Grab Bag: The NHL needs a Jagr Draft

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- Jaromir Jagr is still unsigned. Here's how we fix this.
- Introducing a new name for overrating one-team players
- An obscure player whose name is fun to say
- The week's three comedy stars
- And as the Flyers prepare to retire his jersey, we look back on Eric Lindros's all-time career highlight: Appearing on Arsenio Hall

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

Podcast: The Biscuits season finale

In the season finale of the Biscuits podcast, Dave and I cover:
- The Golden Knights' vaguely disappointing expansion draft
- Marian Hossa's contract situation
- The NHL awards show
- The little Drake controversy
- The time I wrote jokes for the NHL Awards monologue
- Shane Doan as the party guest who won't take the hint
- Reader questions, and lots more...

>> Stream it now on Vice Sports

>> Or, subscribe on iTunes.

Grab bag: The curious case of Little Drake

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- Wait, holy crap, was that a 10-year-old Drake in last week's YouTube section?
- The Blackhawks are going to get out of Marian Hossa's contract, and that's fine
- An obscure player to make Oiler fans sad
- The week's three comedy stars
- And a YouTube clip that is -- and I do not say this lightly -- the weirdest moment in NHL Awards show history

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

Podcast: Evaluating all 30 teams' deadlines

In this week's episode of Biscuits, the Vice Sports hockey podcast, Dave and Sean go through the entire league and evaluate every team's trade deadline, including questions like:
- What were Joe Sakic and the Avalanche doing?
- Will the Rangers regret letting Kevin Shattenkirk go to the Caps?
- What was up with Shane Doan?
- Did Steve Yzerman misplay his Ben Bishop hand?
- Seriously, Sakic knew the deadline was this week, right?
- Did Jim Benning really win the deadline?
- Minnesota overpaid for Martin Hanzal, but was that OK?
- Did Garth Snow just prove Dave's "secret 10-year contract" theory?
- Like, do calendars work differently in Colorado maybe?
- And much, much more...

>> Stream it now on Vice Sports

>> Or, subscribe on iTunes.

Deadline Philosophy 101: Eight tough questions for NHL GMs

Today could be a busy day on the NHL trade market. Not as busy as tomorrow, of course, but the league has a long history of major deals going down the day before the deadline, as GMs get ahead of the last-minute rush and pull off their big moves 24 hours early.

That makes today an exciting day to be a fan. But it also makes for a tough day to write about the deadline, because whatever you come up with can be wiped out by a single move. Marc Bergevin isn’t doing enough in Montreal? Whoops, he just landed Matt Duchene. Some team should be looking at Marc-Andre Fleury? Too late, they just acquired Ryan Miller.

So instead, let’s play it safe and stay away from specific rumors by taking a step back to look at the bigger picture. Today, let’s get philosophical.

As a fan, it’s easy to get hung up on the numbers – stats, standings, cap hits and more. But NHL GMs have even more than that to think about. Many of the questions they face don’t have easy answers, but they can determine the direction that a team takes at the deadline and beyond.

Here are some of the bigger-picture questions your favourite team's GM may be pondering as we count down to tomorrow's deadline.

How do you put a price on loyalty?

As fans, we're constantly told that pro sports are a business, and that we shouldn't expect loyalty to play much of a role. We've certainly seen plenty of examples over the years where that was the case, and it goes both ways — think Martin St. Louis forcing his way out of Tampa, or the first-place Capitals banishing veteran Brooks Laich to the Maple Leafs to save cap space.

There's not much room for loyalty in the hockey world. (Just ask Peter Budaj.) But can't there at least be some?

This one gets especially tricky when players have no-trade clauses, and the organization will have to ask them to provide a list of teams or even waive the clause outright. There was a time when that seemed to be a relatively straightforward conversation – a player had the right to waive, and a GM had the right to ask them if they'd consider doing so.

But over the years, as more players negotiated no-trade protection and the clauses became a more common part of the NHL landscape, many teams have become more sensitive to the perception that players who are asked to waive are somehow being treated poorly.

