Building a roster of the cap era’s worst July 1 signings

So the first day of free agency has come and gone. How did your team do?

Probably not well. If history is any guide, your team either missed out on the big signings, or paid way too much to get in on them. If we’ve learned anything about July 1 in the salary cap era, it’s that jumping in with both feet on Day 1 of the open market can lead to a lot of regret. There are bargains, sure, and occasionally a team will sign a big-dollar deal that works out great. But those are exceptions. Most of the time, July 1 is the day that GMs do their very worst work.

That feels like something worth celebrating. So as we recover from yesterday’s chaos and try to digest all the money NHL GMs just threw around, let’s look back on the mistakes of the past by building a full roster out of some of the worst July 1 UFA deals of the cap era.

A couple of quick ground rules:

– We’re only looking for UFA deals that were signed on July 1. That rules out a few names you might be expecting to see here, like New York’s Brad Richards or Calgary’s James Neal (both of whose deals came a few days into free agency) and Philadelphia’s Ilya Bryzgalov (who was actually acquired in a trade and signed before he reached UFA status, but still needs to be mentioned here because that was hilarious).

– We’re judging signings based on a mix of the reaction at the time and how the deal looks with the benefit of hindsight. Because of that second part, we’re going to try really hard not to include any of this year’s signing, although (double-checks yesterday’s list) yeah no promises.

– The 2013 offseason schedule was thrown off a few days by the lockout, so for that season only “July 1” is actually July 5.

All contract information, including signing date and cap hit percentage, is from the CapFriendly signing database. Salaries are average annual value; “cap hit” is the percentage of that season’s cap.

As you might expect, there’s going to be some overlap with our worst possible cap team exercise from last season. But as bad as that roster was, this one might be even more depressing. You’ve been warned. Let’s get started.

First line

Scott Gomez, Rangers, 2007: 7 x $7.357 million, 14.63% cap hit

This deal seemed steep at the time, and got far worse over the years. It wasn’t the complete disaster you might remember it as – Gomez was actually pretty good in his first year in New York, and nearly hit the 60-point mark in the next two. And of course, the Rangers managed to somehow unload the deal onto the Canadiens before it really blew up. But once it did, man, it was awful. When you have your own website to track whether you’ve scored, that’s bad. When that site doesn’t change for over a year, that’s worse.

David Clarkson, Maple Leafs, 2013: 7 x $5.25 million, 8.16% cap hit

“I’m not worried about six or seven right now,” Leafs GM Dave Nonis infamously said when signing the deal. “I’m worried about one. And Year 1, I know we’re going to have a very good player.”

Nope. Clarkson was a miss almost immediately, in part due to an ill-advised suspension that delayed his regular season debut. To be fair, many Leafs fans loved the deal at the time, and some of the local media went nuts for it. Others immediately saw the disaster that was coming, including a young Globe and Mail beat writer who I hear went on to work at some website.

While it was never from lack of trying, Clarkson never clicked in Toronto, and didn’t even last two seasons before the team ate millions of dollars to ship him to Columbus. He hasn’t played since 2015-16 and almost certainly never will again, but his contract is still kicking around the league – partly because Nonis decided to make it virtually buyout proof.

Milan Lucic, Oilers, 2016: 7 x $6 million, 8.22% cap hit

Three years after watching the Leafs throw seven years at an aging power forward because of heart and grit and compete level, the Oilers apparently figured they could do even better. Lucic at least gave them one decent year, which is one more than the Leafs ever got from Clarkson. But unlike the Leafs, the Oilers haven’t yet figured out a way to wiggle out from under this contract, despite rumors that they’re desperately trying.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

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Grab bag: When NHL free agency goes bad

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- Connor McDavid is going to sign for a ton of money tomorrow. Should he have taken less to help his team win?
- The NHL's free agent negotiation window is weird
- An obscure player that was born the day Canada turned 100
- The week's three comedy stars
- And we go back ten years in the YouTube section to revisit the day that NHL free agency went bad

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

The ten types of bad contracts (and how to avoid them)

On Tuesday, San Jose Sharks defenceman Brent Burns signed an eight-year extension that will pay him $64 million and carry an $8 million cap hit.

It’s a huge contract — the biggest since Jamie Benn‘s deal this past summer and almost certainly the largest that we’ll see signed during the 2016-17 season.

But none of that really matters.

What fans want to know about the Burns contract is this: Is it a good deal or a bad one?

We can't know for sure yet, although we can already compare it to those of his peers.

The early consensus seems to point to a deal that carries a fair cap hit for a player of his caliber, but with a length that makes it a high-risk gamble on a player who'll have turned 40 by the time the contract expires. Only time will tell whether the deal ends up being worth the risk for the Sharks.

But even if the Burns deal does end up backfiring for San Jose, they'll have plenty of company. The NHL is littered with bad contracts; every team has at least a couple.

Twelve seasons into the salary cap era, you'd think general managers would be learning how to avoid some of these mistakes. But we still see them made all the time, and they usually fall into one of a few categories.

So today, let's look through those categories, and see if we can give our friends in NHL front offices some tips on avoiding them.

—

THE JULY 1 MELTDOWN

The contract: This is the most obvious category, with a big chunk of the league's worst deals falling into it.

To put it simply, NHL GMs do their worst work when unrestricted free agency opens on July 1. You target a player, the bidding war starts, and next thing you know you're paying way more than you meant to.

We've actually seen a drop in truly terrible July 1 deals over the years, largely thanks to the new negotiation window that opens up a few days in advance. But we still see more mistakes made on that one day than any other.

