The Kerry Fraser game: 20 years later

Today marks the anniversary of one of the most infamous, painful and downright soul-destroying games in Maple Leafs history. No, not the two-week anniversary of that game. The other one. Yes, that one.

It’s been 20 years since Game Six of the 1993 Campbell Conference Finals between the Leafs and the Kings. The Kerry Fraser game.

I thought about doing a big long post to mark the occasion, but decided against it for a couple of reasons. One is that even acknowledging that it’s been 20 years makes me feel roughly a million years old. And the other is that I feel like I’ve pretty much covered this topic over the years.

So if you’re a Maple Leafs fan who feels the need to make yourself miserable (like there’s any other kind), here’s a roundup of some of what I’ve written about the game over the years:

• From The Archives: The DGB Leafs/Kings game six liveblog - My best attempt at recapturing what it was like to experience that game in real time. One of the most popular posts in site history.
  
• Shocking revelations from Kerry Fraser’s book - True story: I own an autographed copy.
  
• Good things about Kerry Fraser - When he retired in 2010, I decided to be classy and say goodbye by focusing on the good times.
  
• Why Leaf fans will never “just get over it” - No doubt you’ll hear from plenty of people today who urge Leaf fans to finally, mercifully, get over the Fraser game. It should never happen, and this is why.
  

And finally, in an attempt to end on a somewhat positive note:

• A look back at Wendel Clark’s hat trick - A reminder that Game Six may also have been the greatest individual playoff game any Maple Leaf has ever played.

Happy Kerry Fraser Day

Today marks the 19th anniversary of the Kerry Fraser game, which long-time readers may vaguely remember me mentioning once or twice. If you live in Toronto and were born the night of that game, today's the day you can legally start trying to drink away the pain. (Spoiler alert: It won't work.)

If you missed it on Friday, I did a post over at Grantland about the game, why it still stings for Maple Leafs fans, and while it always will: Why Won't Toronto Fans Get Over Kerry Fraser's Missed Call?

(While I don’t repost most of my Grantland stuff here, I’ve been writing there fairly often during the playoffs. You can find the full list here. I also post links on twitter and facebook, so considering following me there if you don’t already.)

Who will win the Masterton Trophy?

Clearly, the puck had launched itself into the
stands in an attempt to draw a penalty.

The Masterton Trophy is unique among the NHL's annual awards. For one thing, it's given to the player who "best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to hockey", which means it has as much to do with a player's performance off the ice as what he does on it. And for another, it's an award that sees one player from each team nominated instead of the usual three league-wide.

Those 30 nominees are announced at the conclusion of voting by each team's local writers, meaning they're spread out over several weeks in March. We don't yet know the names of every player who's up for the honor this year, but most teams have revealed their nominee. Some have made inspiring recoveries from serious injuries, others are being recognized for their involvement in charity, while others have overcome obstacles that threatened their careers.

But they all have something in common: each is being recognized for facing adversity in some form. Here's a look at some of the players being considered for this year's Masterton Trophy.

Matt Cooke, Pittsburgh Penguins - It's only fair to that he be included, since he was personally responsible for every one of the horrible things that lead to the other 29 guys being nominated.

Johnny Boychuk, Boston Briuns - Has often been described as "not completely insufferable" and "somebody you can watch play one entire game without hating, I guess", making him pretty much a unanimous nomination for the Bruins.

Curtis Sanford, Columbus Blue Jackets - The veteran goaltender is known for spending most of his time working with the underprivileged, in the sense that he plays for the Columbus Blue Jackets.

Joffrey Lupul, Toronto Maple Leafs - Was somehow able to post the best offensive season of his career despite the overwhelming disadvantage of being stuck with a linemate who occasionally doesn't feel like talking to the media.

Read the rest of this post...

Ways the Maple Leafs would be different if Wayne Gretzky owned them

The new owner gets his first look
at the Mike Komisarek contract.

The slow-moving saga that is the sale of the Toronto Maple Leafs received an unexpected jolt late last week with speculation that Wayne Gretzky could have a role with a new ownership group.

Initial reports indicated that Gretzky had been approached by one or more potential buyers. Gretzky briefly seemed to confirm that, before later backtracking and denying any involvement in a deal. Confusion reigned, with various insiders trying to interpret Gretzky's words to figure out what, if anything, was really going on. And once all the smoke cleared, it seemed like the whole thing may have been one big false alarm.

But why let reality spoil the fun? After all, the mere rumour of Gretzky's involvement was enough to get hockey fans thinking: What if The Great One were to invest in the Maple Leafs? What kind of impact would he have on one of the league's most storied franchises?

The best guess is that Gretzky's arrival in Toronto would bring plenty of changes:

• Every Leaf fan you know would start bringing up the Gretzky/Gilmour high-sticking incident 10 times a day, instead of eight times a day like they have been for the past 18 years.
  
  
• Any potential NHL owner who has ever publicly argued in favour of placing a team in Hamilton would immediately start getting ominous phone calls from Dave Semenko inviting them to go for a canoe ride.
  
  
• Gretzky would use his show business connections to land Phil Kessel a starring spot on Saturday Night Live, just to ensure that somebody finally breaks his record for "most awkward SNL host of all-time".
  
  
• Edmonton Oilers fans would feel oddly conflicted when Maple Leafs ownership signs Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle as free agents in five years.
  

Read the rest of this post...

Things overheard at the Hockey Hall of Fame induction ceremony

By the third time he ordered them to punch
an invisible midget, the inductees had begun
to realize the photographer may be crazy.

Last night saw four former NHL stars receive the highest honour the sport has to offer when they were inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame. Doug Gilmour, Eddie Belfour, Joe Nieuwendyk and Mark Howe will each now see their names included among the legends that line the wall in the Great Hall.

The induction ceremony capped off several days of celebration, which included the annual Hall of Fame Game, a fan forum, and a legends game. It all makes up one of the most popular weekends on the NHL's calendar, with many of the biggest names in the sport gathered to take part in the festivities.

Needless to say, my sources were there with tape recorders rolling. And they put together a list of the most interesting comments overheard during the course of the evening.

• Wow, Doug Gilmour sure is getting emotional during his acceptance speech. Wait, what do you mean you can't see him? He's standing right in front of you, Mr. Fraser.
  
  
• That's a great question, Mr. Belfour, I'm not sure why your plaque has that asterisk next to the mention of your Stanley Cup win. I'll ask the engraver, he's the guy over there in the Sabres jersey.
  
  
• Mr. Nieuwendyk, how does it feel to be the only player in NHL history to have ever been traded for Jarome Iginla? You know, until next March.
  
  
• BOOOOOOO! Oh, sorry Mr. Bettman, I saw you brush up against the Stanley Cup display and I guess it was just force of habit.
  
  
• Come quick! Mark Howe is telling some great stories about how in the old days the Flyers would respond to a tough defence by working harder instead of just refusing to play any more like spoiled toddlers.
  

