2008: A Maple Leafs year in review

Jan. 22 - John Ferguson Jr. is fired. After being informed of the decision, Ferguson nods quietly, adjust his suit, offers a firm handshake to everyone in the room, and then spends the next 45 minutes pulling on the exit door marked "Push".

Jan. 23 - Waking up to the news that Cliff Fletcher has been named interim GM, Toronto sports fans joke that who's next, Cito Gaston and Don Matthews?

Feb. 5 - The Leafs lose 8-0 to the Panthers at home. "If it had got to 9-0," says coach Paul Maurice, "I was thinking about actually raising my voice at somebody."

Feb. 24 - Mats Sundin announces that he will not waive his no-trade clause, telling the media that "I have never believed in the concept of a rental player. It is my belief that winning the Stanley Cup is the greatest thing you can achieve in hockey but for me, in order to appreciate it you have to have been part of the entire journey and that means October through June".

Although nobody gives it much thought at the time, in hindsight it was probably noteworthy that Sundin read the entire statement in a sarcastic Homer Simpson voice.

Feb. 26 - Trade deadline day. While Fletcher can't manage to deal any of the "Muskoka Five", he does manage to make a pair of deals with Florida. In one deal that turns out to be a steal for the Leafs, he manages to get a draft pick from the Panthers in exchange for a player who'll likely never record another point in the NHL. He also trades them Chad Kilger.

March 17 - Vesa Toskala lets in a 180-foot goal against the Islanders, marking the only time this year that he managed to handle a long shot without kicking out a huge rebound.

April 3 - In an otherwise meaningless late-season game, Mark Bell destroys Daniel Alfredsson with an open ice hit. While nobody likes to see a grown man writhing on the ground in agony, the Ottawa Sun's Bruce Garrioch does eventually regain his composure and return to his seat.

April 23 - Brian Burke announces that he will stay on as GM in Anaheim through the remaineder of his contract. Mats Sundin comments "Well, he wouldn't be saying it if it wasn't true."

May 7 - Paul Maurice is fired. Upon hearing the news, Maurice retreats to his office and packs up his belongings: some family photos, a few old files, and 164 unused timeouts.

June 10 - Ron Wilson is hired as the Leafs new coach. He promises that his team will work hard, be defensively responsible and forecheck relentlessly. In related news, Jason Blake posts his resume on monster.com.

June 19 - Fletcher raises a few eyebrows when he trades a third round draft pick for Jamal Mayers. Fletcher explains the deal by saying "We have a team of guys who are a little bit on the small side and can sometimes be intimidated, and we need somebody to protect them from no-talent thugs who might try to hurt them. Mainly Ryan Hollweg in practice."

June 20 - Cliff Fletcher trades up to select Luke Schenn with the fifth overall pick of the NHL draft. Fletcher says he was impressed by Schenn's maturity, his defensive presence, and the enormous star that lit the entire sky the night he was born.

June 25 - The Leafs buy out Darcy Tucker. Fighting through tears, a devastated Tucker says "Well, look on the bright side, at least I never have to play with Andrew Raycroft again."

June 27 - The Leafs waive Raycroft and Kyle Wellwood, two players who both fell out of favor due to their frequent association with the phrase "top shelf where momma keeps the peanut butter".

July 1 - The Leafs surprise many on the first day of unrestricted free agency by signing Jeff Finger to a $14M contract. While many experts feel the Leafs have overpaid, the signing receives unanimous approval from the nation's pun headline writers.

Aug. 14 - Bryan McCabe reportedly agrees to waive his no-trade clause, on the strict condition that he be dealt to one of the 28 or 29 very best teams in the league.

Sept. 19 - The Leafs open training camp. Ron Wilson is asked whether he thinks the Leafs can compete with teams like the Senators, or whether they will be embarrassingly pathetic, and replies "yes".

Sept. 25 - Leafs co-owner Larry Tanenbaum causes a minor controversy when he gives an obviously wrong answer to a hypothetical question about winning the Stanley Cup. The hypothetical question is "What's the first thing you should do to win a Cup", and Tanenbaum fails to correctly answer "Resign".

Oct. 2 - Ian White shakes hands with Wendel Clark at an off-ice function. The next day, a confused White wakes up sporting a full moustache. Attempts to shave it off result in his razor blade starting to bleed.

Oct. 17 - The Canucks waive Kyle Wellwood, who goes unclaimed. "Let's face it," says Canucks GM Mike Gillis, "We're not going to get anywhere building this team around out-of-shape former Leaf centers."

