The 9 levels of bad sports owner hell

It’s been an interesting week for NHL owners. In Buffalo, Terry Pegula watched his team get embarrassed while fans chanted for him to fire the GM or sell the team. In Philadelphia, Comcast dropped a surprise announcement of a new arena, a goal that Michael Andlauer is still chasing in Ottawa. And in maybe the biggest news, it’s the lack of an acceptable owner (among other issues) that’s standing in the way of the league’s return to Arizona.

Not quite business as usual. But not far off, in a league where a team’s owner is often just as important as the best player or the GM – and sometimes much more. If you’re lucky, your team has a good owner, or at least one that does no harm. But as with any other North American pro sport, a bad owner can feel like a death sentence for a team’s hopes at a championship.

As a fan who grew up rooting for Harold Ballard’s Maple Leafs, I have some expertise in this area. So today, let’s break down the nine levels of bad ownership hell. I sincerely hope that you don’t recognize your own team’s situation on this list.

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Ottawa fans have lost hope in Eugene Melnyk. There’s no getting it back

There’s something missing in the reaction to this week’s latest round of Eugene Melnyk drama, and it should make you feel terrible for Ottawa Senators fans.

The situation began with last week’s announcement that the Senators would be parting ways with their charitable wing, The Sens Foundation. That situation raised eyebrows, and there were a few days of back-and-forth over what exactly it might mean, and who could be at fault. Then came a devastating report from The Ottawa Sun’s Rick Gibbons, accusing Melnyk of meddling in the foundation’s giving while his own charity organization raised $1 million for organ donation while only putting $5,000 to good use.

The charity story is still unfolding, and there may be further layers. Melnyk will be called on to offer an explanation. He might even have one.

At this point, though, that hardly seems to matter. I watched the reaction to Monday’s report unfold in Ottawa, on Twitter and local radio and the various places where fans gather. There was outrage, and disgust, and more than a little confusion. There was an inspiring effort to raise money for charity that brought in $18,000 and counting. There was anger. There were the usual wild rumors and the typical hot takes.

But here’s what was missing: Any sense of shock. Any surprise. Anybody saying “No, this story can’t be right, they wouldn’t do that. Not our team. Not our owner.”

It’s the Eugene Melnyk era. Nothing is off the table, and nothing feels impossible, not even some ill-defined plot to rip off his own charity that borders on cartoonishly evil. Nobody that I could see was stepping up to defend the guy because Melnyk has spent years burning his credibility with the fan base to the ground.

That credibility is gone now. Not diminished, not running low – gone. And when that happens, there’s no rebuilding it.

I know because I’ve been there, having grown up as a Maple Leafs fan in the Harold Ballard era. If you were a Blackhawks fan in the Bill Wirtz years, you know it too. If you’re an NBA fan in New York, an NFL fan in Washington, you’re living it right now. There are probably a few others, but only a few. The NHL has always had owners who temporarily lost part of the fan base, like Darryl Katz in Edmonton or Stan Kroenke in Colorado; that’s bad, but the trust can be rebuilt. There have been outright disasters, like John Spano; those are embarrassing, but they tend to be short-term problems. It’s rare that an owner can get to that Ballard or Wirtz zone, where they’ve completely decimated the fans’ faith without any exit plan in sight.

It’s the worst possible place to be as a fan. It’s literally hopeless. And it’s where Senators fans find themselves these days.

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What was the single biggest upgrade in every team’s history?

NHL franchises are constantly looking to improve, both on and off the ice. Whether it’s the first-line center, the starting goalie, the coach or GM, or even the owner, everyone has an important role to play. And the journey towards a Stanley Cup is a long, slow process of finding marginal improvements at every spot, hoping to get a little bit better with every change.

Sometimes. Other times, you can change everything by replacing one guy with somebody who’s just way better at their job.

That’s what we’re looking for today, as we ask a simple question: What’s the single biggest upgrade in franchise history for every NHL team?

First, let’s be clear about what we’re looking for. We don’t just want to find the most important person in a team’s history, because that’s only half of the equation. Who they replaced matters too because we’re looking at how big the gap was from old to new.

For example, I’m not sure anyone in NHL history has ever been as good at what they did as Montreal Canadiens GM Sam Pollock, but do you know who he replaced? Frank Selke, who held the job for nearly 20 years and won six Cups. That’s passing the torch from one legend to another, but it’s not a huge upgrade, so Pollock won’t be our pick in Montreal.

We’re also looking for cases where the upgrade is pretty much immediate. We’ll allow for a brief transition when it comes to owners or the occasional very short stint by an interim GM, but in general, we’re not interested in cases where there were several years or faces in between two names, or for situations where a new player took several years to evolve into a star. In fact, we won’t see many players on this list at all, because it’s rare to see a scenario where there’s a clear and immediate changing of the guard, especially for skaters. Connor McDavid is the best player in the world, but he was only third in team scoring in his first year in Edmonton. We want instant results, or at least something close. Out with the old, in with the new, and just like that everything changes.