That can all lead to some teams doing a strange dance where they try to create the perception that players are waiving clauses or providing lists without anyone on either side actually asking them to. We've seen that in Vancouver, where Jim Benning started off saying he wouldn't ask anyone, eventually waffled, and now has already moved Alex Burrows and seems to have everyone in play.

It all gets a bit silly, but you can see where GMs are coming from. Moving on from a player who's spent most of their career fighting and bleeding for your franchise — in some cases literally — isn't as simple as just weighing the numbers and pulling the trigger. If we see some veteran trade bait stay put tomorrow, that could be why.

How much stock do you put in chemistry?

This question turns out to be pretty important, for one simple reason: Depending on how a GM answers, he may not want to make any deadline moves at all.

On the surface, a contending team's GM's job at the deadline is relatively straightforward. Improve your team as much as possible, without overpaying. That qualifier is the tricky part, of course, but the goal should be clear: Bring in reinforcements who make you better right now.

But those reinforcements mean somebody else has to leave, either as part of the trade or to make room on the roster. And if that departing player has been part of the team all season or longer, his absence is going to be felt somewhere. "Chemistry" has become the catch-all term for the fear that a move that makes you better on paper might still hurt you in the long run.

There's probably some truth to it. It's also probably true that GMs put too much stock in chemistry, and maybe even embrace it as a handy excuse not to do anything. Not everyone buys into the concept.

But there's no doubt that it's a factor weighing on the minds of the league's better teams. Here's Stan Bowman telling us "there's something to be said for chemistry." Then again, here's Brian MacLellan of the league-leading Capitals pointing to the team's 2010 deadline as an example of making too many moves and throwing off their chemistry, days before he pulls off a blockbuster to bring in Kevin Shattenkirk.

There's something to be said for ditching the warm-and-fuzzy feelings and just making your team better. But any GM who's a big believer in chemistry will have some balancing to do.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

The six riskiest trade deadline targets

An NHL rink has never been a place for the prim and proper, and when things get heated there isn’t much in the way of vocabulary that’s considered off limits. But these days, there’s one four-letter word that causes even the bravest hockey lifer to clutch at his pearls and reach for his fainting couch.

Risk.

Coaches won’t tolerate it, as demonstrated by their game strategies. Players are benched for engaging in it. Fans don’t always understand it. And general managers hate it, which is why most of them go to such great lengths to avoid making trades.

As this year’s deadline draws near, every potential trade target carries some risk. Anyone can get hot, or get hurt. Young prospects can turn out to be the next Brett Hull or Markus Naslund, and tossed-in draft picks can turn out to be the next Ray Bourque or Patrick Roy. No trade, no matter how minor, is ever risk-free.

But some trade targets carry more risk than others. If you go out and pull the trigger on a move for Brian Boyle or Martin Hanzal, you pretty much know what you're getting. Matt Duchene or Gabriel Landeskog would cost you plenty, but you could feel reasonably confident about what the future would hold with either guy.

Other players on the market... well, you wouldn't be so sure. Maybe that's a good thing — it's hard to find a game-changing bargain in the "sure thing" pile. But in a league where nobody ever seems to want to roll the dice and take a risk, these are some of the names that will require doing just that.

JAROME IGINLA AND SHANE DOAN

Best case: We're going to group these two together because they both offer up the same question: At what point does reputation, character, veteran leadership and good old-fashioned narrative outweigh actual performance?

Both guys are former all-stars and longtime captains who've been around forever, and neither has ever won it all. They're classic Old Guys Without a Cup, and from Lanny MacDonald to Ray Bourque to Teemu Selanne, the hockey world loves its OGWACs.

If you want to get all romantic about things, either of these guys would report to work for a contender and leave absolutely everything on the ice in what could be their very last chance at that elusive title. Then the rest of the team would see that, crank up their own effort level, and go to war for their new teammate. It's a beautiful, vicious cycle, and it ends with one of those Stanley Cup handoffs that makes everyone cry.

