Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A hockey fan's guide to the World Series

This was an important sports moment from
1993, so it's safe to say Kerry Fraser didn't see it.
The World Series opens tomorrow night in St. Louis, with the Cardinals playing host to the Texas Rangers. And while some hockey fans wouldn't dream of switching over to a baseball game after waiting all summer for the NHL season to start, many will no doubt be tempted to tune in knowing that a championship is on the line.

So if you're a hockey fan who's thinking about checking out some of the World Series action, here's a handy guide to some of the subtle differences between the two sports to help you follow the action.

World Series: By late October, 28 teams have already been eliminated from championship contention.
NHL: By late October, no teams have been eliminated from championship contention with the exception of Winnipeg.

World Series: If you see the defence standing around helplessly while a player circles the bases before scoring, you'll know that batter has hit a home run.
NHL: If you see the defence standing around helplessly while a player circles the rink before scoring, you'll know that Phil Kessel has decided to try this year.

World Series: It took the sport a generation to recover from the cancellation of the 1994 World Series due to a player's strike led by hardline union head Donald Fehr.
NHL: I'm sure whoever's heading up the NHLPA these days would never do something like that.

World Series: For the second straight year, the Texas Rangers have won their first two playoff rounds under the leadership of popular manager Ron Washington.
NHL: Nobody with "Washington" on their jersey ever wins two playoff rounds in the same season.

World Series: Outdoor games are sometimes cancelled due to rain.
NHL: Outdoor games are played even if it's raining, because come on, it's not like anybody is going to get hurt out there.

World Series: Commissioner Bud Selig has been accused of having a conflict of interest in the games, since his family holds an ownership stake in the Milwaukee Brewers.
NHL: Commissioner Gary Bettman has never been accused of having any interest at all in the games.

World Series: "Blocking the plate" can get you seriously injured if you are a catcher and there is a close play at home.
NHL: "Blocking the plate" can get you seriously injured if you are dining with Dustin Byfuglien.

World Series: Both hands with palms down waved across the front of the body is the signal that a runner has been called safe by the umpire.
NHL: Both hands with palms down waved across the front of the body is the signal that's it was a bad idea to try to fight Arron Asham.

World Series: A player who manages four different types of hits in the same game is said to have "hit for the cycle".
NHL: A player who manages four different hits in the same game is said to have "been scheduled for a hearing with Brendan Shanahan".

World Series: The Rangers have a legitimate chance to win the championship!
NHL: Not so much.

World Series: They call it the "foul pole" even though if the ball hits it then it's not actually foul, and this is really fascinating according to every single baseball fan ever.
NHL: They call it the "goal post" even though if the puck hits it then it's not actually a goal, and nobody cares because we have other things to talk about.

World Series: You can tell who gets to host game seven of the final series by checking which league won that season's all-star game.
NHL: You can tell who gets to host game seven of the final series by checking which city's local businesses are hurriedly boarding up all their windows.

World Series: "Defensive indifference" refers to a play in which a runner is not credited with a stolen base because the defense did not make an effort to throw him out.
NHL: "Defensive indifference" will be the title of this season's Sergei Gonchar highlight DVD.

World Series: Fans look forward to a mid-game tradition called "the seventh-inning stretch", in which everyone stands around and listens to a song from 1908.
NHL: Fans look forward to a mid-game tradition called "Coach's Corner", in which everyone stands around and listens to opinions from 1908.




47 comments:

  1. One of the better ones of late. The Gonchar joke was my favourite :)

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  2. Well done DGB, I don't know how you keep coming up with this stuff. Like how you swapped in Big Buff for Wellwood - we can all breathe a bit easier, the fat jokes are here to stay.

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  3. That's is a bad comment for people living in 1908... they were never THAT retarded...

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  4. Once again, well done DGB! You're putting Puck Daddy to shame.

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  5. So do you like Don Cherry or not?

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  6. I think I laughed at every single one in this, hilarious!

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  7. I was hoping the "blocking the plate" joke was gonna say Bruce boudreau instead of buff. Lol. Nice work. I laughed out loud while reading this in my class during a boring lecture.

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  8. You must be growing as a writer. There was a food joke that didn't involve Wellwood.

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  9. Tom Fergus for Hall of FameOctober 18, 2011 at 10:38 AM

    As a hockey and baseball fan, this was great! Had people staring at me at work for laughing so loud..