You probably already have somebody in mind for your favorite team. Let’s see if I can land on the same name, as we work our way through the entire league.

Anaheim Ducks

We’re going alphabetically, but the Ducks are a good place to start since they’re not an especially easy call. I’m not sure any players fit, although maybe the arrival of Paul Kariya or Scott Niedermayer could work. They’ve typically had reasonably good coaches. They won a Cup with Brian Burke as GM, but predecessor Bryan Murray did a lot of the heavy lifting. Let’s look to the top, with the Samueli family taking over from Disney in 2005. Disney had been solid owners in the teams’ early years but had clearly lost interest in the franchise by the time the lockout rolled around, and relocation was even starting to seem possible. Instead, Henry Samueli arrived, signalling the franchise’s shift from walking advertisements for a movie series to a real hockey team.

The upgrade: Disney to the Samuelis, 2005 (owner)

Arizona Coyotes

As a player, there may have never been anyone better than Wayne Gretzky. As a coach … well, he was a heck of a player. He probably sold a few tickets in his four years behind the Coyotes’ bench, but he never got them into the playoffs and only barely cracked the .500 mark once. Replacing him with Dave Tippett led to an immediate 28-point jump, three straight years in the playoffs and the longest postseason run in franchise history.

The upgrade: Wayne Gretzky to Dave Tippett, 2009 (coach)

Boston Bruins

Our first Original Six team gives us nearly a century to work with, but we don’t need to overthink this one. Milt Schmidt did a decent job as GM for five years from 1967 to 1972, even winning two Cups. But he did that largely on the strength of Bobby Orr, Phil Esposito, Johnny Bucyk and Gerry Cheevers, all of whom were on board before he arrived. Then he gave way to Harry Sinden, who held the job for almost 30 years during which the Bruins were playoff mainstays and perennial Cup contenders.

The upgrade: Milt Schmidt to Harry Sinden, 1972 (GM)

Buffalo Sabres

The Sabres are a tough one. Dominik Hasek wasn’t much when he first arrived, and when he did blossom into a superstar he took over from another Hall-of-Famer in Grant Fuhr. Gilbert Perrault was there from Day 1. Lindy Ruff replaced a reigning Jack Adams winner. And while we’d probably have said the Pegulas a few years ago, that wouldn’t hold up as well today. I’m going to reach back to 1979, as the Sabres lure Scotty Bowman away from the Habs. He only lasted one year as coach, which was always the plan, but stayed for seven seasons as GM. He didn’t deliver a Cup or even much in the way of contending after the first few years, but the hire gave the decade-old franchise a huge dose of credibility (and helped short circuit a rival’s dynasty).

The upgrade: John Anderson to Scotty Bowman, 1979 (GM)

Calgary Flames

I don’t think the Jarome Iginla deal works; he wasn’t really replacing Joe Nieuwendyk and didn’t even debut in Calgary until months after the trade. Mike Vernon nudging out Reggie Lemelin? Maybe, but that was a gradual process. Most of the key parts of that 1989 Cup win were draft picks who were eased in. So I’m going to go with a different goaltending pick, one which didn’t result in a Cup but probably should have: landing Miikka Kiprusoff from San Jose, then watching him take over from Roman Turek a month into the season.

The upgrade: Roman Turek to Miikka Kiprusoff, 2003 (starting goaltender)

Carolina Hurricanes

Another tricky one – I’m still not sold on the Tom Dundon era – but we did say we were looking at franchise history, so the Whalers are in play. Let’s go with a pick that spans the Hartford and Carolina years, with the hiring of Jim Rutherford in 1994 to end Paul Holmgren’s brief and rocky stint as GM.

The upgrade: Paul Holmgren to Jim Rutherford, 1994 (GM)

Chicago Blackhawks

This is the easiest call on the entire list. Rocky Wirtz hasn’t been a perfect owner, and it would be simplistic to pretend that he deserves all the credit for the Hawks’ return to relevance and (eventually) championships. But as far as upgrades go, they don’t come any bigger than the ownership transition that followed the death of Bill Wirtz.

The upgrade: Bill Wirtz to Rocky Wirtz, 2007 (owner)

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Grab Bag: Burying Harold Ballard

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- We can learn something important about the standings from this paused season
- A debate about goalies goes badly
- An obscure player with an all-time stat spoiler
- The (two) week's three comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at Harold Ballard's very weird funeral

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My Favorite Player: Wendel Clark

The Athletic is asking us to write about our all-time favorite players, and I’m going to save you the suspense: I chose Wendel Clark.

