Grab bag: Gone golfing

In this week's Friday Grab Bag:
- A detailed breakdown of an overtime celebration pile
- The NHL playoffs wind up on The Gold Channel
- An obscure player whose two brothers both made the HHOF
- The week's three comedy stars
- And a YouTube trip back to one of the few happy playoff memories for Capitals fans

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

Grab Bag: The Oilers' new mascot will eat your children

In The Friday Grab Bag (which is once again appearing on Thursday thanks to the World Cup):
- The Oilers' new mascot is terrifying
- Jacob Trouba is reminding me that I kind of miss holdouts
- An obscure player who'd be a Team Europe alumni if it had existed when he played
- The NHL is doing a Top 100 players list and has already screwed it up
- And the game that started Canada's current run of international hockey dominance

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

A brief history of Washington Capitals playoff collapses

The Capitals and Rangers face off tomorrow night in Game 7 of their second-round series, setting up a dramatic showdown that seemed unlikely just a few days ago. The Rangers looked like they were in big trouble when they fell behind 3-1 in the series, and they seemed all but done when the Caps held a lead late in Game 5. But a New York comeback has flipped the series around, and now the Rangers head into Game 7 in their own building with all the momentum. Who could have seen this coming?

Well, any Capitals fan could have, if we’re being honest. After all, this is a franchise that carries a certain reputation when it comes to blowing playoff leads. In fact, a loss tomorrow would mark the 10th time in franchise history that the Capitals found a way to lose a series in which they held a two-game lead. That’s not easy to do; historically, teams that lead a series 3-1 go on to win 90 percent of the time, with those that lead 2-0 faring almost as well. And yet the Capitals find a way to do it every few years. That’s almost impressive.

So in the lead-up to Game 7 and what could be yet another Capitals’ collapse, let’s take a trip back through the history of some of those series that got away. Maybe we can learn a few lessons that will help this year’s team avoid a similar fate. Or maybe we’ll just call it a dry run for the inevitable. Either way, it should make for a fun look back.¹

1985, first round, New York Islanders

The Capitals: This was a good young Caps team featuring three future Hall of Famers just entering their primes in Mike Gartner, Larry Murphy, and Scott Stevens. They finished the season with 101 points.

The opponents: The Islanders were at the tail end of the Bossy/Potvin/Trottier dynasty; they had won the conference five straight years and still had most of the core that had won four consecutive Cups from 1980 to 1983. But they had struggled to stay over .500 and finished 15 points back of the Caps.

The lead: Washington took the first two games in overtime in what was then a best-of-five opening-round format. No team in NHL history had ever blown a 2-0 lead in a best-of-five series.

The collapse: The series went back to Uniondale, where the Islanders stayed alive with a pair of wins. That set up a deciding game in Washington, in which goals by Brent Sutter and Anders Kallur were enough for the Isles to edge the Capitals, 2-1, and take the series.

The lesson: Watch out for those New York teams that lost in the Stanley Cup final the year before.

Heartbreak rating: 5/10. It’s never fun to become the first team in NHL history to squander a specific type of lead, but somebody has to be first. At least they got it over with quickly, right?

1987, first round, New York Islanders

The Capitals: A slightly older and wiser version of the 1985 squad, these Capitals featured names like Mike Ridley, Kevin Hatcher, and Michal Pivonka, who would become the core of the late-’80s/early-’90s teams.

The opponents: The Islanders still featured many of their legendary names, but were now four years removed from their last Cup and firmly transitioning into the Pat LaFontaine era.

The lead: After splitting the first two games in Washington, the Caps stole Games 3 and 4 on the road, giving up only one goal in the process and heading back home with a commanding 3-1 series lead.

The collapse: The Islanders took Game 5 by a 4-2 final, then held on for a 5-4 win in Game 6 at home. That set up a seventh game in Washington, and it turned out to be a classic: the Easter Epic, a quadruple-overtime marathon that ended on LaFontaine’s long-distance bomb.

The lesson: Why settle for losing one Game 7 when you can lose the equivalent of two in the same night?

