Every year, there's one post that more people ask me about than any other. Which is weird, because it has next to nothing to do with hockey.
That would be this post, of course -- the annual "bad ads" piece, in which two Seans from different countries create an international exchange program for annoying commercials. You know the ones; the kind you see once or twice and maybe aren't too bothered by, right up until you realize that they're going to keep popping up constantly as you try to enjoy the NHL playoffs. That's when the annoyance begins to build. Sometimes, it grows into rage. Or despair. Or whatever that was that "Tara Tara look at her go" made us feel.
We first tried this back in 2020, and it's become an annual tradition. This time around, in a year where relations between our two countries have been strained, to put it mildly, it feels more important than ever. After all, we may have our differences. But at least we all know how to pronounce the word "liberty", and buy a proper cantaloupe. Here we go...
It’s almost time for one of my favorite annual traditions: The exchange of terrible playoff commercials between a Canadian (me) and an American (other Sean).
But which ads should I force him to watch? The field is crowded this year, so I’m asking for your help. Please choose up to three ads from the list below, or post your own nominations in the comments.
But first, a quick word about Lay It On The Line, which is at the top of pretty much every Canadian’s “please no more I’m begging you” list this year. I didn’t put that one on the list, for two reasons. First, I think it’s actually a good ad that’s just been way, way, way (way way way) overplayed; somebody seeing it for the first time wouldn’t necessarily think it was all that bad. And second, I’m led to believe that a lot of Americans have already seen it, including Other Sean. I’ll make it’s included in the actual post one way or another, but I don’t think it’s a great candidate to be one of the official three Bad Ads.
With that in mind, let me know what you think with the form below (which I may update with new ads as they're suggested):
Back in the summer of 2020, I had a terrible idea that felt like a good idea, which wasn’t exactly a unique experience at the time. But while you were all experimenting with Tik Tok dances and sourdough starters, I decided it would be fun to set up an international exchange of terrible playoff commercials.
You know the kind – the ones that seem to show up every single ad break, tormenting you until you know every word, leading to you at least casually consider finding out who worked on it and paying them a visit. I knew there were some awful Canadian ads, I figured there were probably plenty happening south of the border, and I thought that if we held an exchange then a good time would be held by all.
I hit back with the Sportsnet Life Coach in 2021, and after a year off, we were back last year with a heart like a truck. But we were worried, because after that first year, the ads hadn’t been quite as bad. They were maybe even getting better. We wondered if we’d have to abandon the gimmick, because the advertising industry had stopped producing annoying garbage.
Well, let’s just say our concerns were addressed this year. We’ll get to that.
But first, let’s take a peek behind the curtain and see what this year’s game plan looked like for both sides.
Three years ago, with the NHL working their way through a very strange bubble postseason, an idea was born. This league and its broadcast partners love to bombard hapless viewers with the same awful commercials, over and over again. But those ads are different depending on which side of the border you’re on, meaning Canadians don’t get to see the ones that are driving Americans crazy, and vice versa.
So I found an American – Sean Gentille – and we agreed to force each other to watch our country’s three most annoying ads, and then react to them in real time. The concept was a hit, thanks to Jim Hughson’s hair, Tony the Tiger’s celly, and the infamous Tara Tara earworm. People loved the resulting post, and pretty soon Sean and I were doing national media hits for some reason. We brought the idea back in 2021, featuring the Sportsnet life coach, Rupert the Turtle, and a very real Oiler fan who thought Leon Draisaitl was the best in the league. More good times were had.
And then… nothing.
We took last year off. We considered doing that again this year. It’s not that we’re too busy (we are) or that we’ve run out of jokes (we have not). Something more shocking is going on.
For the last few years, the ads… haven’t been that bad?
Oh, they haven’t been good. But most fans seem to agree that nothing has approached Tara Tara levels of awfulness. And the ads that are bad don’t seem to run quite as often they used to.
Did… did we do that? Did the world’s biggest advertising firms see us making fun of them, and radically change the way they did business?
We can’t say for sure, so let’s just go ahead and assume that yes, that’s exactly what happened. And if so, we have a duty to keep doing the lord’s work, if only so that society is never again plunged back to following our dreams into taxidermy.
We’re back, baby. Let’s see where this goes.
Pre-game strategy
McIndoe: The first step in building a solid list of terrible ads is to reach out to the public, and this is where I ran into my first problem. When I tweeted out a call for nominations, one ad was the clear leader: That Rogers commercial where a coffee shop gives out a free cookie and we’re supposed to be inspired. That one really bothers people, to an almost comical degree. But tragically, Rogers seems to know this, because despite airing the ad constantly through the playoffs, they’ve managed to scrub any versions of it off of the internet. If I can’t show it to Sean, it’s of no use to us. Sorry, cookie haters. (But don’t go thinking you’re off the hook, Rogers.)
