Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Winners and losers at the 2011 NHL draft

I'm not saying it was a weak draft, but at #8
overall the Flyers took a kid with no arms.
This year's NHL draft turned out to be one of the busiest in recent memory. The days leading up to the event saw several blockbuster trades, and the wheeling and dealing continued over the weekend as teams exchanged picks and players.

In between the trade announcements, there was also a draft going on. While most of the 211 players chosen won't make an NHL impact, it's probably safe to say that each team walked away from the weekend thinking they've improved. Of course, only time will tell which ones were right.

How much time? Three days sounds about right. So let's start the evaluation process now, with a look at which teams came out of the weekend ahead and which ones may have taken a step back.

Winner: Florida Panthers - General manager Dale Tallon went into the draft with a roster that was short on top-tier talent and well under the NHL's salary floor, and acquiring Brian Campbell certainly helps with one of those problems.

Loser: Colorado Avalanche - Winger Gabriel Landeskog had been widely heralded as being mature beyond his years, which unfortunately was proven correct fifteen minutes after the draft when he announced that he was retiring to spend more time with his grandchildren.

Winner: Ottawa Senators - By trading for Nikita Filatov, filled that glaring "enigmatic Russian that Senator fans will dramatically over-rate for three games before permanently turning against" void.

Loser: Calgary Flames - First round pick Sven Bartschi was described by Pierre McGuire as "definitely an above-average player", which qualifies as the most scathing review he's ever given a draft pick in his broadcasting career.

Winner: Chicago Blackhawks - Showed a great sense of humour with the last overall pick in the draft when they selected Phil Kessel.

Loser: Edmonton Oilers - The acquisition of veteran winger Ryan Smyth violated a long-standing club policy by giving their fans something to be happy about.

Winner: Dallas Stars - General manager Joe Nieuwendyk drafted 6-foot-7, 244 pound defenceman Jamie Oleksiak, then immediately sent him to Brad Richards' house to "have a little chat" about this whole no-trade clause thing.


Loser: Boston Bruins - Settled for using their final draft pick from the Kessel trade to take a prospect named "Dougie", when they probably could have made Maple Leaf fans even more depressed if they'd found some kid named "Wendel".

Winner: Pittsburgh Penguins - Experts agree that their recent draft picks could someday form the core of a future Penguins championship dynasty, in the sense that their AHL team is also called the Penguins.

Loser: Winnipeg Jets - While it was fun to hear the old name and see all the fans wearing the old jersey, they may have taken the 1996 nostalgia too far with their early selections of Matthieu Descoteaux and Alexandre Volchkov.

Winner: St. Louis Blues - Told reporters after the draft that they were thrilled to pick the guy they did and were shocked to find him still available at that spot, and NHL teams would not lie about this sort of thing.

Loser: Philadelphia Flyers - Were unable to draft a player to fill their most glaring roster hole, a #1 center who can score, kill penalties, play physically and provide leadership, although in fairness we all know those type of players are pretty much never available.

Winner: Toronto Maple Leafs - Guelph Storm backup goaltender Garret Sparks represents great value in the sixth round, given that at this point he'll probably enter training camp as the favourite to win the first line center job.

Loser: Vancouver Canucks - Faced such overwhelming booing, heckling, and outright verbal abuse each time they took the stage that they eventually had to get security to ask Mike Milbury to leave.




86 comments:

  1. Philadelphia Flyers - Were unable to draft a player to fill their most glaring roster hole, a #1 center (Claude Giroux) who can score (Claude Giroux), kill penalties (Claude Giroux), play physically (Claude Giroux) and provide leadership (Claude Giroux). Real big losers.

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  2. Mike,

    As a Flyers fan, I think you're missing the whole joke. DBG is humorous, and now it's not funny becuase I had to explain it.

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  3. Please also explain to Mike that in the photo, the Flyers' draft pick actually has arms.

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  4. It's the subtlety in the humor that's lost on some.. ;]

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  5. As a Flyers fan, I would like to confirm that Mike is an idiot.

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  6. yeah mikey its a joke chill. its funny because the centers described as the perfect all around centers are very hard to find and even harder to acquire....and the flyers had two...aaand traded them.

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  7. Another flyers fan to confirm that Mike is an idiot. Although I'd have to say that in my opinion our biggest glaring hole is not in the draft, but rather between the posts.

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  8. Another Flyers fan...who hopes the NHL ditches the draft format for the all star game so that these Kessel jokes live on forever.