Recent examples: Scott Gomez. Wade Redden. Danny Briere. Brad Richards. Stephen Weiss. Loui Eriksson. Andrew Ladd.

How to avoid it: Don't let anybody in the front office anywhere near a phone on July 1.

Seriously, how long will it be before some GM (or owner) makes this an official team policy? Every year, we see teams pay through the nose for players on July 1, and every year we see great bargains still sitting around a few days later for a fraction of the price.

Every GM thinks they can be the one who makes the smart deal on UFA day, but history has shown us that most of them are wrong.

—

PAYING FOR INTANGIBLES

The contract: Look, intangibles exist. Just because something is hard to measure doesn't mean it's not important, and that's especially true in a sport like hockey.

Leadership matters. So does work ethic. And yes, even heart. But the waiver wire is filled with guys with plenty of heart and leadership. Paying top dollar for it rarely works out well.

Recent examples: Ryan Kesler. Ryan Callahan. Casey Cizikas.

How to avoid it: If your star player is also your hard-working leader, then great, go ahead and pay him. But if not, smart GMs will focus on pouring as much talent as possible into the core and save the intangibles for the (far cheaper) depth pieces.

If there are two mistakes on this list that can torpedo a team's cap situation, it's paying for intangibles and the July 1 meltdown. In fact, it's hard to even imagine anything worse…

Oh, hey, what's this next section…

—

THE JULY 1 MELTDOWN THAT INVOLVES PAYING FOR INTANGIBLES

The contract: Oh no.

Recent examples: Dave Bolland. Deryk Engelland. Ryane Clowe. Dale Weise. Clayton Stoner. Stephane Robidas. And the worst of them all: David Clarkson.

How to avoid it: If anyone in your front office so much as utters the words "compete level" on July 1, fire them immediately.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

The worst free agent signings of the last two decades

Free agency opens on Friday, as teams will be officially allowed to sign players on the open market, and fans around the league should be excited.

No, wait, excited isn’t the right word. What’s the one I’m looking for? Terrified. That’s the one. You should all be terrified.

That’s because, despite the occasional success story, NHL teams tend to be terrible at signing free agents. They can’t help themselves. And it rarely takes long for the initial excitement of a big signing to give way to the realization that a team has just handed out too much money for way too many years.

As we count down to Friday’s deadline, let’s take some time to look back at some cautionary examples of how quickly a big deal can go bad. Here are my picks for the five worst unrestricted free agency signings of the last two decades.

5. Teemu Selanne and Paul Kariya, Colorado, 2003

The deal: The two friends (and former Ducks teammates) shopped themselves as a tandem deal, eventually signing cheap one-year contracts with the powerhouse Avalanche. How cheap? Selanne took a pay cut to $5.8 million after declining a $6.5 million option in San Jose. But that was nothing compared to Kariya, who took just $1.2 million after making $10 million the year before in Anaheim. Both players could have made much more elsewhere, but they were chasing their first Stanley Cup rings, and joining Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg and an already loaded Avalanche team seemed like the best way to do it.

Why it made sense at the time: Are you kidding? Go back and re-read those details – it was foolproof. When the deals were announced, hockey fans everywhere pretty much threw up their hands and conceded the 2004 Cup to the Avalanche.

How it ended: In what may stand as the NHL’s greatest example of a can’t miss move somehow missing, both Selanne and Kariya were busts in Colorado and the Avalanche lost in the second round. That latter part wasn’t a huge shock – while the Avs still had most of their big names from their Cup years, they’d lost Patrick Roy to retirement in the offseason, and winning a title with David Aebischer never felt like a safe bet. But the real surprises were Kariya and Selanne, neither of whom cracked 40 points. When Steve Konowalchuk is outscoring both of your sure-thing signings, it’s safe to say that something has gone terribly wrong.

4. Ville Leino, Buffalo, 2011

The deal: Coming off a career-best 53 points, the 27-year-old winger landed a six-year, $27 million deal from the Sabres.

Why it made sense at the time: After years of drifting into small market status, the Sabres had a rich new owner and were ready to spend some of Terry Pegula’s money. (They also gave Christian Ehrhoff a 10-year, $40-million deal.) Leino had just posted a career year while helping the Flyers make it to the Cup final, and it was time for the Sabres to make some noise.

How it ended: Leino was a massive bust in Buffalo; his eight goals and 25 points in year one ended up being by far his most productive season as a Sabre. He missed almost all of year two of the deal, then went the entire 2013-14 season without scoring a single goal before being mercifully bought out.

(By the way, Leino wasn’t close to the worst contract handed out during the summer of 2011. That honor would go to a deal you’re probably expecting to see on this list: Ilya Bryzgalov’s $51-million deal with the Flyers that led to a massive buyout just two years later. But that one wasn’t technically a free agency deal, since the Flyers had acquired his negotiating rights and signed the deal before he reached the open market on July 1. )

>> Read the full post at The Hockey News

The NHL's greatest almost-happened blockbusters

With less than two weeks to go until the trade deadline and one blockbuster already in the books, hockey fans will spend the days until March 2 dreaming of monster deals that will shake teams to their foundation.

We probably won’t get any, but we can still hope. Trades are great fun, even though they’re largely a dying art in today’s NHL. And maybe even more fun than the completed deals are the near misses, the blockbusters that almost happened and then, for whatever reason, fell apart. We don’t always hear about those, but when we do, it can be great entertainment to look back at them years later and shake our heads at what could have been.

