One of the downsides of being a Leafs fan living in Ottawa, besides being repeatedly asked to explain the offside rule and having to drive two hours to an abandoned farmer's field to see a hockey game, is that everyone you know feels the need to send you every Leafs e-mail they get.
If you see a Sens fan at a computer, chances are he's either pleasuring himself to old Brian McGratton highlights1, or forwarding me that Peter Pan guy with the photoshopped Leaf logo. Yes, yes, he's a Leaf blower. We get it.
This month, for some reason a list of incredibly old hockey jokes has resurfaced. I'm not sure if Leaf fans in Toronto are getting this thing sent to them every day, but if not you're missing some prime mid-80s hockey humor. They have the one about the Leafs being like the Titanic (great until they hit the ice), and the one about the Leafs not being able to drink tea because the Habs have all the Cups.
I'll pause here to allow your hysterical, thigh-slapping laughter to subside.
Anyways, here's my favorite from the list:
What's the difference between the Leafs and a cigarette machine?
The cigarette machine has PLAYERS.
(And yes, it always has "PLAYERS" capitalized. You know, just in case the punchline was too subtle.)
Now, I love a good Leafs joke as much as the next guy. But really, a cigarette machine? In the words of Gary Gulman -- "Wow, very funny. Um, what century is this?" Has anybody actually seen a cigarette machine lately? There are probably people reading this who don't even know what one looks like. What's next, Sens fans, an especially clever rotary telephone anecdote?
Meanwhile, did you hear that Andrew Raycroft was so depressed recently that he jumped in front of the team bus? It beat him high to the glove side.
Hm, that one may need some work.
1 Like there's any other kind.