing during the Olympics.
  
  
• The team has responded well to newcomer Dion Phaneuf's legendarily inspiring pre-game motivational rock-bangings.
  
  
• Since trading Vesa Toskala, the team's save percentage has improved to 1.000 on shots taken from behind the opponent's goal line.
  
  
• After extensive research, the coaching staff discovered a loophole in NHL rulebook that allows a shorthanded team to shoot the puck all the way down ice without being called for icing. Did you know about that? Dude, it changes everything!
  
  
• Tyler Bozak woke up one morning and decided to start being ridiculously good.
  
  
• The absence of Lee Stempniak has created an opportunity for younger players to step into the role of a fourth-liner who contributes absolutely nothing.
  
  
• Nikolai Kulemin has embraced the opportunity to spend time on the first line, kill penalties, and play during key defensive situations, experience that will prove invaluable when he's in the KHL next year.
  
  
• Tomas Kaberle's steadfast refusal to waive his NTC and continued insistence that he wants to win a championship in Toronto has become an inspiration to the team's young players to win now, since they now realize that even a few seasons of NHL hockey can be enough to cause early onset of dementia.
  
  
• Not completely sure, but there's an outside chance that facing second and third-string goalies every night has something to do with it.
  
  
• Goaltending coach Francois Allaire has worked hard with Jonas Gustavsson to correct the flaws in his game, such as overcommitting on cross-ice passes, losing track of rebounds, and letting his heart explode in the middle of key games.
  
  
• After almost five years, finally got around to practicing this shootout thing.
  
  
• The team's veterans are motivated by the knowledge that if they play poorly enough, Brian Burke won't hesitate to demote them to the team's AHL affiliate in Calgary.

10 Random Predictions: How am I doing?

We're officially two months and one-third of the way into the 2008-09 season. Those two milestones, combined with my inability to think of anything interesting to write about this week, seem like an excellent opportunity to look back on some pre-season predictions.

So let's travel back to my 10 Random Leafs predictions, as posted on Pension Plan Puppets. These were posted on October 8, one day before the Leafs opened their regular season.

Do I actually know what I'm talking about when looking ahead to the future instead of back to 1993? Let's see how I did.

Ryan Hollweg will end a 17-year streak of Leaf fans loving their enforcers

For the first time since Kevin Maguire in 1991, the Leafs' only enforcer will be a designated punching bag who'll be ready and willing but not especially able. It won't take long for Leaf fans to get tired of his nightly Kimbo Slice impression.

The verdict (so far): This one was almost too easy. Hollweg already had six losing fights and one suspension under his belt from the pre-season, so predicting that he'd be useless wasn't difficult. And while he's managed to keep his nose unfractured clean lately, that won't be enough to win over Leaf Nation.

So yes, I got this one right... but so did everyone else who was paying attention. Also, I'm deeply disappointed that "Kimbo Hollweg" never caught on.

Jeff Finger will be a media favorite by November

The anti-Finger backlash is probably the most predictable element of the new season. But the flip side is that it won't take long for folks to realize that while he's not worth $3.5M, he's also not terrible. And that will lead to an emerging storyline of "Jeff Finger, so over-rated he's under-rated!"

The verdict (so far): OK, so I said November and it's happening in December instead. Factor in the time Finger has missed due to injury, and we're right on schedule.

That said, the Finger fan backlash was never really as bad as I expected. Maybe missing the first few games will turn out to be a blessing.

We're going to hear about Bryan McCabe, Darcy Tucker and especially Kyle Wellwood all year long

The same media that dogged them and worked to drive them out of town will breathlessly report on every goal these guys score all year long.

The verdict (so far): Tucker and McCabe haven't done much. Wellwood was hot early and we was saw the predictable "Leafs let one get away" stories, especially around the time of the Canucks game. But even those died down once Fatty McCrunchandmunch cooled off slightly.

Bryan McCabe will waive his no-trade clause to go to allow the Panthers to deal him to a contender at the deadline

Admit it, you hadn't thought of it but you're already nodding your head, aren't you?

The verdict (so far): Too soon to tell, of course, but this one is looking good. With the Panthers struggling to stay at .500 and rumors of an imminent Bowmeester trade, the Panthers should be selling at the deadline. And now that McCabe BFF (and main reason for agreeing to go to Florida in the first place) Wade Belak has been dispatched, McCabe will likely agree to move.

Damien Cox will find a way to turn that into a knock against Cliff Fletcher, by the way.

Mats Sundin's return to the ACC will be a letdown

Yes, he's coming back. And when he finally gets around to cherry-picking a front-runner to join some time after Christmas, the hockey world will circle the date of his return to Toronto as a visitor.