One big caveat: Since none of these deals were actually consummated, and NHL front-office types aren’t exactly in the habit of going on the record about this stuff, we’ll never know for sure how close any of these moves actually came to happening. All the deals below are rumors — well-reported rumors several steps above the usual message-board nonsense — but rumors nonetheless. Please have a large grain of salt or two handy before reading further.

With that out of the way, here are five huge trades¹ from NHL history that (allegedly) almost happened, but didn’t.

Detroit trades Steve Yzerman to Ottawa for Alexei Yashin

Today, Steve Yzerman is a Red Wings legend, and the idea of him ever taking the ice in any other team’s uniform seems unimaginable. But as we’ve covered before, there was a time when Yzerman seemed to have worn out his welcome in Detroit. He was a great player, but he just wasn’t a winner, the thinking went, and it was time for the franchise to turn the page and move on. In 1995, the Red Wings almost did just that.

They found a willing trade partner in Yzerman’s hometown team, the Ottawa Senators. The deal would have reportedly centered around young center Alexei Yashin, and while they’d no doubt deny it now, plenty of Red Wing fans thought it sounded like a fantastic idea. One rumor at the time said the deal was actually agreed to, and fell apart only when Detroit ownership stepped in at the last minute and nixed it.

Yzerman went on to captain the Red Wings to three Stanley Cups, while Yashin’s endless holdouts eventually made him one of the most hated players in Senators history. (Luckily for Ottawa, they eventually found a sucker to take him off their hands.) Today, the idea that a team would want to address a of a winning culture by trading Steve Yzerman for Alexei Yashin seems almost too ridiculous to comprehend. But at one point, Detroit came very close to doing exactly that.

Come on, Red Wings. If you have a choice between the Russian embroiled in a contract dispute and the good North American boy, you’d be crazy to choose the Russian!

Detroit trades Pavel Datsyuk to New Jersey for Scott Gomez

Hm. OK, scratch that last thought.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

The best and worst of a decade of free agency

I was on vacation last week, but whenever I flipped on a TV or checked Twitter, every sports fan I saw was going nuts about some sort of big free-agency signing. I checked the hockey transactions when I got back, and I’ll be honest: I didn’t really see what all the fuss was about. I guess everyone was just really excited about Bryan Lerg.

But now that I’m back, I figured today would be a good day for a look back on NHL free agency. And not just this year’s edition — I want to go all the way back over the past decade. After all, this summer marks the 10th offseason of the NHL’s salary cap era. If you remember, that era kicked off in 2005 with a brand-new CBA that, among other things, allowed players to earn unrestricted status much quicker than under the old rules. That was supposed to make free agency a more important part of building a contender, as more big names hit the market in their prime. Of course, it hasn’t quite worked out that way.

So let’s take a look back through that first decade of salary cap free agency and use the powers of hindsight to figure out which were the best and worst deals handed out each year (from the teams’ perspective). A few quick ground rules: First of all, we’re dealing only with players who changed teams; extensions feel like a different category. And we’re focusing on the big-dollar deals here, since we don’t want the “best” category to be overrun with minor deals for players who went on to unexpectedly develop into stars.

Let’s start at the beginning: August 2005, when the league emerged from a yearlong lockout and teams got their first crack at a new world of free agency.

2005

The 2005 offseason was a strange one. The lockout ended in July, and teams were given the opportunity to use unlimited compliance buyouts to get under the new salary cap. In theory, that should have flooded the market. In reality, teams largely played it cautious.

Best: Scott Niedermayer, Mighty Ducks, $28 million over four years

This one’s not an especially tough call, as Brian Burke and the Ducks nabbed a reigning Norris winner and future Hall of Famer who still had plenty of good years left. (They also had an advantage over other teams in the form of Scott’s brother Rob, who was already on the roster. The two had always wanted to play together.)

Scott Niedermayer posted a career high in points in his first season in Anaheim. When he was joined by Chris Pronger for 2006-07, the dominant duo gave the Ducks the franchise’s first Stanley Cup.

Worst: Alexander Mogilny, Devils, $7 million over two years/Vladimir Malakhov, Devils, $7.2 million over two years (tie)

You see what I mean about playing it cautious — while these two deals were mistakes, they weren’t the kind of long-term cap crushers we’d see in later years.

But yeah, it was a bit of a rough offseason for the Devils, who used the cap space saved by Niedermayer’s departure to sign a pair of bad deals. Mogilny lasted only half a season before being buried in the minors and eventually being placed on the injury list. Malakhov was sent home around the same time, and was eventually dealt to the Sharks in a deal that saw the Devils send a first-round pick to San Jose just to get rid of his cap hit.

2006

With one salary cap season under their belts, NHL GMs started getting more aggressive. The results were mixed, although most of the biggest deals signed this summer — like Brad Richards, Patrik Elias, Marty Turco, Bryan McCabe, and, most memorably, Rick DiPietro — were teams re-upping with their own players.

Best: Zdeno Chara, Bruins, $37.5 million over five years

Another easy call, and arguably the last big-time free agency deal that actually worked out well. The Senators famously chose to keep Wade Redden and let Chara test the market, a decision that was an utter disaster in hindsight (but, despite what you may remember, not all that unthinkable at the time). The Bruins swooped in and signed him to one of the league’s richest deals and he’s been their top defenseman ever since, winning a Norris Trophy and a Stanley Cup along the way.

One largely forgotten piece of this story: Bruins GM Peter Chiarelli had been hired but had not yet officially started work for Boston when the Chara deal was signed, as his previous team had insisted that he not leave until July 15. That old team: the Ottawa Senators. Was Chiarelli secretly involved in making the Chara deal anyway? We may never know, but let’s just say that Senators fans have their suspicions.

