just concentrated on eating all the paste.
But what if you're the type of fan who doesn't like suspense? What if you can't be bothered to watch 82 games just to find out whether your favourite team will be any good this year?
You're in luck. By taking the quiz below, you can find out right now whether your team has what it takes to succeed. Simply grab a pen, circle the answer to each question that best applies to your team, and then consult the answer key at the end.
Spoiler alert: Don't read any further if you want to be surprised.
What is your team's official marketing slogan for the coming season?
a.) "Come and watch us on our quest for the Stanley Cup."
b.) "Win or lose, you'll always see an honest effort."
c.) "All season tickets are non-refundable."
d.) "Hey, as long as everyone has fun and nobody gets hurt there's really no reason to keep score, right?"
During an exhibition game, you notice your team's coach is using one of those fancy new tablet computers behind the bench. When the camera zooms in on the screen, what would you expect to see him doing?
a.) Drawing up a detailed play that's specific to the current personnel and game situation.
b.) Reviewing video of a play that took place earlier.
c.) Googling the phrase "How does 'icing' work?"
d.) Posting his resume online.
Your team's prized prospect is often referred to as:
a.) "Alexander Ovechkin without the mercy"
b.) "Chris Pronger without the mean streak"
c.) "Martin St. Louis without the size"
d.) "Vesa Toskala without the limbs"
Whenever experts discuss your team, the most common phrase they use is:
a.) "The presumptive Stanley Cup champions"
b.) "The dark horse contender"
c.) "The complete and utter travesty of a team, an embarrassing collection of unskilled impostors, seemingly lacking in even the most basic human capacity for shame"
d.) "The Edmonton Oilers"
How often does your team take a "too many men on the ice" penalty?
a.) Never. The coaching staff has enforced an unshakable team-wide commitment to discipline.
b.) Occasionally. But only because of confusion caused by those two all-star forwards being identical twins.
c.) Often. Your players have difficulty with complex concepts, such as "six".
d.) Never. The league has ruled that, due to their talent level, it is technically impossible for your team to ever be using "too many" players.
When asked by a reporter for what he would like to be able to say about his team at the end of the season, the general manager replies:
a.) "That we won it all -- nothing else will be acceptable."
b.) "That we always gave it everything we had, even if it was in a losing cause."
c.) "That we finished near the top of the league in ties."
d.) "At the end of the season? You should probably ask somebody who'll still be employed here."
Whenever you hear an expert say that your team will contend for a championship, they immediately follow that by adding:
a.) "Then again, I'm really just stating the obvious here."
b.) "Of course, that's only if they're able to stay completely healthy."
c.) "This concludes my demonstration of the sort of thing people say when they've suffered severe head trauma."
What is currently hanging from the ceiling in your team's dressing room?
a.) A replica of last year's championship banner.
b.) An inspirational quote about never giving up during difficult times.
c.) Streamers, balloons, and a sign reading "Congratulations on winning a faceoff".
d.) The starting goaltender.
Scoring: Total up your answers, then check below to find out how your team did.
Mostly a's: Plan the parade!
Mostly b's: Get ready to enjoy the ups and downs of an interesting season.
Mostly c's: Oh well, at least you can look forward to a top five draft pick.
Mostly d's: Oh well, at least the Bruins can look forward to a top five draft pick.