Saturday, January 21, 2012

Daniel Alfredsson vs. Zdeno Chara: An in-depth comparison

"My little buddy here says I can have the first
pick. Right Daniel? RIGHT DANIEL?"
The NHL has named the two captains in next weekend's all-star game in Ottawa, and they aren't big surprises. Hometown hero Daniel Alfredsson will lead one squad, while Bruins' defenceman Zdeno Chara will head the other.

The two players are similar in many ways. Both are well-respected veterans. Both play in the Northeast division. And both have plenty of history with the Senators and their fans, which should add some spice to the weekend's events.

But while they share some characteristics, these are still two very different players. And since they'll both be in the spotlight all week, let's take a closer look at the two all-star captains.

Alfredsson: Was born in 1972, on December 11.
Chara: Was born in 1977, from March 13 to 18.

Chara: Has a wingspan of over seven feet if he spreads his arms out.
Alfredsson: Has a wingspan of over seven feet if we're counting his hairstyle from 2003.

Alfredsson: Once infuriated Maple Leaf fans by pretending that he might throw his stick into the stands before revealing that he was only kidding.
Chara: Continuously infuriates Maple Leaf fans by pretending that he might let Phil Kessel get a shot on goal that night before revealing that he's only kidding.

Chara: On several occasions over the years, has had to fight the other team's toughest players to send the message that his team can't be intimidated.
Alfredsson: On several occasions over the years, has had to fight the urge to grab the team's general manager and scream "No, seriously, why don't you at least try getting us a half-decent goalie for once?"

Alfredsson: Is often referred to by teammates and opponents as "Alfie".
Chara: Is often referred to by teammates and opponents as "Whatever you want us to call you, just dear god please don't hurt anybody".

Chara: Was a guest at the unveiling of a statue in his likeness in his hometown of Trencin in honor of his greatest moment, his Stanley Cup win.
Alfredsson: Senator fans will probably present him with his own statue once they figure out how to sculpt a writhing Darcy Tucker onto the ground first.

Alfredsson: Has a deceptive skillset that can sometimes cause defenders to fail to realize how much speed he can generate until he's already blown by them.
Chara: Has a deceptive skillset that can sometimes cause team ownership to choose to spend all their money on resigning a future minor leaguer instead.

Chara: Has the hardest slapshot in NHL history, according to the radar gun at the skills competition.
Alfredsson: Has a surprisingly decent slapshot himself, according to an angry Scott Niedermayer.

Alfredsson: His career has forced hockey fans to rethink their views on European players and their ability to serve as team leaders.
Chara: His career has forced hockey fans to rethink their views on slamming people's faces into metal stanchions, since most of us had assumed there was some sort of rule against that.

Chara: Is an avid cyclist who has occasionally ridden stages of the Tour de France course.
Alfredsson: Is an avid cyclist who has occasionally ridden stages of the Tour de Wait Why Are All The Senators Always Riding Stationary Bikes In Every Post-Game Interview?

Alfredsson: No halfway competent general manager would ever trade him away.
Chara: No halfway competent general manager would ever trade him away.

Chara: Is fluent in English, Slovak, Czech, Polish, German, Swedish and Russian.
Alfredsson: Lives in Ottawa, so can presumably say "The vegan restaurant is located between the shawarma place and the other shawarma place" in both official languages.

Alfredsson: When he steps up to the podium to announce his draft selections, he can expect to be greeted with a warm ovation from an appreciative home crowd.
Chara: Will inevitably be shouted down with loud boos, profanity and personal insults, although eventually the Canucks players will probably quiet down and let him make his pick.




30 comments:

  1. Yep..nailed it with the Shawarma comment. They really are everywhere in Ottawa, and i dont even live there, i figured this out immediately!

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  2. "Chara: Will inevitably be shouted down with loud boos, profanity and personal insults, although eventually the Canucks players will probably quiet down and let him make his pick."