Worst: Ed Jovanoski, Coyotes, $32.5 million over five years

For the second straight year, NHL GMs managed to avoid signing any truly disastrous deals. Jovanoski had just turned 30 and was already battling injuries when the cash-strapped Coyotes made the curious decision to give him a deal that was just short of Chara’s. But it’s not like the deal was awful — he played well enough while finishing out the full deal in Arizona, and he’s even still (technically) active today.

Hey, maybe NHL GMs aren’t so dumb after all!

2007

Huh. Hold that thought. This is the year things started getting ugly.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

The New York Rangers head coaching vacancy questionnaire

Messier aced the "Where is the
faceoff after every shot on goal
against the Flyers" question.

The New York Rangers have apparently found their new head coach. While the deal hasn't been formally signed, reports say that the Rangers have settled on former Canucks coach Alain Vigneault and will make the official announcement soon.

Assuming those reports are true, it will conclude a lengthy and at times bizarre search that involved plenty of big names. In addition to Vigneault, the Rangers were rumored to be considering legendary former players like Mark Messier and Wayne Gretzky, and even names like Ulf Samuelsson and Brian Leetch were mentioned.

According to reports, GM Glen Sather had each of the candidates fill out a questionnaire prior to being interviewed. It goes without saying that DGB spies were quickly able to locate a copy and pass it along.

***

Thank you for your interest in becoming the next coach of the New York Rangers. To help us process the many candidates we expect to apply, please fill out this brief questionnaire to help us get to know you.

Your first name: ________________
Your last name: ________________
Your nickname when you played with the Rangers, which we're just going to go ahead and assume you did: ________________

Date you are available to start work: ________________
Date you are available to stop work, if you make Henrik Lundqvist mad: ________________

Your salary demands: ________________
(Note: this form will be reviewed by Glen Sather, so just go ahead and write in literally anything for that last one.)

Do you have any experience as a head coach in an NHL market?
( ) No.
( ) Nope.
( ) None at all.
( ) Coached in Montreal and Vancouver for a total of 11 seasons
( ) Coached in Phoenix for four seasons, so… no.

What would you say is the most important skill that a New York Rangers coach must possess?
( ) Familiarity with the CBA's buyout section
( ) Ability to resist punching Larry Brooks
( ) Willingness to attend Stanley Cup parades every half-century whether you want to or not
( ) Staying calm during difficult times by quietly mumbling "Well, at least we're not the Sabres".

What do you like best about the current New York Rangers organization?
( ) Notice you have decided to go with one and only one starting goalie; kind of wish my old boss had thought of that.
( ) Love Ryan McDonagh's two-way game, and sure hope we have more guys like him being developed by our farm team in Montreal.
( ) Really like the way you always keep your "Days since we last employed Sean Avery" sign updated.
( ) Have so many good young leaders that a New York Ranger player will definitely be winning the Mark Messier Leadership Award every year for a long long time, if you play your cards right.

Do you have any unique talents or abilities that you feel we should be aware of?
( ) Was the best hockey player in the world and the only reason Glen Sather has all those Cup rings that keep him employed to this day, but don't let that affect your decision or anything.
( ) On free agency day, can repeatedly hit my general manager on the nose with a rolled up newspaper while yelling "NO!" every time the phone rings.
( ) Don't want to get into it, but let's just say I'm on a first name basis with like half the local riot squad in two different cities.
( ) When I set my mind to it, can achieve the impossible. For example, have occasionally succeeded in eating just one.

Do you have any concerns about taking this position?
( ) Ryan Clowe and Darroll Powe's names don't rhyme and that's always just really bothered me for some reason.
( ) Would like to put together a long-term strategic plan, so it would be cool if we could eventually get one or two players signed past next season.
( ) Realize that part of the New York sports scene involves dealing with celebrities, but still not sure why the lead singer from this horrible band is always walking around MSG like he owns the place.
( ) Sort of creeped out by how realistic those mounted heads of sportswriters hanging in the old coach's office are

What would you say are the odds that you get this job?
( ) Pretty good.
( ) Just OK.
( ) Definite longshot.
( ) Not sure, let me ask my wife.

Finally, if you are the successful candidate, what would you do on your first day on the job?
( ) Get to work preparing a game plan for next year's playoff series against the Capitals.
( ) Try to cheer up that depressed looking usher by asking him if he knows how much he looks like Brad Richards
( ) Take off pants; sit on photocopier; fax results to Mike Gillis.
( ) Probably Google "How to be a hockey coach" since that is something I have never been in my entire life.

Thank you for your interest in this position. Please note that the successful candidate will be contacted next week. The unsuccessful candidates will be contacted next season, during our first losing streak.

---

Featuring 70 posts including 24 chapters of exclusive new material, The Best of Down Goes Brown is now available.

Buy it today: Amazon.com | Amazon.ca | Barnes & Noble | Nook | Chapters/Indigo | Kobo | iBooks

2013 NHL Season Preview - Eastern Conference

The last known example of PK Subban
being satisfied with Montreal's price.

NHL training camps have just started, which this year means that NHL training camps are about to end. And that makes it time to take a final look around the league in anticipation of opening night.

Today we'll start with the Eastern Conference before turning to the Western Conference tomorrow.

New Jersey Devils - It turns out Ilya Kovalchuk wasn't serious about remaining in Russia after all and is expected back in camp shortly, Lou Lamoriello said while returning from Russia holding a baseball bat and an Ilya Kovalchuk-shaped duffel bag.

