Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Behind the scenes on Kaberle deadline day

See Tomas, normally the eyebrows would
be divided somewhere around here.
The eyes of the hockey world were focused sharply on Toronto on Sunday. With long-time defenseman Tomas Kaberle's no-trade clause coming back into effect at midnight, the Leafs were faced with a race against the clock to find a trading partner.

And while the day ultimately ended without a deal for Kaberle in place, it wasn't from lack of trying. Top secret sources tell me that Maple Leafs' general manager Brian Burke and his front office staff spent the entire day locked in their MLSE war room fielding offers.

Here's how the day went down:

7:32 a.m. - Burke makes a point of once again complimenting John Ferguson Jr. for having the foresight to negotiate a trade window into Kaberle's contract, before politely informing him that he'd still prefer not to have his windshield squeegeed that day.

7:49 a.m. - Burke stops at a Tim Hortons drive-through and asks for the largest box of Timbits they have, since he wants to make sure each of his assistant GMs gets one.

9:05 a.m. - Attempted talks with New Jersey go nowhere when Devils' GM Lou Lamoriello responds to every proposal with a sarcastic "Gee, I'm not sure, let me go ask Gary Bettman if I'm allowed to do that".

10:21 a.m. - The scouting department for the San Jose Sharks calls to thank the Leafs for sending over that footage of Kaberle in action during the postseason, but wonders if they also happen to have any that's in color.

1:51 p.m. - After three straight hours without being able to get a dial tone, the Leafs' front office staff begins to notice that the service technician who showed up that morning to work on the phone lines actually looks a lot like Rick Curran with a fake moustache and pair of wire cutters.

2:35 p.m. - As rumours begin to circulate that Kaberle may not be moved after all, the Leafs PR department is deluged with requests from media getting a head start on their upcoming seven-month "Kaberle Trade Deadline 2011 Watch" series.

3:42 p.m. - Tampa Bay emerges as a potential destination, but talks proceed slowly as Lightning general manager Steve Yzerman constantly interrupts Burke to ask if he can remind him how 2010 Gold Medal game turned out.

4:11 p.m. - The various assistant GMs all agree that while the handwriting is lovely and the photo is a nice personal touch, now probably isn't a good time to show Burke the "Thanks for Tyler Seguin" card that just arrived in the mail from Peter Chiarelli.

5:25 p.m. - The Detroit Red Wings express some interest in acquiring Kaberle, but eventually decide that now isn't the time for a youth movement.

6:46 p.m. - Tomas Kaberle himself calls to say that while he can handle Ron Wilson spending all day in front of his house waiting to drive him to the airport, he could do without him also constantly honking the horn and revving the engine.

7:20 p.m. - The Leafs' continue to struggle to find a market for defensemen when Dave Nonis is unsuccessful in his attempt to tip the pizza deliveryman with the rights to Jeff Finger.

8:49 p.m. - After being put through to voicemail for the fifteenth time in a row, Burke starts to get a sinking feeling that Darryl Sutter now has caller ID.

10:47 p.m. - Potentially promising negotiations go sour when Burke realizes that all those phone calls from the GM who seems to love soft European player who don't play defence are actually coming from the next door office of a confused Bryan Colangelo.

12:01 a.m. - A bruised and battered Richard Peddie tries to figure out what it was about his "Hey, gang, there's always tomorrow" pep talk that made everyone so cranky.




18 comments:

  1. An instant classic. Detroit's youth movement... Lou... a normal person's eyebrows...

    Gold.

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  2. That was beautiful. As a Wings fan, I loved the youth movement part. Can someone explain to me real quick who Rick Curran is?

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  3. Brilliant. Classic. Perfect. Awesome. Hilarious. Stupendous. Timely. Excellent.

    THAT'S what a DGB post is supposed to be.

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  4. Rick Curran is Tomas's agent who's been whining about Burke the past couple weeks.

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  5. AAAAHAHAHAHHA HAD ALL THE BOYS AT WORK HOWLIN REPEATIN LINES FROM THIS ALL DAY AT THE OFFICE HA HA HA BEST PART WAS WHEN BURKE WANTED SOME TIMBITS HE'S SURE PUT ON A FEW EH!!!!!!

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  6. Good one DBG. Loved the poke at the Red Wings. Good Detroit jokes are rare! Well played.

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  7. Thanks DGB! Always a pleasure to type in the url and find a new piece to amuse myself. A welcome distraction from my usual ball in a cup enjoyment.

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  8. Great stuff.

    By any chance, do you know if BlogeSalming is coming out with any new videos?

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  9. Rick Curran is Kaberle's agent

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  10. Outstanding. I was going to compliment you on each great line but gave up - far too many!

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  11. Bahahahaha this one makes it into the best-of for sure.

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  12. Possibly on your Top10-list, mrDBG!

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  13. Colour footage of Leafs playing in the post-season AND tipping the pizza guy with the rights to Jeff Finger?

    Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's first star: Sean McDGB.

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  14. Needs more "Youngblood" fanfic.

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  15. The Colangelo line was the best example in humour ever.

    I read it once and smiled. I read it again and burst into tears of laughter. Then I burst into actual tears when I realized my sense of humour sucks just enough that I can't get a joke the first time. Sigh.

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  16. YES! I love 3:42 PM!

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  17. Now THIS is the DGB that we hockey faithful know and love.

    Many thanks for the great work

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