DGB vs. Mark Osborne: And the winner is...

I received some tough news this week. A lawyer informed me that I am being sued for 48 years of back child support.

You see, as we learned over the past few months, I am Mark Osborne's daddy.

Two months ago I publicly called Osborne out as part of the Score's expert playoff pool. And the results are in.


Yes, in the most predictable outcome since Clark vs Fetisov, I can confirm that I beat Mark Osborne.

No, wait, that's not strong enough. Let's try again: I destroyed Mark Osborne.

Wait, one more: I annihilated Mark Osborne. Yes, that sounds about right.

The lopsided score was made worse when Osborne refused to even submit a pick for the finals. This decision could best be compared to a bloodied boxer refusing to answer the bell for the final round, choosing instead to remain slumped and beaten in his corner.

And, like any respectful opponent in that situation, I charged across the ring and kept wailing on him anyways. As the only expert in the entire challenge to successfully nail the final round pick of Pens in seven, I turned an all-but-certain DGB victory into an epic blowout that small children will learn about in school for years to come.

The good news for Osborne: After seeing how he responded to adversity by rolling over and blatantly quitting, the Ottawa Senators have named him assistant captain.

In all seriousness, Osborne competed valiantly and managed to keep the score fairly close right up until the moment that the contest actually started. And he should feel nothing but pride in his performance.

After all, there can be no shame in losing to somebody who is clearly far smarter than you are.

P.S. Mark, don't forget to send me a Father's Day card.