Read the rest of this post...

A hockey fan's guide to the World Series

This was an important sports moment from
1993, so it's safe to say Kerry Fraser didn't see it.

The World Series opens tomorrow night in St. Louis, with the Cardinals playing host to the Texas Rangers. And while some hockey fans wouldn't dream of switching over to a baseball game after waiting all summer for the NHL season to start, many will no doubt be tempted to tune in knowing that a championship is on the line.

So if you're a hockey fan who's thinking about checking out some of the World Series action, here's a handy guide to some of the subtle differences between the two sports to help you follow the action.

World Series: By late October, 28 teams have already been eliminated from championship contention.
NHL: By late October, no teams have been eliminated from championship contention with the exception of Winnipeg.

World Series: If you see the defence standing around helplessly while a player circles the bases before scoring, you'll know that batter has hit a home run.
NHL: If you see the defence standing around helplessly while a player circles the rink before scoring, you'll know that Phil Kessel has decided to try this year.

World Series: It took the sport a generation to recover from the cancellation of the 1994 World Series due to a player's strike led by hardline union head Donald Fehr.
NHL: I'm sure whoever's heading up the NHLPA these days would never do something like that.

World Series: For the second straight year, the Texas Rangers have won their first two playoff rounds under the leadership of popular manager Ron Washington.
NHL: Nobody with "Washington" on their jersey ever wins two playoff rounds in the same season.

Read the rest of this post...

The other former star players interviewed for Colin Campbell's job

My very own copy of the flowchart? Awesome!

The NHL surprised fans on Wednesday when they announced that controversial disciplinarian Colin Campbell would resign his post and be replaced by Brendan Shanahan.

Shanahan is a natural choice for the job, but sources tell me he wasn't the only candidate. It turns out that several other star players from Shanahan's era were interviewed, and I've managed to obtain a top secret transcript of the proceedings.

Scene: Gary Bettman's office.

Gary Bettman: Well Brendan, that wraps up the interview. And I think Colin and I can agree that you completely nailed it.

Brendan Shanahan: Hey, thanks guys.

Colin Campbell: You're a perfect fit for this job. But before we can make it official, we do have some other candidates to interview.

Bettman: Yeah, you know how it is. We need to make sure everyone gets a chance to speak with us. After all, you're not the only former NHL star who might be interested in the job.

Shanahan: Oh. OK, I guess that makes sense.

Bettman: Great, thanks for understanding. (Into phone intercom): Send in Jeremy Roenick.

Female voice on intercom: Right away, sir.

Read the rest of this post...

A brief history of NHL playoff goats

The Maple Leafs react to the announcement
of that night's starting goalies

The second round of the playoffs has already brought its share of surprises. And while that has some fans looking forward to the conference final matchups, others are dealing with bitter disappointment.

Many in Philadelphia are pointing fingers at the team's trio of underperforming goaltenders. Capital fans watched so-called superstars like Nicklas Backstrom and Alexander Semin disappear for much of the team's shocking sweep at the hands of the Lightning. And despite his team still leading the series, struggling Sharks' star Patrick Marleau has been labelled "gutless" by former teammate Jeremy Roenick.

Of course, assigning blame after a tough loss is nothing new, and the NHL has a long history of fitting players for goat horns. When the pressure is at its highest, it doesn't take much -- one bad game, one mistake, one momentary lapse can be all it takes to change a reputation forever.

Let's take a walk through the history books and spare a moment to mourn some of those in the hockey world who may never live down their moment of postseason shame.

April 21, 2003 - Philadelphia goalie Roman Cechmanek gives up an embarrassing goal while struggling to retrieve his trapper, leading the Flyers to vow to never again employ a goalie with a functioning glove hand.

June 7, 1994 - Pavel Bure fails to score against the Rangers on a critical penalty shot in the Stanley Cup finals, partly due to a great reaction by Mike Richter but mostly because Gary Bettman had snuck onto the ice and flipped the net over.

Read the rest of this post...

Other Mario Lemieux grievances

"My goalie could beat up your goalie.
You know, in 20 years."

Mario Lemieux is cranky. And apparently he's not too concerned about who knows it.

After watching last week's game between the Islanders and Penguins turn into a gong show, Lemieux decided to share some feedback. He released a statement ripping into the league and its leadership, calling the events "unacceptable and embarrassing" and hinting that he could leave the sport entirely if things didn't improve.

Many applauded his stance, while others were critical or even accused him of hypocrisy. But those critics may want to brace themselves, because Lemieux may have more to get off his chest in the days to come.

What else could a millionaire hockey legend possibly have to complain about? Plenty, as it turns out. Sources in Pittsburgh tell me that the Islanders game was just the latest in a long list of things that are severely ticking Mario off:

• Today's players don't seem to grasp the fundamentals, with many unable to execute even a basic "intentionally lose the puck in the defenceman's skates to distract him long enough to blow by him and score" move.
  
  
• Hasn't played a league game for over five years now, so not really sure why Esa Tikkanen is still following him around and yapping in his ear all day.
  
  
• Attempts to engage the current generation of stars in a productive discussion about player safety have proven frustrating, as guys like Marc Savard just spend the entire conversation staring quietly into the distance.
  
  
• Is generally against hockey violence in all its forms, but won't hesitate to strangle the next person who starts talking about Kaberle-to-the-Bruins rumours.
  
  
• While all the cheap shots and fighting during last week's rematch were hard to take, the Islanders really went over the line with that lengthy pre-game ceremony retiring David Volek's number.
  
  
• Sort of feels like an idiot for picking up Peter Forsberg in his fantasy league.
  
  
• While occasional encounters with diehard Penguin fans are nice, the endless gushing, autograph demands, and girlish squeals of admiration make it sort of tough to get anything done during meetings with Gary Bettman.
  
  
• All these gosh darn Stanley Cup rings make it really tough to raise hand to give Garth Snow the finger.
  
  
• The revelation that Zenon Konopka has a poster of him in his bedroom makes him question whether everything he accomplished in his career was really worth it.
  
  
• You have one little physical confrontation with referee Kerry Fraser early in your career, and you can never go out in public again without every Leaf fan you see trying to hug you.
  
  
• While he realizes that the NHL Guardian Project super heroes were meant to honour key aspects of a franchise's history, he's still not crazy about the Penguin's superpower being "mulletude".
  
  
• Whenever all the owners get together for a scrimmage, Ted Leonsis won't stop asking him if he wants some advice on improving his game.
  
  
• Ever since Sidney Crosby moved out, Saturday morning "chocolate-chip pancake and cartoons in pajamas" time just isn't the same.
  
  
• Those 1987 Canada Cup team reunions just get awkward when everyone has to pretend to know who Doug Crossman is.
  
  
• As a 45-year-old with bad hips and a history of back problems, must somehow come to grips with the fact that he could probably only score 120 or 130 points if he was still playing today.
  