Worst case: Neither one of these guys has been very good this year.

Sorry, I know that sounds harsh. But it's reality. Iginla has seven goals and 16 points, while Doan has five and 20. Those aren't exactly the sort of numbers you want to mortgage the future for.

And sure, both of these guys bring more than offence to the table on and off the ice. But this is a young man's league now, and time comes for us all (except maybe Jaromir Jagr). If these two guys look like they're missing a gear now, what would they look like two months into a grueling playoff run?

It's possible that either guy could come cheap, especially if their no-trade clauses mean their current team lets them choose their destination. And that inspirational-veteran narrative is awfully hard to resist. But if this turns into a bidding war, there's a good chance that you give up a decent pick or prospect to bring in an inspiring story that just can't play anymore.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

Five deadline trades that should happen

The NHL's holiday roster freeze kicked in on Monday, dropping the league's trading activity all the way down to zero from its previous level of… well, zero.

NHL GMs don’t really seem to like to trade anymore; we've had just four since the season began, none of them especially interesting. There are plenty of theories as to what's behind the decline of the trade — mine is that 90 percent of today's GMs are risk-adverse wimps who'd rather mumble excuses than do their jobs — but it's undeniable that it's happening.

Still, there's hope on the horizon. As of yesterday, we're officially ten weeks out from the 2017 trade deadline. And trading does tend to pick up early in the new year, which is when we saw last year's first true blockbuster. It's time for NHL GMs to get to work. And we're going to help them out.

Last week, we traded Jarome Iginla five times. People really seemed to enjoy that post — some friendly Flames fans even offered to help heat up this frigid Ottawa winter by burning my house to the ground. So today, let's build on that success by proposing five deals that could make sense as the deadline nears.

No need to thanks us, NHL GMs. Just helping you do your jobs.

Trade #1: Ryan Miller to Dallas

We all know that the Stars need a goaltending upgrade, and it's safe to assume that "we" includes Jim Nill. The rumor mill has linked Dallas with names like Ben Bishop and Marc-Andre Fleury, and those could make sense. But let's throw another veteran star into the mix by sending Miller to the Stars. Hey, it wouldn't be the first time he was part of a big mid-season trade to a Central contender. And that last one probably worked out great. 

Of course, we need a few things to happen for this deal to work. The first would be for Miller to waive an NTC that reportedly lists just five teams he can moved to. Given how things have gone in Vancouver this year, that doesn't seem unreasonable. The second would be for the Canucks to realize they're rebuilding, and while there's been plenty of resistance to that notion in Vancouver, you'd have to think that by the deadline they'll be ready to bite the bullet.

The third condition might be the shakiest: We need to Stars to actually be contenders. That's looking dicey these days; right now, they're not only outside the playoff picture, but they're only a few points up on Vancouver. Still, they seem like a decent bet to straighten out, especially if they can get a real goaltender.

Miller isn't having a great year, but he'd be an upgrade on what the Stars have. And with an expiring deal, Dallas could afford his cap hit. Send some picks and prospects to the Canucks, along with, say, Kari Lehtonen with Dallas retaining salary. That gives the Canucks a boost to their future and a reasonably priced veteran backup for Jakob Markstrom for next year.

And since we're rebuilding the Canucks, let's make one more Vancouver deal…

>> Read the full post at The Hockey News

Building the NHL's all-old-guy team

The NHL appears to be in the middle of a full-fledged youth movement, thanks to an influx of talented rookies over the last few seasons.

Right now, the kids are all anyone can talk about. And if we’re being honest, some of the hype may be getting a little bit out of control: Auston Matthews was basically named to the all-star team after one game; Patrik Laine was awarded the Hart Trophy after four; Next week, the Hockey Hall of Fame will officially be renamed The Hall of Connor McDavid and Also Some Other Guys.

And all of that is great — a wave of dominant young players all coming into the league at the same time is one of the most exciting things that can happen in sports.

But while it’s a fun story to hype up, we run the risk of forgetting that there are still some older guys puttering around the league.