Oct. 23 - In a highlight reel hit, the Bruins' Milan Lucic drives Mike Van Ryn through the glass. Van Ryn later says "When I first heard the sound of glass shattering, I just assumed somebody had lightly nudged Carlo Colaiacovo."

Nov. 22 - The Leafs honor Wendel Clark. After a video tribute and an emotional speech, the Leafs unveil a banner which Clark promptly uppercuts into the rafters.

Nov. 24 - The Leafs trade Colaiacovo and Alex Steen for Lee Stempniak. Fletcher explains "Any time you can trade two guys who usually do nothing for one guy who always does nothing, you have to make that deal."

Nov 28 - On Brian Burke's first day on the job as the Leafs' new GM, Richard Peddie peeks his head in the door to ask if there's anything he can help with. Burke calmly pulls a .357 Magnum from the top drawer of his desk, shoots Peddie in the chest without looking up, and then says "no, but thanks for asking".

Dec. 4 - While looking in the mirror, Ian White realizes that each hair in his moustache has begun growing its own moustache

Dec. 22 - Justin Pogge makes his debut and looks good in a 6-2 win. Curtis Joseph and Vesa Toskala try to figure out why every time the other team takes a shot, the ensuing faceoff is in the offensive zone instead of center ice.

Dec. 25 - Luke Schenn gets the same Christmas gifts he gets every year: gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Dec. 30 - Curtis Joseph records his first win of the season. While he appreciates the Leafs recognizing his career milestone with a scoreboard message, he wishes they had chosen better wording than "Curtis, congratulations on your 450th (and final) career win!"

Jan. 1, 2009 - Ian White's moustache begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time.

Who took out Matt Stajan?

Artist's conception

There's been lots of coverage of Matt Stajan's eye injury, which apparently happened when he was hit in the face with a soccer ball during a warmup session. What's missing from the stories I've seen so far is a culprit. Last time I checked, soccer balls don't just fire themselves down a hallway.

So the question becomes, who did it? Who took out the Leafs' leading scorer?

I'm not sure I can answer that, but I do think that we can narrow the field by the process of elimination. Here's a list of Leaf-related suspects I think we can declare innocent of all charges.

Jason Blake - Shot would have fluttered harmlessly into Stajan's chest.

Ryan Hollweg - Would have been the first known instance of him hitting somebody who was facing him.

Vesa Toskala / Curtis Joseph - So far this season, have not been involved in any cases of a shot actually being stopped.

Howard Berger - Could not possibly spend time playing silly games like soccer when there are sick children dying in the hospital.

Luke Schenn - Would have immediately laid hands on Stajan, healed him.

Brian Burke - Wait, did you say "soccer"? What are you, some kind of European? You're traded!

Tomas Kaberle - Not sure what you mean by "shooting". Is that like a really hard pass or something?

John Tavares - Is not actually on the Leafs roster. That's a recurring dream you've been having every night since the WJC started.

Ian White - Spends 100% of off-ice time grooming moustache.

Damien Cox - Couldn't have been involved, since that would have meant actually being near the dressing room.

Lee Stempniak - Upon trade to Leafs, signed contract addendum agreeing to never do anything that has any impact, on anything, ever.

Mats Sundin - No longer plays for Leafs. You were probably unaware of this due to the lack of media coverage.

Dominic Moore - Former Harvard grad has no interest in soccer, and has so far been unsuccesful in organizing impromptu hallway games of fencing or lightweight crew.

Jeff Finger - Too busy with regular off-ice activities: rolling in pile of money, looking at statistics, laughing hysterically.

Alexei Ponikarovsky - But did immediately hammer the rebound back into Stajan's face out of force of habit.

Ron Wilson - Is a wise judge of talent who instantly recognized Stajan's abilities, and would obviously never do anything to remove him from the lineup.

Christmas cancelled

After watching the Leafs get crushed 8-2, at home, by the last place Dallas Stars tonight, I did the only thing a self-respecting Leaf fan could do: woke my infant daughter, sat her down, and explained that Christmas had been cancelled.

When she tearfully asked why Santa wasn't coming to visit her this year, I explained that it was very complicated. But mostly, it was because Vesa Toskala handles rebounds like a tennis ball street hockey goalie with a baseball cap for a glove, the Leafs defence is so soft that Mike Ribeiro can drive to the net against them, and Jason Blake still celebrates goals that cut a deficit to 7-1.