Washington Capitals - Eric Fehr signed a one-year deal that was completed just in time for the start of training camp, making him the first Fehr in four months to show up on time for something.

Winnipeg Jets - Are expected to surprise a lot of people in the Eastern Conference this year, in the sense that whenever they come to town fans will be surprised to remember that for some reason they're still in the Eastern Conference.

New York Rangers - The team will be looking to Rick Nash for leadership during this shortened season, since he's used to being in the playoff race for 48 games every year.

Read the rest of this post...

Take the quiz: How well do you really know the CBA negotiations?

For the last time Brian, no, we can't
just lock out the players from Ontario.

The weekend's expiration of the NHL collective bargaining agreement made official what everyone already knew was inevitable. We have a lockout. Again.

If you're like most fans, you've probably already formed an opinion about who's right and wrong. You've probably also shared that opinion, loudly, to anyone who'll listen. But do you really understand the complex details behind these negotiations? Take this quiz and find out.

In late July, the NHL responded to the NHLPA's request for more financial information by turning over 76,000 pages. Why were the documents so long?
a.) For sake of completeness, the document listed everyone who's ever been rumored to be buying the Phoenix Coyotes.
b.) For reasons nobody's completely clear on, the package contains all of Mitt Romney's old tax returns.
c.) The owners wanted to make a note of how much they hated Bob Goodenow, so the middle 75,980 pages are just the repetition of the word "very".

The players submitted a counter-proposal in August, but the owners didn't immediately offer an official response. Why not?
a.) It was a contract offer, so out of force of habit the owners immediately tried to figure out how to front-load it.
b.) One of the rich owners asked if the proposal included a comprehensive revenue sharing to help the struggling smaller markets, and then they all just laughed and laughed until it was time to go home.
c.) They were advised to completely ignore it by that one really hardline guy in the group who nobody recognizes but who come to think of it looks kind of like David Stern wearing Groucho Marx glasses and giggling.

Read the rest of this post...

Other "thank you" newspaper ads from NHL stars through the years

Rick Nash said his final farewell to the city of Columbus last week. Days after being traded to the New York Rangers, Nash purchased a full-page ad in the Columbus Dispatch, featuring a personal letter thanking Blue Jacket fans for their support.

While the move was widely hailed as classy, it wasn't especially original. After all, star players taking out a full-page ad on their way out of town has become a hockey tradition. There's practically a template at this point, and Nash followed it to the letter: The player's name at the top, the big full-color photograph, the personal note at the bottom.

Where have we seen that before? From plenty of other star players who were moving on, as it turns out. Let's take a look through some newspaper archives around the league.

Here's a good example of a classy goodbye by a departing free agent.

Read the rest of this post...

Some positive thinking for Canada's NHL teams

If I use them as the photo, maybe Habs and Jets
fans won't complain that they got one fewer joke
than the other teams," thought the weary blogger.

The second round of the playoffs is underway, but fans may feel like something's missing. An entire country, to be specific, since for the first time in a generation not a single Canadian team made it out of round one. And that's lead to a seemingly never-ending parade of negativity and speculation about what's ailing the nation's franchises.

Enough is enough. As longtime readers know, if there's one thing this space is committed to it's a sense of unrelenting optimism. So let's focus on the bright side, and come up with as many positive things as possible to say about each of Canada's seven teams.

Montreal Canadiens - The upcoming collective bargaining agreement should make it possible for the team to finally recover from the Scott Gomez trade, assuming it ends up including some sort of "get Ryan McDonagh back" clause.

Winnipeg Jets - While they put up a disappointing season in terms of wins, points, and goals for and against, they did have their best season in 16 years in the all-important "actually existing" category.

Toronto Maple Leafs - Many experts insist that a good NHL rebuild takes five years, and if that's true then the Leafs should be ready to contend for a title sometime in the next negative three years or so.

Calgary Flames - The likely offseason trade of Jarome Iginla will eventually allow Flames fans to enjoy a championship, assuming they all switch allegiances to whichever team acquires Jarome Iginla.

Vancouver Canucks - Have indicated that they'll be trading Roberto Luongo, which is great, because trading that guy away has always worked out so well for other teams.

Read the rest of this post...

The Montreal Canadiens' application form for the vacant GM job

Please please please please

The Montreal Canadiens have started the process of finding a replacement for fired general manager Pierre Gauthier. Plenty of candidates have already been rumored as favorites, but the team has promised that they'll consider anyone.

Apparently they're not kidding. A source in Montreal has informed me that anyone can apply for the job by filling out a simple application form. I've received a copy of the form and reproduced it below, just in case any readers are interested in throwing their hat into the ring.

***

Thank you for your interest in applying for the vacant position of General Manager of the Montreal Canadiens. Please note that this application form is available in both French and English.

Why do you want to be the next general manager of the Montreal Canadiens?
( ) In current front office job, am getting tired of constantly being called an idiot by the media in only one language.
( ) Have a rare form of amnesia where I constantly forget how many Stanley Cups my team has won; would like work someplace where I'll be reminded every few minutes.
( ) Have reviewed the current roster and prospect pool, and enjoy the idea of having the next four or five springs off.
( ) Without revealing my current job, let's just say I get a little tired of being stuck in between two coaches pretending to want to fight each other.

Ideally, the successful candidate would be bilingual. Do you speak French?
( ) I speak fluent French.
( ) I speak high-school level French.
( ) I speak Randy Cunneyworth-level French.
( ) I didn't think I knew how to swear in French, but then I read the details of Scott Gomez's contract and found out I was wrong.