Heartbreak rating: 9/10. This was the first time in NHL history that a team had blown a 3-1 series lead,² and the drama of the final game made the loss devastating — Bob Mason’s stunned drop to one knee is still burned into the minds of old-time Caps fans. I’d say it can’t possibly get any worse than this, but I’d be worried that this year’s Caps would take that as a challenge.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

The dirtiest clean hits of all-time

Well, we knew it couldn’t last. The NHL’s department of player safety has finally had to get back to business.

It can thank San Jose enforcer John Scott, who left the bench to start a fight in Sunday’s game between the Ducks and Sharks, earning himself a two-game suspension. It was the first ban for an on-ice infraction all year, including the preseason, ending an almost unheard-of period of peace and quiet for our friends in the department of player safety.

In recognition of the recent stretch of leaguewide good behavior, let’s take a look back at some other incidents from NHL history that also didn’t earn a suspension. Of course, circumstances were a little different back then. For all the criticism the department of player safety comes under these days for just about any suspension it hands out (and especially the ones it doesn’t), it’s fair to say that today’s players don’t get away with anywhere near as much as they used to.

As evidence, consider the five hits below. None were deemed worthy of a suspension at the time. Today, that probably wouldn’t be the case. So let’s take a look back at some of the dirtiest clean hits of all time.

Matt Cooke on Marc Savard, March 7, 2010

The hit: We might as well get the obvious one out of the way first.

This was the hit that literally changed the sport, or at least its rulebook. Matt Cooke’s blindside hit of Marc Savard was vicious, dangerous, and unnecessary, a blatant attempt to injure a defenseless opponent. It was also, strictly speaking, legal. It wasn’t an elbow or a charge, it wasn’t especially late, and Cooke didn’t leave his feet. As much as the hit turned everyone’s stomach, there was nothing in the rulebook that said it was dirty.¹

The verdict, then: No suspension, since the play didn’t technically break any rules and similar hits had always been deemed clean. But in an era in which we were beginning to understand the seriousness of concussions, it sure seemed like Cooke’s hit should have been suspendable, and even Don Cherry wanted him gone. It led to the introduction of Rule 48 the following offseason, which made it illegal to hit a player in the head from the blind side.

The verdict, now: If Cooke did it? He’d be out of the league. That’s not an exaggeration; after Cooke was busted for targeting the head yet again a year later, the league made it clear he had to change his game or find a new job. To his credit, for the most part he has.² But if he ever throws another hit like this one, they’ll have the nameplate off his locker before the whistle finishes blowing.

If it was someone other than Cooke, we’d see a lengthy suspension that would depend partly on the resulting injury and the offending player’s history. Rule 48 is still poorly understood by many fans, and it’s led to plenty of debate over just how severe the resulting bans should be, but to its credit, the league has done a good job of making it clear that blindside hits to the head are no longer tolerated.

Which is a good thing, because those hits used to happen all the time, and sometimes they were really ugly, as we’ll see in our next clip.

Mark Messier on Mike Modano, February 26, 1994

The hit: Early in the third period of a 1994 regular-season game between the Stars and Rangers, Mike Modano cuts across the blue line and momentarily looks down for a pass in his skates. New York’s Mark Messier catches him with his head down.

Ignore the stuff with the stretcher that happens at the end of the video. The hit itself is a classic blindside, as Modano is in a defenseless position and Messier delivers a …

[Realizes everyone is just skipping ahead to the stretcher part anyways.]

Sigh. Yes, this is the infamous clip in which the medical staff drops Modano’s stretcher. Go ahead and watch that part 30 or 40 times if you must, but we’re not going to make fun of it here because we’re a little more mature than that, thank you very much. (And, uh, we already covered it frame by frame a few months ago.)

So Modano is in a defenseless position and Messier delivers a shoulder to the head that appears to knock him out cold. To make matters worse, Modano’s helmet comes off and he hits the back of his head on the ice, opening up a bad gash. He suffered a concussion and missed several games.

The verdict, then: No penalty, no fine, no suspension. Also, Modano’s own GM defended the play, saying, “I don’t know if it was so much a hit as Mike turned and skated right into him.” That’s a real quote. The whole incident was probably the most mind-boggling thing Messier was ever involved in, right up until that commercial that came out a few weeks ago in which he’s standing in a room full of Canucks fans and none of them are throwing garbage at him.

