Thursday, October 1, 2009

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Central Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Norris Central Division.

Chicago Blackhawks

The good: Signed Marian Hossa to a 12-year deal, which will turn out to be a great move as long as he doesn't end up suffering some sort of serious injury to like his shoulder or something.
The bad: Have not won a Stanley Cup in 48 years, the second longest active streak in the league behind the Maple Leafs' 42 years.
Biggest question mark: Hey, did anyone remember to mail Dale Tallon's severence cheque?
Fearless forecast: Dustin Byfuglien will secretly enjoy no longer being the only Hawk who can't get a cab.

St. Louis Blues

The good: Are highliy motivated to make a deep playoff run, just to keep Erik Johnson off of a golf course.
The bad: Team employs Ty Conklin, yet incompetent NHL hasn't even told them where their Winter Classic game will be held.
Biggest question mark: Keith Tkachuk? They still make that?
Fearless forecast: Brad Boyes goes into a career-destroying slump after somebody reminds him he's a Leafs draft pick.

Columbus Blue Jackets

The good: Gained experience while being crushed in the playoffs by the Red Wings, which will prove invaluable the next time they have to get crushed in the playoffs by the Red Wings.
The bad: Signed Rick Nash to an eight-year contract extension, making it marginally more difficult for the Leafs to sign him as an unrestricted free agent next summer.
Biggest question mark: Will the team fall into complacency now that they've made franchise history by going three months without changing their logo?
Fearless forecast: Despite his Calder win last year, you will continue to have no idea which Mason goalie plays for Columbus and which one is on the Blues.

Nashville Predators

The good: Offense should get a boost from Wade Belak's triennial goal.
The bad: If Chris Hanson is on the Leafs roster for their January visit to Nashville, we'll all have to endure three million variations of the same "Why don't you have a seat over there" joke.
Biggest question mark: Can Masterton trophy winner Steve Sullivan continue his inspirational story that has seen him, through sheer determination, achieve a successful career despite being forced to play pro hockey in Nashville?
Fearless forecast: Will probably be the best team in the division without a color in their name.

Detroit Red Wings

The good: The team did what all smart teams do after a tough Cup final loss: get rid of Marian Hossa.
The bad: Niklas Lidstrom suffered a "catastrophic" testicle injury, making him the only Red Wing player last year who grabbed a cup.
Biggest question mark: What other kind of testicle injury is there?
Fearless forecast: Still upset over the handshake line snub, the Wings decide to teach Sidney Crosby a lesson about class, sportsmanship and respect for the game by sending Todd Bertuzzi to break his neck.


  1. Excellent! The Dateline jokes are long overdue.

  2. hahahaha that was the best one yet.

  3. pREDators?

  4. Liz, because noone remembers it and only assumes that the Leafs is the longest. See what DGB did there?

  5. I must confess, I still have no idea which Mason is which.

  6. Re: Black Hawks and cabs: funniest line about the Kane "saga" ever written.

    This blog just gets funnier and are hockey's most inventive writer, Mr. DGB.

  7. The Byfuglien joke was solid gold. I tip my Jofa to you.

  8. Dustin Byfuglien will secretly enjoy no longer being the only Hawk who can't get a cab.

    Wow. That's awesome.

  9. Hah, I can't believe I missed Dustin Byfuglien's bit the first time I read through it.