Friday, April 8, 2011

Mind your manners: Playoff etiquette for hockey fans

Despite his guarantees, Daniel
Alfredsson's place setting had no cup.
The NHL's regular season can sometimes feel like it drags on forever, and fans can be forgiven for getting excited when the playoffs finally arrive. Every hockey fan, and especially those that root for a contender, has been waiting for months for the real hockey to start.

But that excitement is no excuse for losing sight of the rules of basic etiquette. After all, when the games matter the most even a simple faux pas can unintentionally ruin the moment for one your fellow fans.

So with just days to go before the post-season starts, now would seem like a good time to brush up on the list of do's and don'ts for courteous hockey fans at playoff time:

DO: Be respectful of your fellow hockey fans' desire to remain focused on the playoffs, free of needless distractions.
DO NOT: Interrupt this focus by scheduling unnecessary and annoying events during this time, such as birthday parties, weddings, or federal elections.

DO: Assure the dejected Toronto fan at your office that you were all rooting for the Leafs to make the playoffs, they showed a ton of heart during the stretch drive, and you're sure they'll be even better next year.
DO NOT: Feel the need to wait for them to leave the room before the rest of you break out the party hats, confetti, and giant "1967" banner.

DO: Stake out your "lucky spot" on the couch before the first game, making sure that you have a good view of the big screen TV, easy access to your beers in the fridge and all your post-game celebratory music loaded onto the stereo.
DO NOT: Be overly rude when telling the manager of the electronics store that his security guards are blocking your view.

DO: Listen politely as jealous Capital haters tell you that the team never won anything before Alexander Ovechkin came along.
DO NOT: Condescendingly inform them that it would have been hard to win anything when Washington didn't even have a team before 2005, you're pretty sure.

DO: Assure your spouse that yes, even though the playoffs are even more important than the regular season, you will still make time for your family just like you always do.
DO NOT: Follow up by asking where that tiny one in the diapers came from.

DO: Agree with your Canadien fan friend that there's no reason to think Carey Price can't lead the team on a long playoff run.
DO NOT: Add "Well, other than his entire playoff career up until now" if you have anything important in your car that's flammable.

DO: Consider placing a friendly wager on a game that you're not otherwise interested in since your team isn't playing.
DO NOT: Consider placing a friendly wager on a game that you're not otherwise interested in since you're the backup goalie.

DO: Politely explain to your non-hockey fan friend that while you appreciate him inviting you over to watch the game, it's generally considered quite rude for anyone to walk near the television while play is underway.
DO NOT: Hesitate to add that, fine, you'll buy him a new cat if he's going to make such a big deal about this.

DO: Remember to periodically spout that old playoff cliché that "In any series, the toughest game to win is the last one".
DO NOT: Immediately turn to your friend who cheers for the Bruins and add "That would be the fourth one, by the way, just in case you guys forgot again."

DO: Listen respectfully to your Canuck fan friends when they tell you that the team is absolutely stacked this year, is built for a long playoff run, and should have an easy time making it out of the Western Conference.
DO NOT: Ruin the moment by quietly humming "Chelsea Dagger" while they're talking




25 comments:

  1. DO: Listen sympathetically when the guy next to you talks about how he's never been to a playoff game, and how it must be awesome.

    DO NOT: Use that moment to say, "Can I have your autograph, Mr. Bouwmeester?"

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  2. "DO: Be respectful of your fellow hockey fans' desire to remain focused on the playoffs, free of needless distractions.
    DO NOT: Interrupt this focus by scheduling unnecessary and annoying events during this time, such as birthday parties, weddings, or federal elections."

    i would respectfully add that Mothers Day is the one and only holiday that can interrupt a playoff hockey game... cause moms gonna let you watch... even on her day... moms, especially hockey moms, get it... yeah, they get it..
    easter services on the other hand are no excuse not to watch hockey...
    jesus had a mom too... she'd want you to watch....

    ~ cheers....

