Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Countdown to opening night: Remaining offseason tasks for the Winnipeg Jets

And nine months later, a beautiful
leafy-airplane baby was born.
The Winnipeg Jets took their latest step in their NHL rebirth on Friday when they released their much anticipated logo. After months of speculation, fans now have a visual representation of Canada's newest team.

The logo was just the latest step in a long process that began in May when the rumoured relocation of the Atlanta Thrashers became reality. Since then the Jets have sold thousands of season tickets, announced their team name, made their first draft picks, hired a new GM and coaching staff, and resigned captain Andrew Ladd.

That's an impressive start, but there's still more to do. Getting a NHL team up and running is a daunting job, and with less than two months until training camp the Jets still have plenty of outstanding items left on their checklist. Here's a sample of some of the work the team still has to do before they hit the ice.

  • Create a promotional DVD to get fans excited about young star Evander Kane, which shouldn't take long since it just needs to be a clip of the Matt Cooke fight on a 90-minute loop.

  • Organize some sort of orientation for lifelong Atlanta Thrasher players who will be now dealing with issues they've never faced before such as a harsh climate, Canadian tax laws, and fans.

  • Figure out some way to make ice in time for the home opener on October 9th, since every flat surface in Winnipeg isn't normally covered in several inches of ice until October 15th.

  • File the paperwork to have that playground near the arena renamed "Hey Bryzgalov, enjoy getting booed and pelted with batteries in Philadelphia" Memorial Park.

  • Send lawyers down to Phoenix to meet with the Coyotes and determine once and for all which franchise ends up with legal custody of Luciano Borsato.

  • Rehearse the big moment when True North chairman Mark Chipman dramatically tears off his mask during a meeting with Gary Bettman to reveal the cackling face of Jim Balsillie.

  • Make our monthly visit to the marketing consultant who initially tried to convince us to call the team something other than "Jets"; slide some water and stale bread under the door of his cell.

  • Remind other GMs that while Winnipeg fans are deeply nostalgic for former Jets stars and would love to see one suit up for the new version of the team, that's pretty much limited to Teemu Selanne and Shane Doan so the Oilers can stop with the hourly Nikolai Khabibulin trade offers.

  • Continue to try to convince a sceptical Nik Antropov that in the post-lockout NHL, Canadian teams really are allowed to make the playoffs.

  • Continue trying to figure out modern NHL technology like the mascot hotdog gun; for example, the next time we test it out on fans maybe consider trying it with hotdogs that have been thawed first.

  • Construct a hastily built igloo and scrawl "Winnipeg's Only Hotel" on the side of it; see how many visiting American media members we can get to stay there.

  • If fellow prairie teams are any indication, get to work on planning next year's draft lottery party.

  • Try to figure out why ever since we announced our name, some confused guy in a fireman's hat keeps showing up at our offices and yelling at us about how to spell it.

  • Hey, no rush, but if it's not too much trouble maybe think about coming up with a uniform before opening night.

  • Work with scouts to determine if any players from our current roster could develop into important contributors to multiple Stanley Cup championships; if so, sell them to the Red Wings for a dollar.




35 comments:

  1. Someone's going to have to help me out with the "guy in the fireman hat" one......

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  2. It's reference to Fireman Ed an NY Jets fan who leads the J E T S Jets Jets Jets chant.

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  3. J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!

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  4. Have someone talk to Bobby Hull after his "Nice tan Kaner, why aren't you in Chicago?" remark.

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  5. "Hey, no rush, but if it's not too much trouble maybe think about coming up with a uniform before opening night." - hahahahaha

    My main concern is that they can release a jersey before NHL 12 is released... Important stuff.

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  6. Really with the Bryz joke, DGB, really? Maybe there's something I just don't remember about the battery thing that would make it funnier.

    Other stuff amused me though.

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  7. The "marketing consultant" joke is HILARIOUS.

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  8. Funny, but not your best work. Did you sign with the rangers over the summer or something?

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  9. I actually sat here laughing in the office with people giving me weird looks after reading the Balsille part.

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  10. I was thinking the Jets have to figure out a way to keep locals from drilling holes in the ice and trying the fish for Walleye.

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  11. Expand MTS Center for a portrait of the Queen that formerly hung in the old Winnipeg Arena.

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  12. Why you heff to be mad?

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  13. The Balsillie joke was gold. The NHL needs that man to be an owner for the sole purpose of sending Bettman into a towering rage from now until he dies of an aneurysm.

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  14. Construct a hastily built igloo and scrawl "Winnipeg's Only Hotel" on the side of it; see how many visiting American media members we can get to stay there.

    Amazing.

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  15. Jim Balsillie has both the cash and the commitment level to effectively support a successful NHL franchise--this can only be good for the NHL in general. Plus, he's Canadian.

    So why the ongoing hate from Bettman?

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  16. Try to figure out why ever since we
    announced our name, some confused guy in
    a fireman's hat keeps showing up at our
    offices and yelling at us about how to spell
    it.


    Best. Joke. Ever.

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  17. Organize some sort of orientation for lifelong Atlanta Thrasher players who will be now dealing with issues they've never faced before such as a harsh climate, Canadian tax laws, and fans.

    Emphasis on the fans! This is the one that made me laugh the most. Well, maybe it was a tie with "Winnipeg's Only Hotel." Go Jets!

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  18. Note: Fireman Ed not only leads the chant, but he also invented it.

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  19. I don't get it.


    -Mike

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  20. Hoooo boy did I lol in the office at the Balsillie one... totally worth the incredulous looks I got from my coworkers.

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  21. •Try to figure out why ever since we announced our name, some confused guy in a fireman's hat keeps showing up at our offices and yelling at us about how to spell it.

    HAHAHAHAHA... And heaven help those poor 'peggers if Rex Ryan shows up to explain why Dustin Byfuglien will lead you to the Super Bowl.

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  22. Losers in Canada still making wisecracks about Balsille,etc. You losers don't deserve a team.

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  23. Guy above mes an idiot. Canadian teams provide around 40% of the leagues total revenues which of course gets divided up and sent to the southern U.S. teams that play in front of half a building every night. And what the coyotes deserve a team when they lose 25 million a year?

    I think you're just miffed at the "Winnipeg's Only Hotel" joke. Cuz you know alot of American people would fall for it

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  24. Another stupid ass arrogant Canadian above here. Has no idea where I'm from. Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

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  25. ^ Oh hey Mike, didn't see you there.

    You're still an idiot, Mike.

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  26. Have fun in the basement Winnipeg Puddle Jumpers!

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  27. I think the point is that Canadians support their teams much better and make more money than American team so therefore we deserve a team.

    But you can't argue with that, so you resort to name calling and hiding behind being anonymous.

    At least Mike had the balls to use his own name

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  28. Rangers fan here. Is that a Canadian designed fighter jet? No, it’s an American designed FA-18, from the greatest country on the planet! And Mike is still an idiot.

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  29. ^ The "Greatest Country in the world" eh? Is that the same one that's currently in a freefall?
    LOL

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  30. Actually it's a CF-18 Hornet, which has been used exclusively by the Canadian military forces since the early 1980s. But regardless, does being designed by a foreign company mean it's not Canadian? Better stop taking pride in your White House (Ireland), Statue of Liberty (France), and the Liberty Bell (UK) then since they are all foreign designs.

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  31. For those actually curious about the "jet" in the Jets logo and whether it's an F-16 or CF-18, here's a good article explaining that it's actually neither:

    http://www.thestar.com/sports/hockey/nhl/article/1030683--a-jet-by-any-other-name

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  32. IT WAS ME BETTMAN! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!!!

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