  
• Despite all of his frequent and passionate requests, it turns out that if you actually sneak up behind Mike Lange after a goal and scratch his back with a hacksaw he'll scream like a child and call the police.
  
  
• Hey, you try writing a thoughtful statement about the current state of the game with Matt Cooke elbowing you in the head the entire time.
  

A look inside Colin Campbell's inbox

"Wait, these e-mails seem fake. I didn't
know Marc Savard had a blog..."

The NHL was plunged into controversy this week after three-year-old internal emails between director of hockey operations Colin Campbell and former director of officiating Stephen Walkom were exposed by Toronto blogger Tyler Dellow.

At worst, the emails indicate that Campbell could be biased. At best, they paint him as a hands-on boss who was sending Walkom a steady stream of frank feedback on how games should be called.

Campbell may not have learned from past mistakes, as explosive new emails between Campbell and his staff have emerged today.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Stephen Walkom
Hey Stephen, did you happen to catch the Bruins game? I have several pages of feedback on the officiating I'd like to discuss with you.

From: Stephen Walkom
To: Colin Campbell
Colin, we've been over this. I quit as the director of officiating in 2009 and went back to refereeing. You need to email my replacement, Terry Gregson.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Stephen Walkom
Right, right, I forgot. Say, refresh my memory, why did you quit again?

From: Stephen Walkom
To: Colin Campbell
Oh, no reason.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Terry Gregson
T-Greg!

From: Terry Gregson
To: Colin Campbell
Oh bloody hell. Um, I mean…. Vacation alert! I will be out of the office, returning in … uh… May.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Terry Gregson
Nice try Terry! Look, I want to chat about last night's Bruins game. I've started watching every single one of their games this year, for no particular reason, and I'm not crazy about how some of them are being called.

From: Terry Gregson
To: Colin Campbell
OK. Just remember, no names. We don't need some blogger digging around again. Keep it generic.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Terry Gregson
Of course, Terry. I think I know the rules. So anyway, did you see that one play involving the 6-foot-9 Slovak defenceman?

From: Terry Gregson
To: Colin Campbell
OK. See, right there Colie, this is the sort of thing we're talking about.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Terry Gregson
What? That could be anybody!

From: Terry Gregson
To: Stephen Walkom
Have I told you lately that I hate you?

From: Stephen Walkom
To: Terry Gregson
You're on your own, buddy.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Terry Gregson
What's the matter Terry, did you decide to stop replying to my emails? Ha ha!

From: Colin Campbell
To: Terry Gregson
(Seriously, though, if you decided to stop replying to my emails then you're fired.)

From: Terry Gregson
To: Colin Campbell
Sorry, were you emailing me? Strangest thing, I haven't been getting them. They must go straight into my spam filter or something.

From: Terry Gregson
To: Stephen Walkom
By the way, thanks for your help with setting up that spam filter.

From: Stephen Walkom
To: Terry Gregson
It was the least I could do.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Terry Gregson
Really? I swear, everybody I try to email ends up telling me that. There must be some kind of problem with my computer. I'm going to contact tech support and see what's going on.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Tech support
Hi there. I bought a laptop from you guys this year and I'm having email problems.

From: Dean Warren
To: Colin Campbell
Hello sir, my name is Dean. How can I assist you today?

From: Colin Campbell
To: Dean Warren
… Dean?

From: Dean Warren
To: Colin Campbell
Oh. Um. Hmm. This is awkward.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Dean Warren
Hey, look, at least you landed on your feet. No hard feelings, right?

From: Dean Warren
To: Colin Campbell
[Your email was undeliverable, as it triggered the recipient's spam filter.]

From: Colin Campbell
To: Dean Warren
Oh come on!

From: Colin Campbell
To: All NHL referees and alumni
OK everyone, listen up. I've been emailing all of you with detailed feedback about calls against Gregory Cam-uh, against a mysterious unnamed NHL player. But nobody ever replies! Kerry, what's the matter, can't take five minutes from your precious book tour to chat with an old friend?

From: Kerry Fraser
To: Colin Campbell
What? Sorry, I didn't see your email.

From: Colin Campbell
To: Kerry Fraser
Let me guess… spam filter?

From: Kerry Fraser
To: Colin Campbell
Spam what? No, I just have this bad habit of not seeing really important things for no particular reason.

From: Terry Gregson
To: Colin Campbell
So anyway, I've got to go and, um, set my computer on fire.

From: Dean Warren
To: Colin Campbell
Why am I even still on this list?

From: Stephen Walkom
To: Colin Campbell
Unsubscribe.

From: Colin Campbell
To: All NHL referees and alumni
Fine, jerks. I'll find something else to do.

From: Facebook
To: Gregory Campbell
Colin Campbell just tagged you in the photo album "Squeaky clean hits that should never have been penalties".

From: Gregory Campbell
To: Colin Campbell
THIS IS NOT HELPING, DAD!

Shocking revelations from Kerry Fraser's new book

We need someone to crush DGB's teenage
dreams, raise your hand if you volunteer.

Despite his officiating career ending in April, former NHL referee Kerry Fraser has been back in the public eye lately. Fraser has been making the publicity rounds for his new book The Final Call, which details his 30 years as an official.

As the league's all-time leader in games worked, Fraser has a treasure trove of stories and insights to share with fans. And while some fans still insist on focusing on a small handful of controversial moments in his career, the book goes well beyond those few isolated incidents. Fraser pulls no punches in describing the life of an official both on and off the ice, including several details that have never been discussed publicly.

While my advanced copy of the book has mysteriously failed to arrive yet, various sources within the publishing industry have confirmed several explosive revelations.

• Apparently there was some sort of controversial call involving the Leafs and Kings a few years back, and it's sort of surprising that nobody ever brings that up anymore.
  
  
• Despite the paranoid fantasies of your childhood Fraser did not actually "hate" your favourite team or player, but instead hated you, personally.
  
  
• All NHL referees dread running into commissioner Gary Bettman, since they inevitably end up having to spend an hour explaining why they don't call travelling more often.
  
  
• According to an emotional passage on the first page, the entire book is dedicated to Bill McCreary's moustache.
  
  
• Contrary to popular belief, the phrase "Screw the Vancouver Canucks" does not appear anywhere within main body of the NHL rule book, and only three times in the appendix.
  
  
• In one of those quirky sports coincidences, every one of the 2,165 games Fraser ever officiated ended in a tie.
  
  
• Whenever you call in for a video review they always tell you that they're "experiencing unusually high call volumes", as if you don't know that they're just too cheap to hire more customer service reps.
  
  
• He owns a share of the all-time record for "most all-star game penalties called", with zero.
  
  
• He was steered into refereeing by a high school guidance counsellor who thought he might enjoy having every single decision he made for the rest of his life second-guessed by angry drunk people.
  
  
• The book contains 50 full color photographs, 47 of which are shots of small children in Maple Leaf jerseys crying.
  
  
• Prior to working the Nagano Olympics in 1998, he jokingly told Team Canada coach Marc Crawford that international rules barred players with jersey numbers higher than 90 from taking part in the shootout.
  
