Sharks vs. Blues: Which franchise holds the crown for making its fans miserable?

We may be just a few days away from deciding the most important title in the NHL.

No, not “Stanley Cup champion.” Those come and go. This is something bigger and more enduring. We’re talking about the title of the most miserable franchise in the entire league. Which team has done the most to torture its fan base over the years?

For a long time, there was a fairly easy answer. It was the Washington Capitals, a franchise that had built a reputation for finding new and exciting ways to raise expectations and then brutally crush them. Whether it was blowing 3-1 series leads, or losing quadruple overtime game sevens, or winning Presidents’ Trophies only to lose to a hot goalie or to the Penguins or to a hot goalie on the Penguins, the Capitals were the undisputed kings of hockey misery.

But then last year, it all came crashing down. They actually went out and won a Stanley Cup. It was confusing and even a little frightening. And it left the hockey world wondering: Which team has the best claim to the vacated throne?

The Canucks certainly have a strong case, one bolstered by nearly a half-decade without a title that includes two heart-breaking Game 7 losses in the final. The Sabres would be right there with them, with a Cup-losing goal that shouldn’t have counted highlighting their resume. The Maple Leafs could be in the mix too since their last Cup came before most of today’s fans were alive. Maybe you work in some consideration for fans in places like Winnipeg, Minnesota or Ottawa.

But the two teams that have to be near the top of just about any list are the St. Louis Blues and the San Jose Sharks. Those two teams have spent the last few decades doing what miserable teams do: Being pretty good just about every season, convincing their weary fan base that this just might be the year and then having something horrible happen to crush those hopes and dreams.

As a lifelong Maple Leafs fan, I know a thing or two about misery. And I think there’s a strong case to be made that when it comes to taking over the Capitals’ crown, the Sharks and the Blues are the two best candidates we have. But which one should earn the honors? That’s a tough call. As we wait for the two teams to face off in Game Six of the Western Conference final, let’s compare their cases in a head-to-head battle with even bigger stakes.

How long are we talking about?

True misery isn’t a short-term game, but a slow drip that builds over time. It’s not about a moment or a series or even a season. We’re looking for decades here.

The Sharks: San Jose entered the league as an expansion team (sort of) back in 1991, which doesn’t seem like all that long ago to some of us but actually puts the Sharks right around the middle of the current league in terms of longevity in their market. We are all so old.

They were historically awful for their first two years. But when you’re talking about their history of misery, you’re really starting the clock right around 2001, when they crack the 90-point mark for the first time and start heading into the postseason with expectations. That kicks off a long run of regular season success that’s still going to this day, with only two playoff misses in nearly two decades. But of course, no Cup.

The Blues: The Blues came into the league in the 1967 expansion and were the first quasi-success story among the half-dozen new teams. They won the all-expansion West Division in each of its first three years, earning trips to the Cup final each time but never winning. They didn’t have much success in the 1970s but had turned things around by the start of the 1980s.

That’s when the Blues really became the Blues – which is to say, a perfectly respectable regular season team that never seemed to do all that much in the playoffs. From 1979-80 through to the 2005 lockout, the Blues made the playoffs every year. That’s 25 straight seasons, the same as what the Red Wings pulled off in their much-hyped streak. And yet I’m guessing some of you may have never even heard of the Blues streak because it didn’t deliver any Cups or even any final appearances and only two trips out of the second round. The St. Louis Blues: Just kind of there™.

Misery edge: This one’s a pretty easy call as (furiously punches numbers into his calculator) 52 years is more than 28. The Sharks’ case here is that they may have had more seasons with serious expectations; they’ve had nine 100+ point seasons since 2001, compared to eight for the Blues since 1980. But St. Louis still takes this one.

Signature heart-breaking moment

Every truly miserable fan base has a few of those plays that they still can’t watch without wanting to whip the remote through the TV.

The Sharks: This ends up being a tougher call than you might think, for reasons we’ll get to down below. But for sheer hands-over-head disbelief, it’s hard to beat the way they were eliminated by the Canucks in the 2011 conference final.

That’s just the hockey gods toying with you right there.

The Blues: It’s the opening round of the 2000 playoffs and the Blues have just captured their first and only Presidents’ Trophy. They’re heavy favorites over the eighth-seeded Sharks, but the underdogs have stretched the series to a seventh game. And then, with seconds left in the first period in front of 19,000 stunned fans, this happens:

That ends up being the winning goal and the best season in franchise history ends in Round 1.

Misery edge: For creativity, it’s the Sharks for sure. But for actual psyche-scarring misery, the Blues get the nod here.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

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A history of San Jose Sharks playoff misery

It really did seem like it was going to be the San Jose Sharks‘ year.

Just a few weeks ago, they were resting up after dispatching the favoured Los Angeles Kings in a surprisingly swift five games. When the Nashville Predators knocked off the Anaheim Ducks in seven, that set San Jose up with an unexpected home ice advantage, and they used it to jump out to a 2-0 series lead. After years of playoff disappointment, it looked like everything was falling into place for the Sharks to finally exceed expectations, and maybe even win the franchise’s first Stanley Cup.