Then, one by one, I opened all her Christmas presents in front of her, held them up, and threw them into the furnace. And that part wasn't fun, because little Rover put up a hell of a fight.

Then I sent her back to bed. At the top of the stairs she turned and asked if it was true what the kids at daycare said, that there wouldn't be another Christmas for years because things were just going to get worse and worse with no hope of improving for a generation. I informed her that those kids were Sens fans, and that there was still a chance that things would be better for us next year, and the year after, because a nice man named Brian Burke wasn't going to put up with this crap much longer.

Then I tucked her in, read her Wendel and the Great One until she fell asleep, and sat in the dark trying to figure how to get the smell of burnt fur out of the walls.

So thanks a lof, Leafs. And happy holidays.

Why "inconclusive" video replays don't exist

No Leaf-related content here, but just a quick note on a subject that comes up fairly often in NHL circles. A lot of fans seem to misunderstand an important part of the NHL's video review process.

Last night, Sidney Crosby scored a controversial overtime goal against the Sabres. His stick appeared to make contact with the puck very close to the crossbar level -- it was hard to tell, even in super slo-mo. As per league policy, the call went against the Sabres.

As always happens when a replay is inconclusive, many fans have assumed that the call made by the on-ice officials stands. In this case, a goal.

Let's clear this up once and for all: That's an NFL rule. There is no such "inconclusive" rule in the NHL.

The NHL rulebook (pdf link) makes no reference to the call on the ice being the tie-breaker on an inconclusive replay. In fact, it makes no mention of inconclusive replays at all.

My reading of the rules is that the NHL doesn't accept the concept of an inconclusive review. Put another way, the video goal judge has to make a call one way or the other. In some cases (a puck crossing the goal line), an inconclusive replay would mean the call was no goal.

But the replay official can't get off the hook by passing the buck back to the on-ice crew. Once he's involved, the on-ice call becomes meaningless.

Have I got this wrong? This misconception comes up so often (even from broadcasters) that I'm wondering if the league has ever addressed it. I can't find any reference to the inconclusive calls in the league's rulebook or anywhere else, but if the NHL has ever clarified this and somebody has a link, please post it in the comments.

Is Kaberle the draft day trump card?

Howard Berger has reported, and Damien Cox seems to have confirmed, that Brian Burke has told the agents for Tomas Kaberle and Pavel Kubina that they won't be asked to waive their NTCs at the deadline.

This is madness. The Leafs desperately need to make moves with an eye to the future, and Kubina and Kaberle are two veterans who should be on the trade block. That doesn't mean Burke has to trade either guy, but both should be available for the right price.

Has Burke, who once called NTCs "coach killers" and promised not to give them out, suddenly gone soft on us? Is he really more concerned with protecting Kaberle and Kubina's feelings than with doing his job? Is this some sort of reverse psychology ploy, where Burke plays good cop and let's the harsh reality of the standings do the rest?

Or could he have a Plan B?

As we near the mid-way mark of the season, the Leafs look like a bad team -- outclassed most nights, certainly no threat to make the playoffs. But they're not among the worst of the worst, and as such are seeing their hopes at a top draft pick fade. In a draft with two franchise players, the Leafs look more like a team that will wind up holding a pick in the #5 - 8 range. That means Burke can wave goodbye to John Tavares of Victor Hedman.

Unless, of course, he trades up. And since he doesn't have many picks to work with, wouldn't it help if he had a star player in his prime to dangle in any draft day trade talks?

This is all speculation, and obviously we're months away from seeing how all this plays out.

Would a team like the Islanders, Thrashers or Lightning that feels some pressure to improve now be willing to move out of the #1 spot in exchange for Kaberle and, say, the #5? Put another way, could Burke swap Kaberle at the draft for enough picks to move up?

Not necessarily. It would almost certainly take more on the Leafs side of the equation to make a deal work. But without having a card like Kaberle in his deck, Burke has have virtually no shot at a top two pick unless the Leafs go into a freefall.

Keep in mind, Tomas Kaberle's no-trade clause expires after this season, opening up a window where he can be dealt anywhere. If he's still a Leaf at the end of the season, and assuming Toronto misses the playoffs yet again, Burke can move him anywhere he wants.

So if you're Burke, do you move Kaberle at the deadline -- to a team of his choosing, with limited opportunity for a bidding war, and with all the NTC-related begging and pleading that seems to entail?

Or do you hold onto him, get some bonus points for honoring your NTCs... and then have the option of blindsiding him at the draft table?

Surely Brian Burke has more on his mind than being a nice guy.