Mailbag: Good sweeps, bad ads, Corey Perry, and the curse of The Love Guru

I had the thought today that since the Love Guru came out the Leafs have not won a playoff round. Do you think that is the reaso, and that things won’t be put right until Mike Myers apologizes? – Jason

I mean, I don’t hate this idea. It’s no Curse of Smokey MacKay, but it has its merits.

First, let’s list the pros: The Love Guru was terrible. That’s it, honestly. It’s one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, both as a sports fan and just as somebody who doesn’t like getting punched in the head for two straight hours. I remember being so excited when I found out that Mike Myers, not far from his full Austin Powers/Shrek-era peak, was going to do a movie about the Leafs. This was the guy who’d snuck a Captain Gilmour reference into Wayne’s World and told an extended Nikolai Borschevsky joke to a visibly confused David Letterman back in the day, and now he was going to do a whole movie. It should have been so good.

It was not so good. It was very, very bad. And despite starting at rock bottom, it’s somehow aged terribly. Just a mess, from start to finish, and I can absolutely buy the idea that the hockey gods decided to curse the Maple Leafs forever as punishment. Honestly, it would be deserved.

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The Love Guru: Fact vs Fiction

The Love Guru opens today. As a big budget Hollywood blockbuster, the film will no doubt be seen by a lot of non-hockey fans. This is great news for the NHL, which needs all the publicity it can get.

However, as with any movie the Hollywood version has taken some liberties with reality. Movie goers may be left with some false impressions about the NHL in general and the Toronto Maple Leafs in specific. To avoid confusion, Down Goes Brown attempts to sort out fact and fiction.


Hollywood version: The Leafs' young superstar, Darren Roanoke, is African-American.

Real life: As any hockey fan knows, this is a politically correct Hollywood invention that can only be called pure fiction. The Leafs have never had a young superstar.


Hollywood version: All the Leafs problems are caused by their star player being estranged from his wife.

Real life: All the Leafs problems are caused by their star players being so whipped by their wives that they're not allowed to accept trades to contending teams. A few trial separations would be just what the doctor ordered.


Hollywood version: The Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

Real life: Yeah, not so much.


Hollywood version: In the crucial series between the Leafs and Kings, the hated villain is played by Justin Timberlake.

Real life: In the crucial series between the Leafs and Kings, the hated villain is played by Kerry Fraser.


Hollywood version: The Leafs are run by Jessica Alba, best known for a pair of boobs that everybody loves.

Real life: The Leafs are run by Larry Tannenbaum and Richard Peddie, best known as a pair of boobs that everybody hates.


Hollywood version: Bob Probert makes an appearance on the ice in Toronto, portraying himself.

Real life: Bob Probert makes an appearance on the ice in Toronto, portraying Wendel Clark's personal speed bag.


Hollywood version: The Leafs spend $2 million on Mike Myer's character in an attempt to win.

Real life: The Leafs spend $2 million on Andrew Raycroft in an attempt to lose.


Hollywood version: Jessica Simpson appears as herself: a whiny blond prima donna with an overinflated sense of entitlement who hasn't done anything noteworthy in two years and who everybody wishes would just go away.

Real life: Role played by Bryan McCabe.


Hollywood version: Verne Troyer portrays 32-inch-tall hockey coach, even though he isn't one in real life.

Real life: Kyle Wellwood portrays a 32-inch-tall second line center, even though he isn't one in real life.


Hollywood version: After the Leafs win the championship, everybody is happy.

Real life: After the Leafs win the championship, Damien Cox writes an angry column about how they should have done better.

Hey Caps fan: Scoreboard

A quick observation from five days spent just outside of Washington, DC...

Total Capitals' logos spotted: zero. Not a one. Not on a fan, not on a bumper sticker, not hanging in a store window. Nothing. Even after Ovechkin's big night on Thursday, the Caps have zero summertime presence around here that I can see.

Total Maple Leafs' logos spotted: about a thousand. That number breaks down like this: one on my infant daughter's shirt, and the rest on ads for The Love Guru. That damn movie is everywhere. We were at the local mall today and its covered floor to ceiling in posters, cutouts and murals, and they all feature the Leafs logo.

Now I'm as big a Leaf fan as there is, but even I have to wonder about that strategy. My gut tells me that if you have a Maple Leafs logo in your movie, and you have Jessica Alba in your movie... you might want to go with a little extra Alba on the posters. Just saying.

Anyways, as best I can tell this is the Leafs first post-season road win in four years. The Ron Wilson era is already paying off.