The verdict, now: In 1994, this was considered a clean hit. Today, it would be a classic Rule 48, and the resulting injury would make a hefty suspension all but inevitable. As a star player, Messier would get some benefit of the doubt. But he also had a history of questionable plays on his record, including a 10-game suspension for sucker punching Jamie Macoun in 1985. He’d get at least that much for this hit, and probably more.

(By the way, this wasn’t even the most ridiculous non-suspension hit against a Dallas Stars player in 1994. More on that in a minute.)

>> Read the full post on Grantland

2012 Free Agency Preview

The last known photo of these two without a
trillion dollars stuffed in their pockets

Tomorrow marks the start of the NHL's annual free agent frenzy. This year's crop is thin on big name talent, but there should be enough top tier players available to ensure that tomorrow will be a busy day.

Here are some of the players who'll be getting the most attention once the clock strikes noon tomorrow.

Ryan Suter

The good: It's extremely rare to have the opportunity to see one of the best defensemen in all of hockey patrolling your team's blueline, so Suter was pretty lucky to get to watch Shea Weber all those years.
The bad: Unlike all his brothers and cousins who are cool about it, when you ask him what it was like growing up on the famous family farm in Viking, Alberta he just stares at you like you're some sort of idiot.
Worth noting: Has been so torn over which of his many potential destinations to choose that he's spent several nights wide awake, pacing his bedroom floor in his favorite Red Wing footy pajamas.

P.A. Parenteau

The good: Shows surprising speed, according to Nassau Coliseum security guards who watched him sprint out of the building the second the season ended.
The bad: Has racked up impressive assist totals with the Islanders over the years, but there's no way of knowing if he could also do it with good players.
Worth noting: His signing will be our only chance to read the headline "Ownership and P.A. reach agreement" for the next six months.

Ray Whitney

The good: Has been a team leader in Phoenix for the past two years, so is probably getting really good at fake-laughing at a teammate's twitter updates.
The bad: Was teammates with Raffi Torres for an entire season and never once pushed him out the cargo door of a moving airplane, so how good a guy can he be?
Worth noting: The league is trying to cut down on ridiculously back-loaded contracts that take a player well past the typical age of retirement, so they'll probably veto any Whitney deal longer than three weeks.

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Hidden playoff injuries revealed

Jordan Staal is informed of the trade
rumors linking him to the Maple Leafs.

It’s the time of year when hockey fans see something they’re not used to on NHL injury reports: honesty.

By now fans have become used to teams being as vague as possible when it comes to health issues. Many injuries to key players are never acknowledged at all, and those that are mentioned are cryptically referred to as upper or lower body injuries and nothing more.

But that all changes one a team has been eliminated. There’s no point in keeping up the charade once the season is over, so teams finally let the public know what sort of medical challenges the players were dealing with. Sometimes the news confirms fans’ existing suspicions, and sometimes we’re all caught completely off-guard.

Here are some of the hidden injuries that teams have recently revealed after being eliminated from Stanley Cup contention.

Ryan Suter, Nashville Predators – His teammates say he was obviously dealing with some sort of major injury that will require him to meet with a specialist in Detroit, since he spent the past few months constantly whispering into his cellphone about some sort of appointment there at 12:01 on July 1.

David Backes, St. Louis Blues – Along with several teammates, suffered abdominal injuries from laughing at that moronic advance scout who kept insisting that the best way to score on Jonathan Quick was to take slapshots from centre ice.

Ed Jovanovski, Florida Panthers – Keeps saying that he thinks this year’s first round loss will help the Panthers when they’re back in the playoffs next year, which has led to facial trauma from all the people who keep pinching his cheeks and telling him he’s being just adorable.

Ryan Kesler, Vancouver Canucks – Will be out for six months after surgery to repair an injured labrum that has confounded local experts, in the sense that they haven’t been able to figure out how to blame it on Roberto Luongo.

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A fan's guide to handling the pressure of Game Seven

The series turning point came when Ovechkin
started using the "slide the goalie out
of the crease" move from NHL '93.

Tonight, hockey fans will get to hear two of the most ominous words in sports: "game seven". The Washington Capitals will visit the New York Rangers for the conclusion of their series with a trip to the conference finals hanging in the balance.

For most fans, that makes the game something to look forward to. But if you're a diehard Capital or Ranger fan, maybe not. After all, seeing an entire season come down to a single winner-take-all contest can be excruciating. And let's face it, some fans handle this sort of situation better than others.

