Great Obscure Moments in Leafs History - That time Pat Quinn screwed up the lineup card during a playoff game

In his defence, he did write "overrated waste of money"
so the officials should have known who he meant.

Great Obscure Moments in Leafs History - An ongoing series to honor the greatest, completely meaningless moments in Toronto Maple Leaf history.

Imagine that you're the coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs…

Wait! Stop crying. We're not done with the hypothetical yet.

Imagine that you're the coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and it's about ten years ago. See! Much better. It's before the salary cap, the team is good, and you're in the playoffs every year.

In fact, imagine you've got a big playoff game coming up this very night. In the final moments before the teams take the ice, what do you need to do?

As best I can figure it, as coach of the pre-lockout Maple Leafs you basically have five jobs:

• Remind everyone not to bother ever coming back past the red line and helping Curtis Joseph in any way
  
• Double-check the line combinations to make sure Mats Sundin isn't playing with anyone good
  
• Tape the emergency ketchup packets to Tie Domi's forehead (Ottawa Senator games only)
  
• Stop by Richard Peddie's office to meet the candidate he's interviewing for the GM's job and wonder how they both managed to get their ties stuck in the fax machine
  
• Make sure you've successfully completely the incredibly simple task of filling out the lineup card correctly
  

Could you handle all of that? If so, you're one up on Pat Quinn, coach of the Maple Leafs squad that faced the New York Islanders in the opening round of the 2002 playoffs.

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Ridiculous Leafs trivia: 92-93 edition

I recently realized that it's late August and I haven't come close to cracking double digits in posts for the month. It's not really my fault -- there's just nothing happening. But I really should write something, because I'm not a Toronto sportswriter so I don't get 14 weeks of vacation every summer.

So I've come up with some trivia, ranging from easy-ish to downright difficult. This is the sort of information that I've packed into my brain over the years, leaving me unable to remember what color my wife's eyes are. I think they might be a kind of a greenish-browny blue. Anyways, in the words of Al Bundy: "I know this, because I don't know anything but this."

Today's topic is the 1992-93 Maple Leafs. Here are the questions, in rough order of difficulty. Post your answers in the comments section, and let's see who knows their stuff.

#1 Who scored the goal that gave Gilmour a record-tying sixth assist in one game?

#2 In the late stages of game two against the Wings, and well on their way to a 2-0 deficit in the series, the Leafs showed some fight during a mini-brawl that featured Doug Gilmour taking down Bob Probert and Bob Cole's famous call "and oh, we're going to have a donnybrook here". Which Leaf threw the series of sucker punches that started the fight, and who was his (deserving) target?

#3 After Borschevsky scores the goal to eliminate Detroit, who's the guy going crazy with the water bottle on the bench?

#4 Wendel Clark famously beat Bob Probert in a pair of fights during a December game at the Gardens. Other than the fights, what else was notable about that game for Probert?

#5 Who was Pat Burns referring to when he made his infamous "I wouldn't know him if I ran over him with my truck" quip? Bonus question: what was that person's comeback?

#6 What classic Canadian rock song greeted the Maple Leafs before their first home playoff game in three years?

#7 The day after Wendel Clark beat his face in, Marty McSorely appeared on the cover of the Toronto Star with a massive shiner. According to the headline next to the photo, who was "in the hangar, awaiting orders"?

#8 Which media member was honored with their own novelty rap song? Bonus question: according to the lyrics, "Lackawack, Cheektowaga, all through Buffalo, he's known as the ..." what?

#9 The Leafs used three different artists as anthem singers during the 1993 playoffs. Two regulars who alternated, and a third artist who made one disastrous appearance. Name all three artists.

#10 Prior to Leafs/Kings game seven, CBC played an awesome montage of highlights from the series. The montage was set to the theme song from which sports movie?

Update: Most answers can be found in the comments below. For the full list, click here.

Burke staying in Anaheim

I'm a Leafs fan and a Leafs fan only until the day I die (which will be this summer, by the way, of self-inflicted head wounds when we don't get Brian Burke).
- Me, from a post two weeks ago

Well, full credit to the hockey gods. They ball-kicked us much earlier than expected on this one.

Burke is apparently not going anywhere, according to TSN.

Is Oprah right?
Are you a big fat woman?

I remember the episode of Married With Children where Al is looking for an obscure record of a song he can hum but not name. At the end of the episode he finds a store that specializes in exactly what he wants, but they tell him they can't help him. He reacts by looking skyward, smiling knowingly, and asking "Not even this, huh?"

That's how I feel. Not surprised. Not even disappointed, somehow. Just vaguely annoyed at myself for getting suckered in in the first place.

There's a very small part of me that's almost eager to see how badly the Leafs will screw this up now. At least that would bring entertainment value. Who's the worst possible candidate they could settle on? Muckler? Healy? I know, what about bringing Ferguson back? You could make him wear a paper bag with a giant frowny face at all times.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go look for a shaving mirror and a hammer.