Podcast: Down the stretch they come

In this week's episode of Biscuits, the Vice Sports hockey podcast:
- A look at the playoff races with less than two weeks to go.
- We try very hard not to get back into the Hart Trophy debate and fail miserably.
- Randy Carlyle and the Ducks may have just broken 3-on-3 overtime
- The Georges Laraque/Taylor Hall mess
- Reader questions and lots more...

>> Stream it now:

>> Or, subscribe on iTunes.

Things overheard at the Hockey Hall of Fame induction ceremony

By the third time he ordered them to punch
an invisible midget, the inductees had begun
to realize the photographer may be crazy.

Last night saw four former NHL stars receive the highest honour the sport has to offer when they were inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame. Doug Gilmour, Eddie Belfour, Joe Nieuwendyk and Mark Howe will each now see their names included among the legends that line the wall in the Great Hall.

The induction ceremony capped off several days of celebration, which included the annual Hall of Fame Game, a fan forum, and a legends game. It all makes up one of the most popular weekends on the NHL's calendar, with many of the biggest names in the sport gathered to take part in the festivities.

Needless to say, my sources were there with tape recorders rolling. And they put together a list of the most interesting comments overheard during the course of the evening.

• Wow, Doug Gilmour sure is getting emotional during his acceptance speech. Wait, what do you mean you can't see him? He's standing right in front of you, Mr. Fraser.
  
  
• That's a great question, Mr. Belfour, I'm not sure why your plaque has that asterisk next to the mention of your Stanley Cup win. I'll ask the engraver, he's the guy over there in the Sabres jersey.
  
  
• Mr. Nieuwendyk, how does it feel to be the only player in NHL history to have ever been traded for Jarome Iginla? You know, until next March.
  
  
• BOOOOOOO! Oh, sorry Mr. Bettman, I saw you brush up against the Stanley Cup display and I guess it was just force of habit.
  
  
• Come quick! Mark Howe is telling some great stories about how in the old days the Flyers would respond to a tough defence by working harder instead of just refusing to play any more like spoiled toddlers.
  

Read the rest of this post...

Georges Laraque's Green Party election platform

We heard some strange news in the hockey world this week, when it was announced the former NHL enforcer Georges Laraque had been named deputy leader of Canada's Green Party. While Laraque has been vocal about several causes over the years, many assumed that his role with the Green Party would be more about generating publicity than actually setting policy.

It turns out we were wrong. Drawing on his hockey experience, Laraque has actually developed a detailed platform that he plans to implement once the Green Party wins the next federal election. Thanks to some of my spies in the political world, I've managed to obtain an advanced copy.

• From now on, Habs fans will be strongly encouraged to only flip over and set fire to fuel-guzzling SUVs and Hummers.
  
  
• If you see somebody littering on the street, you are now legally obligated to run up and pull their sweater over their head.
  
  
• Update labor laws to make it illegal to fire a guy while he's doing relief work in Haiti, not that any self-respecting organization would ever do such a thing.
  
  
• Do away with the term "prorogue"; replace with "assessing parliament a ten-week misconduct".
  
  
• Goodbye, arena hot dog guns. Hello, arena tofu guns.
  
  
• Reduce excess power consumption due to red light bulbs being left on at all times by deporting Vesa Toskala back to Finland.
  
  
• Ban the census, or at least that one question about "How many times have you had your ass handed to you by George St. Pierre?"
  
  
• The national anthem will be modified to officially include the last line "Now drop the damn puck"
  
  
• Canada will be restarting its dormant space program with the goal of sending a manned spacecraft into the center of the sun. In related news, we would like to thank Sean Avery for volunteering for the mission shortly after we snuck up behind him and hit him over the head with a tire iron.
  
  
• Reinstate the death penalty; apply it retroactively to anyone who used to do that cheap breakaway move in NHL 94.
  
  
• In recognition of Canadians' intense interest in offseason hockey transactions, see if we can somehow get the first day of unrestricted free agency declared a national holiday.
  
  
• Rather than going through an extensive set of parliamentary approvals, Canada will now be able to declare war on another country simply by standing next to it and muttering "Let's go".