  
• During the 1986 playoffs, he once gave Al Secord a game misconduct penalty for humming "We Built This City" during the pregame warmup.
  
  
• When he called the infamous illegal stick penalty on Marty McSorley in the 1993 Cup finals, the Kings' enforcer told him "Wow, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me that didn't involve Wendel Clark's fist turning my orbital bone into a pulpy shard-filled paste".
  
  
• Up until 1982, the entire NHL rulebook was written on the back of a matchbook from a pub in Raymore, Saskatchewan.
  
  
• He could never understand why fans in all 30 NHL cities always chanted “Bruuuuce” at him from the moment he stepped on the ice every night, because duh, his name isn’t Bruce.
  
  
• During instant replay reviews in the Toronto war room, NHL vice-president of hockey operations Mike Murphy refuses to rule on any disputed goal until he's been able to recreate it exactly using the bubble hockey game he keeps in his office.
  
  
• The book's foreword by Wayne Gretzky contains a bunch of really obvious typos and grammatical errors, but somehow Fraser failed to see them.

From The Archives: The DGB Leafs/Kings game six liveblog

Spoiler alert: This guy plays a role

"From the Archives" is a new feature that will examine famous moments in hockey history by revisiting the original DGB blog content that covered them. Today's post is from May, 1993.

Wait, what? A blog archive from almost 20 years ago? That's right. A lot of you kids don't know this, but sports blogging has been around for a long time.

Well before the internet even existed, diehard sports fans like me were posting our thoughts for the world -- it was just done a little bit differently than today. For example, back in the day we "blogged" by writing in longhand in pen in a spiral notebook. If you wanted to add a photo, you cut one out of a magazine. When you were done, you "posted" your content by taping it to your front window. If other people liked your work, they would link to it by drawing an arrow pointing to your house and taping it to their own window.

Not many people noticed what you wrote, but occasionally somebody would wander by and read a few words. Then they'd usually roll their eyes, ring your doorbell, wait for you to open the door, and then drag you into the street to beat you up. So in that sense, not much has really changed.

So anyway, let's dive into the DGB archives. Today we'll travel back exactly seventeen years ago - May 27, 1993. The Toronto Maple Leafs are in Los Angeles, playing the Kings in Game Six of the Western Conference final. The Leafs hold a 3-2 series lead and are one win away from meeting the Montreal Canadiens in the Stanley Cup finals. And a young DGB was liveblogging every moment.

We'll pick up the action late in the third period, with the Leafs trailing 4-3.

1:38 a.m. - Wow, is it ever late. I guess that's what happens when you've got a west coast game that doesn't start until 11:00 in the east. If this game goes to overtime I'm going to be completely exhausted tomorrow. I hope I'm not too sleepy for football practice, given my role as the star quarterback. I'd hate to disappoint my loving and devoted girlfriend, every member of the cheerleading squad.

1:40 a.m. - Hey, still, these late games are way better than playing in the middle of the afternoon, am I right? Man. I don't know why NBA fans put up with that.

1:42 a.m. - OK, back to the game. The Kings are still holding on to their one-goal lead. The Leafs look exhausted, which I suppose is to be expected. After winning two consecutive seven-game series, they're now playing their 20th game in 39 nights. It's a stretch of games that's literally unprecedented in NHL history, and you have to figure they're running on fumes.

It would have been nice for them to get some rest during this run, but then again what's the league supposed to do -- take a week off in the middle of the playoffs for no reason? Good luck sustaining any interest if you did that.

1:45 a.m. - Leafs still trailing. I know I shouldn't look ahead, but I can't help but think we'd have a great chance against the Habs in the finals. Don't get me wrong, the Habs are a great team and will no doubt be making regular appearances in the conference finals for years to come. But they've also been on an incredible streak of good luck -- they've won an amazing seven straight OT games this post-season. Seven! There's simply no way that can continue in the next round.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't see the Habs beating either of these teams in the finals unless something completely miraculous happens.

1:46 a.m. - Hey, totally off-topic, but have you noticed how Marty McSorley never seems to get any air under his shots? I have a friend who works on the Kings' equipment staff, I'm going to call him up after this series and suggest Marty start using a bigger curve on his stick.

1:48 a.m. - Two minutes left. It's now or never for the Leafs. If they're going to make history tonight, somebody has to step up right now.

1:49 a.m. - Felix Potvin stops a Kings 3-on-2 with 90 seconds left. He quickly plays it up to Gilmour, then heads for the bench. The Leafs are pressing as Wendel Clark hits the ice as the sixth attacker. Dougie finds him with a seeing eye pass... and Wendel is all alone at the top of the circle!

1:49 a.m. - Clark winds...

1:49 a.m. - Clark shoots...

(Editor's note: The notebook's next few pages are stuck together. Skipping ahead a bit.)

1:53 a.m. - (Extinguishes cigarette.)

1:55 a.m. - Wendel Clark is simply unstoppable tonight. That was his third goal, and they've all been beauties. This might be the greatest game of his career. Hell, it might be the greatest game of any Leaf's career, ever. He's single-handedly willing the Leafs into the finals, and there's not a damn thing the Kings can do about it.

Mark my words: the Leafs are winning this game in overtime on their first even-strength shift.

1:57 a.m. - Holy crap... Glenn Anderson just drove Rob Blake headfirst into the end boards in the dying seconds of regulation. He got two minutes for boarding, and the Kings will start OT on the powerplay.

Now look, some Leaf fans are going to complain about a penalty being handed out this late in a crucial game. But I'm going to defend the referee, whoever that is tonight. What Anderson did is a penalty. Period. It's right there in the rulebook. And you have to call it, even if it's an important game. Nay, you have to call it because it's an important game. The rules are the rules, and you can't ignore them just because you have to make an unpopular call.

1:58 a.m. - Turns out the referee tonight is Kerry Fraser, by the way. Just making a note of it for the sake of completeness, I'm sure it won't end up being important.

2:00 a.m. - And we're into the intermission.

2:10 a.m. - Ugh. CBC is killing time before OT by showing us a bunch of Habs propaganda. They're doing features on some of their all-time greats. It's pretty standard stuff, although I did learn one thing: Did you know that former Habs tough guy John Ferguson has a son who was dropped down a flight of stairs as a baby, fifteen different times? Inspiring story. I wish them all the best.

2:12 a.m. - So nervous... We're one goal away from a trip the Stanley Cup finals. We just need to kill this penalty.

2:15 a.m. - And we're back. Here goes nothing.

2:17 a.m. - My god. Wayne Gretzky just high-sticked Doug Gilmour right in the face! Dougie is bleeding all over the ice. I don't have to tell you what that means: It's going to be five minutes and a game, since that's what the rulebook says and is how it's been called every single other time it's happened all year.