Things change quickly in the post-season. After failing to close out the series in Nashville on Monday, the Sharks now face a Game 7 tonight — one that most didn’t think they’d need against the wildcard Predators.

The Sharks still head into tonight as the favourite; they’ve got home ice, and have won all three games played at the SAP Center in the series. They’re the better team on paper. And a win would send them to a Conference Final matchup against the St. Louis Blues that they’d have a good chance to win.

But a loss… a loss, and we’re right back to where we always seems to be with this team. So today, let’s take a look back over the Sharks’ history of playoff disappointment.

1991 – 1999: THE EARLY YEARS

The team: We’ll lump the first eight years of franchise history into one entry, since they really didn’t have anything to do with the Sharks’ current reputation. After two years of record-breaking expansion futility, the Sharks broke through with their first decent season in 1993-94, making the playoffs and then shocking the Detroit Red Wings in the opening round.

They’d win another round in 1995, this time against the Calgary Flames in a Game 7 OT, before suffering through two more miserable years followed by two years of first round exits.

The disappointment: Any playoff loss hurts, but it would be hard to call any of these post-season performances a disappointment. The Sharks were never favoured, and in fact were never even a .500 team. And looking back, only their second round matchup against the Toronto Maple Leafs in 1994, in which they were one Johan Garpenlov crossbar away from advancing, feels like a series that got away.

Heartbreak rating: 2/10. Sure, the first few years of incompetence were rough. But those upsets against the Red Wings and Flames were fun, and the rest of it pretty much played out according to script.

—

2000

The team: The Sharks crack the .500 mark for the first time in franchise history. That’s enough to sneak them into the playoffs as an eight seed, where they draw the Presidents’ Trophy-winning Blues. Nobody gives them much of a chance, but they jump out to a 3-1 series lead before pulling off a Game 7 upset that’s punctuated with Owen Nolan’s long-distance dagger.

The disappointment: Coming off the high of that win, the Sharks sputter out of the gate against the Dallas Stars in Round 2. They’re shut out in each of the first two games and lose the series in five.

Heartbreak rating: 1/10. Maybe it didn’t end up being a Cinderella run, but that Blues upset was one of the highlights of franchise history.

—

2001

The team: The Sharks record a franchise-best 95 points, and finish second in the Pacific. This version of the team was led by Nolan and a 21-year-old Patrick Marleau, supported by a cast of “Wait, that guy played for the Sharks?” veterans like Gary Suter, Mike Ricci and Vincent Damphousse. Teemu Selanne arrives late in the season, and Evgeni Nabokov earns the Calder Trophy for his work in goal.

The disappointment: In a Round 1 rematch with the Blues, the Sharks drop a six-game series that could have gone either way. The turning point comes in Game 5, in which the Sharks take a 2-1 lead into the third but end up dropping a 3-2 decision on overtime on Bryce Salvador’s winner.

Heartbreak rating: 3/10. Expectations are slowly but surely increasing, and simply making an appearance in the post-season no longer feels like mission accomplished. Still, if you have to lose to someone, it was kind of nice to see it be the Blues. Those guys are stuck with a reputation for never winning anything in the playoffs.

—

2002

The team: The Sharks record 99 points to lead their division for the first time. It’s a veteran group – Adam Graves even makes an appearance – and it leans heavily on its goaltending duo of Nabokov and rookie Miikka Kiprusoff. They make it out of the First Round, beating the then-Phoenix Coyotes in six games and setting up a Second Round meeting with the Colorado Avalanche.

The disappointment: The Sharks lead the series three separate times, but can’t close. They hold a 3-2 series lead heading into Game 6 at home, but lose in overtime on a Peter Forsberg goal in a game marked by a third period earthquake. Then they drop a 1-0 decision in the seventh game, with Selanne missing an open net early on that could have changed the course of the game.

Heartbreak rating: 5/10. The loss to the Avalanche may not have been an upset, but the way it played out left a mark.

—

2003

The team: After what seemed like a breakout season, the Sharks unravel in 2002-03 and miss the playoffs. They fire coach Darryl Sutter in December, and GM Dean Lombardi follows a few months later. Spoiler alert: Those two guys show up again later.

The disappointment: The Sharks don’t even come close to the post-season, finishing 19 points back. They do wind up with two first round picks in the ridiculously stacked 2003 draft, but can only turn them into Milan Michalek and Steve Bernier. The two players taken right after the Sharks’ picks: Ryan Suter and Zach Parise.

Heartbreak rating: 2/10. Disappointment? Definitely. Frustration? Sure. But this can’t really qualify as heartbreak.

—

2004

The team: The Sharks roar back into the playoff picture with a 104-point season. They’re not exactly stacked – Nils Ekman is their second leading scorer – but they’re well-balanced and tough to score on. They beat the Blues and the Avalanche in the opening two rounds to advance to the Conference Final for the first time in franchise history. (That Avs series gets a little dicey – the Sharks take a 3-0 series lead, then lose back-to-back overtime games before winning game six – but otherwise it’s a fairly smooth ride.)

