What your favorite UFA is up to right now, some Canadian pride, and more: Grab Bag

We’re just days away from free agency. Do you know what your favorite pending UFA is up to right now? My spies have been busy finding out, and reported back with this list of what a dozen of the biggest names on our UFA board are focused on right now.

Mitch Marner – Preparing his list of key questions to ask potential teams, including “You’re not the Leafs, right?”, and “No but seriously, you’re not the Leafs?” and “Actually no I don’t have any other questions for you, but since we’re on the subject, are you positive you’re not the Leafs?”

Nikolaj Ehlers – Exactly what every Canadian fan thinks pending UFAs are doing these days: Repeatedly googling state tax rates a dozen times a day.

Jake Allen – Building a new addition onto his house every time an Oilers fan gets around to looking up what this summer’s free agent goalie crop looks like.

Jonathan Toews – Saying “Oh absolutely, it’s always been my dream to play for my hometown team in Winnipeg” to a delighted Kevin Cheveldayoff before covering the phone and giggling into his Colorado Avalanche jersey.

Brad Marchand – Signing autographs, shaking hands, building nests, chewing through wires, damaging crops, spreading disease, miscellaneous scurrying.

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Grab Bag: Offseason grades, a 4 Nations request, and happier times in Vancouver

We’re halfway through the season and haven’t done a Grab Bag yet. Let’s fix that today, with your favorite Friday complete waste of time…

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What your favorite NHL penalty says about you, Hat Trick Fever and more: DGB Grab Bag

The hockey world just went an absolutely miserable week, probably one of its worst ever. That might make it a weird time to pull out the old Grab Bag gimmick. Or maybe not, because we could all probably use a laugh right now. Unfortunately you’re stuck with me, so “laugh” might be asking too much, but maybe I can at least get a slightly louder than normal exhale out of you. Let’s see if we can find a way to have some fun.

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Grab Bag: Captain controversies, scoring slumps, and old-school suspsensions

Man it’s been a long time since we did one of these. If you’re new to the Grab Bag, it’s a weekly monthly apparently annual? occasional feature in which we joke around about whatever’s happening in the NHL, remember some guys, complain about stuff, and spend way too much time breaking down obscure old YouTube clips. It’s fun. Or at least, that’s the idea. Let’s get to it.

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Grab Bag: What the NHL GMs are up to, a possible celebrity sighting and more

In the Friday Grab Bag
- What various NHL GMs are up to these days
- We're using the word "clinch" wrong
- Comedy stars
- An obscure player who'll help you with Immaculate Gord
- And I'm pretty sure I found a three-year old future celebrity in a Macarena-themed HNIC intro

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Grab Bag: NHL vs. WrestleMania, 1992 rule changes and a plea to bad teams

In the return of the Friday Grab Bag:

- Comparing the NHL to Wrestlemania
- An important request for fan bases of bad teams
- An obscure player with an epic playoff stat spoiler
- No comedy stars because Brad Marchand deleted his twitter
- And a YouTube guide to all the new safety rules introduced in 1992

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Grab Bag: Bruce Boudreau vs. Jim Rutherford, secret NHL trade deadline plans and more

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- My spies report on teams' top secret trade plans
- An obscure player who was kind of trade for a Hall-of-Famer
- January comedy stars
- An important proposal for the month before the deadline
- And a YouTube breakdown of Bruce Boudreau's first career goal

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Grab Bag: Gary Bettman’s surveys, renaming awards, and Rod Brind’Amour’s workout

Gary Bettman made headlines this week when he defended the league’s foray into digital board ads. While many fans have complained that the animated ads are distracting and often glitchy, Bettman pushed back on the subject, calling it a “non-issue” and insisting that the league’s internal polling proves that fans actually find games more watchable with the new ads.

That struck many of us as odd. Sure, some fans don’t mind the board ads and everyone understands the desire for more revenue, but it’s hard to imagine how they’d made the game-watching experience better. But Bettman says he has the polling to back it up. Will he show us the numbers? No he will not, but when has he ever given you a reason not to trust him?

In an effort to turn this controversy into a teachable moment, I had my spies at the NHL head office infiltrate the market research department. They were able to smuggle out a list of Gary Bettman’s tips for keeping your finger on the pulse of your fan base.