So whether you're a nervous fan or will have the misfortune of spending time around one, I'm here to help. Here are some tips on how to handle the day of a crucial NHL playoff game.

DO: If you'd prefer to watch alone, plan to take in the game someplace where you know you'll never have to worry about running into any hockey fans at this time of year.
DO NOT: Be rude if the Rexall Place security guard doesn't agree to let you in right away.

DO: Try your best to ignore that one guy watching the game with you and your friends who doesn't seem to be a hockey fan, know what's going on, or have even the slightest understanding about the NHL and how it works.
DO NOT: Be surprised when he casually mentions that he's in the process of buying the Phoenix Coyotes.

DO: Apologize immediately if the stress of the situation causes you to lose your temper with your children by snapping at them with one-word answers every time they try to talk to you.
DO NOT: Make the situation worse by explaining that you were simply trying to talk to them "Tortorella-style".

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A brief history of playoff violence

"I sure hope Tucker was suspended for
that high hit!" said Brad Marchand.

The first round of the 2012 playoffs has been marked by wild brawls, questionable hits and an unprecedented string of suspensions. From Raffi Torres to Matt Carkner to Shea Weber to virtually the entire Penguins roster, it seems like each night of action brings another embarrassing incident to keep the referees and Brendan Shanahan busy.

But despite what some recent coverage might lead you to believe, playoff violence is hardly a new phenomenon in the NHL. In fact, the league has a long history of regrettable incidents in the postseason, many of which would put this year's displays to shame.

Let's take a look back through the history books at some of the other black eyes, literal and figurative, that the NHL playoffs have provided over the years.

May 16, 1987 - Montreal and Philadelphia engage in a wild pre-game brawl that all starts over the sight of opposing players shooting a puck into an open net, which come to think of it may also explain all the bad blood in this year's Flyers/Penguins series.

April 26, 2002 - New York Islanders star Michael Peca suffers significant ligament damage after being hit in the knee by Darcy Tucker. A defiant Tucker will later strenuously deny that the hit was low, while awkwardly refusing to answer reporters' questions about the shovel and mining helmet he's holding behind his back.

June 6, 2011 - Aaron Rome knocks Nathan Horton out of the Stanley Cup Finals with a late hit that the media at the time refers to as "vicious" and "an unprecedented act of horrific violence", and which the league head office now refers to as "the good old days".

May 22, 1997 - The Red Wings and Avalanche engage in a series of fights that only end when everyone gets sick of Detroit's Brendan Shanahan constantly skating around and telling everyone that they owe him $2,500.

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Round one Eastern Conference playoff preview

"Um, should I keep going?" asked the anthem singer.

It's playoff time, which means it's time for everyone to who writes about hockey to prepare their predictions for the eight opening series. Don't fight it, it's the law.

Today we'll take a look at the Eastern Conference matchups, with the Western Conference following tomorrow. Remember, as per the official rules of playoff predictions, we all agree to never speak of these again once the first round is over.

#1 New York Rangers vs. #8 Ottawa Senators

The matchup: In a nice change of pace, the Senators have decided it might be fun to suffer a crushing playoff defeat to a different original six team.
The view from New York: Henrik Lundqvist says his injured forearm has healed enough for him to play, he supposes, since every time the team doctor shows him an "x-ray" it's actually just a picture of Martin Biron inside a circle with a line through it.
The view from Ottawa: The Senators have to be considered spoilers, assuming we're talking about all the great Senators vs. Bruins jokes I had written for this preview a week ago.
Player to watch: Erik Karlsson will try to continue racking up the points with his impressive offensive instincts despite being a squishy wet stain on the end boards after Brian Boyle's first shift.
Prediction: Two straight weeks of facing John Tortorella in the playoffs has Senator fans longing for the calm, even-tempered days of Pat Quinn.

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Nine lives: A look at the playoff bubble teams

Last week we took a look at the eight teams that had established themselves as the presumptive Stanley Cup favorites. But while it's always fun to look ahead to who'll be left standing after four rounds, some teams have more immediate concerns. As the season winds down, it appears that we have nine teams fighting for the four final playoff spots.