The disappointment: They end up facing the Flames, who are led by a couple of familiar faces: Sutter behind the bench and Kiprusoff in goal. The Sharks are the favorites, and a trip to the Cup final seems in sight. But they drop the first two games of the series at home, and end up losing in six.

Heartbreak rating: 4/10. On the one hand, the franchise is headed in the right direction again. On the other, they let a golden chance at a Final appearance slip through their fingers. They probably can’t wait to get back out there. Sure hope the league doesn’t cancel the next season.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

History's five biggest first round upsets

The Predators face the Ducks Wednesday night in Game 7 of their opening round series, with an opportunity to complete what would stand as the biggest upset of this year’s first round.

These days, of course, big upsets are relative. The Predators are a wildcard team facing a division winner, but they only finished seven points behind the Ducks in the standings. And the opening round’s other upsets were even closer – the Islanders were three points behind the Panthers, while the Sharks were four back of the Kings. Such is life in the age of parity, where the margin between average and elite is narrower than ever before.

So with all due respect to those plucky underdogs from Nashville, let’s take a moment today to look back at the real thing, by counting down five of the biggest first-round upsets of the 20+ team era.

No. 5 – 2000: Sharks over Blues

The only Presidents’ Trophy in Blues history is one that most of their fans would rather forget. To this day, you can ruin a St. Louis fan’s day by mentioning one name: Roman Turek. That would be the Blues’ starting goaltender during that 1999-2000 season, one in which he posted a career year and finished as the Jennings winner and runner-up for the Vezina while leading the Blues to a franchise-record 114 points.

But then the 87-point Sharks showed up, and things went south. San Jose jumped out to a 3-1 series lead before the Blues fought back with a pair of wins to force a seventh game on their home ice. A tense first period saw the Sharks jump out to a 1-0 lead, one that looked set to hold up as we headed to the intermission. And then this happened:

Owen Nolan’s center ice rocket put the Sharks up 2-0 and sucked the oxygen out of the building. It proved to be the winner, as the Sharks held on for a 3-1 win.

The Blues gained a measure of revenge the following season, knocking off the Sharks in a first-round rematch. They’ve split two more post-season meetings since then. We could be two weeks away from another, this time in the conference final. But if it happens, don’t expect Turek to handle any pre-game faceoff duties. He sometimes struggles with center ice.

No. 4 – 2006: Oilers over Red Wings

The first season after the 2005-06 lockout was one of the most unpredictable on record. Scoring was up, superstar rookies were everywhere, and new rules on and off the ice were changing everything. But there was one constant from the pre-cap era: The Red Wings were dominant. They racked up 124 points and went into the playoffs as a heavy favorite to win their fourth Cup in a decade. And then they ran into Edmonton.

The eighth-seeded Oilers weren’t a bad team, putting up 95 points of their own, and the late-season acquisition of goaltender Dwayne Roloson filled the biggest hole in their roster. Still, not many expected them to be much more than a speed bump for the Wings, and a Detroit win in the opener seemed to confirm that. But the Oilers took the next two, then split Games 4 and 5 to push the Wings to the brink.

The series ended in Edmonton in Game 6, with the Red Wings taking a 2-0 lead into the third period before a furious Oilers comeback leading to Ales Hemsky’s winning goal with just over a minute left.

The Oilers’ run continued all the way to the final, where they fell one game short of winning the Stanley Cup. The Red Wings didn’t lose in the first round again until 2012, including another Cup win in 2008.

>> Read the full post at The Hockey News

Grab bag: The Norris debate

In the Friday grab bag:
- The Doughty vs. Karlsson debate
- Great moments in obscure NHL players randomly showing up in rap videos
- Don Cherry gets political
- The week's three comedy stars
- and we go way, way back for a look at the moment Jaromir Jagr became an NHLer

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

Weekend wrap: It's over

A look back at the biggest games and emerging story lines of the NHL weekend.

Theme of the Week: Here Come the Playoffs (and the Layoffs)

Saturday marked the end of the regular season, meaning we now know what the playoff bracket looks like. And no, your eyes aren’t deceiving you — both last year’s Presidents’ Trophy winner and Stanley Cup champion aren’t on it. The Bruins and Kings missed the playoffs, meaning a good percentage of this year’s preseason picks are already trashed before the playoffs have even started. We’ve got a preliminary look at the matchups down in the next section, and we’ll have a full preview rolling out over the next two days.

Of course, the start of the playoffs for 16 teams also means the start of the offseason for the other 14. That usually kicks off with a bunch of people losing their jobs, and the Toronto Maple Leafs didn’t waste any time on that front. Yesterday, the Leafs announced that general manager Dave Nonis and interim coach Peter Horachek had both been fired, along with most of the coaching staff and several scouts. Those were obvious moves (although the future of Nonis had somehow become the subject of debate in Toronto), and the Leafs deserve minimal credit for getting the easy ones right. The bigger test comes over the next few weeks and months, but at least Toronto fans get a chance to have been first at something. The Sabres were the second team across the finish line, just like they were in most of their games this year, firing coach Ted Nolan early Sunday evening.

