Saturday, April 7, 2012

Canucks or Senators: Who should be Canada's Team?

The NHL season wraps up tonight, but we already know the 16 teams that will be advancing to the playoffs. That’s bad news for Canada, because the Vancouver Canucks and the Ottawa Senators will be the only two teams from north of the border taking part in this year’s post-season.

And you know what that means. Yes, it’s time for the annual blitz of stories about who gets to be “Canada’s Team”, the one NHL team that will carry the flag into battle and represent the hopes and dreams of a nation that hasn’t seen one of its teams capture a Stanley Cup since 1993. Diehard fans of the Canadiens, Maple Leafs and the country’s other teams will abandon their squads en masse to unite behind one remaining contender.

Has any actual hockey fan ever switched allegiances at this time of year? No, of course not. But with four days off between the end of the season and the start of the playoffs, we need something to fill air time and newspaper space.

So if you find yourself being chased down by a media member holding a microphone and frantically demanding to know which “Canada’s team” bandwagon you’ll be jumping on, you should at least be prepared to make an informed decision. Here are some of the points in favor of each of the two candidates.

Canucks – The entire roster shares a team-wide commitment to finding ways to lift the spirits of society’s least fortunate, we assume, since it would explain this week’s loss to the Calgary Flames.

Senators – Jason Spezza would probably really enjoy having the whole country cheering him on, and if we make him happy then maybe we can get him to do that creepy giggling thing again.

Canucks – If you decide to become a fan you can get up to speed on team history really quickly, without getting bogged down trying to memorize a bunch of Stanley Cup winners or Hall of Famers.

Senators – They’ve earned a reputation as a team that’s capable of doing the impossible during the postseason, in the sense that they have a history of losing to the Maple Leafs.

Canucks – Roberto Luongo enters the playoffs knowing that Vancouver fans are firmly behind him, apparently, since they immediately respond with a standing ovation every time he gets told to go sit on the bench for a rest.

Senators - The longer the Senators’ post-season run lasts, the better Erik Karlsson’s attempt at a playoff beard will make you feel about your high school yearbook photos.

Canucks - If you decide to cheer for Vancouver you’ll be joining a fan base that’s known as one of the most jovial and thick-skinned in the entire league, according to the Canuck fans who are currently holding my family hostage in case I make any diving jokes.

Senators – If you cheer against Ottawa then starting goaltender Craig Anderson may give you the finger, literally, if he’s recently been trying to make dinner.

Canucks – Vancouver’s home arena was the site of the memorable gold medal game at the 2010 Winter Olympics, which seems appropriate since that was the last time that everyone in Canada actually was cheering for the same team.

Senators – While it’s always possible that fans could riot after a tough playoff loss, it’s worth pointing out that in Ottawa a “riot” is when everyone decides to put their paper recycling at the end of the driveway even though they know it’s actually plastic recycling day.

Canucks – Let’s just say injured star Daniel Sedin has an excellent chance of passing his in-person concussion test with team doctors just in time to return for the playoffs, says his twin brother Henrik while drumming his fingers innocently.

Senators – If you enjoyed watching last year’s Canucks team make an emotional two-month run to the cusp of Stanley Cup glory, why not recreate that feeling this year by once again cheering on a team that will end up getting humiliated by the Bruins?




29 comments:

  1. Hahaha the Ottawa riot bit is so true.

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  2. thank you for that i need the laught

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  3. Go Sens!

    From and American.

    There was some pretty funny stuff in there.

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  4. Owch -- I generally take the Canucks slamming with fairly good grace (Because it's typically true!) but mocking an injured player? I mean, c'mon. I must have missed all the Sid jokes when he was out with his concussion.. Last I heard Henrik was HOPING his brother would be back. Big difference.

    I love my 'nucks, but I think they'll choke in the third round.. if they even make it that far. I'll probably end up cheering for the Canadian players on the Pens.

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    1. Well, he mocked Anderson's finger, so there's injury jokes all around...