The Western Conference features six teams fighting for three spots, including the third seed that will go to whoever wins the turtle derby in the Pacific Division. And in the East, we're essentially looking at three teams fighting for the eighth and final spot.

So which four teams will find a way to claim the final spots and sneak into the post-season, and which five will fall just short? Here's a look at the teams that find themselves on the playoff bubble in the season's final weeks.

Calgary Flames

Reason for optimism: Junior sensation Sven Baertschi could potentially return to the roster if a veteran player happened to be injured, if the over-sized anvil dangling from a frayed rope over Lee Stempniak's locker is any indication.
Possible bad sign: They'd be overwhelming underdogs in a first-round matchup with the St. Louis Blues, at least if you believe that old hockey adage that "When in doubt, always pick the team that actually retired Al MacInnis's number instead of just honouring it".

Washington Capitals

Reason for optimism: As the current eighth seed will have to find a way to make sure that an opponent doesn't sneak up and get them from behind, meaning they've finally found a subject where they can learn something from Dale Hunter.
Possible bad sign: Alexander Ovechkin has admitted that while he initially didn't mind hearing Jets fans chant "Crosby's better" at him on Saturday, it did kind of hurt when we found out afterwards that the Crosby they were referring to was Bing.

Phoenix Coyotes

Reason for optimism: Ownership is so confident in the team's chances that they've already got a detailed parade route hanging in the board room at team headquarters.
Possible bad sign: Well, we're assuming it was a parade route, although come to think of it maybe it was kind of odd that it starts in Glendale and winds up in Seattle.

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Other NHL coach problems

"I started telling Kassian we'd traded
him to Vancouver, and he ran me
over on his way to the nearest exit."

It’s been a tough few weeks for NHL coaches.

Ron Wilson, of course, lost his job after failing to pull the Maple Leafs out of their recent tailspin. Wilson brought the season’s total for coaching casualties to eight, which would be bad enough. But lately it seems like any coach who isn’t being sent to the unemployment line is winding up the injured reserve instead.

San Jose coach Todd McLellan missed several games with a concussion after being hit in the head with a stick. He finally returned to the Shark’s bench on Tuesday for a matchup against Edmonton Oilers coach Tom Renney, who is coming off his own recent concussion thanks to an errant puck. And let’s not forget Sabres’ coach Lindy Ruff, who suffered broken ribs in a collision during practice.

It would be tempting to say that any coach who’s managed to avoid getting injured or fired must be doing pretty well. But apparently not, since according to my sources plenty of other coaches are also having a rough time of it. Here’s a sampling of some other recent coaching complaints.

Mike Yeo, Minnesota – Now realizes that when he spent all that time teaching the forwards how to properly slide along the ice in an attempt to block a shot, he apparently should have also told Devin Setoguchi that he didn’t need to do it on his own shootout attempts.

Randy Cunneyworth, Montreal – Hasn’t had time to make much progress on learning French lately, which is too bad because it would have really come in handy next year when he’s coaching in Belgium.

Peter DeBoer, New Jersey – Feels like his first season with the Devils has gone pretty well all things considered, so not really sure why his desk calendar for the first week of April says “help new coach move in to office”.

Mike Babcock, Detroit – Now that he won’t be matched up against Wilson for next year’s HBO 24/7 series, will probably need to scrap his idea of answering every question by saying “Hey, refresh my memory, how did Ron do in the 2010 Olympics?”

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A brief history of Ron Wilson

After weeks of speculation, Ron Wilson was finally relieved of his duties as head coach of the Maple Leafs on Friday. The firing spelled the end to a mostly disappointing time in Toronto that was marked by poor special teams, sloppy defensive play, and a failure to get the team back to the playoffs. By the end, fans at the Air Canada Centre were chanting for him to go.

But was Wilson really the problem in Toronto? Based on his resume, it doesn’t seem likely. Many of his critics in Toronto seemed to forget that Wilson is one of the most successful coaches in NHL history, ranking in the top ten for career victories while coaching somewhere every season since 1993.

It’s too soon to say whether we’ll ever get another look at Wilson behind an NHL bench, but history suggests we may not want to count him out just yet. In the meantime, let’s take a fond look back at some of the notable moments from the long career of Ron Wilson.