Some of them are even pretty good.

So today, let's hike our pants up to our armpits and spend some time celebrating the league's old guys. We'll build a full roster – four lines, three defensive pairings and two goalies – out of players that were 35 or older on opening night of the 2016-17 season.

And then we’ll teach those whippersnappers a thing or two.

FORWARDS

First line

RW: Jaromir Jagr

We'll start with the first guy that comes to mind when you mention old NHL players. At 43, Jagr hasn't shown many signs of slowing down; his 66 points last year were the second most among players 35 and over.

We'll give him a spot on the first line, and we'll also make him team captain. There's a non-zero chance he'll still be holding down that spot in sixteen years when we welcome McDavid and Matthews to this team.

C: Joe Thornton

Even at 37, Thornton continues to be among the top playmakers in the league.

Last year may have been his best season in almost a decade, as he posted a combined 103 points across the regular season and playoffs.

We've all agreed that he's a no-questions-asked, first-ballot Hall-of-Famer, right? He'll probably become the 13th player to join the 1,000-assist club this season, and players ahead of him are basically a who's who of NHL legends.

LW: Patrick Marleau

We'll slot him in at wing instead of centre, since that's where he tends to play these days and it lets us build a top line that features three 1,000-point players.

We'll give him first-line duties because of his chemistry with Thornton – they don't play together much, but the familiarity of being teammates for so many years should help them gel.

(Yes, I realize I've thought too much about this. You've read this far, don't bail on me now.)

—

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

Who are the NHL's next captains?

Once the regular seasons arrives, everyone in the NHL will be all about Ws and Ls. But before we get there, a handful of teams still have to figure out what to do about their C.

We've already seen four teams name new captains this offseason: Blake Wheeler in Winnipeg, Alex Pietrangelo in St. Louis, Anze Kopitar in Los Angeles and Mike Fisher in Nashville. That leaves us with four teams that still don't have captains yet: Edmonton, Toronto, Carolina and Florida.

But unlike other years, this season's list doesn't add up to all that much suspense. The Oilers gave the "C" to Connor McDavid on Wednesday, and it wouldn't be a surprise if the Maple Leafs just left the position vacant for another year or two. The Hurricanes could too, although they might turn to Justin Faulk or Jordan Staal. The Panthers are the most interesting call, as they could go with a young franchise player like Aaron Ekblad or Aleksander Barkov, a dependable veteran like Jussi Jokinen, or a certified legend in Jaromir Jagr.

So without much to speculate on for this year, let's spend some time looking ahead. Who are the NHL's next next captains? Here are five teams that could have a vacancy in the next year or two, and some best guesses on who could be next in line.

Boston Bruins

The current captain: Zdeno Chara, who's held the job since joining the team a decade ago.

Why they may need a new one soon: Chara's done all you could ask a captain to do, including lifting the Stanley Cup in 2011. But at 39 and with two years left on his contract, the finish line may be in sight.

Who's next: David Krejci is entering his eleventh NHL season, all with the Bruins, and currently wears an "A" for the team. We probably also need to mention Brad Marchand, since between a massive new contract and his monster performance at the World Cup, he's already had just about everything go his way over the last month. And there's always David Backes, the former Blues captain who joined the team as a free agent this year.

But with all due respect to those guys, it would a shock if the honor didn't go to Patrice Bergeron. He's one of the most well-respected players in the league, he's a superstar, and he figures to be in Boston for a long time. He makes for an easy pick here.

>> Read the full post at The Hockey News

The five active players who make the toughest HHOF calls

The Hockey Hall of Fame announced its class of 2016 yesterday, with Eric Lindros, Sergei Makarov, Rogie Vachon and Pat Quinn receiving the game’s ultimate honour.

These announcements always make for a fun debate. And that extends to future classes; we’re already seeing some attention turn to 2017 and beyond, when we’ll have a mix of holdovers from this year’s vote, recently retired sure-things like Teemu Selanne and Martin Brodeur, and some tougher cases like Daniel Alfredsson and Saku Koivu.

