Grantland grab bag: Mats Sundin doesn't understand how hats work

This week's grab bag looks at buyouts, the upcoming draft, playing hurt, and Don Cherry's playoff run. But the most important thing we learn is that 18-year-old Mats Sundin had no idea how hats work.

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Grantland: All the key dates from a busy July in the NHL

The NHL has wrapped up the action on the ice for another season. Hockey fans have already turned their attention to the draft, which will be held this Sunday in New Jersey.

Sunday is an important date on the hockey calendar for another reason: It’s June 30. That’s traditionally been the NHL’s New Year's Eve, the last date before the league officially rolls over into a new season. And with that brand-new season comes weeks and weeks of … not very much, actually. Let’s face it, July and August have usually been pretty dull for NHL fans.

But wait! Just because there are no more games and the draft is done doesn’t mean that nothing at all is going on. In fact, thanks to a lockout that messed up this season’s schedule for everyone, there are still some important dates on the calendar.

The entire month of July is looking pretty packed. Here’s a look at what hockey fans can look forward to next month.

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Other hidden NHL injuries revealed

Marchand and Ference star in a scene from the
summer's hilarious new comedy, Weekend At Bergie's.

The NHL playoffs have ended, which means everyone can start coming clean about all the injuries they've been hiding. After months of "upper body" this and "lower body" that, fans finally get to learn the real truth behind the injuries that were hampering certain players.

One player making headlines because of an injury revelation is Patrice Bergeron of the Boston Bruins. We already knew that he was playing through a separated shoulder, damaged cartilage and a broken rib during the Stanley Cup Final. On Wednesday we learned that he'd also been admitted to a local hospital with a small hole in his lung.

While Bergeron is an extreme case, he's far from the only one in the hockey world who's been hiding a health problem. Here are some of the other NHL players and personalities who've recently revealed the injuries they've been suffering from:

Jarome Iginla - Probably has a badly injured foot, neighbors say, since he's constantly speeding down the street in his Delorean then jumping out and kicking the fender while yelling "Take me back to the trade deadline, damn you!"

Roberto Luongo - Has been suffering from a severe blister on the finger he uses to hit refresh on his Google search for "Did I get bought out yet"?

Greg Sherman - Admits to dealing with some frost bite during the last month spent scouting rec players at outdoor games in Iceland, but hey, if this trip wasn't super important then Joe Sakic and Patrick Roy wouldn't have sent the general manager to handle it, right?

Sidney Crosby - Must have had some sort of relapse and had to have his jaw rewired shut, based on how he clenches his teeth and just stares at you silently when you ask him if he thinks the Penguins can win another Cup with Marc-Andre Fleury in net.

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Grantland: The Blackhawks broke the system and that's a good thing

You see, Chicago, this is not the way it’s supposed to work.

Not in the salary-cap era, at least. We lost an entire season to get this system, and then we lost another half-season to … well, nobody’s quite sure, but to tweak it, we guess. This is supposed to be the age of parity in the NHL, and that means everybody needs to play by the rules.

Here’s how it’s supposed to go: You lose. You draft high and pray you find a superstar or two. You try to find a few more stars on the trade market or in free agency. That’s your core, and you build up a supporting cast around it as cheaply as possible.

And then the window opens, maybe for a year or two, maybe longer if you’re lucky. That’s your chance to win the Stanley Cup. At that point, all you can do is cross your fingers and hope.

And then — and this is the important part — the window slams shut.

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A ranking of 20 years of Gary Bettman Stanley Cup presentations from least to most awkward

The Stanley Cup will be in the building tonight in Boston, with the Chicago Blackhawks one win away from claiming the championship. And that means it’s time to get excited about one of the highlights of the NHL season: Watching commissioner Gary Bettman struggle through presenting the Cup.

In the years since Bettman’s debut as the Stanley Cup presenter, the ceremony has evolved into one of the most awkward traditions in all of sports. Bettman fidgets, the crowd boos, the posed photo takes way too long, and the winning captain fakes a smile while he waits for Bettman to just let go of the Cup and hit the bricks.

Calls for Bettman to step aside and let somebody else do the honors have reached the point where it’s practically a consensus. But he’s made it clear that he has no intention of doing so, and he will be back out there again this year.

All of which is great news for fans of unintentional comedy. So to mark the occasion, I thought it would be fun to go through all 20 years of Bettman’s reign (there are 19 presentations total, thanks to one year lost to a lockout) and rank them in order of awkwardness.

We’ll be using the following criteria:

Crowd Response: The more hostile the better. Unfortunately, not every video clip I found includes Bettman’s introduction, but we’ll do our best to piece everything together.

Cup Handoff: A combination of factors, including: How disgusted does the captain seem to be by Bettman’s presence? How long does it take them to get the photo right? Can they figure out which hand goes where? Is Steve Yzerman involved? (That last one turns out to be important.)

Bettman Awkwardness: A catchall, and the most important category. We’re looking
at everything from hair to wardrobe to random gesticulation to attempted one-liners to his level of flusteredness, which I don’t think is a word but should be.

Overall: The combined level of overall awkwardness. Not necessarily an average.

So here we go … 20 years’ worth of presentations, ranked in order from the least to the most awkward.

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