Now we get to see who goes next. Edmonton fans are desperate for a housecleaning and have been for years, although a slight improvement in the season’s second half means they might not get get one. The Sharks will almost certainly fire one or both of Doug Wilson and Todd McLellan after missing the playoffs. Craig Berube could go in Philadelphia, Lindy Ruff might be in trouble in Dallas, and there have been season-long rumors that Dave Tippett could be on the way out of Arizona. And, of course, the Devils will need to figure out what to do with the two-headed coaching creature Lou Lamoriello put in place in December.

And then we circle back to the Bruins and Kings. It doesn’t sound like any major changes will be coming in Los Angeles, despite reports of a major rift between the players and coach Darryl Sutter (which the team basically confirmed). Boston could be a different story; team CEO Charlie Jacobs had previously made it clear missing the playoffs would be considered unacceptable, meaning neither GM Peter Chiarelli nor coach Claude Julien should feel safe.

That should cover us for the next week or so. Once the first round ends, we can play the same game all over again with some combination of Mike Babcock, Ken Hitchcock, Bruce Boudreau, and pretty much everyone who works for the Penguins.

Long story short: If you’re an NHL coach or GM, try not to answer your phone over the next few days. Just to be safe.

Cup Watch: The League’s Five Best

The five teams that seem most likely to earn the league’s top prize: the Stanley Cup.

5. Montreal Canadiens (50-22-10, +30 goals differential) Studies have shown that momentum heading into the playoffs really doesn’t matter as much as we assume it does. Keep repeating that to yourself, Habs fans.

4. St. Louis Blues (51-24-7, +42) The good: They came on strong to win the division and avoid playing the Blackhawks or the Predators. The bad: They get the Wild instead. The Centralis brutal.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

Weekend wrap: The Sabres hit reset, the Avs plummet, and the Wings do something really strange

A look at three of the biggest stories from the NHL weekend and how they’ll play into the coming days.

Struggling Sabres Refuse to Stand Pat

All season long, the hockey world has been expecting the Sabres to clean house and start looking toward the future. It turns out we were half-right — Buffalo made changes Thursday, but with an eye fixed firmly on the past.

The Sabres' decision to part ways with longtime GM Darcy Regier was shocking only in the sense that they chose not to do it during the offseason. Firing coach Ron Rolston was a mild surprise since he’d only been on the job for 51 games dating back to last season, though he’d also managed to win just 19 of those.

But their replacements raised eyebrows, as the Sabres brought back former star Pat LaFontaine as president of hockey ops (he’ll eventually hire a new GM), and former coach of the year Ted Nolan as interim coach. While both men are undoubtedly popular in Buffalo, LaFontaine has no front office experience and Nolan hasn’t coached in the NHL since 2008.

Can it work? The obvious answer is that it can’t get much worse. LaFontaine might be inexperienced, but he’s well-respected for his hockey smarts and did a good job articulating a long-term vision during the introductory press conference.

Nolan, meanwhile, is one of the league’s great mysteries — the Sabres parted ways with him immediately after his Jack Adams season, and it took him 10 years to get another NHL job (he lasted two seasons with the Islanders before being fired in 2008). He’s an intense guy and will no doubt bring his style of ever-so-subtle player motivation to the Buffalo locker room.

The Sabres split a pair of weekend games with the Maple Leafs, winning 3-1 at home Friday before dropping the rematch 4-2 in Toronto. The Sabres had already beaten the Sharks and Kings this month and actually climbed out of last place overall with Friday’s win, before dropping back down after the Oilers earned two points the next day.

At the very least, the team finally seems headed in the right direction … unless you think the right direction involves the first overall pick in the 2014 draft, in which case you may look back on this move as coming a few months early.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

A brief history of Dominik Hasek

Not saying he was unorthodox, but this photo
was taken during the national anthem.

One of the most colorful careers in hockey history came to an end last week when 47-year-old goaltending legend Dominik Hasek finally hung up his pads for good. Hasek had expressed interest in an NHL comeback during the offseason, but the lockout and a lack of interest spelled the end of his hopes for playing one final year.

Hasek will no doubt be a first-ballot hall of famer, and he's earned a place in the discussion for the greatest goaltender of his generation. Here's a look back at one of the sport's most memorable legends.

April 14, 1984 - Disappointed by the fading prominence of the local Czechoslovakian breakdancing scene, a teenaged Hasek asks his guidance counselor if there are any other careers where he can spend all his time randomly spinning around on his back for no reason.

August 7, 1992 – The Blackhawks trade Hasek to the Sabres for Stephane Beauregard, reasoning that they couldn't turn down the chance to acquire a player so good that he was once actually traded for future Hall-of-Famer Dominik Hasek.

February 11, 1995 – In yet another example of the sort of unbelievable rumors that can plague professional athletes, Hasek hears a crazy story that somebody somewhere may have come up with a new goalie mask design since 1983.

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Great moments in all-star weekend history

Yeah but he only wore the glasses when he
was Clark Kent so it doesn't actually make
sense for you to... you know what, I'll shut up.

Another all-star weekend has come and gone, with the game's annual showcase wrapping up Sunday evening in Ottawa. By all accounts the various events were a rousing success, with hockey fans being treated to several memorable moments.