But today, let’s look ahead even further. Let’s look at the five players nearing the end of their careers who could make for the toughest calls among active players when they become eligible for Hall of Fame consideration.

Let’s set a couple of ground rules. First, we’ll focus on players who are 36 or older, since drawing the line there should limit us to players who truly are almost done. Note that that limit means we can hold off on a few contentious names, like the Sedin twins and Henrik Zetterberg.

And we're also going to exclude active players who are already shoe-ins. That list might be controversial in its own right, but we're going to go ahead and award early Hall passes to:

• Jaromir Jagr: Because come on.
• Zdeno Chara: While he only has one Norris, his seven post-season all-star nods and a Stanley Cup win as a captain will be more than enough to get him in.
• Jarome Iginla: Scoring 600+ goals means guaranteed entry (unless you're Dave Andreychuk).
• Marian Hossa: I took an in-depth look at the argument for Hossa last season, and concluded that his case was strong but not a slam dunk. I heard from several respected hockey people who thought he was a sure thing, and he's since added another Stanley Cup ring, so let's say he's in.
• Joe Thornton: Every player ahead of him on the career points list is already in, with the exception of Selanne (who isn't eligible). And his playoff run this year seems to have put a few dents in that "can't win the big one" narrative that's followed him through his career. Maybe voters pull a Mark Recchi and make him wait, but surely we can all agree he gets in eventually, right?

With those five off the board, here are the five active players that look like they'll make for the toughest HHOF calls.

Patrik Elias

The longtime Devil's status for next year isn't known yet. He'll technically become a free agent on Friday, but all indications are he'll be back in New Jersey or not at all.

The case for: He's an extremely well-respected veteran with two Cup rings. He's also crossed a pair of major milestones, cracking both the 400-goal and 1,000-point marks during the 2014-15 season.

The case against: While he did reach both milestones, it was only barely, and he didn't add much to his career totals last season due to injury. Plenty of players with better career numbers haven't made it in, and that remains true even if you adjust for era. Realistically, Elias was always very good but was never viewed as one of the game's very best – his 2000-01 season was the only one in which he made a postseason all-star team or cracked the top-10 in Hart voting.

My vote: This feels like one of those Hall-of-Very-Good cases. He's a no for me.

Prediction: Elias is a tough call who always seems to split the vote. One factor that could work in his favour: he played his entire career for one team, and for some reason that seems to help. As the all-time leading scorer for one of the more successful franchises in recent league history, he'll have an entire fan base (and more than a few media) pushing his candidacy hard. But unless he comes back and has a big year or two, I don't think he gets in.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

Grab Bag: Late hits, lottery conspiracies, and the birth of Wendelmania

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- The big lie of "just finishing my check"
- Weird draft lottery conspiracies
- An obscure player that Matt Murray probably doesn't want to read about
- The week's three comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at the last time the Maple Leafs picked first overall. Spoiler alert: It worked out OK.

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

The many objections to the Gold Plan, and why they're wrong

Welcome to the bandwagon, Shane Doan.

This week, the Coyotes’ captain made some headlines by suggesting a radical solution to the NHL’s late-season problem of teams tanking and fans rooting for losses.

Many fans will recognize Doan’s suggestion as The Gold Plan that’s been floating around for years. Many more are seeing it for the first time.

The idea goes like this: Instead of a draft lottery system that encourages losing by awarding the best odds to the league’s worst teams, you’d determine the draft order based on the number of points each team earned after being eliminated from the playoffs. Once you’re mathematically out of the playoff hunt, you start the clock on banking points towards your spot in the draft order. The team with the most post-elimination points get the top pick, and so on down through the rest of the non-playoff teams.

The beauty of the plan is that it still weights the odds of getting the first pick heavily towards the league's worst teams, because they'll be eliminated first. In a typical season, the league's worst teams will get about ten games or so to rack up their points, while teams that come close to the playoffs will only get a couple (and sometimes none at all). We're still offering a hand up to the teams that need it most. It's just that now, they have to earn that prize on the ice. And their fans would be able to feel good about wins again.