That may not be a surprise to you if you’ve been reading my stuff since the very early days over a decade ago when I did a gushing 17-part tribute to him. Or if you’ve read me more recently and noticed that I keep finding ways to link to the All Heart video for the 10,000th time. Or if you live near The Athletic’s Toronto headquarters and have seen me marching outside holding a sign reading “Wendel Was Robbed” and loudly demanding to speak to the manager. Or if you’ve ever met my two lovely children, Wendel and Also Wendel.

OK, that last one isn’t true. (My wife vetoed it.) But you get the point. Wendel Clark was my first favorite player as a kid, arriving in Toronto not long after I was old enough to enter life as a real sports fan. And in 35 years since, nobody’s really come close to knocking him off the throne.

If you’re a Leafs fan, you get it. Wendel might be your favorite player too. And even if he isn’t, you understand why he could be. To this day, if you go to a Leafs game in Toronto and watch the various hype-up videos that play on the scoreboard before the game, the biggest cheer still comes when Wendel shows up. Leafs fans know.

But if you’re a fan of some other team, you might be confused by this decades-long cult of Wendel Worship. It’s not like the guy made the Hall of Fame, or was even a serious candidate. He never scored 50 goals or won a major award. He’s a modern-day Maple Leafs icon, so we know he didn’t win the Cup. He wasn’t especially fast or good in the defensive zone or much of a playmaker and he always seemed to be hurt. We’re talking about a team that’s been around for over a century and has produced more Hall of Famers than any other franchise – how does this guy show up near the top of every list of most beloved Maple Leafs? Is it just because he punched a lot of people?

No. Well, yes, the punching is part of it. But there’s a lot more to it than that, and to understand, you have to know the history.

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The Baffled of Ontario: Who’s had it worse, the 1980s Maple Leafs or today’s Senators?

It’s​ been a bad two​ years​ for​ the​ Ottawa Senators.​ Ever​ since they​ lost a heartbreaking Game​ 7 showdown with​ the​ Penguins in the​​ 2017 conference final, the franchise has endured a seemingly endless series of setbacks both on and off the ice. The misery has been well-documented – you may have seen this epic Twitter thread – and the worst part is that some days it doesn’t feel like there’s any end in sight.

And, at some point, beaten-down Senators fans have probably wondered: From ownership to coaching to off-ice scandals to the steady stream of star players bolting for the exit, has any fan base ever had it this bad?

At which point Maple Leafs fans of a certain age might hobble over, waving their canes and mumbling ominously: You kids don’t realize just how bad it can get.

You see, some of us had to deal with the Harold Ballard era back in the 1980s. And while we can sympathize with what Senators fans are going through right now, we might object to the suggestion that Ottawa has it any worse than we did. We’ve seen some stuff, man.

So since the playoff version of the Battle of Ontario has been on pause for over a decade and doesn’t seem like it will be resuming anytime soon, let’s take the rivalry in a different direction. Who’s had it worse, modern-day Senators fans or 1980s Maple Leafs fans?

This is going to get depressing. Let’s go through 10 key categories and figure out which of Ontario’s teams can claim the suffering hockey fans’ crown.

Worst season

Let’s start with the basics. When you’re building a solid foundation of misery, you want to start from rock bottom.

Today’s Senators: While it’s still a work in progress, it’s fair to say that this year will go down as the worst in the Senators’ post-expansion history. They’re on pace for a point total in the low 60s and will likely finish last in the league for the first time since the Sparky Allison days.

The 1980s Maple Leafs: Despite finishing under the 60-point mark five times, the Maple Leafs somewhat amazingly only came in dead last once during the ’80s. That was in 1984-85, when they won just 20 games on the way to a pathetic 48-point season. The good news: They at least had their own draft pick, unlike some teams we could mention, and the guy they used it on turned out to be pretty fun.

Who had it worse? Based on points, it’s the Maple Leafs by a fair margin. But their worst season came during an era where horrible teams were commonplace, while the Senators are having theirs in what’s supposed to be the parity era. They’re also finishing last in a league with 10 more teams than the one the 1980s Leafs faced. I think you have to adjust for era here, and when we do this one comes out fairly even.

Best season

The flip side of the last category. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then, right?

Today’s Senators: It seems more amazing with every day that goes by, but it’s really true: The Senators really were one goal away from the Stanley Cup final just 21 months ago. Sure, in hindsight their three-round run was powered by some lucky matchups and good bounces, and it probably did more harm than good by convincing the front office that they were legitimate contenders. But it did happen, and it was all sorts of fun for Senators fans in the moment.

The 1980s Maple Leafs: The Leafs made the playoffs six times during the 1980s because they played in the Norris Division and somebody had to go. But they only won two rounds in the decade and never made it out of the division final.

Who had it worse? The Leafs get the edge here.