2:18 a.m. - I mean, I really can't overstate how incredible this turn of events is. Wayne Gretzky is going to get kicked out of this game. They'll play four-on-four for a few more seconds, and then the Leafs will have an extended powerplay.

2:18 a.m. - Look, not to get ahead of myself here, but good God almighty, the Leafs are going to score on this powerplay. There's no doubt in my mind. Wendel is unstoppable tonight. He's going to score, the Leafs are going to win the game, and then they're going to play the Montreal Canadiens for the Stanley Cup. I am literally seconds away from experiencing what will no doubt stand as the greatest moment of my young life.

2:19 a.m. - Hm, it's taking a lot longer than usual to call this penalty.

2:19 a.m. - One more thought while they clear up whatever minor procedural matter is causing this delay. This highsticking major on Wayne Gretzky, the announcement of which is no doubt a mere formality, is going to go down as one of the most stunning calls in NHL history. It will be discussed for decades. And Kerry Fraser is going to be the one to make it.

Imagine how he feels right now. With 20,000 fans in the building and millions more watching on TV, he's been handed a chance to make one of the toughest calls in league history. This is the moment that every official in every sport dreams of. This exact moment is why you ever pick up that whistle in the first place.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: For the rest of hockey history, whenever you hear the phrase "Cowardly referee who stares down the biggest call of his career and chokes on his whistle and then lies about it", you will immediately think: "The exact opposite of Kerry Fraser".

2:20 a.m. - Um, why is Wayne Gretzky taking the faceoff?

2:20 a.m. - WHY IS WAYNE GRETZKY TAKING THE FACEOFF???

2:20 a.m. - Oh god, he didn't call it. He didn't call it he didn't call it he didn't call it he didn't call it...

(Editor's note: That goes on for several dozen pages. I'm just going to skip ahead.)

2:22 a.m. - Hockey gods? Can we talk?

Look, I understand what's happening here. Kerry Fraser just refused to call an obvious penalty that could have helped send the Leafs to an historic showdown with the Canadiens for the Stanley Cup. I see what you're doing, and I know where this is going. I know the Leafs are going to lose this game now. Every Leaf fan knows it. In fact, there's really no reason to string us along. You might as well just have the goal happen right now.

But first, just one request: Have it be somebody other than Gretzky who scores, OK? Anyone but the guy who's still got Dougie's blood on his stick. That's not to much to ask, is it?

I'm so young and full of hope right now. My whole life as a hockey fan is spread out before me. So much optimism. So much possibility. And I can't help but feel like this could be a turning point, hockey gods. If you let Gretzky score right here, I'm going to have to go ahead and assume that you hate Leaf fans and want us to suffer forever. And I don't know if I could handle that.

But I do know this: I really don't want to turn into some bitter, burnt out Leaf fan who rants about things that happened a generation ago in a way that starts off funny but gradually just makes everyone around him uncomfortable. Don't let that happen to me, hockey gods. Please.

Just not Gretzky. Anyone but Gretzky.

2:23 a.m. - Of course.

2:24 a.m. - I will not cry. You will not get that satisfaction, hockey gods. Not tonight.

(Editor's note: The next few entries are hard to read. I must have spilled a glass of water on them or something.)

2:32 a.m. - You know what? This isn't the end of this series. Sure, it's a terrible way to lose. Sure, it will probably cost Kerry Fraser his career because even the zero-accountability NHL wouldn't try to defend this level of incompetence and will no doubt fire him first thing tomorrow morning.

But I'm not going to let this get me down. After all, I still have a lot going for me. The Blue Jays continue to dominate against smaller markets like Boston. Letterman's new show will debut soon and wipe Leno off the air for good. And Chinese Democracy should be out by the end of the year.

And most important of all: There's still game seven, Saturday night at the Gardens. The Leafs still have a shot. They may win. They may lose. But they still have a shot.

And I'll tell you this much: Wayne Gretzky just used up a lifetime worth of luck tonight. If he's going to be a factor in game seven, he better be ready to play the best game of his career. Because if there's any justice left in the world, his days of lucky fluke goals are over.

Leafs in seven, baby. They're winning this series, and then they're beating the Habs. The dynasty begins now. The Maple Leafs are winning the Stanley Cup.

Because, man... god help me if they don't.

Other ways the NHL is trying to attract new referees

The Swedish league rulebook includes a minor
penalty for executing the Randy Savage elbow drop.

While it was lost in the playoff hype, the NHL made some history last week when they announced the hiring of their first European referee. Marcus Vinnerborg is a veteran of the Swedish elite league who is well-respected in his home country for his rare ability to make difficult decisions in less than six months.

While it's always nice to see a barrier broken, the story also illustrates the difficulty the league is having in filling out its referee roster. The league needs more officials than ever thanks to expansion and the two-man system, but with several veterans retiring it's become a significant challenge to find enough qualified referee.

That's why I'm happy to report that the league is getting creative. Looking outside of North America is just the first step in a detailed new program the league has launched to help it attract and retain enough referees.

Other steps include:

• The league will no longer limit hiring pool to officials who hate the Vancouver Canucks; just detesting them will now be good enough.
  
  
• Officials will now be allowed to supplement income by keeping all the change Flyers fans throw at them.
  
  
• The league will no longer cut costs on uniforms by only hiring officials who are already employees of Foot Locker.
  
  
• Get with the times by allowing all referees to telecommute from home once a week.
  
  
• Reduce the length of the overly complicated application form by getting rid of questions like "Can you tell the difference between the numbers 32 and 36?", since really, when is that ever going to come up?
  
  
• Maybe return the calls of this Tim Donaghy guy; he claims to have all sort of ideas about how officials can increase their income.
  
  
• Install a pre-game open bar in the officials' locker room, replacing the current cash bar.
  
  
• Referees will now be allowed to order an in-depth video replay review of those two hot chicks in section 203.
  
  
• Start paying every official a $10 cash bonus for every too-many-men penalty they call. (Note: Rule enacted prior to 2010 playoffs.)
  
  
• In addition to the special plaque and the Swiss Chalet gift certificate, the employee of month will now also earn one free swing at Maxim Lapierre.
  
  
• The popular "Kiss Cam" feature will no longer include hidden camera footage form the previous night of the home team's star player making out with the referee's wife.
  
  
• Outsource the whole damn thing to India.
  

The horrible truth behind Montreal's miracle run

Oops. My bad.

The Montreal Canadiens are on one of the most stunning playoff runs in NHL history. After beating the Penguins tonight, they've now eliminated both the #1 seed and the defending champ, not to mention both of the game's biggest stars. Nobody can figure out how this is happening.

I think I know. And I think it's something I did. Let me explain.

The background: On April 21, the Caps beat the Habs 6-3 in game four of their first round series. It was an easy win, and it gave Washington a 3-1 lead in a series that everyone agreed was over.