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  3. the last one made me spit out my OJ :)

    I used to like that song, a long time ago, now it just haunts us....

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  4. hahahaha....Chelsea Dagger. love it.

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  5. You just earned the fratelli's a new listener.

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  6. Arrgghhhh! The ghost of Chelsea Dagger!

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  7. best Blog so far this year! Great stuff about the Canucks :-)

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  8. "That would be the fourth one, by the way, just in case you guys forgot again."

    That hurt man, that hurt a lot.

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  9. @Forklift: Ha, I love the Bouwmeester line. :)

    And funny stuff once again, DGB!

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  10. "DO: Consider placing a friendly wager on a game that you're not otherwise interested in since your team isn't playing.
    DO NOT: Consider placing a friendly wager on a game that you're not otherwise interested in since you're the backup goalie."

    Turco Rules

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  11. Hilarious!
    On the Top5 in 2011.

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  12. DO: Tell someone from CBC that you're looking forward to their always-impressive playoff coverage...

    DO NOT: ... do so after mentioning that more teams are in the playoffs from California than Canada.

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  13. Well done, DGB.

    Love the dig at Caps bandwagoners.

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  14. Chelsea Chelsea, I believe....

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  15. Do do do do do do do do do do do do

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  16. Those last two (and the Turco one) are pure gold!

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  17. DO: Listen politely as jealous Capital haters tell you that the team never won anything before Alexander Ovechkin came along

    DO NOT: Hestiant to tell them the team hasn't won anything since.

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  18. What, no San Jose hate? I'm STUNNED

    Great post though - and we also hate Chelsea Dagger

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  19. Ha ha re the Caps jabs. (NOT.) Enjoy watching them in the playoffs! I will, from my seat at da Phone Booth. Seriously, will you write about behavior AT playoff games? I know I can count on being surrounded by fans of the visiting teams thanks to STHs who sell their seats for jacked up prices to pay for next year's seats. Remind me why I should not hurt them. (The fans, not the regular seat holders.) (Oh wait, I want to hurt them, too.)

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  20. Do: Listen politely to Leafs fans when they tell you that Carey Price will choke.

    Do Not: Ask them when the last time the Leafs made the playoffs. (It was such a long time ago, they probably forgot)

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  21. Do: Watch Versus's coverage of the playoffs, especially when they simulcast Hockey Night in Canada.

    Do Not: Swear at the TV when Versus shows one of their inane intermission reports instead of Coach's Corner.

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  22. Do: Hum "Chelsea Dagger" to your heart's content when the Blackhawks score a goal.

    Do Not, Under Any Circumstances: Hum "Here Come the Hawks" at any time. That song is just plain awful.

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  23. DGB, as a fan of your early work, I only say this with love: you need to quit the NP gig. Your cookie-cutter posts make you look like a comedy beat writer. It's like reading something Bill Simmons' autistic brother would write. Maybe its the two-a-week quota you have to keep up but I'd rather you post once a month and have it be some quality stuff. Again, I know how much of a prick I sound like right now because its not like I pay for any of it but its your own fault for all the good stuff from way back.

    I could have saved all the mean-spirited (but well-intentioned) comments and just said the following: you don't sound like a fan in your columns anymore.

    If you want to eventually do this for a living, I guess it makes sense, but as an "unapologetically nostalgic" reader, I felt sad the day I removed your link from my bookmarks.

    A few disclaimers from my end though:
    - I hated (and still hate) the Courtnall for Kordic trade
    - I don't think Toskala and Lebda were (are) as bad as they're made out to be...that's not to say they were good though, just to be clear...however, Raycroft was the worst Leaf goalie I've ever seen
    - They haven't had a good coach since Burns (that includes Quinn)
    - I think Kyle Wellwood is in great shape (ok, kidding about that)
    - Bob Cole today is still miles better than anyone at calling a game

    I just re-read what I wrote and now I feel bad. I always thought if I had the chance to fight Damien Cox, a guy like you would be on my side. Now I'm not so sure. End scene...

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