Franchise player falling outs

Even when things are bad, at least you’ve got a franchise player to cheer for. Right up until you don’t.

Today’s Senators: They watched Daniel Alfredsson walk away as a player in 2013 and then again as an executive in 2017.

Then they went through the same sort of situation with Erik Karlsson with some added off-ice drama, culminating in him being traded last fall. And then it happened yet again with both Matt Duchene and Mark Stone at the 2019 deadline. (And we haven’t even mentioned Jason Spezza or Dany Heatley.)

The 1980s Maple Leafs: The team’s relationship with Darryl Sittler went off the rails in the early ’80s. The front office wanted to move him, but he had no-trade protection, so they dealt his best friend Lanny MacDonald instead to send a message. That led to Sittler infamously cutting the captain’s “C” off his jersey, and he’d eventually walk out on the team citing doctor’s orders. He’d be traded to the Flyers a few weeks later.

Who had it worse? This one’s close. Nothing that’s happened in Ottawa can match the over-the-top ugliness of the Sittler situation. But I feel like you have to give the Senators a slight edge here just based on volume.

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The ten best Maple Leaf playoff games of the last 30 years

The Toronto Maple Leafs are back in the playoffs. You may have missed it – it was a pretty small story that didn’t get much media attention. But it’s true. Tonight, the Leafs make their return to the post-season, facing the Washington Capitals in the opener of their first-round series.

So today, let’s mark the occasion by looking back on some of the Leafs’ best post-season moments of the last 30 years.

Yes, I can hear you now, mumbling a punchline about this being an awfully short list. And it’s true, the Leafs don’t exactly have the most distinguished track record of consistent post-season excellence. But they have had a few decent runs, more than enough to put together a top 10, even if we’re going to have to lean on a few distinct eras.

(Spoiler alert: There’s going to be a lot of 1993, and if you’re a Senators fan you should probably just hit the back button right now.)

To be clear, this is a list of the best Maple Leafs playoff games from the Toronto fan's perspective. But if you're one of those fans on the other side of the fence, don't worry – we'll be back next week with a top 10 list of the worst Leafs playoff games. By then, there's a good chance it will even have one or two Washington games on it.

But we'll save the misery for next week. For now, the Leafs and Capitals are tied and it's all about the good times. We'll start the countdown roughly 23 years ago…

No. 10: 1994 Western Conference semi-final, game six: Maple Leafs 3, Sharks 2 (OT)

The 1993–94 Leafs' playoff run has an odd legacy. It's one of their deepest in the last few decades, and featured several memorable moments. But it had the misfortune of coming directly after the 1992–93 season, so it's often remembered like a decent sequel that had no chance of living up to the original.

The second round of that 1994 playoffs served up a valuable lesson to Leafs fans who were starting to get a little cozy with playoff success: Beware the underdog. The Sharks had just pulled off a major upset over the Red Wings to win the first series in franchise history, and figured to be easy fodder for a veteran Leafs team. Instead, they took Toronto right to within one Johan Garpenlov crossbar of elimination.

A lucky Mike Gartner bank shot in sudden death extended the series, and the Leafs won game seven two nights later. Most playoff overtime wins are euphoria; this one was just relief.

No. 9: 2000 Eastern Conference quarter-final, game five: Maple Leafs 2, Senators 1 (OT)

The first playoff matchup in the Battle of Ontario seems almost quaint now. There was none of the bad blood or controversy that came to define the rivalry, and even diehard fans of both teams probably don't remember all that much about the six-game series.

But if there's an exception, it came in game five. The home team had held serve through the series, but the Senators were on the verge of stealing one, holding a 1–0 advantage in the dying minutes of what had been, in all honestly, a dreadfully dull game. That's when Steve Thomas scored late to tie it up, and the two teams proceeded to play a frantic overtime that went back-and-forth until Thomas ended it.

The Leafs finished things off in Ottawa in game six, with the last goal of Wendel Clark's career serving as the winner.

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Five more blockbusters that apparently almost happened

The 2016 offseason began with a bang, as two of the biggest trades in recent NHL history went down within minutes of each other on June 29. But since then, apart from the occasional move, the trade talk around the league has gone largely quiet.

Or has it? After all, just because blockbuster deals aren’t being made doesn’t mean they’re not being discussed. Hockey history is filled with monster trades that almost happened and that we only find out about after the fact. We covered five of the biggest near-misses a year ago, with names like Steve Yzerman, Corey Perry, Pavel Datsyuk, and even P.K. Subban and Carey Price (in the same deal). Today, let’s look back at a few more.

But first, the obvious disclaimer. While all of these deals were reported by reasonably trustworthy sources, we’ll never know how close they actually came to happening. When it comes to the “near” in near-miss, mileage may vary.

