Hey, did you hear about that new NHL video game that’s just been released?
No, not that one. Please. Hockey teams actually playing hockey? That’s so 2011.
This new game is a little bit more… realistic. And unlike that other one that puts all the focus on the players, this hot new release knows who the fans really want to see.
I can't wait for the sequel to come out in a few years. And a few years after that. And a few years after that...
Lyrics after the jump.
The struggling Washington Capitals fired head coach Bruce Boudreau last week. And while Boudreau landed on his feet almost immediately in Anaheim, there are still plenty of questions about what went wrong in Washington. Most of the fingers are pointing at franchise player Alexander Ovechkin, who's numbers have dropped significantly over the past two seasons.
Is Ovechkin hurt? Has he already peaked? Or, perhaps worst of all, did he quit on his coach in an attempt to get him fired?
As it turns out, that last question came up recently at one of new coach Dale Hunter's first practices in Washington. And Bloge Salming was there with cameras rolling.
The Stanley Cup is every player's ultimate goal. And since the only way to win it is by first earning a spot in the NHL playoffs, the post-season naturally becomes ever player's first and only priority.
Or at least, that's what they tell us. It turns out the players have a little secret: missing the playoffs isn't so bad.
Oh sure, it's going to be frustrating if you're a fiery competitor like Jarome Iginla. Luckily, Jarome has some new teammates this year, and they've let him in on how it really is:
I know it's become trendy to complain about NBC's hockey coverage. And I know it has to be a hard job putting those broadcasts together for a national audience that may or may not even be interested in the sport.
But is it me, or does their latest advertising campaign seem a little... odd?
By now, you've probably seen Jimmy Kimmel's "Handsome Men Club" video. It's been all over the web this week, and for good reason: it's slickly produced, packed with superstar cameos, and completely hilarious.
Too bad the whole thing was ripped off from the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Yes, the Leafs have had their own very similar private club for decades. But few people know about it, so apparently Kimmel thought he could steal the concept, tweak it slightly, and pass it off as original work.
Nice try Jimmy. Unfortunately for you, Bloge Salming has top secret footage of the most recent meeting. And now we're posting it for the world to see.
People seemed to enjoy yesterday's Team Canada rap, in which the players from the men's hockey team wished a friendly welcome to competitors from other nations. We've even had a positive response from international readers (with the exception of fans in Finland who still want my head on a pike for being mean to Vesa Toskala).
A few of you had requests: for a downloadable file, and for the full lyrics.
First up, the mp3 is now available from Bloge Salming. You know this already if you visit his site frequently. If you don't, you're missing out. Go there now.
Next up, the lyrics: Below is a quasi-official version. MC Bloge may have freestyled a little here and there depending on whether the muse moved him at a particular moment, but they should be pretty close.
Team Canada's Olympic Welcome
Sidney Crosby vs. Russia
First off, [bleep] Ovechkin and his video game
Losing big to the Kid is your claim to fame.
You claim to be a player but I've got your Cup
Had a 2-0 series lead and then we [bleep]ed you up
They say Russia looks scary, we shouldn't blow you off
But It's hard to take you serious with that Morozov
Nabokov as your goalie what a [bleep]ing facade
You had to battle Toskala for your starting job
And I hope that your goalies lower lumbar's tough
Sore back when Markov throws them under the bus
And hey Ilya... Duncan Keith is going to fill ya
Keep your head up Malkin or else Pronger's going to kill ya
Expect diving calls when you see the Kid.
Protect your balls when you see the Kid.
You tried to kill me and I tried to choke ya
now you're about to feel the wrath of Nova Scotia
You're gonna get lit up
Jarome Iginla vs. USA
Get out the way, yo, get out the way, yo
Iggy just hit the ice
Americans love to talk and now it's pissing me off.
So son you better run before the visor comes off.
Can't wait for the day that we play the States
Games end more lopsided than Ryan Miller's face
Your defence is going to stop me? Your higher than Kordic
If you reckon for a second that I'm scared of Brooks Orpik.
Can't believe you think you've got a chance against the best
When your roster looks weaker than Patrick Kane's chest.
