so he thought about Marc-Andre Fleury in the playoffs
It's August and there's not much happening in the NHL, which means it's time for the hockey world to find something completely harmless and blow it up into a manufactured controversy. Luckily, Sidney Crosby was kind enough to get the ball rolling for us.
In what's become a major story in Pittsburgh, Crosby was apparently allowed to skip to the front of the line at a local DMV over the weekend. This has led to accusations of preferential treatment and has some fans painting Crosby as a diva who can't be bothered to follow the same rules as everyone else.
It's all nonsense, of course. Expecting a celebrity to sit and wait for an hour while getting mobbed by fans would be silly. And besides, it's not like Crosby is the only NHL player who occasionally gets to experience the benefits of fame.
In fact, sources tell me that some of the biggest names in the hockey world often get special treatment:
Roberto Luongo - The managers at the moving supplies store never call security on him even though he goes in once a day to randomly yell "No I don't need any packing tape or boxes today thanks!" and then runs out of the room crying.
Dustin Byfuglien - Managers at the local grocery store have confirmed that they would let him cut in front of the other customers in the checkout line, in theory, if he ever left any food behind for anyone else to buy.
Alexander Ovechkin - Cops are always letting him off the hook for making illegal turns, since it's not like anyone could reasonably be expected to remember the difference between left and right.
Matt Cooke - Wild fans are so happy to have him join the team that they insisted he go right to the front of this line for these skydiving lessons before he even had a chance to get his parachute on and wait everyone stop pushing what are you doing…
Dave Bolland - Can apparently just spend an entire day parading around downtown Toronto without anybody hassling him about carrying around a giant weird trophy that no living person in the city has ever seen before.
Jay Feaster - No matter how many other people are patiently waiting on hold, every NHL GM has ordered their secretaries to always put his calls through the second they come in.
Ed Jovanovski - Despite his loud insistence that he and his Panthers teammates be treated just like everyone else in town, the citizens of Miami still give him special treatment by occasionally pretending that any of them have the slightest idea who he is.
Tyler Seguin - The appliance repairmen is always extra courteous during his weekly visits to explain that ideally you would not poop inside of your washing machine, Tyler, we've been over this.
Evgeni Malkin - Probably didn't have to pay a cent for that brand new #71 Dallas Stars jersey his dad is awkwardly wearing everywhere he goes.
Henrik Lundqvist - Is always waved right to the front of the line whenever they're handing out free products or fashion sense or talent or beautiful dreamy eyes and I forgot what we were talking about.
Eugene Melnyk - Always gets to walk right through airport security without being asked to empty his pockets of loose change, since these days everyone just assumes he doesn't have any.
Mikhail Grabovski - The phone company always sends its first available technician to reassure him that yes, his phone is working perfectly even though it hasn't actually rung in five weeks.