Laughing at the Maple Leafs. Or at least smirking angrily.

I'm back after being offline three days on a quick vacation. My timing was good, since being away meant that I missed the Leaf game on Saturday and didn't wind up wandering the streets in a drunken rage, throwing empty stubbies at anyone who looked like they might be named "Vesa".

But even though the Leafs have looked hinky so far, there's still plenty to laugh about as a Leaf fan. In fact, when I finally got back online I found my inbox full of comedy, both intentional and otherwise, courtesy of DGB readers who took the time to e-mail me. Here are a few of my favorites.

First up, and I hope you've seen this already: the folks at the always-excellent Orland Kurtenblog were able to expose Ron Wilson's game day cheat sheet.

Sneakiness: You're doing it wrong.

Yes, apparently the Leafs need printed reminders that the Habs forwards are small and their defencemen are big and slow. Maybe Ron should consider adding more helpful notes as the season goes on, such as "Maybe come up with some sort of defensive system eventually", and "Put rocks in Toskala's pockets and roll him into the Don River".

Next up: a new addition to the Barilkosphere has appeared, and it's the strongest debut that Maple Leaf fans have seen since Jiri Tlusty showed up and started deflecting in goals with his butt. Bloge Salming looks like a winner thanks to some fantastic videos, including this one:

Somehow I had a feeling Komi might do that.

If you'd like to see more, and/or you've ever wondered what the Maple Leaf Media Bingo Card would like if Damien Cox turned it into a Christmas carol, visit Bloge now and give him a warm welcome.

Speaking of new Leafs blogs, I'd also recommend giving a look to Leafs247. It's a brand new site from some of the folks behind Crash the Crease.

And finally, this one has been around for a few years and has plenty of views, but it was new to me. It's a clip of a hilarious bug from an old version of NHL2K.

I mean, how ridiculous is that? Don't these developers have beta testers? Kyle Wellwood throwing a body check? You'd never catch the guys at EA Sports doing something that dumb.

In all seriousness, I think this is a reasonably accurate simulation of what would happen to a human body if Kyle Wellwood ever put his full weight behind a body check. But it's still an unrealistic and obvious bug, because as far as I can tell the opposing player wasn't made out of chocolate.

Update: More comedy, this time from Leafs Rumination: The rest of the Leafs Nation quiz that Ron Wilson made the team take.

That's all for now. Coming later this week: a famous front page photo of a certain fight, finally found.

One year of Down Goes Brown

One year ago today, I decided to finally start blogging. I'd been thinking about it for months, and finally decided to just go ahead and do it. I figured it would be fun, even though I wasn't sure anyone would ever read it.

Twelve months and almost 100,000 page views later, it's still fun. And I'm still trying to figure out who exactly is reading (but hello to all of you in Malaysia, where apparently I'm huge).

It's been an interesting year. Here are some of the highlights...

Feb. 8, 2008 - The Leafs are terrible, but at least they just beat the Habs. DGB makes an understated debut with a short game recap of the Leafs win over Montreal. It takes exactly one paragraph to get to the first "Kyle Wellwood is fat" jokes.

Feb. 9, 2009 - One day into the blog's history, we get the first of roughly three dozen posts to feature the Stu Grimson video.

Feb. 12, 2008 - The first "Obscure Moments" feature, with an in-depth breakdown of the Ron MacLean-Nik Borchevsky interview. Readers begin to wonder if maybe I have too much time on my hands.

Feb. 20, 2008 - The infamous Russ Courtnall for John Kordic was a good trade post. This post has become the #1 Google result for most combinations of Kordic and Courtnall's name, and still drives hundreds of visitors to the site, none of whom agree with me.

Feb. 24, 2008 - Two days before the trade deadline, Mats Sundin announces he won't waive his no-trade clause. I begin writing anti-Sundin posts, a temporary phase that readers assume I'll grow out of quickly.

March 6, 2008 - I make the argument that the Leafs are the softest team in the NHL. Somewhere, Brian Burke nods sadly.

March 26, 2008 - Thanks to Patrick Roy's lunatic son, I write what still stands as the most popular post in DGB history: How To Fight When You Don't Want to Fight.

April, 2008 - Inspired by Mark Bell murdering Daniel Alfredsson, April somehow becomes Beat Up The Senators month. We have some fun at the expense of shameless Sen homers Bruce Garrioch and Don Brennan, and then point out that the Senators steal everyone's playoff traditions. And then, rock bottom for Sens fans: this happens.

May 6, 2008 - Stung by accusations of being too negative, I try to come up with 20 good things about the 07-08 Leafs. For some reason, commenters accuse me of being insincere.

May 26, 2008 - The second Great Obscure Moment - Everything that happened after the Clark/McSorley fight. Sadly, my quest to determine the identity of Pinky Finger remains unfulfilled.

June 20, 2008 - June is a slow month, both for the Leafs and the blog. I do get a chance to make fun of The Love Guru, though. The post is read by hundreds of people, making it more popular than the movie.

June 24 - Down Goes Brown wins Eklund's "Next Great Hockey Blogger" contest at hockeybuzz.