    Awwwwwwwwwwww too soon?

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  3. This is great and I am a sens fan even the last comment I was like wait sens fans dont hate chara oh nvm burn

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  4. You really started out with a bang on that one. No woman could give birth to that monster in a single day.

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  5. Chara: Was born in 1977, from March 13 to 18.

    Good line. Comparable with the old Leafs humor.

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  6. This was all awesome.
    - Sens fan

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  7. Alfredsson: Is an avid cyclist who has occasionally ridden stages of the Tour de Wait Why Are All The Senators Always Riding Stationary Bikes In Every Post-Game Interview?

    IT'S SO TRUE!

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  8. Alfredsson: No halfway competent general manager would ever trade him away.
    Chara: No halfway competent general manager would ever trade him away.

    ^ Please explain =/

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    Replies
    1. I can only assume that he means when NYI traded him to Ottawa, as that was the only time he has been traded? If that's not it, then that was the least humorous line DGB has ever wrote.

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    2. Yeup. And the GM who traded him? Mike Milbury. I had a giggle into my coffee cup about that one.

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    3. It's a double whammy IMO. Slamming Mike Milbury for being an incompetent GM and then slamming the GM that let him walk via Free Agency.

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    4. It gets even funnier when you remember that Milbury not only traded him for Yashin, but the pick that became Spezza went to Ottawa in that trade as well.

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    5. And the Islanders are *still* paying Yashin's salary from the buyout that occurred.

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    6. Yeah, but they have to pay Yashin or they won't be above the cap floor. #SmallMarketProblems

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  9. Love the "future minor leaguer" reference to Sens keeping Redden rather than Chara

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  10. I think it was meant like, no halfway competent general manager would ever trade Alfredsson away because he's a good player; and no halfway competent general manager would ever trade Chara away for fear of being beaten senseless.
    That's what I got from it anyway.

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  11. No, it was a Mike Milbury is dumber than a bag of hammers joke.

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  12. March 13 to 18? What?

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    Replies
    1. he's so big that it took 5 days to give birth to him....i think

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  13. Lives in Ottawa, so can presumably say "The vegan restaurant is located between the shawarma place and the other shawarma place" in both official languages.

    Gold.

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  14. Haha, the last one was just hilarious.

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  15. Re: last point...he'll either choose none of the Canucks players, or he'll choose one of the twins just to be mean and split them up. And to subject that twin to the discomfort of being surrounded by Chara, Julien, Seguin and Thomas.

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    1. Pffft - the Twins were split up last year and they had fun with it.

      It's a GAME. You can be traded on a moment's notice, you can go from a home of 12 years to being across the continent to a foreign country at the idiocy of any GM. (To run with DGB's joke) They may be on Olympic teams together. They may, etc etc.. While there are some players who don't much like each other, they'll still be, oh I don't know, mature professional adults.

      Fun events like the All-Stars are .. fun. Sure, you want to win and beat the other guys, but be whiney poor sports afraid of doing something different or new? C'mon, they're not Gretzky! (.. too soon? ;) )

      We Canucks (as in Canadians, rather than the team) loved seeing Ignalia and Crosby feed off each other. I'm sure they loved playing on the same team. I doubt the All-Stars would be much different. Of course, having a giant to pass to may make it easier for one twin over the other..... :)

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  16. This rabid Canucks fan laughed her butt off at the last one... tho I sudden have the strangest craving for shawarma..

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  17. Scotiabank Place is surprisingly shawarma-free.

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    Replies
    1. That's because Scotiabank place is in Kingston.

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  18. I liked the Chara joke very much.

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  19. @ Lorna, not too soon on the Gretzky. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. lol

    Chara: His career has forced hockey fans to rethink their views on slamming people's faces into metal stanchions, since most of us had assumed there was some sort of rule against that.

    YAY!

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    You can get one too!

    >> minecraftcodes.me <<

    ReplyDelete