Where will Kovalchuk end up? The pros and cons

The Leafs got a firsthand look at pending UFA Ilya Kovalchuk on Tuesday night. And, like just about everyone else who's ever watched the guy, they had to have come away impressed.

Kovalchuk is shaping up to the big story of the season, as all indications are that he'll be moved at the trade deadline. Reports say that the Russian superstar is demanding a ten-year deal worth over $100 million. Countless rumors have linked him with various teams, either a rental or as a long-term destination.

Where will he wind up? And more importantly, what would be the best fit? It's a tough call, but I want to help figure it out.

Here are ten teams that have been linked to Kovalchuk recently, along with the pros and cons of each.

Washington Capitals
Many speculate that the Caps have the right parts to make a deal work, putting Kovalchuk and Alexander Ovechkin on the same line.

Pro: Would have plenty of down time during the post-season, since all four of the team's playoff series would be over in four games.
Con: Would run the risk of shoulder injuries due to raising arms in celebration of a goal after every single shift.


Montreal Canadiens
Bob Gainey may be looking to shake things up prior to his April firing.

Pro: What highly skilled offensive dynamo wouldn't jump at a chance to play for Jacques Martin?
Con: The team wouldn't actually have room on the roster to add him unless they cut somebody like Georges Laraque, which given recent world events they would of course never do.


Vancouver Canucks
Bring in a European star as a mid-season rental? That's practically guaranteed to work!

Pro: City is home to the upcoming Winter Olympics, meaning Kovalchuk wouldn't have to bother with the hassle and expense of arranging for shipping of his silver medal.
Con: He could have trouble fitting into the dressing room. Literally. Wellwood's off his diet.


Buffalo Sabres
Could the first-place Sabres be looking to make a big splash with a post-season rental?

Pro: Once the summer arrived, he could engage in the most popular activity among Buffalo residents: getting the hell out of the city and never returning.
Con: His arrival would likely be lost amid the overwhelming city-wide euphoria that's accompanied the hiring of Chan Gailey.


Los Angeles Kings
The Kings are young, talented, and may be on the hunt for a franchise player.

Pro: After ten years in Atlanta, it might be a nice break to move to a city where there's not as much interest in hockey.
Con: As the most talented and charismatic King since Wayne Gretzky, would run risk of being pressured into making a really terrible SNL hosting appearance.


Toronto Maple Leafs
Eklund says Burkie's definitely going to land him. Despite that fact, it's still technically possible that he could.

Pro: Certainly wouldn't have to worry about having his thunder stolen by some hotshot young draft pick.
Con: Rumored demands for a ten-year deal may not allow sufficient time for the team to return to the playoffs.


Calgary Flames
Fun fact: 50% of Alberta-based teams are capable of trading for star players.

Pro: Flashy Russians who don't backcheck just scream "Sutter guy".
Con: No way to tell in advance whether this is the particular year this decade when the Flames will go past the first round.


Boston Bruins
The team is a legitimate Cup contender, yet also has a lottery draft pick to trade. Wait, that can't be right.

Pro: Would be well-positioned to follow the traditional path to glory of a Boston star: produce a decade of unrivaled excellence, develop into a respected veteran leader, become a pillar of the local community, and finally demand a trade to a better team that has an actual chance at winning the Cup.
Con: Probably wouldn't have any chemistry with Marc Savard.


New York Islanders
Larry Brooks of the NY Post swears they're in the mix.

Pro: Kovalchuk could make an excellent mentor for John Tavares, helping him through the pressure of being a #1 overall pick on a team that won't win a playoff game for the next decade.
Con: Signing an enigmatic Russian superstar to a ten-year deal makes the front office all nervous for some reason.


Atlanta Thrashers
Don't forget, Kovalchuk could always decide to resign in Atlanta.

Pro: Would avoid the hassle of selling his house.
Con: Absolutely everything else.

Join us for a Habs/Leafs liveblog

I'll be liveblogging tonight's game over at TheScore.com. There was a good turnout for last week's Avs games, and tonight's should be a lot of fun with plenty of sub-plots to follow.

