Monday, September 28, 2009

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Pacific Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Pacific Division.

San Jose Sharks

The good: Finally addressed that longstanding "locker room cancer" void.
The bad: Attempted to address a history of playoff failure by acquiring an Ottawa Senator. Let that sink in for a minute.
Biggest question mark: Will it be an upper body or a lower body injury that Dany Heatley fakes to get out of the first game in Edmonton?
Fearless forecast: The Sharks record 145 regular season points, then manage to lose their first round playoff series in three games.

Anaheim Ducks

The good: Feature starting goaltender Jonas Hiller, whose outstanding play in the post-season showed that he is without question the second best European free agent goalie named "Jonas" that Brian Burke has ever signed.
The bad: Ex-Hab Saku Koivu may have a difficult time adjusting to the lack of pompous ceremonial wankfests at the start of every single game.
Biggest question mark: Ryan Getzlaf is going to get it over with and shave his head, isn't he? He knows we can see him, right?
Fearless forecast: As per league rules, will at some point trade Joffrey Lupul for Chris Pronger.

Dallas Stars

The good: This.
The bad: Every one of those girls probably has Sean Avery cooties.
Biggest question mark: When Joe Nieuwendyk was reading Marc Crawford's resume, did the page listing everything from 1998-2009 fall out?
Fearless forecast: The team is much-improved thanks to the unveiling of a clever new trick play known as "Marty Turco actually make a save".

Los Angeles Kings

The good: Drafted Brayden "Owen" Schenn, who will inspire teammates with stories of how awesome his big brother is.
The bad: Front office made Brian Burke angry, and as such will probably all be dead by November.
Biggest question mark: Most terrifying Hunter for a Los Angeles King to run into in a dark alley: Tim, Dale, or Rachel?
Fearless forecast: The young team will no doubt benefit from the leadership of Ryan Smyth, who has been a winner everywhere he's ever played with the exception of Colorado, Long Island, and every year in Edmonton except one.

Phoenix Coyotes

The good: Thanks to an aggressive marketing push, experts are now predicting higher-than-expected ticket sales in the 14,000 to 16,000 range.
The bad: That's not an average.
Biggest question mark: Will the team still be able to travel to road games with Wayne Gretzky stuck under the team bus?
Fearless forecast: Calls for "The Whiteout" will once again be heard in April, as employees look for corrective fluid to remove the word "Phoenix" from their business cards.


  1. Your going to have to update the preview already...The Kings sent Ow...Brayden back to the Wheat Kings.

  2. Christ. After watching that video, I'm off to buy my Dallas Stars jersey.

  3. Yeah, but every one of those girls look like they could have been an extra in "Youngblood". That may or may not be a bad thing.

  4. That is quite possibly the only American marketing idea for hockey in existence I'd be in favor of for the Leafs.
    Make sure you stain-proof it.

  5. Love the "Owen" nickname for the lesser Schenn.

  6. I cannot believe you left out Ryan Smyth's extensive leadship abilities as demonstrated at the World Championships every year... you know, because his teams always miss the playoffs or exit quickly.

  7. Oh, and one day Brayden will kick Luke's leg out from under his leg... and then he will have all the blood punched out of him.

  8. Gahh I read the synopsis of the video on Puck Daddy, but my employer blocked the video.


  9. The Kings will also lead the NHL in Ecklund-generated trade rumors involving the Blackhawks.

  10. What's with the Owen nick for Brayden?

  11. So how much would a plane ticket and front row seats for a Stars game cost me?

  12. @sparrow13...

    Still less than nosebleeds for a Leaf game at the ACC.

  13. did anyone click the link to the hooters rodeo beer trick after watching the ice girls video? haha... pretty impressive...

  14. @Lee:

    Refers to Owen Hart, the younger-but-still-awesome brother of Bret Hart (represented by OLAS).

  15. Oh? I assumed it meant Owen, the lesser Wilson brother (whose more talented sibling is named Luke).