The bad news: This isn't a photo,
it's a live video feed.
it's a live video feed.
Many reports have included speculation about whether Crosby passed concussion-related medical tests prior to playing. But fans may be surprised to learn that those "tests" aren't especially complex. They're actually just a simple one-page multiple choice quiz which has become the league's standard process for diagnosing concussions.
What does that quiz look like? Glad you asked, since I happen to have obtained a copy.
***
Dear NHL player,
You have recently suffered an injury, which resulted in a direct blow to the head. Congratulations! But before you can play again, you are required by league rules to pass the following in-depth test to ensure that you have not suffered a concussion.
Instructions: Answer each question and then add up your score. If you reach 100 points or more, you have a concussion and should not be playing; print out the results and show them to your coach.
What's the last thing you remember thinking before you were injured?
- "I think I'll just cut across the blueline with my head down." (+5 points)
- "What a nice pass I just made, I think I'll admire it." (+10 points)
- "I'm pretty sure I can squeeze by Chara here…" (+20 points)
- "Hey wait, why are the linesmen backing off and leaving me all alone with Colton Orr?" (+30 points)
- "I'll just adjust my rearview mirror and… how did Chris Pronger get into my backseat?" (+100 points)
Which of the following common concussion symptoms have you been experiencing?
- Slight headache (+5 points)
- Short-term memory loss (+10 points)
- Nausea or vomiting (+20 points)
- Starting to think that the Ilya Kovalchuk signing may have been a good idea (+50 points)
- Really enjoying those NHL Guardian super hero things (+100 points)
As a result of your injury, are you having any difficulty reading this test?
- I am experiencing significant difficulty (+20 points)
- I am experiencing minor difficulty (+10 points)
- I can understand everything I'm reading (0 points)
- I can understand everything I'm reading, which is odd since I'm a European player who didn't speak a word of English prior to getting hit (+100 points)
At any point since being injured, have you experienced any of the following symptoms of double vision?
- There appears to be 8,000 people at tonight's Thrashers game, instead of the usual 4,000 (+10 points)
- In the family seating area, Philadelphia Flyers fans are furiously waving two fingers at my great-grandmother. (+15 points)
- During games in Ottawa, there are 12 Senators on the ice looking at their watches and mumbling about whether the season is over yet. (+20 points)
- Could swear that one of the Canucks keeps passing the puck back and forth with a guy who looks exactly like him (-50 points)
How did the fans react when you were hit?
- Stunned silence (+5 points)
- Audible gasps of horror (+10 points)
- Fight broke out in the upper level between fans trying to catch my mouthguard (+20 points)
- Started throwing waffles at me, which made no sense. (0 points)
- Started throwing waffles at me, which made perfect sense. (+100 points)
Has there been any media coverage of your injury?
- A sportstalk radio caller asked about it. (0 points)
- A TV report mentioned that I had suffered an upper body injury (+5 points)
- A newspaper article speculated that I may have suffered a head injury (+10 points)
- I was featured on an episode of HBO's 24/7 last night, which was subtitled "The Ballad of Concussy McWobble'n'Fall" (+100 points)
Hey, just curious, but you do realize this is hockey and not soccer, right?
- What? (+20 points)
- Sigh… yes (-100 points)
Finally, which of the following best describes your current role with your team?
- I am a role player or fourth liner (+20 points)
- I take a regular shift (+10 points)
- I am a star player (0 points)
- I am a star player and it is the playoffs (Get out there, you're fine. Retake the test in the offseason if you still can't remember your name.)
