Thursday, June 19, 2008

A simple request to the NHL on draft day

Dear Gary Bettman,

While I know you're brilliant and always have this league firing on all cylinders, here's a crazy idea you may want to try on draft weekend.

At the beginning of the draft, you go up to the podium and announce that you checked with all 30 teams, and they would all like to a.) thank Ottawa for hosting, and b.) congratulate the Detroit Red Wings for winning the Stanley Cup.

Then when it's their turn, tell the teams to just skip the preamble, make their freaking picks and get the hell off the stage.

We could get this whole thing done in an hour.


  1. Too much sense. It would never work. Other thank yous to get out of the way:

    1. Thanks mom and dad/gramps and grams/uncle for sacrificing so much. Enjoy the new house/car

    2. Jesus/Allah/Mohammed/Buddha. We get it. The Bible says that showing your piety in order to get noticed means it doesn't count so spare us.

  2. Don't forget the moment of silence for your head scout's assistant's cousin's dentist's deceased goldfish.

  3. Solution, electrified podium set to discharge 100,000 volts to the gonad region every 20 seconds.

    I doubt the words "and the Toronto Maple Leafs select (random bad draft pick)" would ever be uttered faster.

  4. Maybe we can get Bettman to keep his pre-draft speech short too. That way, we wouldn't have as much time to wonder why his head is always twitching and darting when he talks.