The Canadian referee kept waving off
goals due to distinctive kicking motions
goals due to distinctive kicking motions
On the surface, the World Cup is actually quite similar to the NHL. But while there are several difference, many are subtle and may prove confusing for novice fans. That's why I put a call out to DGB's various international bureaus, and together we put together this guide for hockey fans hoping to follow the World Cup action over the coming month.
The World Cup: If you see a guy wearing flamboyant clothing who is struggling to communicate with you in English, he is likely a diehard fan who was travelled from an exotic foreign land to attend the game.
The NHL: If you see a guy wearing flamboyant clothing who is struggling to communicate with you in English, he is likely Don Cherry.
The World Cup: The sport is called "football", although Americans often refer to it as "soccer".
The NHL: The sport is called "hockey", although Americans often refer to it as "something to watch if there's no baseball, football, basketball, golf, Nascar, poker, MMA, fishing or bowling on TV".
The World Cup: "Injury time" refers to the additional playing time added to the end of each half at the discretion of the referee.
The NHL: "Injury time" refers to whenever Rick DiPietro steps on the ice.
The World Cup: Watching a game can be almost unbearable thanks to the "vuvuzela", a South African noisemaking horn that produces a horribly annoying noise that drones on nonstop for the entire game, leaving you fighting the urge to hurl the remote through your TV screen.
The NHL: Pierre McGuire.
The World Cup: The games can start as early as 7:30 a.m., due to differences in international time zones.
The NHL: The games can start as early as 7:30 a.m., due to NBC not wanting to preempt any important infomercials or horse racing pregame shows later that afternoon.
The World Cup: In 1986, the "Hand of God" sent Argentina into the semi-finals at Mexico City.
The NHL: In 1993, the "Hand of God" sent Marty McSorley's eyeball into the fifteenth row at Maple Leaf Gardens.
The World Cup: A player will occasionally be granted a "penalty kick", presenting him with so much open net to shoot at that he's virtually guaranteed to score as long as he doesn't miss the net or hit the post.
The NHL: This is known as "shooting against Vesa Toskala".
The World Cup: The last thing anyone wants to see is a referee holding a red card.
The NHL: The last thing anyone wants to see is Chris Neil holding a credit card.
The World Cup: In an embarrassing display that any self-respecting sports fan would feel nauseated by, players will often react to even the slightest contact by pretending to be injured while rolling around pathetically on the grass.
The NHL: Completely different. The game is played on ice instead of grass.
The World Cup: Riot police must often use tear gas, armoured vehicles and water cannons to subdue reckless perpetrators of violence known as "hooligans".
The NHL: Riot police must often use tear gas, armoured vehicles and water cannons to subdue reckless perpetrators of violence known as "Chris Pronger".
The World Cup: Canadian teams never win.
The NHL: Same.
The World Cup: If you notice a player wearing a different jersey than his teammates, it's because he is the goalie.
The NHL: If you notice a player wearing a different jersey than his teammates, it's because he arrived five minutes late and his team had already done another jersey redesign.
The World Cup: A game which is played under standard rules but won't have any actual impact on the final standings or eventual champion is known as a "friendly".
The NHL: A game which is played under standard rules but won't have any actual impact on the final standings or eventual champion is known as a "Maple Leafs regular season game after mid-November".
Sean,
ReplyDeleteGreat work yet again. Tho I am surprised you didn't make any Dan Carcillo jokes.
Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe that there was mention of "riot police" and "Montreal" was nowhere to be found.
ReplyDeleteEven though the punchline on the last one was predictable, it doesn't make it any less funny. I pray for you Leaf fans
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of shocked... it seems DGB passed over a couple chances to take shots at LaPierre and the Canadiens.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how I feel about this.
Pierre McGuire!
ReplyDeleteThat made me smile. If it wasn't for that fact that my TV was so expensive I would have hurled all my remotes at it because of him.