September 14, 1973 - As a freshman at Providence College, Wilson begins to wonder why his annoying roommate spends all his spare time reading the thesaurus and practicing undoing his necktie.

June 3, 1975 – Wilson is picked by the Maple Leafs in the same draft that also sees Toronto select Bruce Boudreau and Ken Holland as part of the team’s patented strategy of focusing on players who have demonstrated keen intelligence and excellent leadership and zero ability to actually play hockey.

June 29, 1993 – The expansion Mighty Ducks of Anaheim make Wilson the first coach in franchise history, leading to a four year stint that he’ll later describe as enjoyable once you can get past every single kid you meet walking away muttering “Wow, Gordon Bombay did not age well”.

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A fan's guide to NHL trade deadline day

Rick Nash currently spends every waking moment
preparing to remove his Blue Jackets jersey

Did you know that there’s some sort of trade deadline happening on Monday? It’s true. Apparently, it will even be covered on TV.

Of course, this isn’t news to diehard hockey fans, most of whom have had the date circled on their calendars ever since roughly five minutes after last year’s deadline passed. In fact, the trade deadline has arguably become the most anticipated day on the entire NHL calendar. And now, finally, it’s almost here.

You have 48 hours left to prepare. If you’re a hockey fan planning on joining in on the fun, here’s a refresher course on how to conduct yourself on the big day.

Do: Try to sound convincing when calling in sick to work, while making sure to act as if your absence has nothing to do with hockey.
Do not: Blow it by insisting on describing your illness only as an “upper body injury”.

Do: Immediately assume control of any nearby TVs, mobile phones and computers to ensure that every available screen in the room is tuned in to some form of deadline coverage.
Do not: Allow yourself to become distracted just because your spouse keeps saying things like “Um, can you please change the channel back? That ultrasound screen was showing the first images of our baby’s heartbeat.”

Do: Tell the guy sitting next to you at the bar about your theory that the Blue Jackets are all talk, and won’t really be trading Rick Nash at the deadline after all.
Do not: Hesitate to offer a tissue and a sympathetic hug if that guy turns out to actually be Rick Nash.

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Things overheard backstage at the NHL all-star fantasy draft

Meanwhile, Dany Heatley and Wade
Redden watched at home in awkward silence.

Thursday night saw Ottawa play host to the second annual NHL all-star fantasy draft. The spectacle of players drafting each other has already become one of the most anticipated nights of the year, and this year’s edition didn’t disappoint. Between speculation over who’d go first, the sight of teammates being split up and the drama of who’d be the unfortunate last player picked, the night had plenty of entertainment value.

Fans watching on television were also treated to microphones on several players to record the conversations that happened off-camera. But due to time constraints, the broadcast couldn’t show everything that was being said behind the scenes. And according to sources, viewers missed out on some interesting sound bites.

Here’s a collection of some of the comments that were overheard over the course of the all-star draft.

• I guess Dion Phaneuf must be really interested in land titles and property rights, since the first thing he asks every player he meets is whether they’ve done any surveys lately.
  
  
• Well, Pavel Datsyuk went first overall, so I guess we can all go home. If there’s one thing Ottawa hockey fans know about drafts, it’s that no one remembers number two.
  
  
• So both captains seemed to be building their rosters without any sort of solid plan or even putting the minimal amount of actual thought into what they’re doing. So, just wondering… are either of you guys looking for a job, and can you speak French?
  
  
• For the last time, Zdeno, when you make a pick you have to wait for the player to walk down the hall from the backstage area. Please stop reaching in and grabbing them.
  

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Take the quiz: Should you fire your coach?

"Hey, why does that guy watching practice
with Feaster look like Bob Boughner
wearing a fake mustache and glasses?"

The NHL's coaching ranks were shuffled last week, with three head coaches losing their jobs. That's an unpleasant reality of the business, and ideally we'd all just move on afterwards to focus on some better news.

But the hockey world being the tough place that it is, it didn't take long before all eyes turned to the remaining coaches of teams that aren't meeting expectations. Would there be more teams making changes in the near future? Who might be the next to go? And most important of all, would it be the right call?

Surveys have shown that the majority of DGB readers are active NHL general managers, so I know this is an important topic. So if you're in charge of a struggling NHL team and you're wondering if now is the time to fire your coach, here's a simple quiz that can provide the answer.