Read the rest of this post...

Other Montreal Canadien fan complaints

Montreal Canadiens fans aren’t very happy these days. The team has been a disappointment all season, with a combination of injuries and lacklustre play leaving them well outside of the current playoff picture.

But apparently that's not even the biggest problem facing the franchise. That honor would be reserved for interim Canadiens' coach Randy Cunneyworth, who's hiring generated controversy because he can't speak French. Tension over that issue may be taken to new heights today, when Canadiens fans (or at least groups claiming to represent them) are reportedly planning a pre-game protest outside of the Bell Centre.

But while the language-based outrage is getting all the attention, it's actually only one of several demonstrations planned for today by fans in Montreal. As it turns out, Canadiens fans are fed up and they're not going to take it anymore.

So forget about which language the coach is speaking. Here are some of the other issues that Montreal Canadiens fans are currently upset about.

• Whenever you call Montreal's 911 emergency line, the automated attendant doesn't get to "report a Boston Bruins body check" until like the third or fourth option.
  
  
• The team has refused to release details of team captain Brian Gionta's recent health issue beyond calling it a lower body injury, which on that guy doesn't really narrow it down.
  
  
• While it was nice to see them borrow our patented "stuff the ballot box to elect all your mediocre hometown players to the All-Star Game" move, foolish Senator fans forgot the part about including an unrestricted free agent for Brian Burke to overpay in the offseason.
  

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Potential issues in the next NHL CBA

After several awkward minutes, Fehr realized that
"high five me if you love escrow" was a bad idea.

So it turns out that the NBA won't be challenging the NHL's status as the only league to lose a full season to work stoppage after all. Despite dire predictions that the year would be lost, the NBA and its players managed to reach an agreement that will save most of the season.

That comes on the heels of recent agreements that saw both the NFL and MLB sign new deals without missing any games. So with three of North America's big four sports leagues having found labour peace, all eyes now shift back to the NHL. With the league's current collective bargaining agreement set to expire before next season, hockey fans are hoping that negotiations go more smoothly than they did the last time around.

So what will be the major issues in the next NHL CBA? That depends on who you talk to. As it turns out, everyone seems to have a different opinion on which issues should be top priorities. Here's a look at what various stakeholders around the NHL say they'd like to see changed in the league's next CBA:

Brendan Shanahan - Would like to increase the maximum player fine from the current $2,500; failing that, would at least like the players to stop paying it by grabbing a fistful of spare change, throwing it at me from their car window, then laughing and speeding off.

Alexander Ovechkin - I've repeatedly argued that the NHL give Russian players the chance to compete in the 2014 Olympics in Sochi, although to be honest you should probably also check with some of the guys who will make the team.

Kyle Turris - Pass a rule banning pointless holdouts where the player misses two months and doesn't get anything he was asking for, or at least have someone tell my agent that you did.

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Other complaints about Brendan Shanahan

Despite an entertaining first week of action on the ice, it seems like all anyone wants to talk about these days is Brendan Shanahan. After an initial honeymoon period that faded quickly, the NHL's senior vice-president of player safety and hockey operations has come under heavy fire over his recent rulings on player discipline.

Don Cherry has been the highest profile critic of Shanahan's harsher approach to suspensions, but he's certainly not alone. Media reports have indicated that at least some general managers are uncomfortable with Shanahan's rulings, and plenty of fans have voiced their concerns as well.

At the very least, you might assume that his discipline decisions are the only area where Shanahan is feeling the heat. But you'd be wrong. According to my top secret sources, there's a long list of issues and grievances with Shanahan that date back to the early days of his career.

Here's a sample of some of the hockey world's other complaints about Brendan Shanahan.

• In a cruel practical joke, spent his entire rookie year with the Devils whispering moronic coaching strategies into the ear of sleeping roommate John MacLean.
  
  
• Completely screwed up his shootout attempt at the Nagano Olympics when he failed to be Wayne Gretzky.
  
  
• Has been an NHL VP for almost two years now and has spent lots of time with Gary Bettman, yet has apparently still not taken him aside and convinced him to stop doing that "get overly defensive and make the whole press conference uncomfortable" thing.
  
  
• Whenever I get a penalty I don't agree with and then do the secret signal where I tug on my ear three times in the penalty box, the referee still has a job the next day. (Submitted by Gregory Campbell.)
  

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Behind the scenes of the Brad Richards bidding war

"Sure, give me a longterm mega-deal, what could go
wrong? Uh, why do you keep looking behind me?"

Friday marked the official start of NHL free agency, and all eyes were focused on Brad Richards. The former Dallas Star was unquestionably the biggest name available on the open market, and he quickly became the focus of an unprecedented bidding war.

As the day wore on, Richards reportedly narrowed his choices down to four teams: the Rangers, Kings, Maple Leafs and Flames. With various hockey media staking out his agent's office in Mississauga, the star centre huddled inside with advisors listening to detailed presentations from each of the candidates. After a gruelling day of negotiations and counter-offers, Richards eventually signed a nine-year, $60 million deal with the Rangers.

So what exactly happened behind those closed doors on Friday? As it turns out, DGB spies were present throughout the day and were able to capture some of the most notable moments from the day's proceedings.

12:01 pm - Although they agree to take him at his word that he's keeping an open mind, arriving representatives of the Flames, Leafs and Kings admit it may be a bad sign that Richards meets them at the door wearing a Rangers jersey.

