Mind your manners: Playoff etiquette for hockey fans

Despite his guarantees, Daniel
Alfredsson's place setting had no cup.

The NHL's regular season can sometimes feel like it drags on forever, and fans can be forgiven for getting excited when the playoffs finally arrive. Every hockey fan, and especially those that root for a contender, has been waiting for months for the real hockey to start.

But that excitement is no excuse for losing sight of the rules of basic etiquette. After all, when the games matter the most even a simple faux pas can unintentionally ruin the moment for one your fellow fans.

So with just days to go before the post-season starts, now would seem like a good time to brush up on the list of do's and don'ts for courteous hockey fans at playoff time:

DO: Be respectful of your fellow hockey fans' desire to remain focused on the playoffs, free of needless distractions.
DO NOT: Interrupt this focus by scheduling unnecessary and annoying events during this time, such as birthday parties, weddings, or federal elections.

DO: Assure the dejected Toronto fan at your office that you were all rooting for the Leafs to make the playoffs, they showed a ton of heart during the stretch drive, and you're sure they'll be even better next year.
DO NOT: Feel the need to wait for them to leave the room before the rest of you break out the party hats, confetti, and giant "1967" banner.

DO: Stake out your "lucky spot" on the couch before the first game, making sure that you have a good view of the big screen TV, easy access to your beers in the fridge and all your post-game celebratory music loaded onto the stereo.
DO NOT: Be overly rude when telling the manager of the electronics store that his security guards are blocking your view.

DO: Listen politely as jealous Capital haters tell you that the team never won anything before Alexander Ovechkin came along.
DO NOT: Condescendingly inform them that it would have been hard to win anything when Washington didn't even have a team before 2005, you're pretty sure.

DO: Assure your spouse that yes, even though the playoffs are even more important than the regular season, you will still make time for your family just like you always do.
DO NOT: Follow up by asking where that tiny one in the diapers came from.

DO: Agree with your Canadien fan friend that there's no reason to think Carey Price can't lead the team on a long playoff run.
DO NOT: Add "Well, other than his entire playoff career up until now" if you have anything important in your car that's flammable.

DO: Consider placing a friendly wager on a game that you're not otherwise interested in since your team isn't playing.
DO NOT: Consider placing a friendly wager on a game that you're not otherwise interested in since you're the backup goalie.

DO: Politely explain to your non-hockey fan friend that while you appreciate him inviting you over to watch the game, it's generally considered quite rude for anyone to walk near the television while play is underway.
DO NOT: Hesitate to add that, fine, you'll buy him a new cat if he's going to make such a big deal about this.

DO: Remember to periodically spout that old playoff cliché that "In any series, the toughest game to win is the last one".
DO NOT: Immediately turn to your friend who cheers for the Bruins and add "That would be the fourth one, by the way, just in case you guys forgot again."

DO: Listen respectfully to your Canuck fan friends when they tell you that the team is absolutely stacked this year, is built for a long playoff run, and should have an easy time making it out of the Western Conference.
DO NOT: Ruin the moment by quietly humming "Chelsea Dagger" while they're talking

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Pacific Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Pacific Division.

San Jose Sharks

The good: Finally addressed that longstanding "locker room cancer" void.
The bad: Attempted to address a history of playoff failure by acquiring an Ottawa Senator. Let that sink in for a minute.
Biggest question mark: Will it be an upper body or a lower body injury that Dany Heatley fakes to get out of the first game in Edmonton?
Fearless forecast: The Sharks record 145 regular season points, then manage to lose their first round playoff series in three games.

Anaheim Ducks

The good: Feature starting goaltender Jonas Hiller, whose outstanding play in the post-season showed that he is without question the second best European free agent goalie named "Jonas" that Brian Burke has ever signed.
The bad: Ex-Hab Saku Koivu may have a difficult time adjusting to the lack of pompous ceremonial wankfests at the start of every single game.
Biggest question mark: Ryan Getzlaf is going to get it over with and shave his head, isn't he? He knows we can see him, right?
Fearless forecast: As per league rules, will at some point trade Joffrey Lupul for Chris Pronger.

Dallas Stars

The good: This.
The bad: Every one of those girls probably has Sean Avery cooties.
Biggest question mark: When Joe Nieuwendyk was reading Marc Crawford's resume, did the page listing everything from 1998-2009 fall out?
Fearless forecast: The team is much-improved thanks to the unveiling of a clever new trick play known as "Marty Turco actually make a save".

Los Angeles Kings

The good: Drafted Brayden "Owen" Schenn, who will inspire teammates with stories of how awesome his big brother is.
The bad: Front office made Brian Burke angry, and as such will probably all be dead by November.
Biggest question mark: Most terrifying Hunter for a Los Angeles King to run into in a dark alley: Tim, Dale, or Rachel?
Fearless forecast: The young team will no doubt benefit from the leadership of Ryan Smyth, who has been a winner everywhere he's ever played with the exception of Colorado, Long Island, and every year in Edmonton except one.

Phoenix Coyotes

The good: Thanks to an aggressive marketing push, experts are now predicting higher-than-expected ticket sales in the 14,000 to 16,000 range.
The bad: That's not an average.
Biggest question mark: Will the team still be able to travel to road games with Wayne Gretzky stuck under the team bus?
Fearless forecast: Calls for "The Whiteout" will once again be heard in April, as employees look for corrective fluid to remove the word "Phoenix" from their business cards.