Doan didn't invent the concept – the idea became widely known back in 20012 when a then-student named Adam Gold presented it at the Sloan Analytics conference, which is why it's typically referred to as the Gold Plan and not the Doan Plan.

Others have made similar proposals over the years, and the basic idea has been gaining converts ever since. Who invented what isn't all that important, since nobody's stealing anything here. Sometimes, multiple people just happen to come up with a similar idea, especially when it's a very good one. Which the Gold Plan is.

Sadly, not everyone agrees. Whenever the idea is mentioned, there's an inevitable pushback, as hockey fans do that hockey fan thing where they try to come up with as many reasons as possible to resist change. And some of those reasons are legitimate. After all, the Gold Plan is clever, but it's certainly not perfect.

So today, let's walk through some of the most common objections to the idea – and why you should jump on the bandwagon with Shane Doan and the rest of us anyway.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

Things overheard at last night's Hockey Hall of Fame induction ceremony

"Almost as cool as a Cup ring, am I right?" joked
Joe Sakic right before the uncomfortable silence.

In a welcome break from the never-ending CBA negotiations, last night saw a positive NHL story: the induction of the four newest members of the Hockey Hall of Fame. During an evening of celebration in Toronto, the Hall welcomed Joe Sakic, Mats Sundin, Adam Oates and Pavel Bure to its ranks.

DGB spies were in attendance, and reported back on some of the most common things heard during the evening's festivities.

• Uh oh, Mats Sundin has become confused and disoriented. Pavel Bure stood beside him for a few seconds, and it was the first time he'd ever had a decent winger next to him.
  
  
• Joe Sakic's speech tonight was incredibly gracious without a hint of negativity, which is a nice change from that time they tried inducting him into the international snowblowing hall of fame.
  
  
• Is it just me, or is Adam Oates asking Bure a lot of oddly specific questions about the best way to deal with overly cocky Russian snipers?
  
  
• Did you hear, Brendan Shanahan just suspended the entire Hall of Fame induction committee! No, really, they're all dangling from a frayed rope under the 401 overpass.
  

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Checking in on the NHL stars playing in Europe

Meet you back here for the 2017 lockout?

The NHL's work stoppage continues to drag on, leaving locked out players unemployed and on the sidelines. Or at least it does for the players who haven't already found a job somewhere else—and lately that list is shrinking rapidly.

It seems as if most of the league's top players have already found new jobs in one of the various European leagues, with new names being added to the list every day. So let's take a moment to catch up with the some of the NHL stars who are currently playing overseas.

Rick Nash - Agreed to terms with Swiss league powerhouse HC Davos after they were willing to meet his critical contract demand that they be absolutely 100% sure that they don't play in Columbus.

Paul Bissonnette - His new contract with the British league's Cardiff Devils gives the veteran enforcer the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be known as "the guy with the relatively nice teeth".

Nicklas Backstrom - Briefly created controversy by wearing #99, which is associated with Wayne Gretzky, before switching to #69, which is associated with that fat guy with the mullet in your ball hockey league.

Alexander Semin - Got tired of constantly being referred to as "the enigmatic Russian"; signed with his hometown team in Russia so that he could try constantly being referred to as "the enigmatic local boy" instead.

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An in-depth review of NHL 13

The two logos in the bottom corner mark
history's last known example of the NHL
and NHLPA being on the same page.

Today marks the official release of NHL 13, the latest version in the much beloved series of hockey video games from EA Sports. Fans around the world are busy downloading the game or lining up at stores in anticipation of seeing what the developers have come up with for 2012.

Of course, this year's version may be more important than most - after all, thanks to the pending lockout the game could be the only NHL hockey that fans get to see for months. But is it any good? I got my hands on an advanced review copy, and I can report that the results are mixed.

Here are some of the new features, latest improvements and unfortunate bugs that can be found in NHL 13.