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  9. Another Flyers fan...Mikey, why you heff to be mad? it's only game

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  10. Leafs fan here. Also to confirm Mike is an idiot.

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  11. Olympiques fan here. Would like to confirm that Mike has great taste in players.

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  12. Penguins fan here (: Loved the Pens joke, thinks the Flyers fan should maybe root for another team. Just a suggestion.

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  13. Pens Fan Here: Laughing at insecure Flyer fans.

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  14. Mike's mom here. Mike, you were adopted.

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  15. Anonymous Fan here: Loved the Anonymous Fan who used the Bryzgalov "why you heff to be mad?" line.

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  16. >>Anonymous said... Mike's mom here. Mike, you were adopted.

    That comment is worthy of being in the column itself.

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  17. Starting to sound like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in here...although the venn diagram of AA attendees and Flyers fans is probably overlapping quite a bit.

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  18. >>Anonymous said... Mike's mom here. Mike, you were adopted.


    That comment has is worthy of being the whole column itself.

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  19. The Flyers picked a kid with no arms at number 8.

    In all fairness, this was the first time Holmgren drafted in the first round since '08 and he was a little rusty

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  20. San Diego Chargers fan here. Mike is an idiot. (?)

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  21. Mike, please stop using my name.

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  22. Wings fan here. Mike's an idiot.

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  23. Venn diagram of Flyers fans and alcoholics, lol! THE CIRCLE IS ALL INCLUSIVE.

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  24. Mike, would you be interested in a buying a hockey team in a fine Arizona desert? Call me...Betts

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  25. Mike's Hard Lemonade here. Why is nobody buying me?

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  26. I'd also like to say Mike's an idiot. I'd also like to say LA>OHIO. Damn. . . .

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  27. Mike Richards here. Also want to confirm that Mike (the other one) is an idiot.

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  28. Posts are always great even if they have to be explained to Mike.

    I know these are tough to come up with so I'd be happy with a page of pics and your always LMFAO captions once in a while....

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  29. Mike,
    I got two center-ice seats for next season's home opener against the Thrashers. Stubhub has them for $500, but I'm going to give you an adopted child discount and sell them to you for $400. Google satire if you're interested.

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  30. Mike's dad here. Mike... Mom lied. You were a mistake!

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  31. Lindsay Lohan here. Just want to confirm that Mike is an idiot.

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  32. Mike's Dad here. Mike I wanted a girl.

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  33. Chris Pronger here. Mike, check under your bed.

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  34. Jeff Carter here. Mike, it's not you...it's me.

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  35. Sean O'Donnell here. And people say I'M slow.

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  36. Mike here. Just want to confirm that I'm an idiot.

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  37. Claude Giroux here. Mike, I'm not even a center. You're an idiot.

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  38. God bless you Mike, You should be up for the Nobel Peace prize. You have made every hockey fan from coast to coast, nation to nation finally agree on one thing. But you're still an idiot, you're perfect for a front office job with Bettman.

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  39. Don Cherry here. Listen up kids, you don't listen to guys who have no idea what they're talking about. Look at this Mike character here and his claims about Claude Giroux.

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  40. Hi Mike,

    Life Cereal here.

    It's been well established that you like me but you know what? I don't like you.

    Eat me.

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  41. As a DGB fan, I'd like to thank Mike for being an idiot, because the replies were a flaming of beauty. Almost as funny as the post.

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  42. Mike, you're an idiot, but sleep easy - at least you aren't as bad as Holmgren. Now excuse me, I'm going to go look at my recent player transactions and laugh maniacally.

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  43. (Insert unrelated Mike joke here)

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  44. Mad Mike MilburyJune 29, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    Mike you have less crediblity than me

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  45. John Ferguson Jr.June 29, 2011 at 10:21 PM

    Mike, you're an idiot.

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  46. Pierre McGuire here, and I think this guy Mike is just a MONSTER. And not too hard on the eyes either.

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  47. Peter Chiarelli here. Just wanted to let you all know that I've traded Mike to the Toronto Maple Leafs for their 1st round picks in 2012 and 2013.

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  48. Brian Burke here. Just announcing that because Richards was unavailable, Mike will be joining the Toronto Maple Leafs as the number #1 center we have been longing for. Welcome to the team buddy

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  49. I love what this has become. =D

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  50. Dany Fuckin Heatley here.

    Yeah, y'know.. Demanding a trade to play with fuckin Claude Giroux, in fuckin Philadelphia.

