We're now just days away from the NHL draft, which begins on Friday night and concludes Saturday. Most of this week's coverage will focus Taylor Hall vs Tyler Seguin for the top overall spot, as well as which players will fill out the rest of the first round.
But there's another side to the story: There are hundreds of players hoping to hear their names called this weekend, and many will come away disappointed. Watching a player who wasn't picked file out of the arena at the draft's conclusion can be one of the most heartbreaking spectacles in sports. And it doesn't have to be that way.
So since a significant portion of DGB readers are draft eligible hockey players, this seems like a good time to inject some harsh reality into the week's proceedings. If you're hoping to hear your name called this weekend, read on for some signs that you may not be picked after all. It might spoil the surprise, but it's better to know the truth now.
- Current estimated population of the earth: 6,828,300,000. Your current Central Scouting ranking: 6,828,300,001.
- At the combine, the only workout event anyone ever asked you to do was the "100 meter dash to that exit door over there".
- When a scout asks you whether you shoot right-handed or left-handed, you answer "You know, it's never come up".
- Scouts unanimously agree that you're at your best in the faceoff circle, which is odd because you're a goalie.
- Brian Burke scouted you for one game and immediately started trading away all his draft picks "just in case".
- Instead of a cool nickname like "Ace" or "Boom Boom", everyone just refers to you as "That guy over there with his helmet on backwards".
- You had a disappointing result on the Wingate test after the effort of climbing onto the stationary bike caused your lungs to explode.
- The hour-long highlight DVD your agent sent around the league consisted entirely of a slow-motion loop of the one time you remembered to take your skate guards off before your first shift.
- Lou Lamoriello promised to draft you just as soon as he wraps up the paperwork on that Brodeur-for-Semin deal.
- Scouting reports describe you as "Alexei Kovalev without the commitment to winning".
- Your entire segment on TSN's draft preview show consisted of Pierre McGuire asking NHL GMs to lean into their TV screen, then smacking the camera with a rolled up newspaper and yelling "NO!"
- During your sit-down interviews with various teams at the combine, you answered every question with a 30-second long blast on the vuvuzela.
- Despite your excellent dressing room presence and leadership skills, NHL front office executives can't seem to get past the whole "never played organized hockey before" thing.
- You're so awful that the Habs are currently trying to figure out how to trade their best player for you.