What's New

• The developers are hyping that the new "True Performance Skating" system, although there are still moments when the skating animations remain completely unrealistic. For example, when I skated towards a defenceless opponent while controlling Raffi Torres, my skates stayed on the ice.
  
  
• Players will be able to choose from five different difficulty settings: Easy, Medium, Hard, Impossible, and "Guy who has to handle public relations for the NHL owners".
  
  
• "NHL Moments Live" is a new feature that promises to let fans relive the most memorable moments from recent seasons, which has Edmonton Oiler fans excited since previous versions of the game never included the draft lottery.
  
  
• In a nice bit of cross-promotion, the game will access the worldwide database of FIFA Soccer 13 owners, find the one with the most pathetically abysmal record, and promote him to president of Maple Leafs Sports and Entertainment.
  
  
• The game can also be purchased in a special "Stanley Cup Edition". It turns out to be exactly the same as the regular version, except when you try to take it home from the store Gary Bettman will refuse to hand it over until you've posed awkwardly for photos with him while everyone boos.

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A hockey fan's guide to the Summer Olympics

It was a flame that cost a fortune but didn't do
anything, so the locals called it "Dennis Wideman".

It's been a slow week for hockey news, but that's probably just as well. After all, nobody is paying attention to the NHL these days. That's because the eyes of the world are focused on London, as they play host for the 2012 Summer Olympics.

There's no doubt that millions of hockey fans will be tuning in to get their offseason sports fix. If you're one of them, here's a handy guide to the various similarities and subtle differences between the NHL and the 2012 summer games.

The Olympics: If a seemingly endless stream of teams are emerging one-by-one until over 200 have made an appearance, you are watching the "Parade of Nations" at the Opening Ceremonies.
The NHL: If a seemingly endless stream of teams are emerging one-by-one until over 200 of them have made an appearance, you are listening to Shane Doan's agent list the teams his client is currently negotiating with.

The Olympics: If you see somebody peering intently at a target to see where it was hit, you know that a judge is attempting to determine the winner of one of the shooting competitions.
The NHL: If you see somebody peering intently at a target to see where it was hit, you know that Brendan Shanahan thinks this is an especially important suspension decision and wants to double-check where the dart landed.

The Olympics: South Korean archer Im Dong-Hyun has become the feel-good story of the games by setting a world record despite being legally blind.
The NHL: Nobody who was legally blind has ever set a world record, unless you count "Most times designing the latest New York Islander uniforms".

The Olympics: In an amazing display of the human capacity for synchronization, two athletes from the same team can execute an incredibly intricate dive at the exact same moment.
The NHL: In an amazing display of the human capacity for synchronization, every hockey fan reading that last sentence immediately thought "And here comes the Vancouver Canucks joke…"

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2012 Free Agency Preview

The last known photo of these two without a
trillion dollars stuffed in their pockets

Tomorrow marks the start of the NHL's annual free agent frenzy. This year's crop is thin on big name talent, but there should be enough top tier players available to ensure that tomorrow will be a busy day.

Here are some of the players who'll be getting the most attention once the clock strikes noon tomorrow.

Ryan Suter

The good: It's extremely rare to have the opportunity to see one of the best defensemen in all of hockey patrolling your team's blueline, so Suter was pretty lucky to get to watch Shea Weber all those years.
The bad: Unlike all his brothers and cousins who are cool about it, when you ask him what it was like growing up on the famous family farm in Viking, Alberta he just stares at you like you're some sort of idiot.
Worth noting: Has been so torn over which of his many potential destinations to choose that he's spent several nights wide awake, pacing his bedroom floor in his favorite Red Wing footy pajamas.

P.A. Parenteau

The good: Shows surprising speed, according to Nassau Coliseum security guards who watched him sprint out of the building the second the season ended.
The bad: Has racked up impressive assist totals with the Islanders over the years, but there's no way of knowing if he could also do it with good players.
Worth noting: His signing will be our only chance to read the headline "Ownership and P.A. reach agreement" for the next six months.

