Friday, September 25, 2009

Toronto media stops figuratively beating up Leaf fans, moves on to literally beating them up

Why the Leafs SuckMove over, Leafs Abomination. There's a new contender in the lucrative "Bitter reporter does a hatchet job on the Maple Leafs" book market.

Why The Leafs Suck, by Al Strachan, apparently went on sale this week even though nobody I know has ever heard of it. The book will feature Strachan's insight into what's wrong with the Leafs, which no doubt means it will be an attempted evisceration of Pat Quinn.

But here's the fun part: As part of the marketing for the book, the promotion team has created a youtube channel with several videos that have been viewed literally dozens of times.

And you have to give Strachan credit here. While he's obviously not the first member of the Toronto media to fantasize about acts of random, brutal violence against Leaf fans, he is the first to actually put it on film.



Wow.

How did the meeting go where they decided to film this?

Executive: OK, what's the pitch here?
Marketing guy: I'm thinking we start off with footage of a Leaf fan being randomly beaten up, with absolutely no context or explanation of what's happening.
Executive: Can we use loud sound effects, and constantly vary the film speed for no reason?
Marketing guy: Of course!
Executive: OK, good start. Then what?
Marketing guy: Then we cut to a closeup of Al Strachan.
Executive: Great idea, the camera loves the guy. How do we bring it all home?
Marketing guy: I'm thinking we do interviews with homeless people.
Executive: Perfect! Get out there and film this!
Marketing guy: What's my budget?
Executive: Seven dollars.
Marketing guy: More than enough. Let's roll!

In all seriousness, this book could be a worthwhile read. Strachan has just the right mix of experience, insight, bitterness and good old-fashioned crazy to come up with something entertaining. Whether you love Al or hate him, you'd have to agree that he's not exactly shy about sticking the knife into an enemy, real or perceived. A full book of finger-pointing could be a lot of fun.

And if the whole author thing doesn't work out for him, it looks like he can always turn to a career in snuff films.

(Glove tap to DGB reader Lowell for letting me know about the videos.)




33 comments:

  1. Jesus Christ. Every homeless person in Toronto is a YouTube star now.

    And I love that the first video on the channel says "41 years and counting"...ummm...guys...2009-1967 = 42.

    Even the most simple-minded Leafs critic is able to count by ones...or so I thought.

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  2. ........

    /blink

    ........

    /blink

    ........

    wat?

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  3. It's like when Krusty the Klown had to air "Worker and Parasite", Eastern Europe's favourite cat and mouse team.

    What the hell was that?!?!

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  4. I... just don't know what to say to that...

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  5. Outsourcing has to end. Literally beating up Leafs fans should be done by A-MER-I-CANS!

    GO FLYERS!

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  6. this is so stupid.... im not even mad anymore, im just tired...

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  7. JM (leaf fan stuck in ottawa)September 25, 2009 at 12:19 PM

    People still listen to Strachan and take him seriously?

    Good god...

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  8. I say we get to somebody on the HNIC crew and have him/her spike Milbury's water with liquid meth so the next time Al tries to get under his skin, he snaps on camera and shirts him before beating the tar out of him.
    Poetic justice.
    What I do to deal with Strachan is laugh whenever I see him due to the fact that above the shoulders, he resembles the tip of a penis.

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  9. wow, those must have been hardcore hockey fans, strachan is an idiot. I guess he missed the memo where our owners finally gave our GM full autonomy, and our new GM has done an excellent job of vastly improving our front office (assistants to scouting to goalie coaches, etc), our coach has a famous history of working with young players and our GM has gone out and gotten the best non-NHL goalie in the world, potentially the best D unit (1-7) in the league (arguable obviously), and gotten some good young talent upfront that will be dynamite in a few years

    wonder if this "best seller" will note that?

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  10. It's just brutal. Holy hell, is it brutal.

    "...the Maple Leafs make me look like girls playing hockey but girls play a lot better then that."

    Wow, that's brilliant insight. The first two interviews are from outside a video-store at Church and Wellesley. You can see it on this page in the 4th picutre down. It's seems an ironic location to go to inquire about who sucks and how much, but I think that's Strachan's comfort zone.