From Patrick Kane's Superman routine and Zdeno Chara's record-breaking slapshot at the skills competition to Marian Gaborik's hat trick and Daniel Alfredsson's highlight reel goals during the game itself, the weekend provided plenty of thrills that fans won't soon forget.

Those moments can be added to a growing list of all-star weekend memories that fans have filed away over the years. Here are a few more of the notable performances from the past 25 seasons that have left their mark on the game's history:

1988 - Mario Lemieux sets an all-star mark that still stands with six points including the overtime winner in a 6-5 victory. Experts agree that the record-breaking performance may have been even more dominant if the NHL hadn't chosen that year to debut its new format called "Everyone in the entire league against Mario Lemieux".

1990 - The skills competition makes its first appearance, although under a slightly different format that sees the entire three hours devoted to one hotly contested event known as "fluffiest mullet".

1993 - Al Iafrate sets a skills competition record with a 105.2 mph shot that's considered especially impressive given that he was using an old-fashioned wooden sticks, although in fairness it's also true that back then the "radar gun" was just an old man who'd get hit in the ribs with the shot and then yell out a random number.

1994 - After over a decade of mass confusion caused by impossibly obscure terms like "Wales" and "Campbell" the league switches to an East vs. West format that finally allows hockey to explode in popularity, according to Gary Bettman's imagination.

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A buyer's guide to the remaining NHL free agents - 2010

Boogard got how much?

As hockey's off-season drags on, there are still dozens of unrestricted free agents who haven't found a team for the upcoming season. Many will end up being exiled to Europe or even retirement, while others will manage to find a job in the NHL.

But which ones? Here's an honest look at the strengths and weaknesses of some of the best known free agents remaining on the market, along with a prediction of where they could ultimately wind up.

Antti Niemi
The bad: Was easily the most over-rated Stanley Cup winning goalie in the entire league last year.
The good: Doesn't know the meaning of the word "quit", although technically that's also true of all the other words in the English language.
Where he'd fit: Philadelphia, according to everyone in the entire hockey world who doesn't work in the Flyers' front office.

Lee Stempniak
The bad: Only seems to play well in Phoenix, which pretty much limits him to one-year offers.
The good: Hasn't played for the Maple Leafs since the trade deadline, so most of the loser stench has worn off by now.
Where he'd fit: Any team that only hired a scouting staff in mid-March.

Paul Kariya
The bad: Most scouts agree that his dimples are slightly less adorable than they used to be.
The good: Was at one point, many years ago, Paul Kariya.
Where he'd fit: Pretty much any team that's looking for a veteran scoring winger to play on a line with Teemu Selanne.

Ilya Kovalchuk
The bad: May have suffered a series of undisclosed head injuries during his career, based on his apparent willingness to commit to spending 17 years in New Jersey.
The good: Will no doubt be well-rested after the upcoming year-long work stoppage that he caused.
Where he'd fit: Any team that's been smart enough to preserve some cap room in 2027.

Owen Nolan
The bad: Is widely recognized as one of the worst NHL players that Belfast, Northern Ireland has ever produced.
The good: Can offer detailed scouting reports on the 30 NHL teams, all of which he's recently played for.
Where he'd fit: A team that believes it is one salt-and-pepper goatee away from contending.

Kyle Wellwood
The bad: Has occasionally experienced minor conditioning setbacks, which some bloggers have cruelly exaggerated to get cheap laughs.
The good: Is an extremely well-rounded player. Often appears to be everywhere on the ice at the same time. Has an overwhelming presence which can dominate the dressing room. Is unanimously considered to be one of the hungriest players in the league.
Where he'd fit: Any roster with a large hole to fill.

Miroslav Satan
The bad: Is always going on and on about his theory that the whole thing was just a dream by Leonardo DiCaprio's character, which is odd since he's talking about the seventh season of Growing Pains.
The good: Was an alternate on the NHL's millennial All-Miroslav team.
Where he'd fit: The New Jersey Devils, according to the International Union of Hilarious Newspaper Headline Writers.

Jose Theodore
The bad: Goal scoring totals have dropped significantly since 2000-01 season.
The good: Has been known to entertain teammates with hilarious made-up stories about winning the Hart Trophy.
Where he'd fit: Any NHL team where he wouldn't have to worry about once again losing his starter's job to Cristobel Huet. So, any NHL team.

Darcy Tucker
The bad: Is too old and broken down these days to randomly leap into opponent's benches any more; now just sort of limps over and then tumbles in.
The good: Critics who accuse him of being dirty don't have a leg to stand on, mostly because he's blown out both their knees.
Where he'd fit: Sami Kapanen's sweat-drenched nightmares.

Vesa Toskala
The bad: Often reminds you of the love child of Hardy Astrom and Andre Racicot, assuming that child was forced to play goal before developing gross motor skills.
The good: Has never been one of those irresponsible goalies who takes a brand new set of equipment and then spends the season ruining it by letting a bunch of pucks hit it.
Where he'd fit: As the backup for whatever ECHL team John Ferguson Jr. is working for these days.

