Thursday, October 15, 2009

The bright side: Six good things about six awful losses

Toronto Maple Leafs fan
Source: PBF
A few people pinged me on twitter recently to ask if there would be a new DGB post this week. Apparently, some Leaf fans could use some cheering up.

My initial reaction was that writing anything vaguely amusing these days would be all but impossible. After all, I have Center Ice, a television, and two functioning eyes. Those eyes are red from crying and/or having steel wool jammed into them, but they're still functioning. Unfortunately.

On top of that, optimism isn't really my thing. I've tried it in the past and it didn't go well. I tend to do better at depressing people.

But the people have spoken, and I'm up for a challenge. Let's see if we can't come up with a few positives from all of this.

OK, here we go!



No, wait. I can do this, dammit. Let's make it happen. In honor of the Leafs losing six straight games to start the season, let's see if we can at least come up with six good things about the season so far.

1. When the Leafs signed Mike Komisarek, some people mocked the signing because they said he was a one-dimensional player who couldn't score. It sure didn't take long for him to prove them wrong, did it?

2. Remember how the big story during training camp the last two years was whether the hotshot prospect (Schenn, Kadri) should stay in Toronto or go back to junior, with everyone weighing in and arguing ad nauseum about for weeks? It got kind of annoying, didn't it?

Well imagine how out-of-hand it would be next year with Taylor Hall. Thanks for taking care of that one in advance, Burkie!

3. With every loss, we get closer and closer to the inevitable moment when Ron Wilson responds to a postgame media question by screaming "take his pen!", sprinting across the podium and diving into the press pit like Axl Rose.

The over/under on this happening is December 1st, by the way.

4. After we lose to the Rangers on Saturday, the Leafs don't play for a full week. That's about 165 hours without any action at all. And there's an excellent chance that during that time, our rebuilt defence won't allow more than five or six goals. Eight, tops.

5. Remember back when the Leafs used to make the playoffs, and a critical game would go into overtime? Remember the almost unbearable tension, how it felt like a weight on your chest that threatened to crush you underneath it?

Yeah. You're not going to have to worry about feeling that way again for a long time.

6. Scientists say that eventually the earth will crash into the sun. If Leaf fans have any luck, it could happen tomorrow.

Hmm. I may need to work on this whole "finding the bright side" thing. Luckily it looks like I'll get lots of practice this year.


  1. The thing that really bothers me is that there is no upside to losing this time. The last two years our mentality was "if we win, great; if we lose we are getting better odds at a good pick, so that works too."

    Here there is no silver lining. It just sucks.

    It is a new level of discomfort listening to the ACC crowd boo the whole team instead of just McCabe/Raycroft/Toskala etc.

    I'll end my ramble with a seventh good thing: at least Aki isn't on the defence core.

  2. With our luck the sun would come close to earth and then go between Toskala's legs like everything would destroy everything else though.

    And yet somehow with no other life forms we would still lose hockey games.

  3. Holy crap!

    What the hell was that Axl clip...and why did the band keep playing in the background as he attacked the fans???!!!

    Anyways, yes, the Leafs are screwed. Can you PLEASE get rid of Toskala already? He's this year's Gerber, and he ain't even Sens trash this time.

  4. I think the bright side of this season is that there are absolutely no more excuses being made for Toskala. Seriously, other than his mother, does he have any defenders left? It is nice to have such unanimity on how much a Leaf sucks. In fact, I don't think there has been this much unanimity since....Raycroft!

  5. I hate you. This is the last time I come here for optimism.

  6. By not holding a lead all season, the team hasn't been put in a position where they can blow a 5-goal lead like the Flames did.


    Well, you and the Maple Leafs.

  8. So, um, it was the fake Brian Burke that made that Kessel trade, right? Phew! That is a HUGE relief. Some people out there think it was a real trade. I mean, imagine how completely brain dead you'd have to be to trade away your next two first round picks (and a second!!!) before you've even seen your rebuilt team play! Only a caricature of a real GM could possibly have... wait, what? It's real? Are you sure? You've gotta be... Really? For a guy with six bodychecks in an entire season? Oh... cripe.

  9. That was the fake Brian Bruke that made that trade???


  10. Love it! He lives.
    Sorry to be one of the dudes calling you out for a post but since I have found this site I take the Leafs and all their losses a little less seriously....Which is a good thing because I was headed for a stroke.

    Love it!

  11. *Gives the Leafs fans a big group hug.*

    You guys need it, bad. If it makes you feel any better other fans take no joy in beating you, it just feels like a kicking a 3 legged puppy.

  12. If it makes you feel any better other fans take no joy in beating you, it just feels like a kicking a 3 legged puppy.

    I know you mean well, Kyle, but that sentence made me more depressed than this post. I went from sad laughter to maniacal crying.

  13. It WILL get better.

    With 16 games in a season, it is possible (but still at times surprisingly tricky) to go completely winless. With 82 games, an 0-fer is not statistically probable in this or any other universe.

    Much like the first goal, the first win will come, and then I predict it will open the floodgates (and yes, I know there can be a crack made about just a trickle coming out, but whatever).

    The team may not win a lot of games, but they will win some. Hang in there, Leaf fans. :)

  14. Optimism abounds:

    How about this for a bright side: you can actually afford to go to a Leaf game!

  15. 90's night!!!!!


  16. What's your opinion on the current Maple Leafs wearing the names of players from the 1990s that had numbers that corresponded with the current Leafs'?

  17. BKBlades, I'm a Rangers fan so I kinda suck at optimism too.

  18. You forgot the biggest bright spot of the 6 (now 7) losses so far:

    The Leafs haven't lost a shootout all season.

  19. Soooo when should we pass around the Kool-Aid?

  20. If it makes you guys feel any better, the Canucks set a franchise record for loses in a row.... last season, and then proceeded to go on a tear and win the division and make it to the second round of the playoffs.

    Now harden the fuck up and post more frequently.