Friday, October 29, 2010

Shocking revelations from Kerry Fraser's new book

We need someone to crush DGB's teenage
dreams, raise your hand if you volunteer.
Despite his officiating career ending in April, former NHL referee Kerry Fraser has been back in the public eye lately. Fraser has been making the publicity rounds for his new book The Final Call, which details his 30 years as an official.

As the league's all-time leader in games worked, Fraser has a treasure trove of stories and insights to share with fans. And while some fans still insist on focusing on a small handful of controversial moments in his career, the book goes well beyond those few isolated incidents. Fraser pulls no punches in describing the life of an official both on and off the ice, including several details that have never been discussed publicly.

While my advanced copy of the book has mysteriously failed to arrive yet, various sources within the publishing industry have confirmed several explosive revelations.

  • Apparently there was some sort of controversial call involving the Leafs and Kings a few years back, and it's sort of surprising that nobody ever brings that up anymore.

  • Despite the paranoid fantasies of your childhood Fraser did not actually "hate" your favourite team or player, but instead hated you, personally.

  • All NHL referees dread running into commissioner Gary Bettman, since they inevitably end up having to spend an hour explaining why they don't call travelling more often.

  • According to an emotional passage on the first page, the entire book is dedicated to Bill McCreary's moustache.

  • Contrary to popular belief, the phrase "Screw the Vancouver Canucks" does not appear anywhere within main body of the NHL rule book, and only three times in the appendix.

  • In one of those quirky sports coincidences, every one of the 2,165 games Fraser ever officiated ended in a tie.

  • Whenever you call in for a video review they always tell you that they're "experiencing unusually high call volumes", as if you don't know that they're just too cheap to hire more customer service reps.

  • He owns a share of the all-time record for "most all-star game penalties called", with zero.

  • He was steered into refereeing by a high school guidance counsellor who thought he might enjoy having every single decision he made for the rest of his life second-guessed by angry drunk people.

  • The book contains 50 full color photographs, 47 of which are shots of small children in Maple Leaf jerseys crying.

  • Prior to working the Nagano Olympics in 1998, he jokingly told Team Canada coach Marc Crawford that international rules barred players with jersey numbers higher than 90 from taking part in the shootout.

  • During the 1986 playoffs, he once gave Al Secord a game misconduct penalty for humming "We Built This City" during the pregame warmup.

  • When he called the infamous illegal stick penalty on Marty McSorley in the 1993 Cup finals, the Kings' enforcer told him "Wow, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me that didn't involve Wendel Clark's fist turning my orbital bone into a pulpy shard-filled paste".

  • Up until 1982, the entire NHL rulebook was written on the back of a matchbook from a pub in Raymore, Saskatchewan.

  • He could never understand why fans in all 30 NHL cities always chanted “Bruuuuce” at him from the moment he stepped on the ice every night, because duh, his name isn’t Bruce.

  • During instant replay reviews in the Toronto war room, NHL vice-president of hockey operations Mike Murphy refuses to rule on any disputed goal until he's been able to recreate it exactly using the bubble hockey game he keeps in his office.

  • The book's foreword by Wayne Gretzky contains a bunch of really obvious typos and grammatical errors, but somehow Fraser failed to see them.




15 comments:

  1. "We need someone to crush DGB's teenage
    dreams, raise your hand if you volunteer."

    Gold

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  2. Ahhhh, Gretzky/Gilmour/Fraser references... I've missed them almost as much as Kyle Wellwood Jokes!

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  3. "While my advanced copy of the book has mysteriously failed to arrive yet"

    Are you sure? Perhaps it is right in front of you, but your view is 'obscured'...

    Awesome stuff as always, DGB. Have they sent you a prize for winning the internet yet?

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  4. lol @ "forward" instead of "foreword" in slag re. "really obvious typos".

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  5. My nephew Devin's FB posting:

    Put this as your status if you know/are related to someone who suffers from being a Toronto Maple Leaf's fan. Being a Leaf's fan is a real disorder and should be taken seriously. There is still no known cure for Toronto Maple Leaf's Syndrome and sympathy does not help. But we can raise ......awareness. 90% of Leaf's fans won't repost this because they don't know how to copy and paste!!!

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  6. I'm never gonna read Fraser's crappy book, so after getting through all the grooming tips, does he finally admit that he didn't have the stones to make "the call"??? Doubt it, what a gutless puke.

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  7. "The book's foreword by Wayne Gretzky contains a bunch of really obvious typos and grammatical errors, but somehow Fraser failed to see them."
    well that explains everything...... hahahaha!!
    note to all current and future referees in the nhl, and umpires in mlb, lenscrafters... get glasses in about an hour!

    ~ cheers...

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  8. I loved Kerry Fraser. Thought he was one of the best officials in the game. Will be getting his book for the holidays.

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  9. Those children in the 47 pictures wearing Maple Loafs jerseys are currently living in their parent's basements, working together to compile the greatest hockey blog ever devoted to messing up Kerry's hair.
    Yes, I said Maple Loafs! I was just channeling my childhood hatred from living across the way from Windsor. Damn clean, lack of murders, uppity Canadian city. Though I was thankful for the CBC's HNIC and late night viewings of the Kids in the Hall and SCTV re-runs.

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  10. Was Fraser wearing glasses during his interview on HNIC unintended comedy gold, or is that just me?

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  11. •He owns a share of the all-time record for "most all-star game penalties called", with zero.

    What about the guy who called Komisarek's?

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  12. "Was Fraser wearing glasses during his interview on HNIC unintended comedy gold, or is that just me?"

    best.
    comment.
    ever.

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  13. Part of me wishes that Kerry Fraser assumed that no one would bring up the '93 playoffs when this book was released. That will always be burned into my memory. Also, loved the image caption, hilarious!

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  14. My poor Bro still living in 93 Its even worse now he has 4 other Bros 3 Briun fans and 1 Hawk fan no one 2 join him in his wisery

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  15. "He was steered into refereeing by a high school guidance counsellor who thought he might enjoy having every single decision he made for the rest of his life second-guessed by angry drunk people."

    I can't stop laughing at this.

    One big thing you forgot to mention was his lucrative deal with Aquanet.

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