The Top 20 Maple Leaf moments of the decade - Part 1

What has four eyes, no rings and one brain?

Oh, the 00's. What a terrible god-forsaken soul-crushingly awful interesting decade you were.

We had good times (cough, Quinn, cough), bad times (cough, Ferguson I hope you get run over by a cement truck in front of a daycare, cough), and cautious optimism. The decade had a little bit of everything.

Well, except for that big trophy thing. Can't remember what it's called. The Stanford something? It's probably not important.

So here's part one of a look a back at the top 20 Leaf moments of the decade. To keep it simple, we'll limit this to moments that happened on the ice. (Or, in limited cases, in the opponent's bench.)

20. Luke Schenn vs. Evgeni Malkin and Tyler Kennedy - Jan. 31, 2009

This wasn't the biggest hit of the decade, or the most entertaining fight. Not even close, really. But the moment did come to symbolize Schenn's potential, and his status as the centerpiece of the Leafs long-awaited rebuild. Finally, after years of JFJ-induced misery, there was hope. There was a future.

Of course, that was before Schenn regressed into a seventh-string press box denizen. But it was fun for a few months.

• Watch it on youtube


19. Owen Nolan wins the "flu game" - Feb. 5, 2004

This game was one of the most bizarre NHL games in recent memory, featured the Leafs greatest comeback of the decade, and marks the first of approximately 18 appearances by the Senators in this list.

The game started off as a typical Leafs/Sens regular season matchup, which is to say the Senators were on their way to an easy blowout win. Midway through the second period, Ottawa was cruising with a 4-0 lead.

Cue the comeback! Oh, and also the explosive diarrhea.

Both teams were battling a severe flu outbreak, but the Ottawa strain was apparently worse. Halfway through the game, the Sens bench began emptying as players were making between-shifts sprints to the restrooms. This marked the first time the Senators had ever soiled themselves during a game that didn't involve Tie Domi making eye contact with somebody.

By the end of regulation the Leafs had tied the game, and Nolan ended it in overtime with a long range slapshot. Afterwards, when reporters went to Nolan looking for a sympathetic quote on the Senators illness woes, he responded with an infamous quote: "boo hoo".


18. Cory Cross scores in OT to beat Ottawa - April 16, 2001

This was probably the least memorable of the (many) overtime goals the Leafs managed against the Senators, since it came in the middle of a fairly easy four-game sweep in 2001. But it was actually a critically important goal.

The Leafs had won the opening two games, shutting out the heavily favored Sens twice in Ottawa. In game three, Curtis Joseph took yet another shutout into the third period as the Leafs lead 2-0. But then a potential series turning point: the Senators scored twice, including the tying goal in the dying seconds. With the game headed to overtime, Leaf fans had to wonder if this was the beginning of an epic collapse.

It wasn't. Journeyman defensive defenceman Cory Cross drilled home a rebound to win it, and in the process became the worst player to ever score an overtime goal for the Leafs (sorry, Gary Valk).

• Watch it on youtube


17. Belak vs. Janssen - March 20, 2007

This just seems appropriate for #17, no?

Everyone remembers the circumstances leading up to this epic battle. Weeks earlier, Cam Janssen had sidelined Tomas Kaberle with an obvious cheap shot. Everyone knew that payback would be coming from Wade Belak, and everyone was right.

I'm not saying this was a long fight, but they dropped the gloves in March of 2007 and it just ended a few minutes ago.

• Watch it on youtube


16. Travis Green's OT winner against the Flyers - April 21, 2003

A lot of fans have forgotten this overtime winner, and with good reason. The 2003 playoffs were the only ones of the Quinn era that saw the Leafs make a first round exit, and most fans have saved precious space in their long-term memories for the longer runs that marked the first half of the decade.

Here's a depressing thought, though: this happened in 2003, and the Leafs haven't had an overtime playoff win since.


15. Kaberle quiets the Devils - May 5, 2001

Sometimes, hockey games seem destined follow a predictable storyline. Game five of the 2001 series between the Leafs and the Devils was one of those times.

This was the first game after Tie Domi's elbow had sidelines Scott Niedermayer, and the Devils were vowing revenge. Every hockey columnist on the continent had already agreed on the storyline: Domi's cement-headed cheapshot had robbed the Leafs of their momentum, woken up the sleeping Devils, and all but handed them the series. The Devils were officially the good guys, the Leafs were the hated villains, and game five would be a lesson in hockey karma.

Apparently, somebody forgot to tell Tomas Kaberle.

In the dying seconds of a 2-2 tie, Kaberle managed to sneak one by Martin Brodeur for the game winner. (By "sneak one by", I really mean "shot the puck into a wide open net because Brodeur had been blatantly run over in his crease seconds before", but let's not get picky.)

The Devils would still get their revenge, winning the last two games to take the series in seven. But for one night, at least, Tomas Kaberle and the Leafs gave the hockey world a nice big middle finger to go along with their blindside elbow.


14. Daniel Alfredsson's hit from behind on Darcy Tucker - May 12, 2002

OK, this one will seem like a strange pick. But stay with me.

