Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Success stories from the NHL's opening month

"And then Ryan Smyth told me he used to have a
phone that was connected to the wall! What a joker!"
The NHL season is now a month old, and for many hockey fans that can mean only one thing: it's time to start looking for something to complain about.

After all, these days it seems like some fans love nothing more than pointing out someone else's flaws. And sure, if you look closely enough at any team or player you can always find at least one or two things that may be slightly less than perfect.

But as long-time readers know, I've never been the sort of writer who chooses to focus on the negative. So instead, let's take a look around the league and highlight some of the good news that's been on display in the early going. Consider this a negativity-free zone.

Here are some of the most inspiring success stories from the season's first month.

Joe Thornton - Showed a lot of class by apologizing to the Rangers for calling them the softest team the Sharks had played against, after explaining that he hadn't realized that intrasquad scrimmages counted too.

Ken Hitchcock - The Blues' new head coach will no doubt be wildly popular in St. Louis, a town where fans have proven to be willing to embrace a team's boss even if he's incapable of correctly operating a simple telephone.

Ville Leino - His $27 million contract with the Sabres is completely guaranteed no matter how he plays, his agent incredulously reminds him several times a day.

Dion Phaneuf - Has managed to put together an impressive season despite his recent habit of coming back to the bench after every shift, turning on his smartphone, checking for updates about the Calgary Flames, then laughing hysterically while high-fiving all his teammates.

Columbus Blue Jackets - Have made significant progress towards their goal during October, in the sense that they're now an entire month closer to being done with this writeoff of a season and going home.

Roberto Luongo - Despite the overly negative critics who insisted it couldn't be done, has successfully made Canuck fans refer to his performance in last year's playoffs as "the good old days".

Kari Lehtonen - Has put up excellent numbers while looking like a goaltender who is driven to excellence by the constant fear of losing his starter's job, so given that his backup is Andrew Raycroft he's apparently one heck of a good actor.

Sidney Crosby - Is reportedly getting close to a possible return, which is great news for the Penguins because so far this year they look like they could really use some help on their fourth line.

Bruce Boudreau - Has somehow managed to keep his players and staff on track despite the recent outburst by Alexander Ovechkin, which based on the media reaction was apparently the first time anyone has ever sworn during a hockey game.

Nikolai Khabibulin - Has kept his goals against average under 1.00, although in fairness that's not all that hard to do when Taylor Hall and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins spend 57 minutes of every game just skating around the other team's zone while whistling the Harlem Globetrotters theme song.

Mike Richards - Still hasn't completely gotten over being traded away by the Flyers but it could be a lot worse, according to the nightly phone calls from a sobbing Jeff Carter.

Jacques Martin - Is apparently much more popular with his players lately, since Perry Pearn promised to tell him as soon as he heard any rumours of discontent and that guy hasn't dropped by his office in like two weeks.

Pekka Rinne - Thanks to his new $49 million contract, Nashville fans will now have seven more years to watch him backstop the Predators against rivals such as the Red Wings, Blackhawks, and whichever teams Shea Weber and Ryan Suter now have to sign with.




21 comments:

  1. Golden.

    "Jacques Martin - Is apparently much more popular with his players lately, since Perry Pearn promised to tell him as soon as he heard any rumours of discontent and that guy hasn't dropped by his office in like two weeks."

    Also: "Who the hell is this Randy and why are there two of them?!"

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  2. amazing picture caption, had me rolling.

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  3. "But as long-time readers know, I've never been the sort of writer who chooses to focus on the negative."

    Awesome metahumour!

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  4. "And then Ryan Smyth told me he used to have a
    phone that was connected to the wall!"

    Amazing

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  5. Love the Dion Phaneuf line...classic stuff

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  6. The Harlem Globetrotter's theme is called "Sweet Georgia Brown." In case it was keeping anyone up at night.

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  7. Nikolai Khabibulin - Has kept his goals against average under 1.00, although in fairness that's not all that hard to do when Taylor Hall and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins spend 57 minutes of every game just skating around the other team's zone while whistling the Harlem Globetrotters theme song.

    Oh my God, I can't stop laughing. Solid. Gold.

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  8. Nikolai Khabibulin - Has kept his goals against average under 1.00, although in fairness that's not all that hard to do when Taylor Hall and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins spend 57 minutes of every game just skating around the other team's zone while whistling the Harlem Globetrotters theme song.

    That might be the nicest thing DGB has ever said about Edmonton.

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  9. I don't get the Shea Weber and Ryan Suter reference, I thought Nashville weren't close to the cap even with Rinne's contract?
    Otherwise, quality as always...

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  10. Remind me not to get HorribleHank to do my taxes.

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  11. The Khabi line was fucking fantastic. Pure fucking genius.

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  12. Khabibulin is trying to get his GAA down to 0.08 so he doesn't make *that* mistake again.

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  13. Huge Preds fan, but I even had to laugh at that one!

    HorribleHank, the issue in Nashville is not cap space, it's market size and owner budgets.

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  14. Nope, its cap space. They have to re-sign weber and suter next year. Looking at a couple more 7+ mil a year contracts. Sure they could sign them, but pekke, shea, and ryan aren't going to be able to play 5 on 2 for the whole year.

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  15. Off topic, but entertaining - ex-Howard Stern show sidekick Artie Lange doing an impression of Don Cherry.


    http://www.hockeybias.com/hockey-news-past/2011/November/Nick-DiPaolo-and-Artie-Lange-discussing-Don-Cherry-video.html

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  16. @ THM - Brilliant!

    I don't get the Hitchcock one.

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  17. @Anonymous 10:13:

    Guess you're not a baseball fan. Check out Game 5 of this year's World Series.

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  18. There was a bit of a phone/mis-communication issue between LaRussa & the bullpen . . . essentially, the pitchers warming up & coming into the game where not whom LaRussa thought was warming up.

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  19. Line about Carter sobbing was hilarios!

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  20. I think Mike Richards & Jeff Carter are now sobbing tears of joy for getting traded :D

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