to promise to have him in a new uniform by
March may not have been specific enough.
The annual NHL trade deadline is Wednesday, which literally everybody who would ever visit this site already knows and has read 300 articles about, but I have to mention it anyways because this is what us professional writers refer to as a "topical lead".
Anyways, that means it's time for a mandatory roundup of which teams are buyers and which are sellers.
Buyer: Toronto Maple Leafs - Are rumored to be in the market for a veteran goaltender due to concerns about James Reimer's glove hand; specifically, the way he keeps using it to point to his statistics while saying "Seriously, you guys would be insane to trade for a goaltender right now".
Seller: Calgary Flames - Jay Feaster is expected to be extremely active on deadline day and finalize deals with as many as a half dozen different teams, and that's just for Jay Bouwmeester.
Buyer: Anaheim Ducks - Will be looking for fourth-liners who don't know the meaning of the word "can't" and veterans who don't know the meaning of the word "quit" and potential season ticket subscribers who don't know the meaning of the word "regression".
Seller: San Jose Sharks - Ryan Clowe would be a perfect addition to the dressing room of a contender, since he's the not the sort of guy who'll come in and suddenly disrupt team chemistry with a whole lot of selfish talk about how many goals he's scored this season.
Buyer: Detroit Red Wings - Apparently still really need a goaltender who can handle Jacob Kindl's breakaway move.
Seller: Buffalo Sabres - GM Darcy Regier wants to leave the franchise in good shape for whoever ultimately replaces him, so will probably focus on players who'll be ready to step in and help the team by next Tuesday.
Buyer: Pittsburgh Penguins - Have resigned themselves to spending the rest of the season without the services of the most talented and dynamic offensive player the league has seen in a decade, after realizing that Nazem Kadri doesn't play for them.
Seller: Florida Panthers - Trade talks always seem to be going so well right up until that awkward moment when the other GM asks whether they have any healthy NHL-caliber players.
Buyer: New York Rangers - Have recently found themselves in the market for a player who has size and strength and a willingness to drop the gloves and access to the parking lot outside whatever fashion magazine Sean Avery is working at these days.
Seller: Colorado Avalanche - Oh sure, in some sort of perfect fantasy world would love to singlehandedly rebuild the franchise by somehow acquiring a top three overall pick like the ones the Flames have, but these days you never have a chance to land one of those.
Buyer: Boston Bruins - Sources say that GM Peter Chiarelli has already had his scouting staff compile a detailed list of players they would be interested in losing out to Ray Shero on.
Seller: Tampa Bay Lightning - Reports are that Martin St. Louis will not waive his no-trade clause to allow a deal, which a seething Ken Hitchcock says is great because it will be the only time this year somebody with "St. Louis" on their jersey stopped anything.
Buyer: Chicago Blackhawks - Were so good during the first half that they can already look ahead to the Stanley Cup finals, so will probably just be trying to add players who would be good at sadly shaking hands with the Pittsburgh Penguins.
Seller: Philadelphia Flyers - Team sources indicate that obviously, anyone who can read the Atlantic Division standings can see that they're clearly in this category, and only a moron would… oh, sorry, they thought you said "cellar". No, they're definitely buying.
Buyer: Ottawa Senators - Are unlikely to make any moves that would disrupt team chemistry because nothing is more important than being really smart when it comes to chemistry, according to the crazy homeless guy in a tattered lab coat who has somehow convinced Eugene Melnyk that he's a forensic investigator.
Seller: Columbus Blue Jackets - Just like always at this time of year, the buzz around the Blue Jackets front office is that they're ready to start selling, so Columbus fans can get ready to say goodbye to whoever this "Playoff Tickets" guy is.
Buyer: Phoenix Coyotes - Could be legitimate buyers at the deadline. Actually, that's not true, I just wanted to see what it would be like to be the first person to ever write "Phoenix Coyotes" and "legitimate" and "buyer" in the same sentence.
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