12:34 pm - Despite some concern that Brian Burke would miss the Leafs' presentation while in Afghanistan to visit the troops, he is able to join thanks to the last-minute invention of a brand new technology known as the telephone.

1:12 pm - Flames' general manager Jay Feaster spend several minutes laughingly reminiscing with Richards about that time in Tampa Bay when they won the Stanley Cup because the refs didn't see the other team score the winning goal in overtime, while Jarome Iginla sits quietly between them with a single tear rolling down his cheek.

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Where will Brad Richards sign?

Free agency is just days away, and there's little question about who the big name is. Brad Richards of the Dallas Stars is easily the best player available, and is expected to receive substantial offers from several big market teams. Where will he end up signing? It's all a mystery.

Or maybe not. Fans that have paid attention to recent free agent patterns may already have a sense of how all this will turn out.

In fact, Bloge Salming and I can picture it now...

RSS readers, click here.

You can find more Bloge Salming videos at Houses of the Hockey and at blogesalming.com.

You can download an mp3 of this song here.

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NHL free agency through the years

With free agency season upon us, all eyes are focused on this year's crop of UFAs. Who'll get the best deal? Who'll bolt for the KHL? Which teams will improve, and which will be left on the sidelines?

We'll know soon enough. But in the meantime, let's remind ourselves of how unpredictable free agency can be by looking back at some notable signings from recent years.

Daniel and Henrik Sedin, Vancouver, 2009 - After signing a last-minute extension with the Canucks, the twins' plans to celebrate with a slice of that big cake that showed up on their doorstep that morning are ruined at 12:01 when Brian Burke awkwardly pops out of it.

Colton Orr, Toronto, 2009 - Orr becomes one of the highest paid enforcers in league history, thanks to a deal with Toronto that pays him a quarter for every time he punches Matt Carkner in the face.

Marion Gaborik, New York, 2009 - The Rangers sign the oft-injured star to a $37.5M deal. While other teams were willing to match the money, the Rangers were the only team to meet Gaborik's demands of a "no playoff-clinching shooutout" clause.

Brian Campbell & Cristobal Huet, Chicago, 2008 - The Blackhawks sign the pair to long-term contracts that most observers feel are significantly overpriced. While many fans fear the contracts will cripple the Hawks, the front office assures fans that the team will be able to stay under the salary cap thanks to careful roster management, judicious use of buyouts, or at least some other team eventually hiring Rick Dudley.

Thomas Vanek, Edmonton, 2007 - After an 84-point season, Vanek signs a $50M offer sheet with the Oilers which the Sabres are forced to match. After realizing how close he came to spending the rest of his career in Edmonton, a shaken Vanek vows to never risk attracting the Oilers' attention again by spending the next several seasons disguised as a second-liner.

Gary Roberts, Toronto, 2000 - Roberts agrees to terms with the Leafs, choosing their contract of just under $3M a season over the Senators' offer of "Oh god, sir, please don't hurt us, take whatever you want and just leave us alone".

Chris Drury and Scott Gomez, New York, 2007 - Upon learning that critics are calling the signings the worst free agent contracts that are even theoretically possible, Glen Sather mutters "we'll see about that" and circles Wade Redden's name with a yellow highlighter.

Sean Avery, Dallas, 2008 - Upon signing Avery, Stars general manager Brett Hull tells him "Hey, I know you're better known as a Ranger, but we don't mind picking up other teams' sloppy seconds. Ha ha! Um, why are you writing that down?"

Peter Forsberg, Philadelphia, 2005 - Coming out of the NHL lockout, Forsberg shuns the Avalanche to sign with the Flyers. "I really wanted to make the right decision," Forsberg tells reporters, "because I know that the experience of being an unrestricted free agent is one I'll only ever get to have once, maybe twice, per year, for the rest of my career."

Jason Blake, Toronto, 2007 - The Leafs agree to terms with Blake early in the day, although the actual contract signing is delayed several hours due to technical problems after it's discovered that John Ferguson Jr. had earlier tried to fax himself a grilled cheese sandwich.

Cold Cases: The NHL's other missing items

Hockey fans are well aware of the recent mini-drama involving Sidney Crosby's equipment from Canada's gold medal game. The stick he used to score the winning goal went missing along with a glove, leading to a Canada-wide search and a $10,000 reward.

The equipment was eventually found, and the hockey world breathed a sigh of relief. But not so fast. It turns out that Crosby's gear was only one example of a growing problem. NHL-related items have been going missing for years, and there are currently several ongoing investigations.

Here are ten example of high-profile ongoing investigations into NHL items that seem to have disappeared.

The item: Daniel Alfredsson's Stanley Cup ring
Missing since: 2004
Case details: Alfredsson famously guaranteed that the Senators would win at least one Stanley Cup. However, there is no evidence that the ring from that championship is currently in his possession.
Investigation status: Progress has proven difficult, as every time the victim is questioned about it he gets upset and storms away.

The item: The Toronto Maple Leafs' first round draft picks
Missing since: September 18, 2009
Case details: A review of the NHL's draft list shows that the Leafs do not have either of their next two first round picks, despite those picks being critical to their rebuilding effort.
Investigation status: While Leafs GM Brian Burke has denied that a crime took place, every Leafs' home game this year has produced 18,800 new eyewitnesses who confirm that a robbery was pulled off.

The item: Brian Campbell's clavicle
Missing since: March 14, 2010
Case details: The clavicle, last seen Sunday morning, has since been replaced by a loose pile of jagged shards and bone-colored dust.
Investigation status: While investigators are said to have a suspect in the case, a thorough sweep of the crime scene failed to uncover any evidence such as DNA, fingerprints, or Olympic medals.

