Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Team Canada welcomes the world: The lyrics

People seemed to enjoy yesterday's Team Canada rap, in which the players from the men's hockey team wished a friendly welcome to competitors from other nations. We've even had a positive response from international readers (with the exception of fans in Finland who still want my head on a pike for being mean to Vesa Toskala).

A few of you had requests: for a downloadable file, and for the full lyrics.

First up, the mp3 is now available from Bloge Salming. You know this already if you visit his site frequently. If you don't, you're missing out. Go there now.

Next up, the lyrics: Below is a quasi-official version. MC Bloge may have freestyled a little here and there depending on whether the muse moved him at a particular moment, but they should be pretty close.

Team Canada's Olympic Welcome

Sidney Crosby vs. Russia
First off, [bleep] Ovechkin and his video game
Losing big to the Kid is your claim to fame.
You claim to be a player but I've got your Cup
Had a 2-0 series lead and then we [bleep]ed you up
They say Russia looks scary, we shouldn't blow you off
But It's hard to take you serious with that Morozov
Nabokov as your goalie what a [bleep]ing facade
You had to battle Toskala for your starting job
And I hope that your goalies lower lumbar's tough
Sore back when Markov throws them under the bus
And hey Ilya... Duncan Keith is going to fill ya
Keep your head up Malkin or else Pronger's going to kill ya

Expect diving calls when you see the Kid.
Protect your balls when you see the Kid.
You tried to kill me and I tried to choke ya
now you're about to feel the wrath of Nova Scotia
You're gonna get lit up

Jarome Iginla vs. USA
Get out the way, yo, get out the way, yo
Iggy just hit the ice
Americans love to talk and now it's pissing me off.
So son you better run before the visor comes off.
Can't wait for the day that we play the States
Games end more lopsided than Ryan Miller's face
Your defence is going to stop me? Your higher than Kordic
If you reckon for a second that I'm scared of Brooks Orpik.
Can't believe you think you've got a chance against the best
When your roster looks weaker than Patrick Kane's chest.
You're thinking of a medal but it's just a dream
Brian Burke + Ron Wilson = last place team

Rick Nash vs. Finland
Finnish All Stars I hope you hear all the pundits
Mikko Koivu [entire line bleeped out for reason Bloge and I will explain some day]
We've got Jarome Iginla and he tips us off
On all the ways he scores in practice on Kiprusoff
We're going to beat you down and I don't mean maybe
Cause your first line center looks like an ugly baby
I'll be as strong as Popeye when he's eating his spinach
When the medal round starts you'll all be finished.

Did you get it guys? Finished?
Babcock: Yeah, we got it Rick.
It's like a pun!
Babcock: Great work Rick.

Martin Brodeur vs. Czech Republic
I'm from N-E-W Jerz where lots of trapping occurs
Going to put the Czechs in a world of hurt
Elias might be my teammate when the season's on
But in Vancouver when we play you [bleep] it's [bleep]ing on.
Kaberle will get sunk. We'll take out Jagr the punk
And then we'll give Marty Havlat a big kick in the junk
If you left the country you'd be far better off
We'll be bouncing Czechs worse than Sergei Federov
Win with the trap and the offensive zone cycle
Bad sign when your taxi squad has Robert Reichel
Need a team effort for a legitimate chance to win
It helps that they found Kuba under Spacek's chins

Scott Niedermayer vs. Sweden
People want to talk about the two Sedins
Little jokers, go play poker with Mats Sundin
Daniel Alfredsson is known for his leadership and class
But shoot a puck at me again and I'mma bust your ass
So you won Gold in '06, duly noted again
Gustavsson's heart just exploded again
Vancouver hates Ohlund, the boos they're given him
Modin is [bleep], even the Leafs got rid of him
You might have a shot if you can just stay loose
But better pray that you don't play against Belarus.
Is Murray even Swedish? How bout Johnny Oduya?
So many holes in Lundqvist with all the pucks we get through you.

Mike Green vs. Slovakia
Crosby: Aw, yeah, and don't think we forgot about you Slovakia. Tell 'em what we got in store for them, Mike Green! Mike? Mike?
Green: Um... yeah, I didn't make the team.
Crosby: Wait, seriously?
Green: Yeah.
Crosby: You're like first overall in scoring.
Green: I am aware of that.
Yzerman: Awkward!
Crosby: Holy [bleep], we are stacked!