(Damn Columbus and Tampa, they should have taken one for the team and hired McGuire as GM.)
The World Cup: Riot police must often use tear gas, armoured vehicles and water cannons to subdue reckless perpetrators of violence known as "hooligans".
ReplyDeleteThe NHL: Riot police must often use tear gas, armoured vehicles and water cannons to subdue reckless perpetrators of violence known as "Chris Pronger".
Don't you mean Habs fans after a win???????
Brilliant! I literally lol'd at he Pierre Maguire one. Keep up the amazing work, and I know I'd want to read your commentary about the World Cup. Hey, there's so much potential there that it'd be a waste not to delve into that.
ReplyDelete"The Hand of God" made me LOL in the middle of a conference call. I need to stop reading your posts at work.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post, yet again. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteAgain, awesome. You're long overdue for Wysh on Puck Daddy to let you write a column. (The Habs eulogy doesn't count!)
ReplyDeleteI am also surprised there was no Habs joke at the riot police point. Shocked in fact.
ReplyDeleteGreat work once again Sean!
Hahaha, I feel like a terrible fan because I thought the Leafs joke and the one about Toskala were the funniest.
ReplyDeletethis post is full of all sorts of win!
ReplyDeletegood stuff!
Rarely does a blog post literally make me laugh out loud, even on DGB. This one did. Well done sir.
ReplyDeleteI think this is one of my favourite posts.
ReplyDeleteToskala jokes never get old!
ReplyDeleteI was a little surprised that there wasn't a Lapierre/diving joke mentioned, though. But nevermind: great work as always, DGB!
I wonder if the NHL and FIFA use the same definition for distinct kicking motion. And is it possible, that the noise during the football games is in fact Bettman crying? He maybe crying that the World Cup ratings will still be better in the States than the Stanley Cup ratings.
ReplyDeleteSo awesome.
ReplyDeleteThe World Cup: The last thing anyone wants to see is a referee holding a red card.
ReplyDeleteThe NHL: The last thing anyone wants to see is Chris Neil holding a credit card.
I snorted. Hard. Well done.
The World Cup: In 1986, the "Hand of God" sent Argentina into the semi-finals at Mexico City.
ReplyDeleteThe NHL: In 1993, the "Hand of God" sent Marty McSorley's eyeball into the fifteenth row at Maple Leaf Gardens.
So good!
GOD! This was hilarious. "Pierre McGuire" made me spit water.
ReplyDelete"The World Cup: A player will occasionally be granted a "penalty kick", presenting him with so much open net to shoot at that he's virtually guaranteed to score as long as he doesn't miss the net or hit the post.
ReplyDeleteThe NHL: This is known as "shooting against Vesa Toskala"***.
***except for the philadelphia flyers
Kind of disappointed there wasn't a Kyle Wellwood is fat joke thrown in there somewhere. Diego Maradona isn't exactly in the best shape of his life, just sayin.
ReplyDeleteThat was hilarious. The Toskala one was awesome, but the McGuire one took the cake. It almost killed me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have to say, on the one about diving, I was definitely expecting a Carcillo joke.
Awesome post.
praise from germany! :)
ReplyDeletegreat read.
but i thought
"The World Cup: In an embarrassing display that any self-respecting sports fan would feel nauseated by, players will often react to even the slightest contact by pretending to be injured while rolling around pathetically on the grass.
The NHL: Completely different. The game is played on ice instead of grass."
would call for something involving "canadiens" and "diving" ;)
Leafs...
ReplyDeleteLosing
Even
After
Forty
Seasons
I think this is really a nice guide. I am actually trying to take note of it.
ReplyDeleteThe World Cup: Watching a game can be almost unbearable thanks to the "vuvuzela", a South African noisemaking horn that produces a horribly annoying noise that drones on nonstop for the entire game, leaving you fighting the urge to hurl the remote through your TV screen.
ReplyDeleteThe NHL: Pierre McGuire.
Could not agree more. Priceless.