I considered making him watch one of those annoyingly obtuse yet uniquely Canadian drug ads, where they’re not allowed to say what the thing does, so it’s just catchy music and vague references. There’s the weekly exercise in overwrought Canada’a Got Talent treacle. And of course, there are the dozens of gambling ads that have infested our hockey coverage over the last year. It’s almost impossible to pick the worst out of that bunch, although it’s fun to imagine the meeting where some executive said “You know who Canadian hockey fans love and respect? Chris Pronger!”
In the end, I went for three brands that have been all over our playoff coverage. My next problem was narrowing it down to just one ad each, which was tougher than it sounds. But this is important work, so I had to persevere.
Gentille: My strategy begins and ends with one thing: earworms. I ruined my guy’s life with the aforementioned Tara a couple years back — look at her go, then and forever — and I’m trying to do it again. “Find something that works, then run it into the ground” is a personal mantra.
That means a few otherwise solid contenders had to get the boot. The Pete Davidson “Breakfast With Peter” Taco Bell bit, combined with his Peacock show, have me legitimately worried about whatever buddy’s next step is going to be. Also, the performance by co-host Rhonda made the whole thing a little less unfunny, and there’s no earworm to speak of.
The last cut was the Amazon ad starring a young woman who, with the help of Queen and some conspicuous consumption, learns to love her unwanted upper-lip hair. Did you know Olivia Wilde directed that one? I didn’t until a bit before we wrote this, but I’ve never been less surprised in my life. Either way, sometime in early May, I heard “Cool Cat” at a Chipotle and almost broke into tears, but I’ve since healed.
Last year, roughly halfway through the NHL playoffs, I had what I thought was a good idea.
I was watching yet another night of hockey, and muttering to myself about how Canadians always seem to have to sit through some combination of the same half-dozen or so commercials at every ad break. I was also vaguely aware that many Americans of my twitter feed were complaining about a similar phenomenon down there. But their ads were different – I’d never seen them, and they’d never seen of mine.
Wouldn’t it be neat, I thought, to find an American hockey fan, and set up a sort of international exchange program? I could have them watch the most annoying Canadian ads, they could send me the worst the USA had to offer, and we’d have fun reacting to them. I reached out to Sean Gentille, he agreed to participate, and we made it all happen. This would be fun!
Then he showed me the “Tara Tara look at her go“ ad, and my brain hasn’t worked properly ever since.
So yeah, it was not a good idea. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do it all over again. Many of you have asked for a sequel, using this year’s new crop of annoying ads. Do I want to do this? No I do not. But it’s either this or write another column about the Leafs being huge losers, so let’s break up the monotony with some terrible commercials.
The format will be the same as last year. Other Sean and I have both chosen three ads that are in heavy rotation in our respective countries, but that the other person has never seen. We’ll each watch the other’s ads for the first time ever, and react in real-time. Then you will go into the comment section and argue about which country has it worse. (It’s your country. Everyone always thinks their country’s ads are worse.)
I’ve been assured that there’s nothing in this year’s batch that’s as annoying as Tara Tara, and so help me if this turns out to be a lie then there’s a good chance you will never see me again.
Pregame Strategy
McIndoe: As with last year, the big challenge is narrowing my list down to three. Many of you Canadians have been submitting nominations for weeks now, and you’ve made strong cases. Pretty much every gambling app ad is deeply weird. The one where a couple dances unironically to “Time of My Life” for some car web site is disturbing. And yes, we can all agree that we want to punch our screen every time that some smug know-it-all lecture a family member over their investment fees.
But with all due respect to those awful ads, there was really only one spot available this year, thanks to a certain burger joint and a coffee place that apparently took being excluded from last year’s post as a personal challenge. I went back and forth a bit on the last spot, but decided to give some recognition to a series of ads that’s not exactly awful, but is certainly… what’s the word I’m looking for? Omnipresent. That’s it.
It goes without saying that I’ll lead off with that one to lull Gentille into a false sense of security, then hit him with the burger ad when he’s vulnerable, followed by the coffee ad that should sap his will to live, or at least to ever talk to a Canadian hockey fan about their favorite player.
Gentille: My strategy here is simple. It’s also a basic rip-off of what I did last year. First two? Garden-variety obnoxious. Last one? Drop the hammer.
