Monday, February 22, 2010

Vancouver 2010: Worst Olympics Ever?

Wait, isn't this blog supposed to be about hockey?
Kyle Wellwood's backyard barbeque
The Vancouver Olympics are now halfway over and organizers have been subjected to harsh international criticism, including some that has gone so far as to label them the "worst ever".

While my first instinct as a Canadian is to defend the Games, the truth is that the event has indeed seen several high-profile problems. Is it the worst ever? I'm not sure. But it's been far from perfect.

I've kept track of the issues I've noticed since the Games began. Here's a list of a dozen serious problems that I think we'd all agree have marred the games so far:
  • Despite the numerous guarantees all over their flyer, lazy Dominos Pizza guy failed to deliver Wayne Gretzky to the outdoor cauldron in 30 minutes or less.

  • The biathlon has featured slower than normal times, as competitors are unable to resist the urge to stop and take a few shots at Ben Mulroney.

  • The controversial decision by skiing officials to replace the traditional Men's and Women's Downhill with the far more challenging Men's and Women's Uphill.

  • Due to communications breakdown, nobody remembered to tell the American hockey team that they're not supposed to be good.

  • While the opening ceremony does traditionally feature elements which celebrate the host nation's shared cultural identity, the two-and-a-half hour musical tribute to "Why we all hate Toronto" seemed excessive.

  • Despite vows that the new figure skating scoring system would prevent judging controversies, eyebrows were raised when the men's event was won by Swedish legend Gillis Grafström despite him not attempting a quad and also having died in the 1939.

  • Both Canadian and American women's hockey games have been difficult to follow due to shoddy Vancouver scoreboards which do not have enough space to display triple digits.

  • Stringent drug testing lead to a scandal in the curling competition, when it was revealed that some teams were falling slightly short of the sport's strict minimum blood-alcohol level.

  • Frustrated American fans have been forced to endure delayed coverage, such as NBC broadcasts from that afternoon, MSNBC highlight packages from the previous day, and Rick Reilly jokes from 1993.

  • Apparently forgot to tell the Russians that there's an Olympics this year.

  • Over halfway through the Games, the much-hyped Canadian men's hockey team has failed to win even a single medal.

  • In hindsight, it's probably a bad sign when the guy in charge of operating the opening ceremony hydraulics system has a resume that includes "Toronto Maple Leafs General Manager, 2004-08".




26 comments:

  1. Some brilliant bits, yet I don't think that post was as great as you're capable of.

    Is Ryan Miller at your house?

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  2. Between the bobsled crash, whatever the hell that was in ski cross, Ryan Miller and the speed skating failing, this may have been the worst single weekend for an Olympic host since Munich.

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  3. I can't be the only one who thinks that "Kyle Wellood's backyard barbeque" looks like several lit joints. Ami right, or am I right?

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  4. Lets not forgot the bobsled team, who apparently were contractually obligated to display clever advertising placed upside-down on the runners of their sleds.

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  5. It is apparent that the challenges we in Vancouver are facing in the game are the direct result of tampering by Toronto.

    Stop it right now.

    We mean it.

    We're gonna tell...

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  6. I can't believe the Us won and that the only wing(rafalski) had 3 points
    USA
    USA
    USA

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  7. That last one caught me off guard and made me spit my coffee.... Hey, how come Burke, Wilson and Kessel are all of a sudden on a winning team? Obviously they have no part in the teams success thus far, as their winning team consists of a bunch of small, fast guys that actually score without an inspirational boost from the top 10 fighters on the team.

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  8. It's hard to be a Toronto sports fan. Everything we cheer for loses. To paraphrase Seth Meyers, if we started cheering for gravity, we'd all start to levitate.

    We better hammer them krauts.

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  9. Team Canada is a lot like my Canucks. I guess Canada Hockey Place is the right arena for the home team to outshoot the opponents 2 to 1 and lose.

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  10. DGB, It seems as though you have laid off the media-bashing ever since you started twittering with cox, simmons, etc...please tell me it's just a coincidence. Cox needs to take his tongue out of Brodeur's ass and I believe your literary prowess could facilitate that action. It's quite nauseating.

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  11. @Anonymous...

    I've laid off the media-bashing because I felt like it was getting repetitive and wasn't really my best material. And I laid off Cox specifically because I think he's been far better ever since Burke came on board. No idea why that is, but most of what I used to criticize him for is stuff he doesn't do anymore.

    But you're right on the Brodeur stuff... there's a conflict there.

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  12. I think Burke is just happy to have his dream combo of Backes and Kesler. Thank God the Blues Hired Armstrong to replace Pleau after this year or Burke would want to come here.

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  13. Curling might actually be somewhat entertaining to watch if the competitors were drunk....

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  14. Can we give Brodeur to the US team? He is a dual citizen now and he was clearly playing for them anyways...takes some of the confusion out of the situation of we do...

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  15. Posts like this happen when Canada gets humiliated by the USA in hockey.

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  16. Went did the lady curlers get so bangable?

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  17. Just an idea for you: Make resumes for your favorite players. If you crafted Toskala's resume, I think it would be downright hilarious =)

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  18. I second the resume idea!

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  19. It was all going a bit pear-shaped until you rescued it with a JFJ reference (seriously, did VANOC make sure to keep him at least 1000km away from Vancouver?).

    One you forgot-

    -Many Olympic athletes suffering from malnutrition by failing to heed advice about getting stuck behind Kyle Wellwood at the buffet queue.

    MONSTER!

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  20. Please tell me this is all false information
    if it isnt WOW WE SUCK

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  21. They just got better by vaunted classy captain Alfredsson calling the media an idiot and dropping an F bomb. So un-Ottawan of you Daniel!

    http://the6thsens.com/2010-articles/february/alfielosestemper321.html

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  22. I need authentic points, your sarcasm is really minor league.

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  23. Hi there,
    I am from The Netherlands. These Olympics, although I love Vancouver as a tourist, are the worst ever. It is unbelieveable how poorly organized these games are. During the finals of speed skating the cleaning machines defunctioned, they had to fly one machine over from Calgary. Man this really sucks. You Canadians are absolutely cool and I do not expect you to beat the Chinese in organizing a game. Please keep playing ice hockey and never ever host a big game!

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  24. Gillis Grafström died in 1938, Mr. Smarty Pants who can never get his "facts" straight.

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