Friday, June 20, 2008

The Love Guru: Fact vs Fiction

Love Guru PosterThe Love Guru opens today. As a big budget Hollywood blockbuster, the film will no doubt be seen by a lot of non-hockey fans. This is great news for the NHL, which needs all the publicity it can get.

However, as with any movie the Hollywood version has taken some liberties with reality. Movie goers may be left with some false impressions about the NHL in general and the Toronto Maple Leafs in specific. To avoid confusion, Down Goes Brown attempts to sort out fact and fiction.


Hollywood version: The Leafs' young superstar, Darren Roanoke, is African-American.

Real life: As any hockey fan knows, this is a politically correct Hollywood invention that can only be called pure fiction. The Leafs have never had a young superstar.


Hollywood version: All the Leafs problems are caused by their star player being estranged from his wife.

Real life: All the Leafs problems are caused by their star players being so whipped by their wives that they're not allowed to accept trades to contending teams. A few trial separations would be just what the doctor ordered.


Hollywood version: The Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

Real life: Yeah, not so much.


Hollywood version: In the crucial series between the Leafs and Kings, the hated villain is played by Justin Timberlake.

Real life: In the crucial series between the Leafs and Kings, the hated villain is played by Kerry Fraser.


Hollywood version: The Leafs are run by Jessica Alba, best known for a pair of boobs that everybody loves.

Real life: The Leafs are run by Larry Tannenbaum and Richard Peddie, best known as a pair of boobs that everybody hates.


Hollywood version: Bob Probert makes an appearance on the ice in Toronto, portraying himself.

Real life: Bob Probert makes an appearance on the ice in Toronto, portraying Wendel Clark's personal speed bag.


Hollywood version: The Leafs spend $2 million on Mike Myer's character in an attempt to win.

Real life: The Leafs spend $2 million on Andrew Raycroft in an attempt to lose.


Hollywood version: Jessica Simpson appears as herself: a whiny blond prima donna with an overinflated sense of entitlement who hasn't done anything noteworthy in two years and who everybody wishes would just go away.

Real life: Role played by Bryan McCabe.


Hollywood version: Verne Troyer portrays 32-inch-tall hockey coach, even though he isn't one in real life.

Real life: Kyle Wellwood portrays a 32-inch-tall second line center, even though he isn't one in real life.


Hollywood version: After the Leafs win the championship, everybody is happy.

Real life: After the Leafs win the championship, Damien Cox writes an angry column about how they should have done better.




6 comments:

  1. golden. once again, you don't disappoint.

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  2. As any hockey fan knows, this is a politically correct Hollywood invention that can only be called pure fiction. The Leafs have never had a young superstar.

    Excellent.

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  3. the kings taking the cup was a much more far-fetched work of fiction.

    we just picked 2nd in the draft and everyone in LA is still talking about the lakers. oops.

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  4. I am boycotting that movie here in San Diego. I think we should hang Mike Myers.

    ReplyDelete