A couple quick notes on two that missed the cut: First is the Lexus ad implying that A) individual empathy is a cure for structural racism and B) buying a Lexus, actually, is the most empathetic thing you can do. That one sucks on principle without being fun to joke about. Second is the iPhone privacy/“Can I have a taste of your ice cream” ad. It sucks as well, but it’s simply not yet pervasive enough. Maybe next year.
The wonderful thing about the NHL playoffs is that you never know what you’re going to get. Every time you sit down in front of your TV to watch a game, the possibilities feel endless. The postseason is full of wild upsets, crazy bounces, unexpected heroes and goats and sudden death chaos. It can start to feel random, maybe even too random, but it’s never predictable.
And then comes the commercial break. And you know exactly what you’re going to get.
That’s because the NHL’s sponsors apparently make roughly a dozen new commercials in any given year, and then play them on an endless loop during the playoffs. It’s the same ads, several times a night. And they’re almost always terrible.
You know this. But here’s something that might not have occurred to you: The ads that play over and over again during hockey in Canada and the United States are different.
Not entirely different; there’s a handful of crossovers. (What’s up, Martin Brodeur?) But for the most part, Americans and Canadians are seeing different commercials. And that means that when you go online to complain about that horrible ad you just saw for the 20th time, most of your fellow fans across the border have no idea what you’re talking about.
I wanted to fix this. So I found an American volunteer, Sean Gentille, who agreed to watch three of my least favorite Canadian hockey ads. He’s also got three annoying American ones to show me. We’ll be seeing each of the ads for the very first time, and reacting in real-time for your amusement. It should be fun. Or maybe the exact opposite of fun. Probably that.
Y’all ready for this?
Pregame strategy
McIndoe: My first challenge was narrowing down the list to three, which involved some heartbreaking late cuts. Sorry, incredibly yellow no-name brand amateurs. Pack your stuff, old lady who dances about laundry freshener. You too, toe fungus guy, motivational Sportsnet dude and all those weirdos fantasizing about cars.
Instead, I’ve made the strategic decision to ease in Sean with a leadoff ad that isn’t completely awful, and that features a celebrity guest star he’ll recognize. Lull him into a false sense of security. Then wham, I’m going to hit him with a one-two punch that should ruin his day.
Also, I’m both deeply excited and vaguely terrified to finally understand all your taxidermy/tax attorney jokes.
Gentille: My top three was cast in cement by the end of the play-in round, but I still floated the question on Twitter to see if I was missing something obvious. All apologies to John Stamos, the Liberty Mutual “LiMu Emu” and the Geico “Aunts Infestation,” but nothing changed.
Folks, I held the hammer in this one. Nobody denies this. Idina Menzel herself knows it to be true. The toughest choice was trying to figure it out which respective Dunkin’ and Subway ads would round out my lineup.
Commercial No. 1
McIndoe: Let’s do this. Do you want to kick or receive?
Gentille: Receive, baby.
McIndoe: OK. I’m going to start you out with one that I don’t think is actually all that bad. But it airs roughly 700 times during every game, so take it in that context.
McIndoe: Rabbity babbity boo!
Gentille: So what we’ve got here is a famous person engaged in an annoying act? One that sort of winks and says, “Yep, we know this is annoying. That’s the conceit. Isn’t that funny? The juxtaposition of a vaguely charming celebrity, doing something awful that’ll burrow into your brain and make your life a little worse?”
That’s part of American and Canada’s shared culture, I guess. You’re going to get your own taste here shortly — and buddy, it’s a lot worse.
McIndoe: I can’t wait.
For background, this ad is part of an ongoing series that’s been running for years, starring Jon Hamm and, um, Skinny Young Jon Hamm. I don’t think it’s ever been firmly established what the relationship is supposed to be, but I think the kid is maybe his assistant and most of the ads revolve around Hamm subjecting him to some low-level psychological abuse.
Gentille: I’m assuming SkipTheDishes is a meal-delivery service. Do you guys not have Postmates or DoorDash?
McIndoe: I want to say no, but it’s possible that we have them and I just don’t realize it because they never hired Jon Hamm and bought up all the advertising slots on Hockey Night in Canada.
Gentille: All this does is open the door for a U.S. Grubhub ad starring Jim from The Office. I’m surprised it doesn’t already exist. Honestly, though, I’m kind of impressed by the guts this takes from the ad agency. If we were doing a draft of The Most Annoying Professions, “auctioneer” would be a lottery pick. And that’s what they chose — proudly, one would assume — to feature here. Next up: Jon Hamm in character as a mime. (I don’t like mimes.)
McIndoe: Rabbity babbity boo!
I plan to keep doing that constantly, by the way. I want you to have to live in my world for a bit.
Gentille: SEANNY SEANNY LOOK AT HIM GO WITH A FRESH CUP OF JOE.
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