The comment section for my last post ended up being sidetracked by a discussion over what would happen is MLSE went into the booze business. This was frustrating for me, because the post was clearly intended to be sidetracked into a discussion of Al Bundy quotes.
Nevertheless, I have to give my readers what they want. So with a tip of the cap to Navin, Loser Domi and Jaredoflondon, here’s my view of what would happen if MLSE decided to make and market their own brand of beer.
- Richard Peddie would hire a brewmaster who had no experience making beer
- Every bottle produced would have to be taste-tested by each director at the next regularly scheduled board meeting and approved with a majority vote
- Each case would come with one outstanding Swedish premium brew... but for some reason the beers on the left and right of it would always be terrible.
- Every year, the beer would be ice cold from October through February, warm up unexpectedly in March, go completely flat in early April and be discontinued by spring
- The McCabe Lager would come with its own can opener
- The Tlusty Pale Ale would be refreshing, but the front label keeps slipping off
- The Colaiacovo Pilsner bottle would shatter as soon as you took it out of the case
- When you tried to take the empties back for your deposit, you’d find out that half the bottles came with a no-returns clause
- You’d always have to drink straight from the bottle, since nobody involved in making it would have the slightest idea how to lift a cup
- You'd spend all your time thinking "This sucks, but at least I don't have to drink that swill they make up in Ottawa".