Grab bag: The Doug Gilmour trade

In this week's grab bag:
- Three comedy stars, plus one who'll live in your nightmares forever
- Everyone's mad at the NHL for screwing up the new puck-hits-netting review rule. But everyone is wrong.
- An obscure player who was the league's first outdoor hero
- Checking in on Don Cherry, who is under a lot of pressure
- And a YouTube breakdown of a time long ago when NHL GMs actually made real blockbuster trades...

>> Read the full post on Grantland

Weekend wrapup: Emery, Kaleta, Bure and more

A look at three of the biggest stories from the NHL weekend and how they’ll play into the coming days.

Flyers Hit Rock Bottom; Grab Shovels

The biggest news of the weekend came on Friday night, when the struggling Flyers faced the Capitals. Despite missing the injured Alexander Ovechkin, Washington pumped five second-period goals past Steve Mason and Ray Emery on its way to building an eventual 7-0 lead. That had Philadelphia fans chanting for GM Paul Holmgren’s job, and set the stage for the game to devolve into a third-period gong show.

You’ve no doubt seen the highlights by now; Wayne Simmonds running anyone he could find, the line brawl that followed, and then Emery’s rink-length dash to fight his unwilling counterpart, Braden Holtby. Goalie fights are usually high entertainment, but this one was different. It was a ridiculous mismatch between a player with a long résumé of fighting experience and one who’d never been part of one at the pro level — and, more importantly, one who hadn’t done a thing to provoke it other than play for a vastly better team.

Emery won handily, at one point raining punches on the back of Holtby’s head while he was down — all while referee Francois St. Laurent bizarrely stood by, occasionally waving away any Capitals who looked like they might try to help. In postgame comments, Emery seemed to brag about making sure that Holtby “didn’t really have much of a choice” about the fight. In an additional embarrassment, the Philadelphia media named Emery the game’s third star, presumably for the fight and not his .733 save percentage.

But while the Emery fight got all the attention, it wasn’t the Flyers’ most costly of the evening. They lost Vincent Lecavalier and Steve Downie to injuries sustained in fights — the former to a facial injury that could sideline him for weeks, and the latter to a broken orbital bone that had him reportedly leaving the rink on a stretcher.

If the Flyers organization was bothered by Emery’s antics, it didn’t show it. Instead, it gave him the start Saturday night against the Devils, and was rewarded with a 1-0 win. It was the first shutout of the season for the Flyers, and probably one of the easiest any team will get to enjoy. The Devils couldn’t manage more than six shots in any period and put up just 14 on the night.

It was almost as if the New Jersey players were afraid to get anywhere near Emery. I can’t imagine why.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

Ways NHL front offices are using advanced technology

Hey cool, looks like Steve Yzerman finished
running the playoff probability calculations.

Last week was an interesting one for sports fan who enjoy peeking behind the curtain at the world of high-stakes front office decision making.

In one article, James Mirtle explained how the Penguins relied on advice from an outside analytics agency to make the trade that brought James Neal to Pittsburgh. The data went beyond simple statistics to track where on the ice shots were coming from.

Meanwhile, NBA teams like the Toronto Raptors are taking things a step further. The franchise recently gave Grantland a tour of the proprietary tools they've developed based on SportVU camera technology. The software allows the team to track player movements and analyze performance in intricate detail.

Some saw that post and concluded that hockey is still trailing basketball when it comes to modern technology, but I'm not so sure. According to sources, several NHL teams are using computers to varying degrees in an effort to find a competitive edge.

Florida Panthers - Thought about developing a web-based database that could tell us everything we could ever want to know about each one our star players, but then realized somebody else had already invented WebMD.

Detroit Red Wings - Are using a program that tracks their players wherever they are on the ice or, in the case of Niklas Kronwall delivering a bodycheck, two feet off the ice.

Nashville Predators - Probably shouldn't have let Sergei Kostitsyn update all their software, since now they can't find the "No" option on the dialog box that says "Are you sure you want to quit?"

New York Rangers - Have kept their best players in the lineup thanks to computer technology that lets them hack into private email accounts and find those photos that we wouldn't want anyone else to see, WOULD WE BRENDAN?

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Grantland: Ranking history's greatest dirtbags

Sabres forward Patrick Kaleta remains suspended this week, ineligible to return to action until next Sunday after his dangerous hit from behind on Brad Richards. The incident led to renewed debate over whether Kaleta now deserves the title of the NHL’s most despicable player.

There’s not exactly a shortage of competition. Whether it’s Matt Cooke, Raffi Torres, or Daniel Carcillo, there are plenty of players these days who can leave fans tearing their hair out. Whether you’d prefer to call them agitators, pests, flat-out dirty, or just stains on the game, chances are you’re not alone in screaming at your TV whenever their smirking faces appear.

But this post isn’t about them. After all, each of today’s NHL villains is simply following in the footsteps of those who came before them. So today, let’s pay tribute to the previous generation. These 10 players may no longer be in the NHL, but their legacies helped lay the groundwork for players like Patrick Kaleta, who make the game what it is today.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

So you've scored a goal: The etiquette of NHL celebrations

He skated as far as he could as fast as he
could and when it was over he was devastated
to realize he was still in Edmonton.

Edmonton Oiler rookie Nail Yakupov managed to make himself the talk of the hockey world last week when he celebrated a last-second goal against the Kings with an extended slide down the length of the rink.

While many chalked the moment up to youthful enthusiasm, others weren't so kind. Don Cherry called him an idiot, and many fans of other teams were even harsher. But was the criticism justified? After all, has anyone ever actually documented what exactly a player is allowed to do when they score?

They have, as it turns out. But apparently Yakupov didn't get the memo. So for the benefit of him and any other rookies who missed it, here's the official NHL etiquette for celebrating.

Do: Celebrate your 50th goal of the season by pretending that your hockey stick has caught on fire.
Do not: Forget to check your insurance company's fire policy first, to make sure they'll eventually replace your stick with one that can still score goals.

Do: Borrow the signature celebration of the Green Bay Packers by leaping into the first few rows of the stands after scoring.
Do not: Try this in Toronto during the opening ten minutes of a period, since you'd prefer to land in an area that actually has fans.

Do: Celebrate enthusiastically when you record a hat trick.
Do not: Use up all of your energy on that celebration, since you'll want to save some for your second shift against the Flyers defense.

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The DGB anonymous NHL player survey

Even though he desperately wanted
to ask if Dion was really overrated,
Phil was just too intimidated.

It seems like anonymous player surveys are all the rage these days. Everywhere you look, somebody is unveiling a new poll that claims to tell us what the players really think of today’s NHL.

First up to the plate was Sports Illustrated, which has been releasing individual questions from its survey over the course of the season. This weekend saw a new survey released, with the CBC and NHLPA revealing the results of their Hockey Night in Canada Player Poll.

Well, Sports Illustrated and Hockey Night in Canada may be well-respected within the hockey world, but I don’t see why they should have all the fun. And since NHL players apparently can’t turn down an opportunity to anonymously offer up their thoughts on the state of the game, I figured I’d send out my own survey. Here’s what the players had to tell me.

Which player has the hardest slapshot?
Shea Weber – 28%
Sheldon Souray - 15%
Zdeno Chara – 57%

Which player is the fastest skater?
Marion Gaborik – 33%
Michael Grabner – 10%
Zdeno Chara – 57%

Which player is the best goalie?
Henrik Lundqvist – 31%
Pekka Rinne – 12%
Zdeno Chara – 57%

Um, is Zdeno Chara standing right behind you as you fill out this survey?
No – 43%
He just cracked his knuckles. Next question! – 57%

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