But with that out of the way, let’s get to the fun stuff. Here are five NHL blockbusters that apparently really did almost happen.

Steven Stamkos to the Rangers

Until the one-for-one trades started flying, Stamkos had been the focus of the 2016 off-season. His stay-or-go decision with the Lightning had dragged on all season, and he was reportedly the top target for several teams if he’d made it to free agency. He’s widely considered one of the best players in hockey. So it’s easy to forget that, at one point early on in his career, Stamkos was viewed as a bit of a bust.

The top pick in the 2008 draft, Stamkos arrived in Tampa with plenty of hype. But he got off to a slow start, scoring just twice in his first 21 games. He struggled under Lightning coach Barry Melrose, at one point seeing as little as six minutes of ice time. He just didn’t look ready for NHL action. And within weeks, according to Larry Brooks of the NY Post, the Lightning had decided to trade him.

The deal was struck with Glen Sather and the Rangers, and according to Brooks would have seen the future all-star sent to New York in exchange for “two or three from a wish list that featured Michael Del Zotto, Evgeny Grachev, Ryan Callahan, Brandon Dubinsky and Dan Girardi.”

According to Sather, the deal was done and sealed with a handshake. The problem: That handshake was with Lightning co-owner Len Barrie. When general manager Brian Lawton found out about the discussion, he wanted no part of the deal. Barrie still wanted to go forward, according to the report, but co-owner Oren Koules refused, and the deal died.

Melrose was fired, Stamkos was a 50-goal scorer by his second year in the league, and the rest is history.

>> Read the full post at The Hockey News

RIP John Brophy

If you’re a hockey fan, you know John Brophy.

Even if you’re too young to remember him, or you’re too new to the sport, or you’re not especially well-versed on your minor league record books, you still know John Brophy. The longtime coach, who passed away on Monday at the age of 83, left a lasting mark on every hockey fan, even those who may not know him by name.

That’s because, according to show business legend, Brophy was the inspiration for the most famous depiction of pro hockey in pop culture history: Paul Newman’s Reggie Dunlop from the classic film “Slap Shot.” That movie, with its over-the-top violence and “old-time hockey” ethos, set the template for how the sport would be perceived for generations. Brophy was where it all began.

But it should go without saying that a well-scripted Hollywood creation didn’t quite measure up to the reality. The real John Brophy wasn’t Reg Dunlop. No, the real guy had a far crazier story than any movie script could ever do justice.

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Grab Bag: Late hits, lottery conspiracies, and the birth of Wendelmania

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- The big lie of "just finishing my check"
- Weird draft lottery conspiracies
- An obscure player that Matt Murray probably doesn't want to read about
- The week's three comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at the last time the Maple Leafs picked first overall. Spoiler alert: It worked out OK.

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

Why hockey fans should learn to love the Bruins and Canucks

Well, nobody's biting, diving or
unconscious, so I guess that's a start.

It seems like nobody likes the Canucks and Bruins these days. Vancouver defenceman Aaron Rome's devastating late hit on Boston's Nathan Horton was only the latest in a long string of controversies featuring the two teams. From questionable hits to taunting to diving to biting, both teams have spent the post-season racking up negative headlines.

The result has been a growing backlash from hockey fans, many of whom are now openly rooting against both teams. Based on their on-ice behaviour, the thinking goes, neither team deserves to have their names engraved on the Cup.

Nonsense. While it's true that both teams have had a few regrettable but isolated incidents, that's no reason to turn against them. Today's fans are so cynical that they've lost sight of all the good things about these two teams.

So before you jump on the negativity bandwagon, please take a moment to consider the many positives we've seen from these teams during the first four games of the series.

Canucks - Roberto Luongo knows that playing in the Stanley Cup finals is the dream of every young hockey player from the very first moment they lace up the skates, and so he was nice enough to make sure every member of the Bruins got to score a few goals at home.

Bruins - Admit it, it would be cool to see Bruins' captain Zdeno Chara receive the Cup from Gary Bettman, thrust it triumphantly over his head, and accidentally smash a giant hole through the roof of the arena.

Canucks - You may not like him as a player, but when it comes to finger-biting jokes Maxim Lapierre is basically the Bill Hicks to Milan Lucic's Denis Leary.

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Maple Leafs 80s night: a sneak peek

OK, hold up one finger for
every winning season.

On Saturday night, the Leafs will host the Calgary Flames. In keeping with the club's new Mandatory Pre-Game Ceremony policy, the game has been designated "80's Night".

Much like the recent Maple Leafs 90s Night, 20 former players will be honored during the pre-game skate. Fans can vote on their favorites from the decade by visiting a page on the Leafs' official web site that is also the #1 result if you run a google search for "unbelievably awesome moustaches".