After a tough loss a few weeks ago, your coach retreated to the privacy of his office. From outside, you could overhear him:
a.) Angrily smashing furniture at the realization that the team won't go 82-0.
b.) Calmly reassuring his assistants that it's OK to lose the occasional game, as long as it doesn't happen more than once a month.
c.) Excitedly phoning Gary Bettman to ask if this is one of those losses where the league magically give out a bonus point for no real reason.
d.) Wondering why the Anaheim Ducks keep calling his cell phone every time his team loses.

When some were calling for you to make a coaching change earlier in the season, you resisted because:
a.) You have absolute confidence that he's the right man to lead your team to the Stanley Cup.
b.) You think it's only fair to give him until at least mid-season to right the ship.
c.) The coach showed you the section of the rulebook that says that teams from Ohio can't fire anyone mid-season no matter how bad they are, although come to think of it that part was scrawled in the margins and seems to be in his handwriting.
d.) You want to have a frank discussion with the coach in an appropriate setting, and have so far failed to find a suitable barn available for rent.

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Is Alexander Ovechkin a coach killer?

The struggling Washington Capitals fired head coach Bruce Boudreau last week. And while Boudreau landed on his feet almost immediately in Anaheim, there are still plenty of questions about what went wrong in Washington. Most of the fingers are pointing at franchise player Alexander Ovechkin, who's numbers have dropped significantly over the past two seasons.

Is Ovechkin hurt? Has he already peaked? Or, perhaps worst of all, did he quit on his coach in an attempt to get him fired?

As it turns out, that last question came up recently at one of new coach Dale Hunter's first practices in Washington. And Bloge Salming was there with cameras rolling.

You can download an mp3 of this song at Backhand Shelf.

Full lyrics below:

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A brief history of NHL suspensions

In hindsight, it was the wrong time to
try to start a round of limbo.

The big news this week was Matt Cooke's elbow to the head of Ryan McDonagh and the NHL's swift and significant response. With most fans and observers calling for a lengthy ban, league disciplinarian Colin Campbell suspended the Penguin winger for the remainder of the season and the first round of the playoffs.

But while Cooke's extended vacation may mark the longest suspension of the year, it's far from the biggest in NHL history. As long-time fans know, the league has compiled a long list of lengthy and often controversial disciplinary decisions. Cooke is the latest player to stride well past the league's constantly moving line in the sand, but he's in good company.

So for those of us with time on our hands - hi Matt! - let's take a walk through the record books and look back at some of the most famous suspensions in recent NHL history.

February, 2000 - Marty McSorley learns that while yes, you never want to make the same mistake twice and yes, it does seem to be perfectly smooth and just the right radius, it's still not appropriate to use the side of Donald Brashear's head to test the legality of the curve on your stick blade.

December, 2008 - Gary Bettman suspends Sean Avery for six games for comments that the commissioner describes as "disgusting", "offensive" and "wrong", shortly after Avery wonders aloud whether the league might want to try promoting somebody other than Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin for a change.

March, 2011 - Islanders' forward Trevor Gillies is suspended for 10 games or 15 minutes of actual ice-time, whichever comes first.

May, 1993 - Dale Hunter receives a 21-game suspension for viciously body checking Islanders' center Pierre Turgeon in mid-celebration. While the suspension seems harsh, it's worth pointing out that Turgeon's celebration was taking place in a quiet corner of a romantic restaurant and was for his wedding anniversary.

June, 2007 - The Montreal Canadiens hire a local stunt man to spend four years playing the role of "doomed forward Max Pacioretty" in an elaborate but ultimately unsuccessful attempt to get Zdeno Chara suspended for a few games, thinks Mark Recchi.

October, 1995 - Tie Domi is suspended eight games for sucker punching Ulf Samuelsson, after his attempt to argue that the incident was a momentary and unplanned lapse in judgment is undermined when league officials point out that he had to drag a stepladder onto the ice to do it.

January, 2005 - By claiming that an extended lockout and the cancellation of an entire season is necessary in order to keep ticket prices low, Gary Bettman calls for a record-setting suspension of fans' disbelief.

December, 2007 - After intentionally stomping on the leg of Pittsburgh's Jarkko Ruutu, Islanders enforcer Chris Simon receives a record-setting 30-game suspension when a careful examination of the replay indicates that Ruutu was not injured.

