Monday, September 22, 2008

If it's in the game, it's... wait, WTF?

By now you've no doubt seen the ad for NHL 09 that features "Lauren", the blogger (and apparent Leaf fan) who waxes poetic about the drama and the stories, while an orchestra plays in the background.

It's a decent ad, and it does a good job of showcasing the new game. You can watch it here:

Yes, clearly EA Sport's latest offering is one of the most realistic portrayals of hockey that you'll find, with even the smallest detail given such profound attention that...

Wait, WTF? Did you see what I just saw? Can we rewind that clip to the 0:05 mark? Lauren, get your head out of the way.

Who is that throwing the crushing, highlight reel body check? Can we get a freeze-frame?

Canucks jersey... wearing #42... kind of small... last name kind of looks like W, E, L...


So let me get this straight. EA Sports spends one year, and millions of dollars, developing the latest version of its hockey flagship. And then some advertising genius decides that the best way to illustrate the game's much-touted realism is to film a TV ad that features Kyle Wellwood throwing a monster body check?

Kyle Wellwood, who is 5'2, weighs 300 lbs and spends his off-season playing the role of Pablo on The Backyardigans? That guy?

Kyle Wellwood, who has never physically attacked anything that wasn't made out of frosting? That's the player you chose?

Kyle Wellwood, who tucks half of his beer gut into the side of his hockey pants like it's Wayne Gretzky's jersey? That's your poster boy?

How did this get approved for air? If I'm playing NHL 09 and I see Wellwood hit anything other than a buffet table, I'm taking the game back to the store and demanding my money back.

I eagerly await future EA Sports ads, featuring Andrew Raycroft making a glove save, Bryan McCabe making a clearing pass, and Mats Sundin making up his damn mind.


  1. Hilarious.

    Have you seen "Lauren's" list of favorite Leaf players? Half way down her profile:

    Darcy Tucker, Kyle Wellwood, The Woz!!, and Ian White. Yikes!

    Also, "You should see me on skates… like a cat in a bathtub." Ya. Meow.

  2. I noticed the same thing first time I watched it... which means just now when I read your blog.

    Did you heard that Kyle 'Fatty' Wellwood was put on notice that his fitness level wasn't high enough?

    Talk about stating the obvious.

    Thank you sir, may I have another.

  3. great post. i think we've all noticed that wellwood bodycheck, but boy did you ever do it the justice it deserved with this one. you're hilarious.

    and, honestly, i'm beginning to enjoy just how much sundin's indecision is torturing you!

  4. I think it is a terrible ad. "Lauren" seems like she is on 'ludes.

    You kids know what 'ludes are, right?

  5. Actually, I hear 'ludes tossed around but I have no idea what they are.

  6. Just for you PPP:

  7. When I saw that ad I went "aroo?"

    I think the likely explanation is the EA Canada (NHL 09) guys are based at the burnaby (Vancouver) location, so it's a subtle form of homerism. It gets the Vancouver guys fired up ("Wooo wellwood was a steal and he kicks ass!") and also gets the biggest contingent of hockey fans in the country talking ("That fatass can't throw a check on an 8 year old!")


  8. James, that's an excellent point and makes a lot of sense, even if you did thread-jack the drug discussion.


    There we go!


  10. I'm a rock n roll clown! They had to take my video off on account of you could see my junk:

  11. Metalocalypse! \m/

    Now *that* is a threadjack!

    /hifives LD

  12. james, I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants, that's what I did today

  13. You know, a guy tries to write a thoughtful post about video games with some midget fat jokes in it... and you guys ruin it with talk of drugs and bad music.

    Serves me right for trying to create something beautiful.

  14. Most assuredly Dethklok is NOT bad music!

    I think Murmaider should be played on Leaf timeouts.. It's about mermaid murder!

  15. Dethklok home for wayward kitties! a bathtub?

  16. So wait, you're telling me that you put these little guys into eater and they shriek, turn red and die?

    Yeah That's pretty much it

    Wow that is like the most metal thing ever

  17. DGB if you are a fan of either heavy metal or animation, you need to check out Metalocalypse:

    If you're a fan of both, it's like manna from heaven. Fo reals.

  18. Go Into The Water is the best song evar

  19. Jared: Dude! That song is excellent. The Dethalbum was one of the best metal albums in a long while, novelty cartoon band or no! Brendon Small (the show's creator) is a berklee school of music grad so I expect he knows his stuff

  20. Like, maybe I should just kill myself? Why don't you record that? Would that be brutal enough for you?

  21. The "Woz" was a joke, I also included Gunnar Staal on that list. I liked Wellwood in his first season with the Leafs. So what.