The verdict (so far): It looks like I may be off by two weeks on the timing, but Mats is apparently ready to cherry-pick away. I stand by my prediction that the ACC crowd won't know what to do when he returns as a visitor.

Two, and only two, of Jiri Tlusty, Nikolai Kulemin, Alex Steen, Jonas Frogren and Anton Stralman will take their game to the next level

And no, I don't know which two. But the truth is, if two guys from the list above can elevate their games to breakout status then that's pretty good.

The verdict (so far): Of the guys listed, only Kulemin has been a pleasant surprise. Steen is gone, Tlusty was a bust, Stralman has been iffy and Frogren was just OK when healthy.

On the other hand, I somehow managed to leave Grabovski off my list of promising young players. If I hadn't had that brain cramp, I'd be looking good on this one.

Carlo Colaiacovo will be one of the best stories of the season

(The best thing about this prediction: in the 90% likelihood that he does get hurt, I can shrug this prediction off as not being technically proven wrong.)

The verdict (so far): He was hurt, and benched, and then traded, so I can shrug this prediction off as not being technically proven wrong.

Jason Blake will be good this year

I know, I know. I've been as hard on Blake as anyone. But this year, Blake looks sharp. Here's betting that he puts together a decent year -- let's say 25 goals.

The verdict (so far): My god, I am a stupid, stupid man. Why does anyone even read this blog? More importantly, with so few functioning brain cells, how do I manage to feed myself?

Vesa Toskala will be dealt at the deadline

... deep down we all know Toskala is somewhat over-rated (if he's really a top ten goalie how come you can think of 15 guys better than him?)

The verdict (so far): Sadly, this one looks good. A standout season by Toskala was the one and only way the Leafs could make a playoff run this year, and he hasn't come close to delivering.

Two months ago, you rarely heard Toskala mentioned as trade bait. Now, everyone assumes he's as good as gone... if the Leafs can find a taker.

Wendel Clark Night will be the highlight of the season

It will also result in approximately 100 posts on Down Goes Brown in the weeks leading up to the big night.

The verdict (so far): Wow, I nailed that one.


The bottom line: I nailed a few easy ones, was reasonably accurate on few of the reaches, and still expect to be proven right on the McCabe trade prediction which I didn't see anyone else make. On the other hand, Colaiacovo let me down and the Blake prediction was just awful.

Overall, I give myself a B-.

Five games in...

Some quick hits as we round past the 1/16th mark...

• Please stop talking about Luke Schenn's contract situation. It doesn't matter. The decision to keep him in Toronto or send him back to junior has nothing to do with starting the clock on his free agency eligibility.
  
  First of all, it's crazy to make assumptions about what the CBA will be like three or four years from now, let alone seven or eight. We have no idea when Schenn will be a free agent, because we have no idea how the CBA will read in a few years. And for that matter, it doesn't even matter whether Schenn is helping the team. The season is already a writeoff, so who cares if Schenn can add a few wins?
  
  The only factor worth considering is Schenn's development. That's it. Will he develop better in junior than in Toronto? If so, send him there. If not, keep him around. End of story.
  
  If he hits free agency a year early and demands big dollars because he's playing at a superstar level, that will be a problem the Leafs will be happy to have.
  
  
• I want to like Mikhail Grabovski. The kid has some moves, he's fast, and I'd love to chalk up the zero points to bad luck. I want him to a be star. But... um... I'm not getting that vibe yet, you know?
  
  
• Do Jamal Mayers and Ryan Hollweg have some sort of secret sidebet to see which one of them can be the first to get one of their teammates killed?
  
  
• I love the way Ron Wilson is handing out playing time. He's basically throwing his lineup card onto the ice every night and saying "Here, you guys fill this out".
  
  Last night in Pittsburgh, Wilson gave virtually the entire team a shot at powerplay time. That's exactly what he should be doing this early in the season. While Paul Maurice basically handed out ice time based on salary and reputation, Wilson is letting guys play their way in -- or out. Perfect.
  
  
• That said, maybe it would be a good idea for Wilson to ask Cliff Fletcher for a list of guys he's trying to trade and not bench them. Mike Van Ryn, I'm looking in your direction.
  
  
• Nikolai Kulemin is good. Two unassisted breakaway goals and two shootout goals -- if anybody ever figures out how to pass the puck to this kid, look out.
  
  
• Speaking of people who are really good at breakaways, only the exact opposite, why was Matt Stajan taking a shootout on Friday? Did I fall asleep and miss the first 14 rounds of that one?
  
  
• Finally... Dominic Moore is playing so well that I'm going to give him a new nickname: Dominic "Second Round Pick at the 2009 Deadline" Moore.