November, 2009 - The league suspends defenceman Chris Pronger for six games after announcing that, according to a league spokesman, "we haven't heard from him in a while and he must have done something". An outraged Pronger maintains his innocence to reporters gathered in the dressing room, before awkwardly refusing to answer questions about the human femur poking out from his locker.

August, 2004 - An unprecedented lifetime ban is imposed on whichever Ottawa Senator scout is in charge of watching goaltenders, presumably.

May, 1989 - Ron Hextall is suspended for 12 games after attacking Chris Chelios at the end of a playoff series. While horrified onlookers originally fear that Hextall's vicious assault may have killed Chelios, the defenceman eventually rises to his feet, mumbles something about brains, and then slowly shuffles off to play for another 21 seasons.

The Ten Most Memorable Game Seven OT Goals

Welcome to the club, Joffrey Lupul.

With his goal tonight, Lupul became the 30th player in NHL history to score in overtime of a game seven. Time will tell how this one will be remembered, but in the meantime here my picks for the ten most memorable overtime game seven winnners in NJL history.


#10 - Dale Hunter
Capitals vs Flyers
1988 Patrick Division Semifinal

Playoff warrior Dale Hunter scores on a nifty breakaway move. Revenge would come 20 years later.




#9 - Andrew Brunette
Wild vs Avalanche
2003 Western Conference Semifinal

While the goal was memorable for Brunette and the Wild, it will probably be best remembered for ending the career of Patrick Roy.




#8 - Stephane Matteau
Rangers vs Devils
1994 Eastern Conference Final

The ugliest goal on the list by far, but certainly memorable. Fun fact: According to ESPN Classic, the 1994 post-season is the only one ever played in NHL history.




#7 - Pat Lafontaine
Islanders vs Capitals
1987 Patrick Division Semifinal

Definitely not the prettiest goal on the list, but one that ended what was at the time the fifth longest game in league history. Long OT games have become more common during the dead puck era, but in the 80's a quadruple overtime game was virtually inconcievable.




#6 - Nikolai Borchevsky
Maple Leafs vs Red Wings
1993 Norris Division Semifinal

This is probably the most memorable goal of the post expansion era for the Maple Leafs, whatever that tells you. The Leafs were emerging from Harold Ballard's reign of terror, but despite the additions of Doug Gilmour and Pat Burns weren't really taken seriously as a contender. (For more on the unintentional comedy goldmine that developed in the aftermath of this goal, read this post.)




#5 - David Volek
Islanders vs Penguins
1993 Patrick Division Finals

The Penguins had won back-to-back Cups and were coming off arguably their greatest season. To this day, I still can not believe this actually happened.




#4 - Pavel Bure
Canucks vs Flames
1994 Smythe Division Semifinal

Pavel Bure was the original Ovechkin. In 1994 the Canucks fought back from a 3-1 series deficit, winning three straight overtime games capped off by Bure's breakway goal and helicopter stick celebration in double OT.




#3 - Todd Marchant
Oilers vs Stars
1997 Western Conference Quarterfinal

A classic first round upset by the Oilers, largely thanks to Curtis Joseph's standout goaltending. His breathtaking overtime save set the table for Marchant to turn on the jets.




#2 - Yvon Lambert
Canadiens vs Bruins
1979 Wales Conference Final

This is the infamous "too many men" game (although that famous penalty lead to the tying goal, not the winner). With a weak Rangers team waiting in the finals, this game was essentially for the Stanley Cup. Guy Lafluer sent the game into overtime and Yvon Lambert won it, continiong the Habs dynasty, sending Don Cherry on the road to Coach's Corner, and making Bill Simmons' nose bleed.

For the life of me, I can't find a clip of this goal. If anyone has a link, please let me know and I'll update.


#1 - Steve Yzerman
Red Wings vs Blues
1996 Western Conference Semifinal

This one ended a 0-0 tie in double overtime. Quite possibly the greatest goal of Yzerman's career, set up by his neutral zone steal off of, of all people, Wayne Gretzky. While the long distance shot looks like a bit of a weak one at first, the replay shows it to be the perfect shot -- Yzerman practically turns the puck on its side to sneak it past Casey.