July 1 - Free agent signing day. The Leafs sign unheralded defenceman Jeff Finger, who I know nothing about. I ask the folks at the (now defunct) Avs blog In The Cheap Seats to write a guest post about him. Puck Daddy links to it, and confused Leaf fans flood the site for the biggest single-day traffic in the blog's history, by far. That's right, my all-time biggest traffic spike was due to a post I didn't write. I think that tells you something.

July 24 - DGB makes the New York Times, except they don't get the name quite right.

July 29 - I set out to name the Worst Leafs of All-Time. This ends up being a three-part series, after I edit it down from its original 100,000 words.

August 13 - I write a sympathetic post about how Mats Sundin should really wait until mid-season to return to the NHL, but clearly can't because he said he'd never be a rental and obviously he's a man of his word. Yeah. Keep your day job, Nostradamus.

August 31 - I give Bryan McCabe a rousing send-off on his last day as a Maple Leaf. To be honest, I was just angry that the Leafs had parted with McCabe, Wellwood and Raycroft within a few weeks. In the first six months of this blog, 80% of the writing consisted of the same three jokes: Wellwood is fat, McCabe scores in his own net, and Raycroft has no glove hand. That was it. I was terrified that I'd have nothing to write about.

September 14, 2008 - Spiralling into depression, I set out to answer the question: Is this the worse it's ever been? Spoiler alert: Yes.

September 22, 2008 - EA Sports releases a commercial for NHL 09 that features Kyle Wellwood. I'm thrilled, because I get to use up all my leftover Wellwood jokes in one post.

September 29, 2008 - Maple Leaf Media Cliche Bingo debuts. Fifteen seconds later, Damien Cox has filled in his card.

October 15, 2008 - I count down the Top 10 tough guys from the old Norris Division. The list ends up being somewhat anti-climactic, since all ten spots are awarded to Wendel Clark's various knuckles.

October 30, 2008 - Somebody who makes more money than him makes Howard Berger feel inadequate, so he takes out all his dashed aspirations on Leaf fans with a legendary post.

November 3, 2008 - I start writing about Wendel Clark, and don't stop for three weeks. The Top 17 Wendel Moments series dominates the site for the rest of the month, covering goals, hits, fights and more. We even find out who made the All Heart video.

November 19, 2008 - What's the difference between this blog and a hockey game in the southern US? This blog can sell out.

December 16, 2008 - I post about my most-wanted Maple Leaf collectibles. The entire post is just a thinly-veiled excuse to make some Al Iafrate jokes. God I wish I had a blog in the early 90s.

December 18, 2008 - Mats Sundin finally signs with the Canucks. I write a message to Mats, as well as an explanation of why Leaf fans are so mad at him. Somebody sends the link to Sundin, but it takes him two months to decide whether he wants to click on it.

December 23, 2008 - I write a humorous holiday post about throwing a dog into a furnace.

December 28, 2008 - I spend 15 minutes writing a post about who took out Matt Stajan, and three hours looking for angry soccer ball clipart on google.

January 10, 2009 - I officially give up on the season. Judging by the comments section, most of you were already there.

January 25, 2009 - I make a pro-fighting post, kicking off about two weeks straight of fighting debates on the site (including one with Damien Cox). Everyone pretends to be impressed by the depth of my research and the persuasiveness of my argument, while secretly wishing I'd just go back to making jokes about the 1990 Leafs.

January 26, 2009 - The Brian Burke twitter account appears, a fact that has absolutely nothing to do with this blog so why am I even mentioning it...

January 31, 2009 - I count down my personal top ten Doug Gilmour moments. While the old clips of goals and other highlights are fun, the post is most memorable for allowing me to finally create an "enrico ciccone" tag.

February 8, 2009 - Down Goes Brown celebrates its one year anniversary. The Leafs are terrible, but at least they just beat the Habs.

Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. And a special thanks to those of you who've helped the blog grow by sending links to your friends and others who you think might enjoy it.

My only regret is that I didn't get started sooner. So if you're somebody like me -- a Leaf fan who likes to watch, talk and write about hockey -- and you don't have your own blog, why not start one? If I can do it, believe me, so can you.

Just stay away from Malaysia. That market is all mine.

Introducing Maple Leaf Media Cliche Bingo!

With training camp in full swing and the new season almost upon us, the usual Maple Leaf media suspects are back in action.

Yes, it's time for yet another season of fan-bashing, well-worn cliches, recycled one-liners and decade-old material that will make Leaf fans want to slam their heads with a car door.

But as long-time readers know, I've always been one of those positive, ray-of-sunshine types. So this year I decided to make reading about the Leafs fun again.

Down Goes Brown is pleased to announce Maple Leafs Media Cliche Bingo.

Click for the full-size version.

How to play: Print out a few copies of the card. Feel free to distribute to friends, re-post on other sites, staple to downtown sign posts, etc. But please do not find high-traffic newspaper boxes and insert the cards into the sports section of major Toronto dailies. That would be wrong.

Once you have your card, simply read your favorite Leafs beat writer or columnist and cross off the squares as you go. Once you've made a bingo, celebrate by calling the writer's voicemail and yelling "Nice work, you unoriginal cliche-spewing hack!"

Which writer will be the first to score a bingo? How long will it take? Will anyone fill their entire card over the course of the season? Will Berger and Cox wage a Brady/Manning-like rivalry all year long? And will anyone manage the holy grail: Getting a bingo with one single article?

See? You're excited about the season already, aren't you?