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  51. I may be late to the party but god dammit Mike if you're dumb as a sack of rocks left out in the pouring rain. Which means Dale Tallon probably just gave you a 4 year 15 million dollar contract with a no trade clause.

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  52. Claude Giroux here. Mike I play right wing.

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  53. Hi Guys, this is Holmgren. Why are you guys all laughing at Mike? Can't say I get it.

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  54. I wonder if Mike has ever checked back on here just to see everyone agree with how right he is.

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  55. Mike=Possibly troll? If so, he succeeded.

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  56. Dany Heatley here. Mike, hop in my car, let's go for a little drive...

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  57. Edmonton Oilers fan here. Now I don't have much room to talk but Mike you make the Oilers management look like a bunch of MENSA members. You're an idiot.

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  58. Hey Mike, thanks for sticking up for me. These people probably don't know my name!

    @Mike- This is a Bobby Clarke draft day reference, just wanted to make sure you got the joke this time...

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  59. I knowing nothing about hockey nor do I understand American humor, but I would like to confirm that Mike is an idiot.

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  60. Brendan Shanahan, National Hockey League Senior Vice President of Player Safety here. Mike is suspended for the rest of his life for being an idiot.

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  61. Milan Lucic here, Mike you saw what I did to Ryan Miller? Well you're next! PS I am actually Bill Goldberg. You saw what I've done to pretty much every wrestler I've ever been in the ring with and every actor I've stared alongside in Z-rated movies?

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  62. Mike, how'd you like a job?

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  63. Hey Mike, It's been 7 months and I thought it over. You're still an idiot.

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  64. Mike, George W here. You went to my skool for the gifted didn't you?

    Want a pretzel?

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  65. BAHAHAHA this is even funnier months later
    Thank you Mike the Idiot

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  66. Bryzgalov here. To everyone: why you heff to be med at Mike? It's been 7 months. Just think about universe. Solar system is so humongous big right? And galaxy like tiny dot in universe. And Mike is tiny spec in universe. And we have problems here in Earth we worry about? Compared to ... like ... *shrugs* ... nothing. Don't worry be happy right now.

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  67. One of my sources tells me that Mike could possiby be an idiot. (E3) Also he is going to get traded to Toronto (E5)

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  68. Why does Mike smell?
    - so blind people can hate him too

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  69. The amazing thing is that Mike all but called Giroux's monster breakout this year, before the fact - and it doesn't matter because he's still an idiot and this thread is still hilarious. He's Leon Lett and this entire thread is Don Beebe smacking the ball out of his hands.

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  70. Bill Clement here. My station would love to hire you on as an analyst Mike. Don't worry they apparently have no problem with hiring idiots.

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  71. Flyers Fan here...these comments are gold, but the one from "ESPN" actually made me laugh out loud. That was brilliant. And to the people commenting that Giroux plays RW...you must have gotten that fact from your yahoo fantasy rosters or something? You're all idiots.

    mike, you're an idiot.

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  72. Someon help me out here, is Mike still an idiot?

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  73. Nashville Predators fan here and I'd like to confirm that Mike is still an idiot.

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  74. Why do the Flyers even have any other players, according to Mike, he's everything they need! Slap some pads on him, and I'm sure he could even be amazing in net!

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  75. Tim Thomas here.

    First they came for Mike, and...actually, I was okay with it. Because he's an idiot.

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  76. Vesa Toskala here,

    Mikes comment is like my net minding. Wide open for abuse.

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  77. This just in, Montreal have turned down a trade offer from DGB that would send Mike to the Canadiens for Scott Gomez.

    Congratulations Mike, you are officially useless.

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  78. Pierre Gauthier here.

    Mike, hiff you speak French we want to hoffer you da coaching position here in Montreal.

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  79. Mike's just as dumb as Nedved, and Nedved is an idiot.

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  80. Mike is such an idiot that he asks John Ferguson Jr. for advice

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  81. As a Pen's Fan it pains me to admit this, was Mike from Philadelphia actually right? Not in a sense that he obviously missed the joke and got all hyper-defensive, which is still funny.

    But man, the Claude Giroux I watched this year was: a #1 center, who can score, kill penalties, play physically, and provide leadership.

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  82. JFJ here. Mike, I'd like to give you a 15 year contract for 105 million dollars, and an NTC. I believe in you mike. Also, you're an idiot.

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  83. Hockeyy Insiderr here. A very trusted source is telling me Mike is an idiot #DoneDeal #CONFIRMED

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