But it goes without saying that a night this important will include far more than just a few retro jerseys. In fact, the night will feature several nods to the Maple Leafs of the 1980s. Here are just a few:

• Allan Bester will be honored with a highlight video, drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoff, and then immediately take Vesa Toskala's roster spot.
  
  
• One lucky fan will win a 1982 AMC Eagle.
  
  
• Brian Burke will reveal that his entire strategy for making the playoffs this year hinged on recording a 52-point season and finishing one point ahead of the Minnesota North Stars.
  
  
• A special scoreboard video will celebrate the careers of blue chip Leafs defensive prospects like Jim Benning, Gary Nylund and Drake Berehowsky, after which Luke Schenn will proceed to center ice and hang himself.
  
  
• Fans in the upper section will only have to pay $12 to get in. The other $288 will be paid on the way out.
  
  
• In the spirit of every other Leafs/Flames game from the 1980s, fans will be encouraged to boo the hell out of that annoying little bastard Doug Gilmour.
  
  
• For the entire game the ACC will only feature cheesy music from the 1980s, instead of only featuring cheesy music from the 1990s like they normally do.
  
  
• Half-price hot dogs for all fans named "Mirko".
  
  
• A random draw will be held to select one of the organization's talented young forward prospects, who will immediately be traded to the Habs for George Laraque.
  
  
• MLSE president Richard Peddie will give a presentation titled "The Harold Ballard era of incompetent, meddling, morale-destroying ownership: Hey, good thing we don't have to deal with that anymore, am I right?"
  
  
• Any Maple Leaf player wearing a jersey number in the 80s will be excused from all physical play and backchecking duties for the entire game.
  
  
• Floyd Smith will remind everyone that trading your first round pick is probably a bad idea if you plan to finish last overall.
  
  
• Nazem Kadri will appear via satellite to point out that, just like every other player the Leafs will ever draft from now on, he wasn't even alive in the 1980s. There will then be a moment of silence for the rest of us to ponder how old we suddenly feel.
  
  
• The team will promise not to win a Stanley Cup for at least 25 or 30 more years.
  

Is this the worst it's ever been? Part one.

John Ferguson. The Mats Sundin saga. Paul Maurice. Bryan McCabe. Jeff Finger. Rask-for-Raycroft.

If you're a die-hard Leafs fan, these have been dark days. It's bad right now. No doubt. But how bad? Have we ever been down to these depths before?

I'm not sure. So this week, I'm going to take a look back over Toronto Maple Leafs history and try to answer the question: Is this the worst it's ever been?

As always on Down Goes Brown, "Leafs History" is defined as beginning when I was old enough to be a fan. That takes us back to the early 80s, and that's where our three-part series begins.


1983-84

This picture is all kinds of awesome.

The good: Rick Vaive scores 50 goals for the third straight year. Bill Derlago chips in 40, which is neat since as a kid I always liked him because I thought his name was "Builder Lego". Tough guy "Razzle" Basil McRae was briefly on the team. Gary Leeman debuts, which ends up being important eight years later.

The bad: The team misses the playoffs for the second time in three years, following a streak of eight straight appearances. The team used five goalies, including teenaged rookies Allan Bester and Ken Wregget, and the departing Mike Palmateer. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 80/100. The team is terrible, Ballard is a menace, and fans were starting to lose hope. Rightfully so, as it turned out.


1984-85

The good: Al Iafrate debuts, and immediately begins going bald. A rookie named Steve Thomas arrives, and proceeds to play for the Leafs off and on for the next 30 years. They use the first overall draft pick to choose some farmboy defenceman from Saskatchewan who turns out to be pretty good.

The bad: The team was a laughingstock, managing only 48 points and finishing last overall. They scored 253 goals which would be good today but was awful back then. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 90/100. This was in the "fans wear paper bags" days.


1985-86

The good: The Leafs make the playoffs thanks to a pathetic 40-point season by the Red Wings and even manage to win a round by upsetting the Blackhawks. Wendel debuts, leading the squad with a team rookie record 34 goals and killing and eating every tough guy in the Norris. The Leafs draft Vincent Damphousse, who I refer to as "Damp House" for about two years before my dad corrects me.

The bad: The team manages only 57 points. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 70/100. The team was still awful, but Wendel-mania has begun.


1986-87

The good: The John Brophy era begins, and the sight of an angry white-haired man in a derby scares the Leafs into earning a playoff spot. This was the second year of the two-year Brad "Motor City Smitty" Smith era. The Leafs manage an upset first round win against a St. Louis Blues team coached by a young Jacques Martin, who vows to only ever be the Leafs playoff fodder like four more times at the absolute most.

The bad: Despite the playoff appearance, the Leafs were still ten games under .500. Nobody on the entire team managed 75 points. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 50/100. Make no mistake, the team was still bad. But Brophy was fun and they won a playoff round, and Wendel Clark was punching the blood out of a different guy every night.