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  11. best part is approx 1:35 ... i can't wait for septermber 2009

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  12. Wha?

    Opinions of barely functioning
    idiots are valid?

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  13. Did they at least give these bums a few quarters for their insight? Or a $5 Tim Card for a job well done?

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  14. The line "the camera loves the guy" was absolutely perfect.

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  15. On the other hand, Al Strachan REALLY hates Howard Berger.

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  16. Hey hey hey hey...hey.

    Mr. Strachan is infringing on one of the last bastions of the repertoire of us Ottawa Senators fans - baseless unfounded schoolyard attacks.

    On behalf of all Senators fans, I demand an apology from Mr. Strachan, lest I end up having to hit him with my murse.

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  17. Strachan book + Strachan video = failtastic. The video in particular I would like to see mocked, Star Wars Kid style. We can do this, folks.

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  18. wow. I think 7 dollars overestimates the budget for that video by 5 dollars. Just a pair of dull loonies.

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  19. Put it this way. I didn't know this book existed until you ripped into it.

    You should get a commission from the book sales :P lol

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  20. Wow, your breakdown of that video was hilarious...

    I especially enjoyed the fact that the intro to the video had no relevancy whatsoever to the subject of the book. Why was he in a workplace environment? Where did his boss learn to grunt like a shaolin master? Who was the man who rushed him from behind? Was it Kostopoulous? These questions may forever remain unanswered.

    Great blog, great post!

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  21. Interesting...

    I was thinking about writing a book, myself. It's going to be titled, "How To Become A Toronto Sports Media Expert ~ It's Not Rocket Appliances!"

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  22. I think I will get a Full Card if(if meaning when hell freezes over) I read this book.

    http://img522.imageshack.us/img522/200/leafsmediaclichebingocafa2.gif

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  23. Wow, those random peolpe on the street seem like they are very much into hockey, with all the basketball jerseys and general i-dropped-out-of-high-school look going on. Secondly, I love how the non-homless people rag on Leaf fans for going to games despite the sub-par team. My response to that is; that is what a true fan does. A bandwagoner (such as those people clearly are) is someone who only cheers for a team that is currently doing well (see Pittsburgh Penguins, or TML fans after yet another missed post-season, when we generally jump on the bandwagon of any team facing either the Sens, Habs, Flyers or Isles (haha)). This is why Leaf fans are the best in the NHL, because we support our team through thick and thin, like a true friend would do. Third of all, why is it that I always have to mention (whenever someone says 1967), that the Rangers went 50+ without a Cup, and that the Hawks currently haven't won since 1961; and if my basic math skills serve me correct, 50+ > 42 and 1967 was more recent than 1961.

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  24. Wow, that was fun.

    But to be fair, James, it's not like the Rangers or the Hawks never got made fun of because of their cup droughts...

    Rangers fans heard the "1940!" chant quite often before 1994. And until very recently, Chicago was always mocked as one of the most inept franchise in hockey.

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  25. "Church and Wellesley...It's [sic] seems an ironic location to go to inquire about who sucks and how much"

    Zing!

    Seriously though, you have to admire Al for walking a full block from MLG to get that interview. Everyone knows that rainbow flags are a beacon for hockey knowledge.

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  26. Damn, Louie - you beat me to the "Boys Town" reference!

    Yep - wanna-be gang bangers are the real Leafs experts.

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  27. I always thought the gayborhood was full of Sens fans.

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  28. Everyone circle Septermber 2009 on their calendars!

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  29. When did the jocks let Al out of the locker???

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  30. Strachan actually makes a lot of sense. It's pretty clear that a lot of leaf faithful remain brainwashed by the big gluttonous pig that is otherwise known as MLSE. It's incredible the state of denial Leaf fans are in. I used to cheer for the Leafs, now I can't stand them. I saw the light a few years ago. To break free from the insanity of being a leaf fan was my prerogative and I'm a much happier hockey fan because of it.....

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  31. There are way more hockey fans who despise the Leafs than there are leaf fans....they just like to think they are loved by everyone. Face it, Habs, Sens, Canucks and Oiler fans despise TML........despite that I'm not sure how well this book will sell....leaf fans will cry like babies because of it and the rest of us could give a rats @ss

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