The item: Sean Avery's medication
Missing since: About two weeks ago
Case details: Avery appears to have recently gone off the medication which had prevented him from acting like an attention-starved sideshow, saying ridiculous things, having any discernible personality, responding to outside stimuli in any way, and being an effective player.
Investigation status: No firm leads, but authorities strongly suspect that Larry Flynt is involved.

The item: A Philadelphia Flyers playoff-caliber goaltender
Missing since: 1996
Case details: Oddly enough, the team's front office seems completely unaware that anything is missing.
Investigation status: If we can't solve it now, there's always next year. And the next. And the next...

The item: The piano on Lee Stempniak's back
Missing since: March 3, 2010
Case details: The item apparently holds great sentimental value to Stempniak, since he hadn't been seen without it since November 2008.
Investigation status: Let's just say everyone's pretty sure it will turn up on its own.

The item: Scott Gomez
Missing since: 2007
Case details: Gomez signed an enormous free agent deal with the New York Rangers. He's never been heard from since.
Investigation status: Prime suspect Glen Sather claims to have an alibi, insisting that Gomez was traded to another team in the off-season. But a brief examination of the player's stats and the NHL's salary cap rules reveals that to be clearly impossible.

The item: Tomas Kaberle's copy of the NHL standings
Missing since: 2008
Case details: It's really the only possible explanation for the whole NTC thing, right?
Investigation status: Authorities are anxious to locate the item prior to this year's draft, since it will give Tomas plenty to think about when he's traded to the Oilers.

The item: Personal items from several Montreal Canadiens
Missing since: March 11, 2010
Case details: Various players reported the recent theft of several cans of shoe polish.
Investigation status: It's the strangest thing, they were right here until those two fans walked by and... oh good God, they couldn't have.

The item: Matt Cooke's karma
Missing since: 1999
Case details: Philosophers believe that the karmic effects of one's deeds will actively impact present and future experiences. However, this delicate universal balance seems to have been mysteriously absent during Cooke's NHL career.
Investigation status: Good news! The Boston Bruins have located the missing item, and have promised to personally return it to Cooke this Thursday.

Countdown to free agency

Tomorrow is Free Agency Day. It's also a holiday in Canada, which means two things:

• I'll be online all day
  
• I'll be drinking heavily starting at noon

I'll be updating DGB whenever something interesting happens... which, given Brian Burke's track record, means this is my last post for the week. But check back anyways, just in case.

And don't forget to follow me on twitter. My twitter feed has all the high quality you've come to expect from the blog, except more frequent, shorter, and without the high quality.

(If you're not already following DGB, PPP, Chemmy and the rest of the barilkosphere on twitter, you missed out on an epic afternoon. Once news of the Gomez trade broke, Leaf Nation quickly formed a kick circle around Bob Gainey and didn't let up for a solid hour. Good times. Look for an encore tonight if the Senators trade Dany Heatley for Dustin Penner.)

A few quick thoughts on free agency:

• I'm solidly pro-Sedin, if and only if Burke can sign them to deal of reasonable length. If Burke can get the twins to signs five or six year deals worth, say, $35M or so each, I'm happy.
  
  The Leafs need front line talent and only have one elite forward prospect. The Sedins give you two-thirds of a top line and push everyone else down to more suitable roles. Plus, as we all know, Swedish players never let you down.
  
  
• Do not sign Chris Neil. He's broken down, has a grossly over-inflated sense of himself, and is a cruiserweight at best. Yes, it's admirable to see a relatively little guy fight giants like Laraque and Brashear. But he gets fed every time, and we can find cheaper guys to clog up the fourth line and lose fights twice a month.
  
  
• On the other hand, I want Colton Orr's signature on a contract at 12:01. The Leafs need an enforcer -- not a grinder, not a plugger, not a plumber, but an honest-to-god alpha dog. Chris Neil isn't the answer. Andrew "Golf Swing" Peters definitely isn't the answer. Colton Orr is. Sign him tomorrow. Then give him Finger's #4, just to piss off Bruins ans.
  
  
• Seriously, do not sign Chris Neil.
  
  
• Mike Cammalleri, Mike Komisarek and François Beauchemin are all fine players if you can get them at a reasonable price, which you won't. So don't get your hopes up.
  
  
• I will go on a crime spree if they sign Chris Neil.
  
  
• There's a very sick part of me that wants the Leafs to sign Todd Bertuzzi, just for the entertainment value. He would immediately cause Damien Cox's head to explode. He'd instantly become the most hated player in NHL history. And he'd make Dominic Moore cry tears of blood.
  
  
• DUR-NO! DUR-NO! DUR-NO!

A reminder of the three immutable laws of NHL free agency:

1. Everybody will get way more money than anyone expects them to get. Everyone.
   
2. Most of the big names will sign with teams that they've never even been linked to.
   
3. Do not sign Chris Neil

Finally, a sincere thanks to DGB readers. Thanks to a late surge, this will be the fifth straight month of record traffic. That's pretty impressive considering how little is going on in Leafland every spring.

So thanks to everyone who visits. Thanks to everyone who subscribes, follows, or bookmarks. And special thanks to everyone who posts DGB content and links on various forums and sites around the world.

(And that includes a special hello to my friends in Finland in the NHL-huumoria thread at Jatkoaika.com. Kiitos! I've almost forgiven your country for Vesa Toskala.)