Until the moment that Daniel Alfredsson blindsided Darcy Tucker (then scored the game-winner seconds later), you couldn't really hate the Ottawa Senators. Oh sure, the "Battle of Ontario" was well into its third playoff matchup in as many years. But it was meaningless rivalry, one that only mattered to insecure Ottawa fans who spent their time hating everything related to Toronto (when they weren't desperately trying to move there).

If you were a Leaf fan, you couldn't hate the Senators. You could feel sorry for them, maybe. You could be bored by them, probably. You could go weeks at a time without even remembering they existed, certainly. But hate them? Why?

Alfredsson provided a reason to, if not "hate" the Senators, at least be mildly annoyed by them. And that made the rest of the decade a lot more fun.

Man, what a cheap shot. I sure hope somebody gets that guy someday.


13. Mark Bell kills Daniel Alfredsson - April 3, 2008

This hit not only served up some long-overdue payback for the Tucker hit, it resulted in the only highlight of Paul Maurice's stint in Toronto: his observation that Senators reacted to the utter destruction of their captain with nothing but "some purse-swinging".

• Watch it on youtube
• OK, now go watch it again on youtube, you know you want to


12. Darcy Tucker's kamikaze bench dive - April 20, 2004

This is the moment where Darcy Tucker went from "Hey, this guy is crazy in a wacky and fun sort of way" to "Slowly inch away from him while staring at the floor and avoiding sudden movements".

• Read more about this moment


11. Sundin and Kaberle beat the Flyers in overtime - April 14, 2003

Much like Green's goal, this one hasn't really stood the test of time as being especially memorable. That said, it has to be on the list just based on the names involved. Mats Sundin executes one of his classic drives to the net, and Tomas Kaberle is in the right place at the right time. The two longest serving (and probably best) Maple Leafs of the decade combine to win a thriller.

• Watch it on youtube

Coming early next week: The top ten. Feel free to speculate in the comments, name something I completely forgot about, and make me rewrite the whole thing.

The Nightmare Team: Forwards

We continue our trip down miserable memory lane with the Leafs least-loved forwards. If you missed part one, be sure to check out our list of defence and goalies. Part three, the front office, can be found here.

Forwards

This is not a photograph. It's an
actual video clip of Allison skating
as fast as he can.

Jason Allison (2005-06)

Why we hate him: Allison was one of those signings that symbolized the post-lockout vision of John Ferguson Jr., who went for big and slow when everyone else in the NHL was going for speed and skill. He looked brutal in the NHL's first ever shootout against Ottawa on opening night, coming in so slowly that the zamboni had to come out to reflood the ice half way through his shot. Yes, that's right, Leaf fans actually turned on a player after one game.

Like every other player ever acquired by Ferguson, Allison spent one year with the Leafs and then never played in the NHL again.

Redeeming qualities: He was actually pretty productive, with 60 points in 66 games. He had an incentive-laden deal and would have earned a big bonus, but he hurt himself at the end of the year jumping into a fight to help a teammate, something no Leaf has done since.

Glenn Anderson (1991-94)

Why we hate him: Anderson was part of the big Grant Fuhr trade the kicked off the Fletcher era for the Leafs in 1991. He quickly settled into a spot on the first line and was reasonably productive. But he'll be forever remembered for taking probably the worst penalty in Leafs history, when he drilled Rob Blake into the end boards Target ad with seconds left in regulation of game six against the Kings.

That earned him a seat in the penalty box, where had a good view of the infamous Kerry Fraser whistle-choke and Gretzky's game-winning goal. It's been empirically proven that The Penalty changed the course of human history and cost the Leafs multiple Stanley Cups.

Fun bonus fact: It was the only body check Anderson threw in his entire career.

Redeeming qualities: Scored the OT winner in game five against the Kings. Should probably be in the Hall of Fame. Was dealt for Mike Gartner in arguably the greatest moustache-for-moustache trade of all time.

Dmitri Khristich (1999-00)

Why we hate him: After winning the lottery in an arbitration hearing against the Bruins, Khristich was traded to the Maple Leafs for a draft pick in 1999. He turned out to be injury-prone, bad in the dressing room, and not very good at playing hockey. Other than that, the move worked out really well.

Redeeming qualities: Was dealt to the Caps for a mid-round pick that turned out to be Brendan Bell, which years later would allow the Leafs to briefly re-acquire Yanic Perrault for the seventeenth time.

He'll be played in the
movie by Ian Ziering.

Mike Craig (1994-97)

Why we hate him: Craig was signed as a restricted free agent back when the league had a complicated compensation system. The Stars asked for Kenny Jonsson, which would have been a disaster because then Fletcher couldn't have made the Jonsson/Clark/ Schneider/Luongo trade and Damien Cox would have had nothing to write about for ten years.

The arbitrator ended up choosing the Leafs offer, which still cost them the best checking center they ever had in Peter Zezel, not to mention future welterweight Grant Marshall. Coming off back-to-back appearances in the conference finals, this move was the first dent in Cliff Fletcher's aura of invincibility.

Redeeming qualities: Was rocking a sweet perm.