Nash: "Finished" also means done!
Babcock: That's great Rick...

(Side note: If you liked this or any other video, don't forget to rate it and/or favorite it on youtube. Let's help Bloge Salming own the podium.)


  1. Fantastic! Although don't talk to me about the Mike Green snub...

    (That's, uh... that's a creative way to spell Niedermayer... *awkward!*)

  2. That Koivu line is going to your grave Sean...otherwise I will force you to watch last weeks Toronto/St Louis game a la Clockwork Orange.

  3. great, now I am going to be obsessed with finding out the mikko koivu line

  4. It's no big deal...

    ...but if you do somehow find out I will look up every Jared in London and erase their memories a la Men In Black

  5. Not everyone here in Finland is angry at you for being mean to Toskala, DGB. Only those who don't watch Leafs games are.

    By the way, I'd be very surprised if the ugly baby was our first line center. More likely he'll be playing the wing in the second line, which still leaves me wondering why the hell is he even in the team while Jussi Jokinen is vacationing here in Oulu.

  6. If you google "trap and the offensive zone cycle" DGB is the third hit.

  7. "If you google "trap and the offensive zone cycle" DGB is the third hit."

    Goddamn it!

    That was my line...

  8. Dear god...I'm starting to feel like Rodney Dangerfield over here.

  9. The Koivu line sounds like "Mikko Koivu, (I'm?) tired of carrying your ass in Columbus". Amiright?

  10. Mikko Koivu plays for Minnesota, not Columbus. Would of course explain why it got bleeped out. :P

  11. "The Koivu line sounds like "Mikko Koivu, (I'm?) tired of carrying your ass in Columbus". Amiright?"

    Hahaha....no. Not even close.

    What is your name and address please?

  12. I'm with you on that CGLN. And Bloge, I'm Mike... from Canmore.

  13. I'm guessing the Mikko Koivu line has something to do with his brothers cancer ...

  14. Considering that you guys included the line about Kordic, whatever was said about Koivu must be truly awful to get bleeped out.

  15. Out of 9,400,000 hits for trap and the offensive zone cycle, DGB is 1 & 2 2 1:30pm on Wed. Feb 17th.
    Senior relative.

  16. "So many holes in Lundqvist with all the pucks we get through you."

    Don't talk with your mouth full of meat. You are as far from the truth as possible.

  17. I am from the US and so fully rooting against Canada, but that is hilarious.

  18. Mikko's doing quite well so far...

  19. Yeah... Of all the great goalies at hand in the Olympics, Lundqvist really doesn't strike me as the scariest.

    Pre-emptively, Lundqvist is probably not in the top 5 of the Olympic goalies. All Team Canada goalies have shown more. Miller's way better. Kiprusoff and Bäckström are better. Russia doesn't utilize a goalie, they have him pulled out from the start to get the extra attacker. With their depth, that extra will probably be Sergei Berezin.

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  21. that was hilarious,
    yiure like 1st in scoring
    i am aware of that...
    "that was not super fun was

    oh and crosby fans take note, i can handle a rib at yzerman and i'm a huge wings fan

  22. i love mike green "i am aware of that"
    "that was not super fun"lol
    very clever, really liked it, keep it up

  23. Well done sirs. Hilarious.

    Not sure if anyone's seen this. It is GREAT.


  24. This video was a real hoot; thanks for the chuckle...well except for the shot of the Kid taking a crack at another guy's jewels. (There are just some things that no true man should do to another man.)

    No matter how cruddy things can go during the season, you always manage to make me smile, so thanks.

  25. <3 for the lyrics, thanks guys for the great effort.

  26. "Can't wait for the day that we play the States
    Games end more lopsided than Ryan Miller's face"

    Genius. Absolute genius.

  27. As others have posted, that blanked Koivu line is definitely about Nash carrying him in Columbus......ooops

  28. CGLN, you evidently know nothing about hockey.

  29. Fricking hilarious! The Yzerman awkward had me in tears.

  30. I'm guessing the line about Koivu was bleeped because you couldn't find anything that made sense and also rhymed with "pundits".

  31. Meaning that you bleeped the line because it was mostly just filler and didn't really work. Especially if the line is "Mikko Koivu I'm tired of carrying your ass in Columbus" - at least that's what I got from listening to it.