The next day I got an e-mail from Greg Wyshynski at Puck Daddy, asking if Bloge Salming and I would be willing to write the 2009-2010 Montreal Canadiens eulogy. I agreed, and immediately started working on a thorough curb-stomping of the Habs and their wreck of a season. Oh, it was going to be glorious. It had a joke about riots, a Carey Price joke, a slightly different joke about riots, a shoe polish joke, and a joke about riots that was the same as the first one but used slightly different words. There was a good chance that once it was published, the Canadiens franchise would simply fold from the shame.

Three games later, the Caps had been stunned and Montreal was on their way to round two.

So I shelved the eulogy. No point, right? I'd have to rewrite it, but I had plenty of time. The Habs had earned four more games. Maybe even five. So I waited until Sunday, the day after the Penguins pushed Montreal to the brink of elimination. Then I fired up the eulogy and started reworking it.

Two games later, the Penguins are done and Montreal is in the conference finals for the first time since 1993.

Do you see what's happening here? Montreal is 5-0 when I'm working on their eulogy, and 3-6 when I'm not. Somehow, some way, my unfinished eulogy is changing the course of hockey history. It's become the official good luck charm of the 2009-2010 Montreal Canadiens. And if I don't put a stop to this now, it's going to single-handedly win the Habs a Stanley Cup.

Now, I've just entered my fourth decade of being a die-hard Toronto Maple Leafs fan, so I think it goes without saying that the hockey gods hate me, and high-five each other when ever they notice I'm sad. That much is a given. But are they punishing me? Is this their twisted idea of redemption? Could I have really wielded this awesome power all along?

I don't know. And I'm really not sure what to do. Should I delete the file? Do I have to set my computer on fire? Should I keep writing, just to see what happens?

I've been burdened with an awesome responsibility, and as Wendel is my witness I do not know what to do next. Help me, DGB readers. What should I do now?

A few other thoughts on the Habs:

• I tweeted this during the game, but the two guys who calls games for the Habs on the radio are the biggest homers I've ever heard -- and this is from somebody who grew up listening to Joe Bowen and is exposed to Dean Brown on a regular basis.
  
  Apparently it's Rick Moffat and Murray Wilson. And here's an actual transcript of them calling a Montreal goal: "YAAAYYYY!" These guys make Rick Jeanneret cringe.
  
  Look, I understand that local guys are allowed to wander off the path of strict objectivity from time to time. I'm fine with that. But is this some southern US market that desperately needs to sell the excitement of the game, or is it Montreal? Do Habs fans really go for this sort of thing? I really thought they'd be the last ones to need this sort of act.
  
  
• Since the last time the Leafs played a playoff game, we've seen the Red Mile, the Blue Mile, the Sens Mile, the declaration of "Canucks Day" after just one round, and now downtown Montreal being shut down before every playoff game.
  
  So... we can all just admit now that the whole "Leaf fans are lame because they honk horns on Yonge St after playoff wins" thing was BS, right? The idea that there was something wrong with being happy that your team won in the playoffs was stupid all along, but like so many media cliches it was an easy way for dumb people to get in a few shots at Leaf fans. But the gig is up, right? We all agree that we're never going to hear about this again? OK, just making sure.
  
  
• Speaking of my passive-aggressive persecution complex... The Habs have now won two seven-game series to advance to the conference finals. Nobody saw this coming. It's been an exhilarating and borderline ridiculous ride, the kind of thing that most hockey fans only get to experience once in a generation.
  
  I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's a part of me that sincerely hopes they lose in the next round after an obvious penalty goes uncalled by a referee staring right at it, just so I can spend the next 17 years feigning confusion over why Habs fans don't just get over it.
  
  
• Finally (with a glove tap to Jeffler), this happened. Who says Twitter isn't a valuable tool for finding out what's truly important in the world?

A fond farewell to the retiring Kerry Fraser

Unfortunately, he found a pulse

After 30 years and over 1,900 games, this Sunday's Flyers/Rangers tilt will mark the final game of longtime NHL referee Kerry Fraser's career.

OK, OK, I know where you think I'm going with this. After all, Fraser's infamous missed call on Wayne Gretzky's high-stick arguably cost the Leafs a spot in the Stanley Cup Finals, and many fans have never forgiven him. I may even have mentioned it once or twice.

But whatever you may think about that incident, the fact remains that it was one call in long career. So rather than go the predictable route and use the occasion as one last chance to pile cheap shots on the poor guy, I'm going to take the high road and focus on the positive.

So in that spirit, I invite you to join me in celebrating a successful career with this list of Good Things About Kerry Fraser.

• Was an independent spirit, and not some weak-kneed conformist who made all his difficult decisions based on what's written down in some sort of "rule book".
  
  
• Taught you at an early age that life is unfair, justice is a myth, and that we live in a cold and uncaring universe that will feed you small morsels of hope only to crush and mock you -- all of which most people don't get to find out until they're much older.
  
  
• Is often unfairly referred to as "evil", which theologians will tell you is not only inaccurate but actually impossible as it implies the presence of a soul.
  
  
• Scientists researching the effects of severe head injuries say that the comment section of the Gretzky/Gilmour youtube video has proven to be an invaluable resource in locating victims of undiagnosed brain trauma.
  
  
• Had a distinctive hair style, which would have no doubt spawned countless hilarious jokes from the media if only they had ever noticed it.
  
  
• Always dealt graciously with criticism; in fact, you could give him the finger right in front of his face and he would just stand there as if he didn't even see it.
  
  
• By helping the Kings make it to the 1993 Conference Finals, he was at least partially responsible for the subsequent wave of expansion into southern American markets. And look how great that's worked out!
  
  
• If you were going to compile a list of best top red-headed sports officials of all time, you could make a pretty strong case for him being in the Top 100.
  
  
• As best anyone can tell, probably had nothing to do with the writing or recording of "Free to Be".
  
  
• By forcing Marty McSorley to use a stick with less curve, was indirectly responsible for the delivery of serious blunt force trauma to Donald Brashear's head.
  
  
• Has gone over ten years without screwing over any members of the Hartford Whalers.
  
  
• Certainly disproved that whole "vertical stripes make you look taller" myth.
  
  
• He's pretty much the last active NHLer who remembers what it's like to participate in a meaningful Leafs playoff game.

The NHL's most memorable comebacks

Hey, why are there so
many Leafs on the course?

The big story in sports this week is the return of Tiger Woods. Four months after his headline-grabbing scandal, the world's most famous athlete will make his much-anticipated comeback this weekend at the Masters.

There's little question that the NHL has never seen anything quite like this week's PGA circus. But that's not to say that hockey hasn't seen its share of comebacks.

In fact, more than a few NHLers have made dramatic returns after an absence from their sport. Let's look back at some of the most memorable:

March 2, 1993 - After being diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, Mario Lemieux returns to the Penguins' lineup. He goes on to capture the league scoring title and MVP award despite missing two full months, undergoing grueling radiation treatments, and being confined at all times to a hospital bed in rural Pittsburgh.

May 24, 2000 - After missing several months due to a career-threatening concussion, Eric Lindros returns to the lineup for the Philadelphia Flyers and immediately gets back to doing what he does best: suffering a career-threatening concussion.