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    2. True! .. I downgrade my gripe from a minor grump fest to a snide grunt. :)

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    3. The joke was Henrik was going to fill in on a baseline test for him... because they're twins you know? Don't really see how it is mocking his injury just more poking fun at the fact Henrik could pass off as Daniel... That thick skinned Canucks fan joke was made especially for you though apparently.

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    4. wow lighten up...Daniel is a pansy who had a melon head, its a joke.

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    5. Wow.. how about you lighten up? I think I displayed humour in my correction of stance..

      Actually -- I took the rest of the jokes in good grace (and agreed!) .. Maybe someone is just Canuck fan sniping?

      ..Tho, I think I get bonus points for compltely missing the obvious joke and misjudging Mr Brown. *cough* Guess I owe him a Timmys.

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    6. Go get the man a good old Boston Cream Donut :)

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    7. Apparently you DID miss the Sid jokes, because there were a lot of them. Let's see... there was the picture caption from the NHL's Concussion Test article, Bettman assuring people that Crosby wouldn't be injured again while waiting in the rafters with a sniper rifle from a few weeks ago, the 2011 in review article from January...


      I can keep going, but I presume you get the point.

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  5. Canucks fan here. Well done! I chuckled at quite a few of these. Daniel did say he had a setback earlier this week, as he was "feeling like Henrik" (seriously).

    I don't think people really do jump on bandwagons anymore, en masse. But if it happens at all, it will be Ottawa, I'm sure. No offense meant to the team, but they will certainly be an underdog in the playoffs, and everyone loves an underdog.

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    1. Actually, it's probably more that Kesler spends more time whining and diving than lurking in the back of photos, and interviews. You should realize just how poorly your team wide bitching looks when Leafs fans (like me) would rather cheer for the Senators than the Canucks.

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    2. I love people who critize from behind an "Anonymous" tag.

      Actually, I've always just assumed that's the traditional rivalry and the bitterness of the average Maple Leaf fan that you have to be old to remember the last time they made the playoffs and.. *runs for it*

      (Yes.. I'm being a $#!^ disturber.)

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  6. as a flames fan i cheer against the rest of the canadian teams. if my team cant win...neither can you. were gonna be waiting a long time. lets go bruins!

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    1. That's the spirit! ; )

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    2. that should be the mentality for all Canadian hockey fans. If your team can't make the playoffs, then screw all the other Canadian teams that are in it. I was praying for the Bruins to kick the Canucks out in the finals.

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    3. THANK YOU! Finally someone who has the same point of view. At this point in time many American teams have more Canadian players than Canadian teams so making the point for "Canada" winning the cup is just silly

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    4. Funny... as a Californian and a Sharks fan, I suffer a similar reaction at the thought of Los Angeles or Anaheim winning the Cup.

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    5. The idea of having a second team - or rooting for a different team is completely alien to me. If (when) the Sens get knocked out of the playoffs I will no longer care who wins them.

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  7. Wow. I had to google "Jason Spezza giggle". That is seriously disturbing. Especially since there is a video on YouTube called "10 minutes of Jason Spezza laughing". Creepy indeed.

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  8. On a serious note...which team will win their next cup first: The Leafs or the Habs?

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  9. Re: On a serious note...which team will win their next cup first: The Leafs or the Habs?

    or:
    What is the sound of one hand clapping?

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  10. Humour aside, the only team that can truly be called "Canada's Team" is the one wearing the Maple Leaf on their chests.

    The RED Maple Leaf, that is. Not that silly blue one.

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  11. Lorna Appleby sounds like a fun person to hang out with.

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    1. As long as you take everything I say with a grain of salt and are willing to let me dig my foot out of my mouth on a semi-regular basis. ;)

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  12. Took me a second for the concussion test bit but that was absolute gold. Well done as always.

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  13. Ha, I hope Vancouver and Ottawa both lose in the first round by sweeps.

    Go St. Louis and Nashville. :)

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