The fine folks over at Pension Plan Puppets broke the news today of a new book being released this October - Leafs AbomiNation, by Dave Feschuk and Michael Grange.
Sub-titled "The dismayed fan's handbook to why the Leafs stink and how they can rise again", the book is apparently aimed at fans who thought the Macleans article from last year was great, but just wished it had been 200 pages longer and written by two NBA beat reporters. It features a front cover with a Leaf fan wearing a bag over his head and a very clever "$19.67" price starburst, which we should all appreciate now since it will be covered by an "80% off" sticker by November.
As you'd expect, the folks over at PPP have already gone negative. They assume, without even seeing the book, that it will be nothing more than a long, poorly-written screed that will recycle all the familiar cliches, void of any new ideas and ultimately blaming Leaf fans for everything. But that's not fair. There's no reason to assume the book will be long.
Anyway, I managed to obtain an advanced copy of Leafs AbomiNation. While I don't have permission to print an excerpt, I wanted to do something to give readers a taste of what to expect. So...
Here's a top secret list of the chapter titles from this upcoming masterpiece.
- Not one single Stanley Cup in a generation: An embarrassment that could only happen in Toronto, and 14 other cities
- An unshakable loyalty to the home team through good times and bad, and other terrible character flaws of Maple Leaf fans
- The mysterious and spooky curse of the owner who refused to spend any money on hockey operations for 20 years.
- First Draft Schmaft: How we managed to write this book in one weekend
- An examination of the Leafs' futility using in-depth statistical analysis... no, just kidding, "1967!"
- Things we imagine Leaf fans would say if we'd ever spoken to one
- What MLSE should be doing: Business advice from two guys who make their living in an industry that won't exist anymore in ten years
- Plan the Parade... to the recycling bin
- Why 1927 is more recent than 1967: Advanced theoretical mathematics from Ottawa Senator fans
- Spilling into the streets to celebrate winning a playoff game: Pathetic and lame when Leaf fans do it, admirable passion when it's Calgary and Edmonton
- The Pat Quinn era of sustained regular season success and long playoff runs: Nope, never heard of it
- Montreal Canadiens fans would never meekly put up with a bunch of underachieving, overpaid losers (Note: chapter currently being rewritten)
- Leafs fans are gullible morons who'll buy anything with a Leafs logo on it no matter how awful the product is, or at least we hope so because that's this book's entire business plan