March 4, 2010 - Lee Stempniak records a goal for the Phoenix Coyotes in his return to the NHL after a 16-month absence.

July 7, 2003 - Dominik Hasek announces his intention to return to the Detroit Red Wings after a one-year retirement. Or maybe he was trying to order a pizza. Nobody has ever really understood a word that guy said.

October 5, 2001 - Nearly 18 months after suffering a gruesome eye injury, Bryan Berard returns to the NHL has a member of the New York Rangers. Berard becomes the first NHLer to return to the league despite being declared legally blind since Kerry Fraser in 1993.

January 19, 2009 - The San Jose Sharks recall 43-year-old winger Claude Lemieux, six years after his retirement from the league. Lemieux tells reporters that he chose the Sharks for his comeback because of their need for a veteran presence, his friendship with general manager Doug Wilson, and the fact that he's really too old to be playing more than one playoff round.

September 19, 2009 - Theo Fleury scores in a pre-season shootout for Calgary after a seven-year absence from the NHL. His inspiring comeback attempt ends weeks later, when the Flames release him after realizing he is not a former Maple Leafs third-liner.

March 5, 2009 - Sean Avery returns to the NHL after a three month absence due to the most shocking and controversial sex scandal in NHL history; or, as the rest of the sports world would call it, a slightly off-color joke.

May 27, 1993 - In the midst of the Kings/Leafs conference final series, Wayne Gretzky makes a miraculous recovery from a career threatening case of piano-on-back.

April 9, 2002 - Canadiens' captain Saku Koivu makes his return after a seven-month battle with cancer. Montreal fans are so moved by his recovery that they give him an emotional eight-minute standing ovation, before immediately spilling out onto the street to smash hospital windows and set ambulances on fire.

October 5, 2005 - In a bizarre coincidence, every single player in the entire league returns to action after an identical one-year absence.

October 5, 2000 - Alexei Yashin returns to the Ottawa Senators lineup after holding out for an entire year. He goes on to have a mediocre regular season and then disappears in the playoffs, leading the hockey world to conclude that anyone who would trade for him now would have to be a complete idiot.

Good Times

Just a quick update on some site news, before getting back to regular posting by mid-week...

You may have noticed that last week's "The NHL on NBC" promo video also made an appearance on the New York Times' Slap Shot hockey blog. I'm happy to say that wasn't a coincidence -- It's due to new partnership with the Times that will see DGB content featured on nytimes.com.

If you're not familiar with Slap Shots, it features news, scores and analysis, but until recently had been short on Kyle Wellwood fat jokes and Kerry Fraser slander. Now that they've fixed that, the site is well worth a place in your bookmarks or RSS feed.

Meanwhile, I'd like to take a moment to address all of my old journalism school professor who told me I'd never get a byline at a decent publication if all I did was sit around all day making jokes and talking about sports. Who's laughing now, Klaus? Who's laughing now?

(Checks student loan balance.)

Oh right, you are. OK then, carry on.

Leafs vs. Wings - My night at the ACC

Photography is hard.

Saturday night, I was at the ACC to watch the Leafs take on the Red Wings.

This was a big deal. While I did manage to make semi-regular trips to Maple Leaf Gardens, I've been living in Ottawa for the entire ACC era. I got to one game in the early days, but nothing since.

So this game marked only the second time in a decade that I've seen the Leafs play a home game. Unless you count every game they play in Ottawa. Which I do.

An occasion like this deserves a play-by-play. So here's an in-person breakdown of the Leafs first home win of the season.

6:50: We settle into our seats. The fans around me for this evening will include: "Guy who keeps yelling 'MONSTER' after every Gustavsson save"; "Guy who ends every sentence with the word 'yo' "; and "Guy who complains 'he cost us our future' every time any current or former Leaf is shown on the scoreboard"

And finally there's... well, there's really no nice way to say this... there's "nice young female Red Wings fan who doesn't seem to realize she's showing the entire section her butt crack every time she stands up". She's sitting directly in front of me, by the way.

On the bright side, the preceding paragraph was the first one in history to include "Red Wings" and "crack" but not "Bob Probert".

6:55 - True story: my phone refuse to connect to twitter from within the ACC. You win this round, Burkie.

6:58 - The Leafs show a clever pre-game video highlighting the eight-decade rivalry between the Leafs and Wings. It somehow leaves out Mike Foligno and Nikolai Borschevsky, but it does include a shot of Wendel Clark pummelling Probert, so I'll give it a B+.

7:00 - The Hall of Fame ceremony begins, with the introduction of various living Hall of Famers.

9:15: The Hall of Fame ceremony ends.

(I kid, I kid. Great ceremony. We all enjoyed every second of it.)

7:05 - Brian Leetch is introduced to the crowd. "He cost us our future!" protests the guy behind me, in his best Adam Sandler's mother voice. I can see his point. Maxim Kondratiev and Jarkko Immonen turned out to be awesome.

7:07 - The inductees drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoff. The Leafs are represented by Johnny Mitchell, in what may be the single best argument for maybe picking a real captain once and for all some time soon.

7:10 - The ceremony ends. All the inductees leave the center ice area, except for Brett Hull who circles around waiting for a breakaway pass instead of backchecking.

7:12 - Your referee for tonight's game: Kerry Fraser! I immediately start trying to figure out how many security guards I could fight off. Answer: zero.

7:15 - The game begins. Our seats are in the corner, four rows back of the glass. I'm literally a few feet from the ice, watching everything from the comfort of my seat. I feel like Vesa Toskala.

7:35 - The Leafs get on the board first, as Wayne Primeau beats Chris Osgood cleanly on a two-on-one. I'm not an NHL goaltending coach, but I'm pretty sure "getting beat clean by Wayne Primeau" isn't a good sign for the rest of the night.

7:42 - Gustavsson looks sharp tonight. "MONSTER" guy two rows behind me is already getting hoarse.

7:50 - I get to see Phil Kessel's first goal as a Leaf from about 20 feet away, as he swats home a Jason Blake shot that was going to go in anyways. This leads to an awkward post-goal celebration right in front of us, as Kessel apologizes and Blake pretends he doesn't care, then barely fights off the urge to smash his stick over Kessel's head as soon as his back is turned.

7:52 - Speaking of Jason Blake, is his "Come on Toronto, let's make some noise!" scoreboard appearance available as a standalone DVD? Because I'll buy it. Seriously, MLSE, name your price.

7:58 - The first period ends. Time to go figure out what everyone in the platinum seats is doing during intermission that keeps them from getting to their seats in time for the start of the next period.

8:03 - Fun fact: the restaurant below the platinum section serves a "Platinum Burger" that costs $38. It comes with foie gras torchon, sautéed shallots, and a picture of the starving African child you could have fed for a month with $38.

8:06 - People are walking into the restaurant, sitting down and ordering full course meals. During the first intermission. I'm seriously considering flipping over some tables.