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Grab Bag: What your preferred NHL points system says about you

In the Friday Grab Bag:

- What your preferred NHL points system says about you
- A brilliant rule change idea we should steal from the NFL
- The bizarre world of organisms named after 1990 Edmonton Oilers
- Comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at the forgotten players strike of 1992

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Grab Bag: Season highlights for bad teams, the Wendel Line and remembering the NHL Awards “Silver” sketch

In the return of the Friday Grab Bag:
- Good thoughts for bad teams
- The three comedy stars
- The Wendel Line
- An obscure player with a horrifying instagram account
- The infamous (and hilarious) Olympic "Silver" sketch

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Grab Bag: Yes we know it’s too early, Gritty meets a puppy, Gretzky and Messier get weird and more

Welcome back to the Grab Bag, a feature that runs weekly monthly whenever I get around to it during the season. If you’ve been around over the years, you know the drill. If you’re new, you can expect NHL personalities trying to be funny, obscure players, weird rants, unworkable ideas, and breakdowns of old YouTube clips that go into way too much detail. Will you learn anything important? You will not. Look, it’s Friday and we all deserve some occasional empty calories. Let’s get to it.

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Grab Bag: Debating the happiness police, a playoff dream dies, and Conan vs. the Leafs

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- Are hockey fans allowed to be happy? A debate.
- Our dream of the Ultimate Ultimate Playoff loser dies
- Remembering the only player in NHL history to score in the playoffs but never play in the regular season
- The month's three comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at the time Conan O'Brien took to the ice with (some of) the Toronto the Maple Leafs

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Grab Bag: The 12 fans you have to meet in every suspension debate

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- The 12 fans you meet in every suspension debate
- Something weird the NHL has started doing with its stats
- An obscure player who shares a major record with Wayne Gretzky
- Three comedy stars
- And remembering the Hampton Roads Rhinos, the most unlikely expansion team ever

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Grab Bag: Trade Deadline Wrapup

In the Friday Grab Bag...

- Wrapping up the tradeline with notes on teams around the league
- Introducing the Glendening Line, which can predict every deadline
- An obscure player with an all-time great name
- Three comedy stars
- And a YouTube clip of Josh Manson's TV debut

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Friday Grab Bag: The worldwide leader returns

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- My spies have found some top secret details about the new ESPN TV deal
- Introducing the concpt of Fake .500
- An obscure player who was brieflythe Kirill Kaprizov of the mid-90s
- The three comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at ESPN's attempt to hype on of the worst games in NHL history

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Grab Bag: How to increase scoring without making the nets bigger, a draft lottery request, young Joe Thornton and friends, and more

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- So you want more scoring but won't make the nets bigger. Cool, I've got some idea...
- A simple request about the draft lottery debate
- An obscure player who may have gone to Alcatraz
- The three comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at teenaged Joe Thornton, Patrick Marleau and Roberto Luongo

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Grab Bag: We're back it's weird

In the return of the Friday Grab Bag:
- Wait how does this work again?
- The one COVID-related change we should "forget" to undo
- An obscure player who still holds a surprising record
- Comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at a Leafs trade that contains a major twist ending...

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Grab Bag: Offseason winners and losers, Pavel Bure and a perfect goalie

In the return of the Friday Grab Bag:
- Offseason winners and losers
- Pleas tell me I'm not the only one having this offseason problem
- An obscure NHL goalie, barely
- This month's comedy stars
- And an awkward Pavel Bure interview about backgammon, tennis, and being god

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Grab Bag: Playoff excuses, ultimate losers and Alex Trebek with a mullet

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- My spies have gathered excuses from the NHL's playoff losers
- Where things stand with a possibly historic Ultimate Loser race
- An obscure player who shares a record with Wayn Gretzky and Joe Pavelski
- The month's three comedy stars
- And a YouTube look back at Alex Trebek, his mullet, and the cheesy glory of the 1993 NHL awards

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Grab Bag: Week one thoughts, a lottery idea and Tocchet spaghetti

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- My thoughts on the first week of the NHL's risky return
- A modest proposal for how to handle the draft lottery reveal
- An obscure player who did his best work in the playoffs
- Weird goalies in the comedy stars
- And Rick Tocchet makes spaghetti in a YouTube classic

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