1987-88

The good: The Leafs make a blockbuster deal, sending Rick Vaive and others to the Blackhawks to get Ed Olczyk, who scores 42 goals and leads the team in scoring. Despite only managing 52 points, the Leafs make the playoffs for the third year in a row.

The bad: The string of first-round upsets ends as they lose to the Red Wings. Wendel Clark starts to have some injury problems, but we're sure they're nothing to worry about. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 60/100. Wendel's back will be OK after the off-season, right?


1988-89

The good: Olczyk scores 90 points, showing nice chemistry with Leeman. Daniel Marois scores 31 goals as a 20-year-old rookie. The Leafs rob the Flyers blind, trading semi-decent goalie Ken Wregget for two first round draft picks. They also make the Courtnall-for-Kordic deal. Guess which one of those trades Leaf fans have to hear about constantly for the next two decades?

The bad: Wendel only plays 15 games. Brophy is fired mid-season and replaced by the corpse of George Armstrong. The team misses the playoffs. They have three first-round picks and the best they can do is Rob Pearson. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 80/100. Thank god for the Blue Jays.


1989-90

The good: The Leafs are actually good! Well, not quite, but they're .500 for the first time in the decade. Leeman scores 51 goals, Damphousse has 94 points, the team scores 337 goals and is fun to watch. And best of all, Harold Ballard dies!

The bad: Borje Salming plays an embarrassing final season with the Red Wings this year. Why would a long-time Leaf ever wants to go somewhere else for one crappy year? Must be a Swedish thing. Meanwhile, the Leafs lose in five to the Blues thanks largely to the infamous Sergio Momesso OT goal against Allan Bester. And they trade their first rounder in the 1991 draft for Tom Kurvers, but that's no big deal because the team is good now so it won't be a high pick.

How bad was it? 30/100. In hindsight it was still pretty bad, but this season was a lot of fun.


1990-91

The good: Remember all that good stuff from 1989-90? Yeah, never mind. Here are the highlights on this season: Peter Ing stops Wayne Gretzky on a penalty shot. That's it.

The bad: Despite hopes that they can build on the previous year, the team starts off 1-9-1. Leeman gets hurt, Olczyk is traded (for Dave Ellett), and Damphousse is the only player on the entire team to crack 40 points. The team prominently features guys like Lucien DeBlois and Dave Hannan. That Kurvers draft pick turns into Scott Niedermayer, who will return to haunt the Leafs in the 2001 playoffs when he vicously headbutts Tie Domi's elbow.

How bad was it? 90/100. It was bad enough that the team was brutal, but it made fans feel like suckers for ever believing things could actually be different.

1991-92

This guy may be OK.

The good: With the Ballard estate finally out of the picture forever, the Leafs begin to rebuild. They hire a young go-getter from Calgary named Cliff Fletcher to be their GM. He pulls the trigger on a blockbuster deal with the Oilers that lands them Grant Fuhr, Glenn Anderson, and actual credibility. That turns out to just be the warmup, as Fletcher pulls off The Greatest Trade of All-Time a few months later, landing Doug Gilmour and other useful players from the Flames for Gary Leeman and the spare change in his sofa.

The bad: Oh right, the actual games. The Leafs aren't good, finish in last place in the Norris and miss the playoffs.

How bad was it? 50/100. They weren't a good team... Yet.

Coming up: The Fletcher era and beyond.

The Nightmare Team: The Front Office

Welcome to the third and final installment of the Leafs all-time nightmare squad. We've covered the forwards and the goalies and defence. Now let's meet the men who helped turn those guys into the hopeless losers they were.

What was that note I wrote on my hand?
B-e-n-c-h-m-c-c-a... ah, I'm sure it
wasn't important.

Coach

Paul Maurice (2006-08)

Why we hate him: This was a tough category. The Leafs have had exactly two good coaches since the early 80s: Pat Burns and Pat Quinn. The rest ranged from overmatched to completely hopeless.

So why pick Maurice? Because unlike the other failures, Maurice was supposed to be good. When he was hired, most agreed that the Leafs had made a wise choice. After all, Maurice was young and had already been to the finals with a surprising Hurricanes team in 2002. Unfortunately, nobody bothered to check any of the other seasons on his resume. If Paul Maurice was a singer, he'd be Nena and the 2002 Cup run would be "99 Luftballoons".

Under Maurice, the Leafs were a miserable team that missed the playoffs twice. They were the only team in the league that played a man defensive system, a scheme that Maurice insisted on sticking with even as the Leafs got shelled every night. What's worse, Maurice apparently didn't believe in concepts like accountability, as he allowed the Leafs dressing room to become a country club where whiny veterans like Bryan McCabe and Jason Blake could feel cosy and comfortable even as the losses piled up.