8:11 - On the way back to our seats, we walk by the fabled platinum lounges. These underground bunkers can best be described as standard NHL luxury boxes, but without an actual view of the ice. For many hockey fans, that would be considered a problem. The folks at the ACC don't seem to notice.

8:15 - The teams switch sides for the second period, meaning Jonas Gustavsson will be guarding the net right in front of us. So if you're hoping to read any more close-up descriptions of goals, you're going to need to skip ahead.

8:27 - Jeff Finger scores to put the Leafs ahead 3-0. First Primeau, now Finger? If Rickard Wallin scores tonight, Osgood may hang himself.

8:32 - Every time Kessels on the ice, "He cost us our future" guy is borderline apoplectic. I'm desperately trying to think of a way to get within earshot and casually mention the Owen Nolan trade.

8:35 - Highlight of the period: Gustavsson freezes a shoot-in with his glove. After a delayed whistle, referee Eric Furlatt skates over to have an extended conversation with Gustavsson about delay of game rules. A few seconds into discussion, Gustavsson turns away, rolls his eyes, and pretends to be deeply interested in his water bottle. Furlatt keeps talking to the back of his head, leading to Mike Komisarek eventually coming over and subtley steering him out of the crease. As far as I know, Furlatt is still lecturing Gustavsson from Philadelphia right now.

8:50 - "MONSTER" guy is looking a little flush.

8:55 - Second intermission. Under advice from my doctor, I decide to stay in my seat.

9:17 - The Wings pull to within 3-1 on an early goal by Dan Cleary. I call the ACC game day staff and cancel my "Jonas, will you marry me?" scoreboard message.

9:28 - The Leafs restore the three goal lead when John Mitchell tips in a Phil Kessel shot. Wait, no, that wasn't accurate, let me try again: Phil Kessel's shot happens to hit John Mitchell's stick on the way into the net. Seriously, Mitchell had no idea. He stole that move from me, by the way. Except instead of going into the net, the puck ricochets into the corner. And instead of my stick, it's usually my groin.

9:32 - Gustavsson crosses the 30-save mark. "MONSTER" guy is no longer wearing pants.

9:36 - Despite a lifetime of attending live sporting events, I've never caught a puck or a foul ball. But my luck may be changing. Tonight, I caught Jason Williams' fibula.

9:45 - During the dying moments, Gustavsson skates over the Leafs bench, punches Toskala in the face, and returns to his crease in time to stop a 3-on-0.

9:50 - The final buzzer sounds, and Osgood storms off the ice. Or, more accurately, he storms over to the door leading off the ice -- and then gets rejected by an usher, who refuses to open the door because there's going to be a post-game ceremony and the Red Wings aren't allowed to leave yet. Apparently nobody told them.

So we get to see the entire Wings team forced to line up on the blue line to watch Gustavsson get "player of the game" honors. As Gustavsson awkwardly tries to figure out how to accept a trophy from Johnny Bower, the Wings look at each other with "wait, are we allowed to leave yet?" expressions on their face. High comedy.

10:00 - We file out of the ACC. After an almost ten-year absence, I've witnessed Kessel's first goal, Gustavsson's best game, and the first Leafs home win in seven months.

Is all of that completely, utterly, 100% due to me being there? No, of course not. The real percentage is probably only in the 80-90% range.

But let's not take any chances, ACC -- get those comped season tickets in the mail now. I'll be there for you. I'm all about the team.

DGB and PPP vs. two drunk Hawks fans: The podcast

PPP (left) and DGB pose for
a pre-podcast publicity photo

Last night I made my third appearance on the Hockeenight podcast. And while the first two were fun, this one featured a special appearance by Pension Plan Puppets to even out the odds.

Topics covered included:

• Kyle Wellwood is fat
  
• Whether a bear could beat a man in a hot dog eating contest
  
• The recent Leafs/Hawks draft pick swap
  
• Leafs Abomi-Nation, and why it will be terrible.
  
• No, seriously, Kyle Wellwood is fat.
  
• Jonas Gustavsson conspiracy theories
  
• Suggested tourism slogans for Hamilton
  
• Why Team USA is going to finish 12th at the Olympics
  
• Chat heckling from Bitter Leaf Fan and Odin Mercer
  
• Todd Gill: Awesome, or super-awesome?
  
• No, we don't care if you want to cover serious hockey topics, PPP and I are just going to keep talking about how Kyle Wellwood is fat.
  
• And a hilarious observation about the Gartner-for-Anderson trade...

You can download the podcast for free from itunes, or listen to it online below:



(Side note: Yes, PPP really is on the podcast. He doesn't say anything for the first 20 minutes, but he's there. He's just building the dramatic tension.)

A few other things:

• I was invited to participate in the DC Cheap Seats' hockey survey. You can read my answers here.
  
• This is a few weeks old, but I also had an entry in Puck Daddy's Five Reasons I Love Hockey series. And if you're thinking that I used the opportunity to go on about Wendel Clark and Kerry Fraser, you would be right.

So as you can see, I've been busy. In fact, I think I've made an appearance on every hockey blog except... this one. But we'll get that fixed in September. Double figure posts this month, guaranteed!

Probably. Maybe.

After 16 years, a new wrinkle on Kerry Fraser's missed call

Kerry Fraser has just wrapped up his hour-long appearance on Leafs Lunch. And while his explanation of his infamous missed call on Wayne Gretzky hasn't changed, he did introduce a new wrinkle involving Doug Gilmour.

The interview, which was heavily hyped as some sort of epic confrontation between Fraser and Leaf fans, was an enormous dud. While 640 did get in a few shoutouts to PPP (and borrowed heavily from my Youtube clips of Brian Lewis and Don Cherry's reactions), host Brian Duff was more interested in giggling along with Fraser at cutting edge hair jokes.

But we did get at least one new tidbit when, for the first time that I'm aware of, Fraser told us what Doug Gilmour said to him immediately after the high-stick. According to Fraser, Gilmour told him that he was hit on Gretzky's follow through (which wouldn't be a penalty).

Duff immediately hammered Fraser with a devastating follow up: "Why would it matter what a player told you? Isn't it your job to see the play and call it correctly?"

No, just kidding. Duff accepted the explanation without question and moved on to the next call from a Habs fan.

Beyond that, Fraser is sticking to his claim that he didn't see the play. He repeatedly mentioned that the game looks different on the ice than it does from "up above", in an apparent attempt to explain how his version is contradicted by multiple replays.

At one point, he even told Duff that "you'll see that there was an obstructed view off the faceoff, and two big players were in my line of sight" -- a bizarre claim, considering the play didn't happen off of a faceoff. Apparently, being "on the ice" also warps space-time.

As a reminder, here's Fraser's "obstructed view" with "two big players in (his) line of sight":



"I'm honest," Fraser said. "I tell the truth." You be the judge.

You'll be able to find a podcast of the interview later today on the 640 web site.