Benoit Hogue (1995-96)

Why we hate him: After three straight 30+ goal season, the Leafs traded for Hogue in time for the 1995 playoffs. But Hogue went all Senator-ish on us, being held pointless during a seven-game loss to the Hawks. The Leafs wouldn't win another playoff series for four years.

Redeeming qualities: Was eventually traded for Dave Gagner, which is notable because absolutely nobody actually remembers he once played for the Leafs.

Owen Nolan (2003-04)

Why we hate him: Nolan cost the Leafs a freaking ransom when he came over from the Sharks at the 2003 deadline, including future captain Alyn McCauley, Brad Boyes and a first round pick. That investment got the Leafs a grand total of zero goals and two assists in a first-round playoff loss to the Flyers. In 2003-04 Nolan had an unproductive regular season and then hurt his knee and missed the entire playoff run.

During the lockout it was revealed that Nolan has a unique clause in his contract that would see him get paid even if the entire season was cancelled. This clause, and his lingering knee injury, lead to a lengthy courtroom battle with the Leafs over how much the club owed him. They eventually settled, with rumors of a big payout for Nolan.

Redeeming qualities: Dropped the infamous "boo hoo" bomb on the Senators after the Flu Game, a moment that still drives Ottawa fans crazy.

Robert Reichel (2001-04)

Why we hate him: Reichel had been playing in Europe for two years when the Leafs decided to trade for his rights. The deal with the Coyotes cost the Leafs defenceman Danny Markov, who was rumored to be an alcoholic, was certifiably insane and happened to be completely awesome.

Like absolutely every other forward acquired by the Leafs via trade in the past ten years, Reichel was terrible. His most impressive stat was probably his grand total of two goals scored in 37 playoff games for the Leafs. He was probably best known for scoring the shootout goal that beat Canada in the 1998 Nagano Olympics. When its a big game, you can always count on Reichel to help make sure the team wearing the maple leaf loses.

Redeeming qualities: During the 2002 playoff run, he was memorably removed from a game against the Islanders before the opening faceoff after the Leafs submitted an incorrect lineup card. That turned out to be the best game he ever played as a Leaf.

Raise your hand if you want to play
with a guy who's ten times better
than you

Jonas Hoglund (1999-03)

Why we hate him: Hoglund was a cheap free agent signing in 1999 who had a productive stint with the Leafs, including a 29 goal season on 1999-00. Unfortunately for him, he wound up spending a lot of time on Mats Sundin's line, which means Leaf fans hate him. Let me explain.

One of the enduring legacies of Sundin's time in Toronto is the accepted fact that he never had any good linemates to play with. And its absolutely true (as long as you ignore Mogilny, Roberts, Gartner, Gilmour, Clark, Andreychuk, etc). And somehow along the way, Jonas Hoglund became the poster child for crappy Sundin linemates.

If you want to have fun with a Leaf fan, try this: casually mention the word "Sundin" and "linemates" in the same sentence, and time how long they can last before starting to complain about Jonas Hoglund. The current record is seven seconds.

Redeeming qualities: Had the exact same smug look on his face in every photo of him ever taken.

Jason Blake (2007 - present)

Why we hate him: In yet another moment of Ferguson brilliance, Blake signed a ridiculous contract as a free agent and was pencilled into a first line spot next to Mats Sundin. Then he found out he had cancer. Then Leaf fans found out he had no hands.

Blake spent all of last season firing weak wrist shots into goalies' chests from 40 feet out. He seems to have lost several steps and is clearly on the downside of what was already a pretty average career. Did I mention he's under contract for four more years, at which point he'll be 38?

Redeeming qualities: It's tough to hate a guy with cancer. Tough, but not impossible.

Shayne Corson (2000-03)

Why we hate him: Literally abandoned the team during the 2003 playoffs, citing mysterious medical issues. Once was suspended for a game seven for trying to kick somebody in the head. His sister was married to Darcy Tucker, which was probably just awkward.

Redeeming qualities: His departure from the team may have been due to legitimate anxiety disorder. Also, kicking somebody in the head during a hockey fight is kind of funny when you think about it.

Kyle Wellwood (2004-2008)

Why we hate him: He showed flashes of brilliance as a rookie, confusing Leaf fans who didn't remember what a "prospect" was. Then he got hurt. Then he got lazy. Then he got fat. Then he let somebody take this photo. The end.

Because this is the Leafs, Wellwood is virtually guaranteed to light it up in Vancouver and haunt Toronto for years a la Steve Sullivan.

Redeeming qualities: Makes an adorable giggling sound when you poke him in the stomach.

Forwards who also received consideration:
Sergio Momesso, Jeff O'Neill, Marius Czerkawski, Jamie Baker, Nathan Perrot, Mike Krushelnyski

Forwards who did not receive consideration:
Eric Lindros - Yes, he was another Ferguson failure. But Lindros gets a pass because there's no question that he always wanted to be a Leaf, and even took a hometown discount to do it. Besides, I don't believe in kicking a guy when he's down. And as hockey fans have come to learn, Eric Lindros is always down.

(To those of you paying attention: Yes, that's only 11 forwards. Let's just say we're keeping a spot open on the first line for a certain indecisive Swede.)