Ray Whitney

The good: Has been a team leader in Phoenix for the past two years, so is probably getting really good at fake-laughing at a teammate's twitter updates.
The bad: Was teammates with Raffi Torres for an entire season and never once pushed him out the cargo door of a moving airplane, so how good a guy can he be?
Worth noting: The league is trying to cut down on ridiculously back-loaded contracts that take a player well past the typical age of retirement, so they'll probably veto any Whitney deal longer than three weeks.

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Round one Western Conference playoff preview

Eventually, a disappointed Luongo realized
the other players were too busy with the
game to join his rendition of "YMCA".

The playoffs begin tonight, which means it's time to wrap up our mandatory first round predictions. We covered the Eastern Conference yesterday, so today we'll take a look at the Western Conference matchups.

#1 Vancouver Canucks vs. #8 Los Angeles Kings

The matchup: The series will feature two forwards who are completely inseparable and spend virtually every waking moment of their lives together, and in addition to Mike Richards and Jeff Carter the Canucks probably have some good players too.
The view from Vancouver: The Canucks must find an answer for the Kings' best defensive player, goaltender Jonathan Quick, and their best offensive player, a frustrated Jonathan Quick taking slapshots from the point while yelling "Seriously, the rest of you don't even want to maybe give this a try?"
The view from Los Angeles: Kings players can't help but wonder if team meetings would be more effective if coach Darryl Sutter didn't continually interrupt to ask if anyone knows who the Flames are playing in the first round, then laugh hysterically for twenty minutes.
Player to watch: Cory Schneider, to see if he's taking his ball cap off, assuming you're Roberto Luongo and just gave up a goal.
Prediction: The Canucks win, celebrate their victory together as a team, then pause and ask each other whether anyone else just heard the faint sound of "Chelsea Dagger" coming from round two.

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Winners and losers at the NHL's midseason mark

"Jarome, what would you say is the absolute best-
case scenario for the Flames' record this year?"

The NHL will officially cross the midway mark later this week, with all 30 teams having played their 41st game of the season. And while a lot can change over the next few months, it's fair to say the first half has been kinder to some teams than others.

A handful of elite teams are already looking ahead to the possibility of a deep playoff run. Others are left to contemplate trade deadline fire sales and wonder where it all went wrong. Here's a look at the winners and losers from the first half of the season.

Winner: Calgary Flames - The struggling franchise continues to draw comparisons to the 2008 Maple Leafs, which is great news since it means they're only a few years away from being able to trade all their worst players to the Calgary Flames.

Loser: Pittsburgh Penguins - Have had to deal with a ridiculous string of significant injuries, we think, although it's hard to say since their guy in charge of reporting injuries is currently injured.

Winner: St. Louis Blues - Goaltender Brian Elliot has put up outstanding numbers ever since new coach Ken Hitchcock broke down film of his time with the Senators and suggested he try the slight adjustment of turning his goalie mask around so that the eyeholes are in the front.

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Inside Gary Bettman's New Year's Eve party

The balloon didn't stop floating all night,
so they nicknamed it "Ovechkin".

Scene: Saturday night, shortly before midnight, in a spacious home in New York. NHL commissioner Gary Bettman is welcoming guests for his annual New Year's Eve party. Deputy commissioner Bill Daly arrives.

Bill Daly: Hi Gary… thanks for the invite. How's the party going?

Gary Bettman: So far so good. It got off to a rough start when Ilya Bryzgalov tried to convince everyone that it was a waste of time to celebrate the passage of a single year from within the unfathomably vast history of the cosmos. But we had Milan Lucic take a run at him, and ever since then it's been smooth sailing.

Daly: Nice. Mind if I help myself to some punch?

Bettman: Of course, be my guest.

Daly: Thanks pal. Uh, do you have any ice?

Dan Craig (appearing suddenly): I'm on it!

Craig reaches into a container with a small pair of tongs and selects several immaculately formed ice cubes, which he proceeds to inspect with a jeweler's eyepiece.

Daly: So… do you just make the ice for every NHL event?

Craig: It's in my contract.

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