• Will Mikhail Grabovski and Sergei Kostitsyn continue their ongoing tickle-fight?
  
  
• Will Georges Laraque politely remind Brad May and Jamal Mayers to keep their helmets on before he pounds the crap out of them?
  
  
• How many soft goals will Toskala allow before Brian Burke rushes onto the ice and attacks him?
  
  
• Will I remember to stop talking about Jeff Brubaker and the Kordic/Courtnall trade long enough to actually mention the score or what's happening in the game?

Join us at 7:00 to find out.

Helmets and fighting: Georges Laraque has a point

An interesting twist in the fighting debate today, thanks to Habs enforcer Georges Laraque's comments about helmets in an interview with TSN. Predictably, Damien Cox is all over the interview, holding them up as further proof that fighting should be on the way out.

I've made my stance on the issue clear over the past few weeks: I'm pro-fighting, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it.

But while I want fighting to stay in the NHL (and would even love to see if go back to the higher levels of the early 90s), I don't believe that means it has to stay exactly as-is. In the wake of the Don Sanderson tragedy, the least the NHL can do is be open to ideas about how to make fighting safer.

Laraque suggests that players be banned from removing the helmets prior to a fight or from trying to remove an opponent's, and that fights be stopped as soon as a player's helmet comes off.

He may be on to something.

The idea isn't perfect. For one, it won't seem like such a great idea the first time a player breaks his hand on a helmet or visor. And NHL linesmen may have a thing or two to say about the idea of jumping in to stop a fight between two guys who are swinging for the fences because a helmet has popped off.

But at the very least, the idea is worth a look. Combine it with new rules about tighter chinstraps and the likelihood of a Sanderson situation in the NHL would drop to close to zero.

I'm less supportive of Laraque's other suggestion, that players with visors be barred from fighting at all. We already have extra rules in place to penalize a player with a visor who instigates a fight and perhaps those could be strengthened. But beyond that, players should have a choice as to whether or not to fight a guy with a shield.

If anything, banning players with visors from ever fighting could mean that guys who play a physical game and fight occasionally (like Jarome Iginla or Luke Schenn) might feel the need to lose their shields altogether. And with apologies to Don Cherry, that's the last thing we should want.

So kudos to Laraque for raising some new ideas. And let's hope his newfound pacifism extends to tomorrow night's Leafs/Habs game. If not... keep your helmet on, Brad May.

Leafs add Hollweg

The Maple Leafs, still claiming to be on a youth movement, have once again sacrificed the future by trading a valuable future draft pick for a veteran of questionable worth, this time in the form of talentless thug Ryan Hollweg. While Cliff Fletcher's latest head-scratcher may draw chortles from league executives, it will no doubt be welcomed by the delusional masses who continue to fill the ACC night in and night out. "Draft schmaft" indeed.

The preceeding paragraph was my attempt to predict the lead in tomorrow morning's Damien Cox column. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

So yes, the Leafs have picked up Hollweg. As Steve points out, Hollweg fights often and wins rarely. Combined with the Jamal Mayers pickup, this means the Leafs have added two fourth-liners who are willing to drop the gloves but can't really be called heavyweights. Let's be honest, when Mats Sundin and the Habs come to town I don't think Georges Laraque will lose any pre-game nap time over these two.

While I'm all for the Leafs adding somebody, anybody, who won't piddle themselves as soon as the going gets tough like the rest of these guys do, I have to wonder... couldn't Ben Ondrus and Kris Newbury fill those roles? Perhaps even with a little of that youthful enthusiasm we've heard so much about but rarely seen around here?

Mayers at least brings some veteran leadership to the table. Fletcher gets some credit for filling that void, even though it's a void he helped create in the first place.

Hollweg, on the other hand, is good at getting hit in the face with a stick. That's a skill the Leafs haven't had since Bryan Berard was here.

(And by the way, has anybody already called him "Hollweg the Angry Inch"? Because if not, I'd like to start.)

Anyhow... because I love linking to youtube fight videos, here's a reminder of what Newbury and Ondrus can do. Enjoy them now, it may be your only chance to see these guys do their thing this year.