Redeeming qualities: Was respectful of the busy schedules of Leaf fans, ensuring they always made it home from games 30 seconds early by never calling a timeout no matter how desperately the team needed one.

Coaches who also received consideration: Nick Beverley, Doug Carpenter, Mike Murphy, Greg Gilbert

Coaches who did not receive consideration:
John Brophy - Sure, he wasn't a very good NHL coach. And yes, the players all hated him. But Brophy was batshit crazy, loved goon hockey and occasionally wore a derby behind the bench. Also, if I made fun of him he'd probably hunt me down and get Brian Curran to beat me up.

Hey John, do that hilarious impression
of every Leaf fan who had to watch
the teams you built

General Manager

John Ferguson Jr. (2004-08)

Why we hate him: If you really don't know, then allow me to say: Welcome aboard, and I hope you're enjoying your first day as a hockey fan.

Just for fun, let's list all of Ferguson's mistakes. He traded Tuuka Rask for Andrew Raycroft, he signed McCabe to the Contract That Will Not Die, he gave Jason Blake a five year deal, he traded a high pick for Yanic Perrault, he didn't ues buyouts to create cap space after the lockout, he gave no-trade clauses to everyone he ever signed including the cleaning staff, he signed Jason Allison and Alex Khavanov and Calle Johansson and an injured Eddie Belfour and ...

OK, you know what? That was a bad idea. If I try to list everything there's a good chance I'll be left with a 40,000 word post and little bloody stumps where my fingers used to be.

Let's save space and just like all the good things Ferguson did. He picked up solid third-liner Chad Kilger off waivers. He signed Tomas Kaberle to a decent contract. He managed not to get completely bent over on the Vesa Toskala trade. That's it. Three things in almost five years.

And by the way, even though he's been fired and will never work in the NHL again, it will take the Leafs another three of four years to dig out from the weight of his terrible contracts.

Redeeming qualities: Pulmonary circuit converts oxygen into cardon dioxide, which helps trees grow.

GMs who also received consideration:
Floyd Smith, Gerry McNamara, Ken Dryden any time he spoke

GMs who did not receive consideration:
Gord Stellick - If you're a fan of this blog, then I've already convinced you that Russ Courtnall for John Kordic was a good trade. On top of that, Stellick gets points for apparently being the only Harold Ballard employee who ever had the grapefruits to tell the old man to go piss up a rope. And that's pretty impressive, considering he was only 14 at the time.

Die.

President

Richard Peddie (2003-until we rise up as one and slay him)

Why we hate him: Oh lord, where to start? Despite having absolutely no experience in professional sports, Peddie insists on taking hands-on approach to running the Leafs and Raptors. He was the mastermind behind the hirings of John Ferguson and Rob Babcock, and despite his denials he's known to have meddled with roster decisions of both teams. His insistence on staying in the spotlight at all times despite clearly being clueless has made him a running joke among front office folks in two leagues.

While most exectuives would settle for simply being morons, Peddie has demonstrated impressive creativity in finding new and original ways to embarass MLSE. He humiliated Ferguson by calling his hiring a "mistake" when the GM was still employed, somehow making a debacle out of the only known instance of him being right about something. He also became a youtube celebrity thanks to his infamous ventriloquist performance at Cliff Fletcher's press conference.

Richard Peddie is an over-inflated blowhard, an empty suit without a shred of self-awareness, a thin-skinned meddler with no positive qualities beyond his ability to squeeze extra dollars into the hands of his soulless corporate masters, and the Leafs will never win anything as long as he's associated with the team.

Redeeming qualities: None.

A meeting of the Harold Ballard fan club

Owner

Harold Ballard

Why we hate him: While most of the guys mentioned on this page are guilty of being stupid, Ballard was actually evil.

Stories of his legendary greed have been well-documented. This is the guy who turned off the water taps at MLG during a heat wave, incinerated Foster Hewitt's gondola, and included his ugly dog in team photographs. After driving most of the team's star players out of town by the early 80s, Ballard ensured the team was awful every year until he finally died in 1990.

Tradition has it that once a year on Halloween he pushes aside the door to his crypt, crawls out into the moonlit night, shuffles down the side streets of Toronto eating stray kittens, and meets with Richard Peddie to give him management advice.

Redeeming qualities: Eventually died and went to hell, where Satan's minions refer to him as "kind of an asshole".

Owners and presidents who also received consideration: Larry Tannenbaum, Donald Crump, Donald Giffin, Bell Globemedia, the Ontario Teachers Pension Plan

Owners and presidents who did not receive consideration:
Steve Stavro, by default. He was pretty much the only person to ever run the Leafs who didn't have his head planted firmly in his own ass.

That concludes our celebration of the most-hated Leafs of all time. I am going to go lay down in traffic now.