Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Chris Pronger's other jerk moves

And then I told Carcillo:
"No, the moustache looks awesome".
While the Chicago Blackhawks have staked out a 2-0 lead in the Stanley Cup Finals, all anyone seems to want to talk about today is Chris Pronger. The Flyers' defenceman has been accused of poor sportsmanship after shooting a towel at Chicago's Ben Eager and twice stealing the puck after the final buzzer.

Sadly, this sort of behaviour isn't new for Pronger. In fact, throughout his career he's become notorious for a series of incidents in which his actions were inappropriate, unprofessional, and just downright mean.

Here are some of the most memorable:
  • Was suspended during the Stanley Cup Finals after delivering a vicious elbow to the head of Ottawa's Dean McAmmond, outraging fans around the world who were really hoping he'd get Chris Neil instead.

  • At 1993 entry draft, rudely stole the spotlight from #1 overall pick Alexandre Daigle by turning out to be like a hundred times better than him.

  • Once got bored during the Vancouver Olympics opening ceremonies, wandered to the backstage area, and cross-checked the guy in charge of making sure all the cauldrons were working in the throat.

  • Has been known to slack off and go up to two full years without single-handedly dragging a team to the Stanley Cup finals.

  • Caused a long delay during a 1998 game when he claimed to suffer a brief cardiac arrest after being hit with a slapshot directly above the heart, as if he has one.

  • Demanded a trade out of Edmonton in 2006, selfishly placing the desires of his wife and children above those of a company that had employed him for almost an entire year.

  • His hilariously sarcastic press conference performance after game one turned out to be a word-for-word recitation of Bill Hicks' Arizona Bay album.

  • Was once suspended eight games for stomping in Ryan Kesler's leg with his skate, which was kind of odd, since it was August and Kesler was napping on a beach at the time.

  • When presented with a seven-year contract offer from the Flyers last year, immediately signed it instead of politely saying "Um, maybe you should go back and re-read the CBA".

  • Knows full well that Flyers could have swept the Bruins, but convinced teammates to spot them a 3-0 series lead "just to mess with them".

  • Once borrowed Riley Cote's copy of Schopenhauer's On the Fourfold Root of the Principle of Sufficient Reason; returned it the next morning all dog-eared.

  • Post-loss ritual: cruise interstate looking for families stranded on the side of the highway with flat tire; pull over; slash other three tires; drive away.

  • During NBC telecasts of Flyers games, constantly leans over to Pierre McGuire and says "I don't think they can hear you, maybe try speaking louder."

  • After every playoff game this year, calls up John Stevens and leaves him a detailed message about how much fun it was.

  • You know when you have to get up early the next day but you can't sleep because some idiot's car alarm is going off all night long right below your window? Yeah, that's him.

  • Walks around the league like he's better than everyone, when in reality he's only better than 97% of them.

  • Immediately demands a trade every time he finds out that Joffrey Lupul has finished unpacking.

  • Lead the Anaheim Ducks to a Stanley Cup after being acquired in a deal with the Oilers, which apparently gave GM Brian Burke the idea that trading two first round picks for a star player is a good idea.

  • Is often rude and uncooperative with members of the media, even those he is currently sleeping with.




28 comments:

  1. His hilariously sarcastic press conference performance after game one turned out to be a word-for-word recitation of Bill Hicks' Arizona Bay album.

    actually, if he did that...he'd be in my cool books forever.

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  2. "No, the moustache looks awesome".

    Absolutely priceless.

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  3. During NBC telecasts of Flyers games, constantly leans over to Pierre McGuire and says "I don't think they can hear you, maybe try speaking louder."

    ... you son of a BITCH...

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  4. As much as I hate Pronger, and I do, you have to respect his "skill" and ability to elevate a team. That said, loved spotting the Bruins to mess with them! Great post!

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  5. Oh, where can I even start about what's so hilariously wrong about with this post, while being true at the same time?

    Basically, though, while being completely serious, the single thing Pronger has ever done wrong is not stomping that slug Carcillo, not even once. That's just wrong.

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  6. LOVE the Dennis Leary reference there.

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  7. LOVED the Lupul and McGuire call outs!

    Great work as always!

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  8. He's just a douche-nozzle. Not this year Pronger, not with that team, and not against these Hawks. That is all.

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  9. I'll add one to that list. Played in six regular season contests this year against the Penguins without once separating Crosby's head from his shoulders.

    Very disappointing.

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  10. Maybe Pronger should close out every press conference with 'GOODBYE LIZARD SCUM!" from now on.

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  11. You know when you have to get up early the next day but you can't sleep because some idiot's car alarm is going off all night long right below your window? Yeah, that's him.

    Dammit, Pronger! I hate that guy.

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  12. I would add "Not jamming his stick into Dustin Byfuglien's mouth", but that's just me.

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  13. I like how he slept his way out of Edmonton.

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  14. absolutely awesome!

    "Has been known to slack off and go up to two full years without single-handedly dragging a team to the Stanley Cup finals."

    is the winner, closely followed by

    "Walks around the league like he's better than everyone, when in reality he's only better than 97% of them."

    i'm no pronger fan and never will be, but for all the sports hatred i have for this guy, i can't help but admire him, his play and his impact on every fuchin team he plays on. seriously, where would philly be this season without him?

    oh, and additional praise for managing to make fun of pronger without overlooking his skill and hockey iq.

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  15. Pronger's helmet has special powers. I haven't figured out what makes him so good, but his helmet is definitely hiding something inside.

    Also, maybe this could go in your Friday links:
    http://intenttoblow.com/?p=614

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  16. This was hilarious. My fav might be "Was once suspended eight games for stomping in Ryan Kesler's leg with his skate, which was kind of odd, since it was August and Kesler was napping on a beach at the time."

    I'm totally adding you to my Reader now instead of wandering over from other sites (mainly Puck Daddy and Blades of Funny).

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  17. I miss Bill Hicks! Do you think Pronger has ever walked up to Burke while in Toronto and Bitched Slapped him? And would that be considered a "jerk move"?

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  18. Hah, anyone else remember Alexandre Daigle saying "No one remembers who came second"? Talk about a brutal karmic ass-kicking.

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  19. Like game 5 of the cup finals. Oops, sorry aren't we suppose to bow before his greatness?

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  20. love the bit about slashing the other 3 tires!

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  21. What is hilarious is that people think he actually has skill. If the refs called him the way they would a 4th liner, he would be garbage. The fact is, he is only effective because he gets away with murder, and for no reason. Generally guys with dirty reputations get called tougher, but not Pronger, he gets off easy. Go figure.

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  22. During the season there was a game where Pronger appeared to take a puck to the face. After the whistle Pronger popped up, no worse for wear, laughing about it with his teammates.

    On reply you could see that Pronger was very fortunate that the puck actually hit him on the strongest part of his body -- his elbow.

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  23. Why would the cauldrons have to work in somebody's throat?

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  24. Where'd you get the pic of Pronger smiling? I Google'd it one time and only got about 2 or 3 results

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  25. LOL
    Great post.
    This is at least the second time I've seen you mention Riley Cote being super philosophical! Haha why him? Just curious

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