You're thinking of a medal but it's just a dream
Brian Burke + Ron Wilson = last place team
Rick Nash vs. Finland
Finnish All Stars I hope you hear all the pundits
Mikko Koivu [entire line bleeped out for reason Bloge and I will explain some day]
We've got Jarome Iginla and he tips us off
On all the ways he scores in practice on Kiprusoff
We're going to beat you down and I don't mean maybe
Cause your first line center looks like an ugly baby
I'll be as strong as Popeye when he's eating his spinach
When the medal round starts you'll all be finished.
Did you get it guys? Finished?
Babcock: Yeah, we got it Rick.
It's like a pun!
Babcock: Great work Rick.
Martin Brodeur vs. Czech Republic
I'm from N-E-W Jerz where lots of trapping occurs
Going to put the Czechs in a world of hurt
Elias might be my teammate when the season's on
But in Vancouver when we play you [bleep] it's [bleep]ing on.
Kaberle will get sunk. We'll take out Jagr the punk
And then we'll give Marty Havlat a big kick in the junk
If you left the country you'd be far better off
We'll be bouncing Czechs worse than Sergei Federov
Win with the trap and the offensive zone cycle
Bad sign when your taxi squad has Robert Reichel
Need a team effort for a legitimate chance to win
It helps that they found Kuba under Spacek's chins
Scott Niedermayer vs. Sweden
People want to talk about the two Sedins
Little jokers, go play poker with Mats Sundin
Daniel Alfredsson is known for his leadership and class
But shoot a puck at me again and I'mma bust your ass
So you won Gold in '06, duly noted again
Gustavsson's heart just exploded again
Vancouver hates Ohlund, the boos they're given him
Modin is [bleep], even the Leafs got rid of him
You might have a shot if you can just stay loose
But better pray that you don't play against Belarus.
Is Murray even Swedish? How bout Johnny Oduya?
So many holes in Lundqvist with all the pucks we get through you.
Mike Green vs. Slovakia
Crosby: Aw, yeah, and don't think we forgot about you Slovakia. Tell 'em what we got in store for them, Mike Green! Mike? Mike?
Green: Um... yeah, I didn't make the team.
Crosby: Wait, seriously?
Green: Yeah.
Crosby: You're like first overall in scoring.
Green: I am aware of that.
Yzerman: Awkward!
Crosby: Holy [bleep], we are stacked!
Nash: "Finished" also means done!
Babcock: That's great Rick...
This is a bit of a strange one. Mike Babcock and Steve Yzerman decided that as host nation, it would be fun to have the team record a friendly welcome message to the other teams. They googled "hockey videos" and ended up flying my pal Bloge Salming and I into Vancouver to spend some time with Team Canada during their first practice this morning.
I thought the whole "welcome video" concept was a great idea and after a bit of a slow start, the players really got into it. But once we were done, the coaching staff changed their mind and didn't want to use it anymore.
I have no idea why. I thought it was a great example of Canada's polite and welcoming nature.
Earlier this week I posted about Brian Burke's apparently contradictory quotes about NTCs. On the one hand he says he won't give them out. On the other hand, he says it's important that free agents know he honors them.
It didn't make sense. Burke was either backtracking, confused, or lying. Or maybe, just maybe, he was hiding something.
So I asked him about it.
It's a long story, but I managed to get the opportunity to question Burke directly, with some help from Bloge Salming. The entire thing was captured on film.
The confrontation was heated, revealing, and also strangely familiar. Have a look.
I received a tip over the weekend that the Leafs would be holding their annual Christmas party at a nearby establishment. I deployed some of my trusted DGB spies (now armed with video cameras), and they were able to infiltrate the proceedings and capture this exclusive footage.
Do you ever watch your team play a game that's so bad, you can't even get up the nerve to watch the highlights afterwards?
That happened to me on Saturday, when the Leafs laid an egg in their much-anticipated showdown with the Bruins. The team was flat, the Bruins dominated, and I ended up turning the game off halfway through. It was that bad.
I finally watched the highlights today, since I figured it couldn't have been as bad as I remembered it. And I was right. It was worse. Much, much worse.
Anyway, in case you missed the game, it went like this:
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