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  10. The photo comment was golden

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  11. The main similarity is that a Canadian team has the same chance of winning...

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  12. " So do you like Don Cherry or not?"

    I suspect DGB is just like the rest of us, in that he treats Don like the crazy old man on the street corner who's ranting about a world that's passed him by. Might be a nice guy, but you just don't listen to, well, anything he says anymore.

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  13. That was awesome, this St Louis Blues & Cardinals fan laughed very hard.

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  14. I've loved your work for a while now, but this is absolutely one of the best things you have ever written. Bravo sir

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  15. I was a bit surprised you went with Byfuglien rather than Wellwood, but funny nonetheless. I'm a Pens fan so I particularly liked the Washington and Asham jokes. Great job as a whole.

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  16. World Series: They call it the "foul pole" even though if the ball hits it then it's not actually foul, and this is really fascinating according to every single baseball fan ever.
    NHL: They call it the "goal post" even though if the puck hits it then it's not actually a goal, and nobody cares because we have other things to talk about.

    ^ Ha, that is great!!!!!

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  17. love the photo caption!

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  18. Washington, Asham, scheduled hearings, Don Cherry craziness, Big Buff devouring all... damn. You always have one or two golden lines, but rarely are MOST of them that good. That was grand.

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  19. Don't understand how a Leaf fan has the audacity to take another swipe at any other team for being eliminated from playoff contention in the fall...

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  20. this is legendary, as a baseball fan, one of the best ever

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  21. 'NHL: Nobody with "Washington" on their jersey ever wins two playoff rounds in the same season.'

    I know that as a Caps' fan I'm "supposed" to be offended.

    However, since your barbs are both 1) hilarious, and 2) pretty much aimed at every NHL team (including the Leafs), Don Cherry, Bettman, and the NHL in general, I not only forgive you, I applaud you.

    Kudos to your great hockey humour (note Canadian spelling), year-in and year-out.

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  22. 5 stars, DGB!

    The best part of this blog is the photo caption. :P

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  23. I don't know how the Jets will get any food into them at team dinners... Byfuglien + Wellwood = :O

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  24. Making fun of the riots has gotten old already, ditto with the fat Byfuglien jokes.

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  25. Sometimes your posts don't amuse me whatsoever... but not today, read it in the National Post and most definitely LOL'd.

    About the byfuglien jokes, i think those are still pretty new. Got some life left in them yet-this is the first one i've seen.

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  26. I almost spit out my water at the Buff joke. Great work once again.

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  27. funny stuff. gonchar and washington were great.

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  28. The caption on the pic was a riot

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  29. So do you like Don Cherry or not?

    I do like Don Cherry. And I say that even though I acknowledge that at this point, all the common criticisms thrown at him are basically correct. I can understand why so many people are tired of him. I can understand why so many people never liked him in the first place.

    But as I've said before, Cherry has officially reached what I call Axl Rose Status: I've been a fan for so long that it really doesn't matter how crazy or pathetic he gets. He has a permanent free pass. It doesn't make any sense, but there it is.

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  30. Wellwood was too much low-hanging fruit eh? Well done.

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  31. As a Bruins fan, I really enjoyed the Phil Kessel one. Also, the Gonchar and Washington ones were especially cutting. This is probably my favorite thing you've done yet, DGB. Bravo!

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  32. Seriously - this is laugh out loud funny. Magic !

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  33. Good one about Bettman - as for Shanny, he used to hit at least 4 times in a game, but now he can clock players a whole new way.

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  34. I'm laughing out loud. That was one of your best recent posts.

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  35. That is by far the best photo caption you've ever come up with!

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  36. I had to laugh, but the Washington joke really hurts.

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  37. World Series: Toronto is doing a traditional rebuild, and they aren't making the playoffs.
    NHL: Toronto is not doing a traditional rebuild, and they aren't making the playoffs.

    Note- Just a joke Leaf fans, dont take it too personally (post-lockout era playoff drought)

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  38. Ahaha, @Rookie DGB, that one sounds like something actual DGB would say, and as a Leaf fan, I got quite a good laugh out of it. Good job haha.

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  39. I'm a Flyers fan so it was really depressing for me to reread this in February and have to acknowledge that you could be wrong about the Rangers winning the cup :(

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  40. As A Caps fan, it is really depressing to think that getting beat in the second round of the playoffs sounds really good about now.

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